Pictures of You
by twilightsgrace23
Summary: A successful painter living in Seattle, Jake places a request through a modeling agency, Bella is sent to his studio to sit for his newest painting. After a series of trysts, the affair is discovered.Nominated for a Moonlight & Sparkle Award!
1. Untouched

A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters

**JPOV**

Ripped canvas lay in haphazard piles all over the floor of my studio. "Get out. All of you. Just get out," I shouted at the six models I hired. I specifically asked the agency for a petite brunette; not glamazon blonds. The models strutted like wounded peacocks out of the studio, muttering under their breath as they went.

A tin cup of assorted paint brushes sat on the work bench in front of me, taunting me. I hit the cup and the brushes went flying. The cup soared across the room and hit the dainty brunette standing in the doorway, on the head.

"Ouch," she yelped.

I glared over my shoulder, about to bite her head off, but I stopped short. She was exactly what I was looking for.

"What do you want?" I snarled at her.

"The, uh, the agency sent me. You are Jacob Black, the painter, correct?"

I nodded, "Yeah, and you are?"

She walked delicately across the room, "Bella Swan." She stuck her hand out. I glanced at it and bent down to puck up my mistreated brushes.

"Okay," she mumbled. She stood up straight, "So do you still need a subject or not?" she asked a bit more aggressively.

"I do. Need a subject." I studied her face; it was decent. _Oh be serious, _the cynical voice in my head chided, _she is gorgeous. Shut up, _I thought.

"You may have to pose nude," I informed her, setting the handful of brushes on the table top, "is that an issue?"

Bella's face flushed tomato red, "Um, no?"

"Good," I replied. Normally that was always the deal breaker for a lot of them. These girls would have sex with random strangers in disgusting club bathrooms, but they refused to have their nude bodies preserved on canvas for all eternity.

"Let's get started then." I walked across the paint splattered pine floor and drug a red velvet chaise into the late afternoon sunlight.

"Okay, disrobe; put that," I pointed to a length of sheer black silk," around you. Drape it, wind it, whatever, I don't give a fuck as long as it's erotically covering your goods. But make it suggestive. Can you do that?"

She nodded and stepped behind the silk screen divider, plucking the silk off the hanger. Five minutes later when she stepped out, my heart almost stopped. I groaned; she'd wound the silk around her neck and crisscrossed her breast. The silk snaked down her snow white skin and swished around her hips.

"Will this work?" she asked. I cleared my throat, and my mind, and then nodded.

"Have a seat." I patted the back of the chaise. Bella sat, leaning against the arm, and then she stretched her legs out. I nodded and we spent a few minutes getting the angles exactly right.

The setting sun played at the red highlights in her hair, made her brown eyes sparkle. I grabbed my camera and took a few reference shots from a few different angles. I couldn't wait to develop these pictures.

If they looked half as gorgeous as she did lounged on that chaise, I'd give up painting and wrap Bella Swan in strands of silk and photograph her all day long.

I snapped off a few more shots and set the camera down. I pushed my shaggy hair out of my face and looked around for a useable canvas. I found one wedged between a half finished painting and the wall. I grabbed it and strode back across the studio. Once I'd set up my supplies I started working.

"So, tell me about yourself Bella."

She shifted ever so slightly, the silk shifted, falling away to reveal the delicate curves she possessed. "I'm originally from Phoenix."

"Really? What brought you to Seattle?"

"My dad. He lives in Forks. I moved in with him my junior year of high school, right after my mom remarried. I moved to Seattle a year ago with my boyfriend."

I nodded, "why Seattle? Why not Olympia?"

"I missed the city. Living in a small town is great, but nothing beats the city. That, and there aren't as many opportunities like this in the smaller cities."

I nodded, "I can totally relate. As soon as I was old enough I moved here. I never would have had the success that I've had if I had stayed in the town I grew up in." I set my brush down and glanced at the clock. The light was gone now, and it was getting late.

"Well," I said wiping my hands on my stained jeans as I stood, "That's all for today. Can you come back tomorrow?"

On the chaise, Bella relaxed, "Yes. What time?"

I glanced at the clock again, "How about 4:30? I'll have more light, and we'll finish up faster."

Bella nodded, "Okay. I'll be here tomorrow." She slipped behind the divider and came out a few minutes later dressed in her clothes, holding the silk in her hand.

"Oh, I'll take that," I said and took the delicate silk from her. She collected her belongings and I thanked her as she left the studio.

**BPOV**

I grabbed my cell phone out of the pocket it occupied in my purse. As I walked down the street I dialed Alice's cell phone. She answered on the first ring.

"Hey," I said, "Are you busy?"

"No," Alice said, "I'm just finishing up, why what's up."

"Oh my god Al, you should have seen this guy. He was gorgeous." I sighed, thinking back to Jacob Black's strong face and beautiful russet colored skin. He made me tingly in places Edward hadn't in a long time.

"What guy?" Alice demanded, "Oh wait. The painter?!"

"Yea, the painter. I swear to god Alice, he looked like he should have had a fuck me now sign around his neck."

"Where are you?"

I looked up at the street corner, "I'm on the corner of Lex and Seventh. There's a Starbucks across the street. Can you meet me?"

"Yea, I'll be there in like, ten minutes." I hung up and crossed the street. The coffee shop was all but deserted. The wanna-be writers were hogging all the tables; their MacBooks open in front of them. I rolled my eyes at them and all their egotism, and then stepped up to the counter.

"Hi welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you tonight?" an overenthusiastic teenaged girl asked me.

I glanced at her name tag, Nicole, "Hi, Nicole, can I please have a Venti caramel frappachino and two of those chocolate chip cookies."

She rang up my coffee and I handed her my AmEx card. Edward could foot the bill for this one, I thought as I collected my frappachino and cookies. I looked around for an empty table, and found two burnt orange arm chairs instead. I sat down in one and put my hand bag in the other and munched on my cookies as I waited for Alice.

I thought about the painter as I chewed on the warm cookie. He was gorgeous, there was no denying that. I couldn't understand the aluminum cup flying at my head when I first arrived, but assumed it had to do with the gaggle of blonds fleeing the building as I arrived. Alice arrived then, waving at me as she came in out of the rain and approached the counter. A few minutes later she joined me with a steaming caramel macchiato in hand.

"Hey," she said, flopping down in the arm chair opposite mine, "How was your day?"

"Good. I had a cup thrown at my head," Alice made a 'what the hell' face, "Was asked to wrap myself in some scrap of slinky, black fabric. It was interesting."

"Wait a minute; he _threw a cup_ _at you_?" Alice asked incredulously.

"Not _at_ me. More like he threw it and then I walked in," I said, taking a sip of my frappachino, "But honestly Alice, he could throw cups at me all day long. The man was gorgeous."

"Are you going back?" Alice asked, stealing a chunk of my cookie.

"Yes. Tomorrow afternoon. I did say he was gorgeous right?"

"Yes, you did. I should tell my brother your eye fucking the painter," she said laughing.

I sobered immediately at the mention of Edward, "Tell him, please. I've been looking for a way out of that. He's been a total cold fish lately. And I think he's cheating on me with that blond bimbo, Rosalie."

"Oh no, Bella," Alice sighed sympathetically, "Really?"

I nodded and played with my straw, "Yea, all of a sudden he has to 'work late.' Just seems real convenient that as soon as Grace retires he hires this new girl and starts working late. I mean come on, that's the oldest excuse in the book."

My eyes teamed with tears at the thought. I might be unhappy with Edward but that doesn't mean I want to be cheated on. Being cheated on strips a woman of a certain kind of dignity; it's like being told you're not good enough, or pretty or smart enough. Not good in bed anymore, or any number of things from the long list of things women are insecure about.

Alice handed me a Kleenex from her purse, "Don't cry, sweetie, I'm sure he's not cheating on you."

"Screw him if he is," I said wiping my eyes.

"Come on, we'll go rent chick flicks and pick up some popcorn and have a girls night." Alice reached for my hand and we walked out of the Starbucks. She unlocked her yellow Porsche and got behind the wheel. I got in and shoved the crumpled tissue into my bag. Alice zipped in and out of traffic and even ran a few red lights.

"How do you still have a driver's license?" I asked after I got out of the car in the parking lot of the Blockbuster's around the corner from my apartment.

"Bella, please," Alice retorted, "_Look_ at me. What cop would even _think_ of giving me a ticket?"

I shook my head at her ego; she was definitely full of herself.

We chose a couple of movies, all of which I was sure were going to be stupid, but whatever, Alice didn't have to throw me a pity party but she did so I kept my mouth shut and just went with it.

Two hours later and one bad remake of The Women, Edward came home. Three hours late. He opened the door to the apartment and walked right by the two of us. He didn't say a word, didn't acknowledge the fact that his sister and girlfriend were sitting on the couch in his living room; nothing. I heard the bedroom door close and the shower start.

"See," I said looking at Alice, "He saw us sitting here, probably saw your car in the visitor's space downstairs, and yet he says nothing and immediately jumps in the shower."

"You should go sniff his underwear," Alice said matter-of-fact.

I could only imagine the disgust on my face, "Why the hell would I want to do that. That's just nasty Alice."

"I read it in a book once. The female character suspected her boyfriend or husband was cheating on her, and her friend suggested she sniff his underpants for coochie juice. She did and he was cheating on her. I think she beat his ass with a baseball bat." Alice looked down at her nails, "Or something. I don't remember."

I shook my head at my nearest and dearest friend, "Alice, sweetheart, I think you have truly lost your mind."

Alice looked at her watch, "Oh jeez. I hate to cut and run, but it's late and I told Jasper I would try to come by after work."

"Ok. Thanks for everything, you're an angel." I helped her gather her stuff and then locked the door after she left. Edward had come out of the shower and was digging through the fridge.

"What'd you make for dinner?" he asked coldly.

"Not a damn thing. Who was I going to cook for? My absentee boyfriend?" I picked up my almost empty wineglass and swallowed the last of it.

"Damn it Bella, will you please knock it off. I just asked a simple question." Edward shut the refrigerator door and walked out of the kitchen, "I'm going to bed."

"Good riddance," I muttered, pouring more wine into the glass.

He stopped at the bedroom door, "What?"

"Nothing," I said, "Sleep well."

He shut the bedroom door and a few minutes later the light clicked off.

_How was your day? _ I thought angrily to myself, _Fine dear, I got naked for a strange man today, and he _liked_ it._ I smirked at the thought, imagining the anger that would have evoked in Edward if I'd actually said it out loud. Jacob had liked it. When I walked out with that sheer fabric wrapped around me, his eyes had damn near popped out of his head. The rush of power that look gave me was intoxicating, and I definitely couldn't wait to go back tomorrow.

**Reviews are better than pity parties by Alice :)**


	2. Revenge is Sweeter Than You Ever Were

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

**JPOV**

After Bella Swan left, I cleaned up my brushes and grabbed my camera. Rebecca was still out of town so I didn't have to worry about having to hear her nag about me working late or any other her other issues. I turned the revolving door and stepped into the darkness. I always felt a little bit like Bruce Wayne entering the bat cave when I came into the dark room. It was the revolving door, I thought, if it was a regular door it wouldn't have the same appeal. The revolving door made developing photos fun.

In the dark I effortlessly popped the film canister and loaded the film into the developer. I found the necessary chemicals and started pouring.

I walked around the darkroom shaking the canister that would soon contain my developed film, anxious to see the negatives; hoping they would turn out well.

An hour later I was hanging up the ribbon of developed film. I spun the revolving door and went to the sink to wash the chemicals off my hands.

I turned off the faucet and dried my hand on a paint stained cloth, sighing. I shut off the lights and made my way upstairs. The apartment upstairs was quiet. I flicked on a light and went into the kitchen. The refrigerator hummed quietly as I opened it and reached for a beer. My hand closed over empty air. _What the hell? _I thought and looked inside.

There was a note taped to the inside, _Jake, _the prim handwriting said, _drinking is bad. That is why I dumped all your alcohol down the drain. You don't want to end up like Dad and Rachael do you? _

_Fucking Becca, _I thought and angrily slammed the fridge door. _I have definitely got to change the locks_, I thought as I grabbed my coat, slamming the front door behind me. I clomped down the stairs and out into the misty night. God should be severely punished for creating sisters. Mine was nothing but a royal pain in the ass. I rounded the corner and walked into the liquor store.

"Hey Jake," Marty, the night guy, called.

I nodded at him, and walked to the back of the store. I grabbed a 12 pack of Coors and set it on the counter. Marty rang it up making idle chit chat as he counted out my change.

"Shitty night, eh?" Marty asked as he handed me a couple of quarters.

I nodded looking out the plate glass window, "It is," I agreed.

"Saw your sister earlier. She said you were going through a spot. Everything okay?" Marty was like the neighborhood shrink, but cheaper. He knew everybody's problems and had a knack at figuring out a solution for just about anything.

I shrugged, "You know. Having a hard time with the work's all."

I picked up my beer. "Don't worry, you'll find your muse soon."

"I think I already have," I murmured.

"Meantime, don't let your sister see you with that. She'll come round here and skin me alive."

"Sure thing Marty; take it easy."

"Take it easy Jake."

**BPOV**

I slept on the couch that night. More like passed out. After Edward went to bed I took the bottle of red, the second chick flick and camped out on the couch. Sometime after midnight I had finished the wine and laid down to cry along with Hilary Swank as her hunk of a dead husband sent her sweet little love letters, each one signed, P.S I love you. What a man, I thought as I fell asleep, the kind of man Edward _used _to be.

The midmorning sun was coming through the curtains when I stretched, then fell off the couch. My head was pounding and I was starving. I grabbed the couch and pulled myself to my knees. It felt like there were a hundred elephants crammed into my head playing various types of drums. I laid my pounding head on my arm and tried to keep the room from spinning too much. I must have dozed off again because when I opened my eyes the sun was no longer blinding me, and my arm and the couch cushion were covered with drool.

Gripping the arm of the couch, I stood up. My head still felt a big foggy, but the hangover feeling was gone. _Mental note to self, _I thought as I walked into the kitchen, _do not drink a whole bottle of red next time your mad at Edward. It does not hurt him; it hurts you._ I toasted a bagel and brewed some coffee while waiting for the bagel. I looked around for a note from Edward, but of course there wasn't one.

As I chewed I thought about Edwards's behavior. I didn't know what I had done that had made him so angry, and he wasn't exactly around to ask either. I sat there trying to remember when he changed, but nothing specific came to mine.

_Fuck it, _I thought as I finished my coffee.

Then I thought of Jacob and smiled. _Fuck it._

**JPOV**

I watched as Bella Swan appeared on the paper floating in the developer. I leaned down to get a better look. _God, she is gorgeous, _I thought. A longing stirred deep inside, _no, no, no, _I thought as I shoved it down. Leah had fucked me up, that was for sure, and I'll be damned if another broad was gonna pull the same shit that Leah had. I plucked the photo out of the developer and set to work finishing it.

"Hello?" a female voice called out. I glanced at my watch. _Shit, _I thought as I reached for the photo.

"Just a minute!" I called out, and hung the photo over the sink to dry. I crossed the room and spun the revolving door, _Batman, _I thought, _meet Bruce Wayne. _

"Miss Swan-"

"Bella"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I was just developing some photos."

"Oh, its okay. I'm actually late. I did call though." She took her jacket off, sliding one arm out at a time, revealing a low-cut, tight fitting black sweater.

"Here," I said reaching for her jacket, "I'll take that." I grabbed the coat and hung it on the coat rack next to yesterdays silk.

"You said you were developing photos?" Bella said, wrapping her arms around her middle.

I nodded, "Yea, the photos I took of you yesterday. They came out beautifully. Would you like to see them?"

"Really? I can see them?" Bella smiled, "Show me, please."

I motioned her toward the revolving door, she stepped inside, and then I pressed myself in behind her and spun the door around.

"Wow," she breathed, "that's what I always imaged Bruce Wayne would feel like when he first entered the bat cave."

I chuckled, "I know what you mean."

The door stopped and I followed Bella into the dark room. She looked around at all the equipment set up and walked across the room.

"These are beautiful," she breathed walking down the line of pictures that were hung up to dry. "Who is this?" I glanced at the picture she was pointing at, "Oh that's my sister Rachael. She died two yeas ago."

"Oh I'm sorry." Bella immediately walked away from the picture, "I'm sorry."

"Yea, you said that," I said and went to stand next to her. She moved away and went to look at the pictures on the end of the line.

"This is me!" she exclaimed, then, "Damn I look good."

I snorted, "Conceited much?"

"Nope. Just honest," she smacked her lips and leaned in closer to the picture. She gazed at me from over her shoulder, "You know, maybe you should give up the brush and pick up a camera. You have loads of talent."

"Sure, Sure."

She turned to look at me, "You do. Look at these; they're amazing."

"Look, you're not here to be my life coach; you're here to dress and sit pretty so I can paint you," I sneered at her.

A flash of hurt colored her eyes, and then cleared. "Whatever," she said with an air of indifference, "I'm not the one whose passing my talent by."

She brushed by me, her flowery perfume clouded my senses. "Would you rather be photographed?" I asked, the words just slipping out of my mouth.

"I'm not the artist," she said indignantly.

**BPOV**

_Breath, Bella, _I said to myself. Jacob was staring at me intently.

"Well, would you?"He asked again.

I shrugged, "Like I said Jacob, I'm not the artist."

"Call me Jake. My mother called me Jacob; it makes me feel like I've done something wrong."

"Okay, _Jake, _what would you rather do? Take pictures or paint them?" I asked exasperatedly. This was getting ridiculous, like playing tug of war with a donkey; useless and pointless.

"Okay," Jake said, grabbing his camera off the table, "Come on."

I walked back toward the spinning black door and waited for Jake. He pressed himself into the small, round space behind me and spun the door. I took a deep breath desperately trying to contain myself. I wanted to turn around and jump him. His cologne filled the small space, swirled around my nose, made me dizzy with lust and desire. The spinning door finally opened; fresh air spilled in, cool and untainted. I sucked it in greedily; thankful I was out of that door.

"Okay, so" Jake looked around, "here, sit on this." He pulled a barstool out of a corner and put it in front of the paint spattered brick wall at the back of the studio. I had no idea where he was going with this, but I did as I was asked.

I sat down on the stool and gazed at him, "Now what?" I asked arching my eyebrow. Jake visibly shivered in front of me.

"Do that again," he instructed.

I arched my eyebrow again and gazed at him, "Gorgeous."

Jake snapped pictures of me until it was dark and my face felt like it had been stretched to hell and back. He was fiddling with the knobs on the camera, "Are you in a rush to get home?" he asked.

I snorted, "Hell no. My darling boyfriend acts like I don't even exist. Hell, he's probably not even home from banging his secretary, yet." Then I blushed; that was probably more information than he needed to know, "Why?"

"Well, you seemed interesting in the whole, developing your own pictures. I thought maybe you'd like to help me develop these."

"Really? You wouldn't mind teaching me?" I walked up to him, "It is getting late. You don't have a jealous girlfriend or anything, do you?"

"No, no jealous girlfriend; just a really over protective sister." He laughed and collected the canisters of film, "And no I wouldn't mind teaching you. I normally stay up late anyway."

Back into that damn revolving door we went. This time was worse. The darkroom was dark; Jake must have turned the red lights off when we left. I heard him set the camera down on the table in the middle of the room.

"Do you normally do this in the dark?" I asked.

"Yea, the film can't be exposed to light until after its developed or it will be worthless."

"I see. So, how exactly are you going to teach me how to do this in the dark?" I moved closer to the table, it probably wasn't a good idea for me to be bumbling around in the dark around all this expensive equipment. I reached my hand out, feeling for the table. I found something alright, but it wasn't the table.

Jake hollered, "Whoa!"

"Oh God. I'm so, so, so sorry. I was trying to find the table, I didn't mean to- it's kinda dark in here." I could feel my cheeks burning. "Jesus that was the most embarrassing thing to happen to me…_ever_."

"It's alright," Jake said from next to me, "Just warn me next time you're gonna do something like that."

"Um…okay."

I could feel him move closer to me in the darkness, his cologne was invading my head again, making it very, very difficult to think.

"Um," I said dizzily, "What's the first step? You know to develop the film?"

"Well, you have to open the film first."

His large hands were on my waist now, his mouth hovering above my neck; his warm breath tickled my neck sending goose bumps racing out over my skin.

"And then?" He hadn't even laid a hand on my and already I could breath.

"And then, you have to wind it on the reel." He licked along my collar bone.

I shivered, barely able to breath, "And then?"

"And then," he pressed me against the table, pressing himself into me, "you add the chemicals."

His mouth was on mine, warm and inviting. I let myself get swept up and out to sea as his tongue pushed its way into my mouth; probing and exploring. I moaned, he picked me up and set me on the table, rough hands pulling at my sweater. I felt myself losing control of all my senses, the sweater came up and over my head, the cool air of the dark room rushing over me.

"Oh my God! What am I doing?" I pushed him off of me, "I can't do this, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I have to go." I shoved him out of the way and jumped off the table, grabbing my sweater I ran to the revolving door and spun it.

I pulled the sweater over my head and quickly gathered my things. I kept glancing at the door, hoping; praying he didn't follow me. I wasn't angry at him, but at myself. I had been so pissed at Edward that I left myself get caught up in making out with Jake. I pulled my coat on and hurried down the stairs.

On the street I turned my face to the sky and let the misting rain wash away my sins.

**Reviews are better than making out with Jacob in the darkroom!**


	3. Familiar Taste of Poison

A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters

**BPOV**

The rain was cool; it soaked my face, streaking my makeup. I wiped my face, smearing mascara and eyeliner. I was pretty sure I looked like a maniac. I know I sure as hell felt like one.

I walked to my car, occasionally glancing over my shoulder. I was so embarrassed, I felt like the worlds biggest hypocrite. Here I was suspecting Edward of having an affair and I had pretty much so just screwed my boss.

I unlocked the car and slid behind the wheel. The rain pounded on the roof and windshield. I turned the overhead light on and looked at myself in the rearview mirror. I looked like shit, I pulled a tissue out of my purse and wiped at the smeared mascara. Satisfied I looked slightly less maniacal; I started the silver Volvo and headed for Alice's.

Her lights were on when I pulled into the driveway. I shut the car off and knocked on her door. I shivered and wrapped my arms around my middle. Alice pulled the front door open, her smile vanished instantly.

"Bella what's wrong? Are you okay?" Deep worry lines appeared in the corners of her eyes, "Is Edward okay?"

I nodded, my teeth chattering. She grabbed the sleeve of my ruined sweater and pulled me into her house.

"Come on; let's get you out of those clothes. I can't believe you were out in the rain in _that_ sweater with no coat on."

She disappeared into her room and came back with a towel and a pair of fluffy, warm looking pajamas. "Go take a shower and be ready to tell me what the hell is going on when you get out."

"Okay," I chattered and took the towel. I shut the door behind me and set my wet clothes in the sink. The water was deliciously warm; I let it pound my back as I closed my eyes.

Jake's cologne crept up my nose, and crept along my senses. My eyes snapped open and I pulled the shower curtain back, making sure he wasn't really here.

The bathroom was empty, my clothes were gone from the sink, but no sexy artist was waiting for me. I closed my eyes again and stuck my head under the water. I felt his hands on my waist, breath on my neck. I opened my eyes again, my heart racing. I let out a shaky breath and quickly washed my face and body, then shut off the water. Alice's fluffy pajamas were sitting on the shelf above the toilet. I quickly dried off and slipped the pajamas on. I could hear the television on in the living room; I walked slowly down the hall.

"Yes, she's here Edward. I don't _know _what happened. She just showed up on my door step soaking wet, looking like something the cat drug in."

Alice paused; I couldn't hear what Edward was saying.

"Whatever Edward. You're just being ridiculous. I just told you your girlfriend showed up at my house at 8:30 at night looking like hell on a cracker and you could care less. What happened to you? You used to be such a nice guy."

The phone beeped and Alice muttered under her breath. I walked into the living room and sat down next to her on the couch.

"Hey," she beamed. "All better?"

I shook my head yes, the feel of Jake's lips on mine flashed into my head. I shook my head no.

"Bella you have to tell me what happened. Did someone hurt you?" Alice asked tenderly.

"No. No one hurt me," I told her.

"Well what happened?" Alice asked apprehensively.

"I did something…bad," I whispered. "I kissed Jacob Black." I braced myself for the tongue lashing I was expecting Alice to deliver. She surprised me, taking my hands in hers. "You jack ass," she scolded me, "I thought something bad had happened."

"Something bad _did_ happen Al. I kissed him…and _I liked it_," I sobbed.

Alice laughed, "That's not bad. Well, it's kinda bad." Alice looked thoughtful for a minute. "You know we're gonna have to figure out what we're gonna tell my brother. He called while you were in the shower."

I stuck my chin out defiantly, "I'm not going to tell him anything."

Alice shrugged, "Suit your self. It's not my relationship."

"Alice?" I asked in a small voice, "Would you still be my friend even if I didn't date your brother?"

She looked at me, aghast, "No. I would probably never speak to you again." She dropped the façade, "Of course I would still be your friend, dummy."

I leaned back into the couch, the cushions sucked me in. Alice leaned back and looked at me, "So, tell me about this kiss."

I recount every sordid detail of my make out session in the darkroom with Jake.

"You should have just done it, made out with him," she said, "You would've had a reason to feel guilty then. _I_ don't think you did anything wrong."

I sat there staring at her while she picked at her fingernails, "I'm _dating _your _brother _and you're telling me to _fuck_ my _boss_?"

Alice shrugged, "You said so yourself you think he's cheating on you. So fuck him, sleep with Jacob Black. I googled him today; you'd be crazy not to."

"You _googled_ him? What are you, some kind of stalker?"

"You said he was good looking, I wanted to see just how good looking he was." Alice looked at me like I was out of my mind, "If you don't fuck him I will."

"Yea, well after what happened I highly doubts he'll ever want to see me again. I acted like a fool." I looked down at my own fingernails, feeling humiliated.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Alice told me, "Don't pick at your nails, it's a nasty habit."

I smirked at her, "Whatever. They're my nails, I'll pick at them if I want to. And I don't want to find out; I can't believe I even let myself get into that situation."

"Oh shut up. You put yourself in that position because you wanted to, plain and simple. You wanted him to do dirty things to you; and if you say I'm lying I'll smack you. Now when you go home in the morning, you call him and find out if he wants you to come back. Chances are he's just as embarrassed as you are."

**JPOV**

I slammed my fist down on the table previously occupied by Bella, What the hell was I thinking?

This was how it started with Leah. She'd come to sit for a painting; a gift for her fathers birthday.

Turned out Leah and I knew each other. We had gone to school together. I never really paid much attention to her. We graduated and went our separate ways until she showed up at the studio. We became friends while I painted her picture. We'd talk about her family, seems her father and I mine had been friends once upon a long time ago, her friends, everything and anything she wanted to share I wanted to know.

**Four Years Ago**

It was summer, warm and most importantly not raining. We had walked the twelve blocks to the movie theater. One the walk back home we stopped for ice cream cones and walked the humid streets licking melted vanilla ice cream off our fingers. Heat lightening illuminated the dark sky. Leah jumped and grabbed my hand. I had like the way her small hand fit perfectly in mine. The lightening continued, followed by the perceptible sound of thunder, gently rumbling in the distance.

Two blocks from the studio, huge drops of cool rain fell heavily from the sky.

"Come on," I said tugging on Leah's hand. She had shrieked with girls delight and trailed behind me as we ran through the rain.

We reached the building that housed both the studio and my apartment, I yanked the door open and we ducked inside the narrow hallway. The door slammed behind me making Leah jump.

"Wow," she laughed as she wiped the rain off her face, "Where did that come from?"

I stood there staring at her, soaking wet and dripping rain water all over the checkered tile. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

I moved closer to her, grasping her face in mine and pressing my lips to hers; possessive, demanding. I made no concessions, no apologies. My tongue stroked into her mouth, nudged against hers. Leah gasped in my open mouth. I could feel the edge rushing toward us, the end of life as I knew it; and I pulled back. "Come on," I had said to her, "Let's go get you some dry clothes so you don't get sick."

That night had changed everything; Leah moved in a few weeks later, and we'd gotten married six months after that. Then another rainy night two years later had irrevocably altered my life yet again.

I sighed deeply and raked my hands through my hair. I'd really gone and messed things up good this time. My heart beat heavily in my chest, past and present scenes drifted before my eyes; faces blended, Leah melted into Bella who melted back to Leah.

I grabbed my chest, struggling to breath. Leah's voice swirled around in the darkness, _"I'm leaving…can't live like this…I can't believe you let him drive…Good bye Jacob."_

"SHUT UP!" I yelled, "Just shut up and leave me the hell alone." I swung the revolving door and stumbled into the studio. The ghosts of Jake and Leah past were making love on the work bench and making out on the red velvet chaise. It was all too much to take; I stumbled out of the studio and bolted up the stairs.

In the kitchen I ripped the refrigerator door open. My hand closed around the cold Coors can and with trembling fingers I popped the top, greedily swallowing.

"That won't help, son," my father said from a dark corner of the kitchen. My eyes widened, "You're not real," I said angrily. "You're dead. Your killed yourself you bastard."

"Only my body is dead," he said wisely and disappeared.

I dropped the empty can to the floor and cried for everything that I'd lost that night. A million 'if only' scenarios played out in my mind, if only I stopped my father from leaving in the first place, if only Leah had stayed home, if only I'd gone instead of Rachael. A million what ifs was all I had left now.

**BPOV**

Edward was already gone when I entered the apartment that morning. In the kitchen there was a note propped against the coffeepot. I picked it up and read it, rolling my eyes. _Whatever asshole, _I thought and tossed the crumpled note in the trash can.

_Bella,_

_Will you be coming home tonight after work, or can I expect another frantic phone call from Alice saying you showed up on her doorstep soaking wet and in tears?_

_Edward._

I took Alice's advice and decided to call him. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I had set the phone down and picked it up six times. Yes, literally six times, I counted. The seventh time I picked it up; I bit the bullet and dialed. I cradled the phone to my ear and listened as it rang.

"Hello," a gruff voice said.

"Um hi. I was trying to reach Jacob Black," I said anxiously.

"This is him. What do you want?"

"This is Bella; Bella Swan. I was just calling to find out what time you wanted me to come in today. I left in such a rush, I forgot to ask." _Yeah, go me, _I thought, _play it cool. _

The line was quiet for a long time; I thought he hung up on me.

"Hello?" I said in a timid voice.

"You still want to come in?" Jake finally said.

"Yes. You hired me to sit for your painting and that's what I intend to do. I don't like doing things half-assed."

"Okay."

He sounded stunned, like he hadn't expected me to be so cool about the whole situation, "Can you come at three?"

I glanced at the clock, "Yes."

"Okay, so I guess I'll see you at three."

"See you then," I said and hung up the phone.

I needed this job for starters, second, if I quit suddenly Edward would start interrogating me and that was the last thing I wanted to have to deal with.

And not to mention what Alice said, I put myself in that situation because I wanted to be there. The more I thought about the more accurate it sounded. I thought he was attractive, my own relationship was in the swirling the drain, so why not make out with an attractive artist in a darkroom.

As I left for the studio I couldn't help feel a teensy bit of excitement. I tried to shove it down, but every few seconds the bubbles of excitement would burst to the surface and I'd smile, remembering the feel of his hands on my waist, the taste of his tongue.

And like an addict I felt the need for just one more taste.

**Reviews are better than...hmm..well needing just one more hit of Jacob Black...  
**

**I want to thank everyone who took time out of their lives to read and write an awesome review..you guys make my day with awesome reviews..and stupid question...how likely are you to continue reading this if it gets a little on the x-rated side? Just let me know :)  
**


	4. All Over You

A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters

_**&& Thanks for all the reviews...they are so nice and make my day! I have the best readers/reviewers EVER :)**_

**BPOV**

I pushed the studio door open and looked around. Jake was no where to be found. I glanced at my watch, thinking I was early, but it was three. He should have been here.

"Hello?" I called out. I walked further into the studio, "Jake? It's Bella. Are you here?"

I stepped into the revolving door and spun it shut; it hissed like a snake and opened into the darkroom. There red lights were turned off, "Jacob, you in here?" I called into the darkness. Deafening silence answered me.

Back in the studio I sat down on the edge of a stool that was in the corner, outside thunder rumbled. I glanced at my watch; five minutes after three. I'd wait ten more minutes, and then I was leaving. At three ten Jake pushed the studio door open.

"Hi," I said with a wave. _He looks like shit, _I thought.

"Sorry I'm late," he grunted.

_Nor did he sound good. _"It's okay," I said meekly.

"I've got to get the film from yesterday developed. Do you still want to learn?" He turned to face me, his face a mask of hard, angry lines. His dark truculent eyes flashed. I swallowed hard, a giddy desire rising in my stomach, "Yes."

He stomped across the studio and disappeared into the darkroom. I waited a minute then followed. The door spun around me, the light disappeared and I was pitched into darkness again.

"Jake?" I called into the tenebrosity.*

"Stay where you are," he said in a voice that was rough as sandpaper.

"Okay."

"Take five steps forward. The table should be right in front you," he said in the gravelly voice.

I counted out five steps and reached into the darkness. My hands touched the wooden table top. "I found the table."

"Okay, now feel in front of you. There should be a roll of film, a plastic circular object and a developing tank."

I felt for each object as he said them and did the best I could as he walked me through the steps; from getting the film out of its metal holder to adding the chemicals.

"Does this have to be done in the dark?" I asked, setting the heavy bottle of chemicals on the table. I rubbed my swollen knee. Bumbling around in the dark was definitely not my idea of fun.

"No, but I like to do it in the dark. If you do it in the dark you can do it where ever, when ever."

I smirked; he made it sound like knowing how to develop film would one day save my life.

"And if you counted your steps you'd stop banding your knees."

"If you did this with the lights on I wouldn't be banging my knees," I grumbled.

Across the room, I heard water running, "Bring your tank over here," Jacob instructed. I had no idea where 'over here' was.

"Marco," I called out.

"Polo," Jacob answered. I walked toward the sound of his voice. Sloshing tank in one hand, the other stretched out in front of me, _above_ crotch level this time.

"Marco," I called out again.

"Polo," Jake answered from right in front of me.

I reached out, searching for the sink. Instead of the cool metal of the sink, my fingers brushed cotton covered chest muscles. I yanked my hand back as a spark of electricity jolted me.

"Sorry," I said quietly.

"S'okay," he said softly. "Here, put your tank in the sink."

His fingers grasped my arm, then slid down slowly, grazing every nerve in my arm, and came to rest on my wrist. He guided my arm down, the tank hit the sink with a dull metallic _bong. _He stood beside me, our bodies touching. I was thankful for the darkness as I stood there greedily inhaling his cologne, grinning like an idiot. I remember to let go of the tank, and Jake let go of my wrist.

"Okay, now turn the water on."

I fumbled around in the dark, both hands outstretched, searching for the faucet. My hand hit something and it clattered noisily into the sink.

"Here," Jake said grabbing my arm again, "Come to the left a little."

He trailed his fingers down my arm and moved it to the left. I felt the cool metal and gripped the T shaped faucet handle and turned it.

"Thanks," I said and moved the tank under the running water.

"Okay, now they wash for ten minutes." Jake moved in the darkness, "Look Bella, about last night. I didn't mean to, I mean I know you have a boyfriend. Look I just didn't mean to kiss you. It was inappropriate and I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I wasn't exactly telling you to stop. It happened, whatever. It's done and over with now."

The darkroom gave me courage; I never would have had the guts to blow him off so casually if we'd been in the light. _I like the darkroom, _I thought to myself, _it's like alcohol minus the hangover. Gives you the guts to do the things you'd never do sober."_

The water shut off, "Okay, so after these are finished rinsing, they have to dry overnight. They'll be ready to print tomorrow. If you want to learn how to do that I'll teach you."

"That sounds like fun," I said; to myself I thought, _anything I get to do with you in this darkroom sounds like fun,_ "But what about the painting?"

Jake sighed, "It looks horrible." He grabbed my hand, "Come on, I'll show you."

**JPOV**

I hadn't expected Bella to call this morning. Then again I hadn't exactly expected to survive the night either. Alcohol and the multitude of medication I was taking tended to not mix well. But I had accomplished my goal; the ghosts had gone and left me alone.

When the phone rang I expected it to be Becca; she normally called everyday when she was out of town to make sure I didn't go and off myself while she was away.

"Hello," I said in my-as-you-can-see-I'm-still-alive-Becca voice.

"Um hi. I was trying to reach Jacob Black," Bella said anxiously.

"This is him. What do you want?"

"This is Bella; Bella Swan. I was just calling to find out what time you wanted me to come in today. I left in such a rush, I forgot to ask." I wanted to laugh, she sounded like she was trying so hard to not let me hear how humiliating this call was for her to make.

I didn't say anything for a while; I stood in the kitchen trying to figure out if she was for real or not.

"Hello?" she said in a timid voice.

"You still want to come in?" I finally said.

"Yes. You hired me to sit for your painting and that's what I intend to do. I don't like doing things half-assed."

"Okay."

I was stunned, "Can you come at three?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so I guess I'll see you at three."

"See you then," she said and hung up.

After I hung up the phone I decided Bella was either glutton for punishment or had liked kissing me more than she let on. I hadn't planned on kissing her last night; I hadn't wanted to want her nor her to want me. But the attraction was unmistakable, there was a pull, like magnets, I was drawn to her. That and her damn perfume, all flowers and sweetness. It made me ache in a way I hadn't ached in over two years. She was like a drug, but stronger. My own personal hell, sent to torment me with all the things I wanted and none of the things I could have.

Back in the studio I pulled the drop cloth off the barely started painting. Bella stood there staring at it. "I don't see what's so bad about it," she said honestly, her brown eyes probing mine.

"It's just not good. I used to be able to do this in my sleep, now I can't do it at all." I covered the painting back up and walked away.

"So take photographs. I've seen the ones in the darkroom; they're brilliant.

"Taking pictures doesn't pay the bills," I muttered.

And painting them does?" Bella countered. "You're getting in your own way. Just point and click, it can't be that hard."

Bella grabbed a camera off the table, "Smile Jake." She grinned and raised the camera.

The flash blinded me; I turned my head as she snapped another picture. I glanced over my shoulder; the big utility cabinet that held the older cameras was three feet behind me. I backed up until I felt the flat surface behind me.

"Smile Jake, c'mon smile," Bella giggled.

I wrenched the door open and grabbed a camera and a roll of film. As Bella chased me around the studio I loaded the film into the camera. Behind me she was giggling like a maniac, snapping pictures. I got the film loaded and snapped the camera shut.

"Smile!" I hollered and snapped her picture.

"That's against the rules," she pouted.

"There are no rules" I told her and snapped a picture of her confused expression.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"It won't take anymore pictures. I think- I think I broke it."

"Its not broke," I laughed, "it's out of film."

Bella wiped her brow in mock relief. "Phew," she said with a nervous chuckle.

She walked across the studio and looked out the window. "Wow, it's really coming down out there," she murmured pressing her hand to the glass.

I finished with the camera and set it down. Bella was still standing with her back to me; I picked up the other camera and snapped her picture. Lightening struck as I snapped a second picture. A small smiled played at her lips as the bolt broke the sky open. I moved a step closer; Bella looked over her shoulder and smiled.

She was good at this, knew exactly how to look at the camera with that 'come hither' stare. I smiled back and she flashed that look at me again, my insides turned to mush. Images of last night flitted through my mind.

_Down boy, _I thought as I stared at Bella staring at me.

Another bolt of lightening lit up the sky; she turned and put her back against the window. I kept shooting as she popped a few buttons on her shirt. The pink lace cami she wore peeked out from behind the opened shirt. The flick of each button made my heart beat faster. I had stopped photographing her; I stood there staring, the camera slowly drifting down toward the table.

She undid the last button and the black shirt she wore fell away from her body. She slid her arms out and tossed it across the room.

Thunder rumbled, loud and angry, like the gods were angry at my lack of restraint when it came to Bella Swan. My breath hitched as she sauntered toward me.

_Stop this, _my mind growled. _I can't,_ I argued, _I want it, her, too much._

I stepped toward her; we met in the middle, my arms encircled her waist, "We can't do this," I murmured against her neck.

"Why not?" she sighed.

"Because it's wrong. You have a boyfriend and I have…issues."

Bella sighed, "Right now I really don't care about any of that. I want you- no, I _need_ you."

I lowered my face, lips hovered right about hers. Bella was breathing heavily, _Do it, _my mind challenged, _just fucking do it. Step off that ledge. _

Suddenly there was a deafening boom and a loud crack as a massive bolt of lightening iluminated the entire city of Seattle. Bella screamed, grabbing my waist; the lights went out. All over the city, buildings and streetlamps and stoplights all went dark.

"Great," I muttered. "Stay here, I'll see if I can find a flashlight or some candles."

I bolted up the stairs, remembering there was a flashlight in the junk drawer, who knew if it worked; knowing me it was highly unlikely. I found the flashlight and clicked it on. The white beam of light flashed over the furniture, creating long shadows on the wall. Satisfied, I set out to find another flashlight.

In the back of the hall closet was a box marked 'storm supplies.' I snorted; leave it to Becca to always be prepared. I yanked the box open and found a couple packs of white candles and a lighter.

I grabbed the candles and headed back downstairs. Bella was lounging on the chaise hu8mming some upbeat tune.

"I found some candles," I told her, holding up the box for her to see.

She nodded and continued humming, her toes wiggling in time to the beat. Whatever song it was, it was as poppy as a can of coke, and as annoying as those singing high school musical kids.

Bella hummed a few more bars before her song started to annoy the living shit out of me.

"What the hell are you humming?" I finally asked.

She blushed in the candle light, "A song," she said.

"What song?"

"A song I know."

I hated this game, "What song you know?"

"A song I know and like; a song you'd make fun of me for liking." She started humming again.

"Yea, you're probably right. What song is it?"

"Burning up."

_Never heard of it_, I thought. "Who sings it?"

"The Jonas Brothers."

I burst out laughing, "Seriously?"

She nodded. "See, I told you you'd make fun of me."

"I'm not making fun of you. It's just not what I expected," I admitted truthfully.

"You don't know anything about me," she pouted.

"So tell me," I urged.

**Reviews are better than cotton covered muscles..well almost..lolz**

When my husband read this he said to me, "What does tenebrosity mean?" so that was the point of the asterix...its defined as: place, time that is unlit...sorry if there was any confusion..it was a word I'd never heard and it seemed to fit...

And again...thank you all sooooo much for reading and writing such awesome reviews...and I swear..the smut it coming...I promise :)


	5. Just For Tonight

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

JPOV

Bella was a talker. As the storm pounded against the windows she prattled on about what it was like growing up in Phoenix, her mother getting remarried and finally her move to Forks to live with her father when she was seventeen. She talked about Edward, her boyfriend. Sick, twisty feelings squeezed my stomach every time she said his name.

"He took me to this meadow one time," she sighed; her eyes had a glassy, faraway look. "It was one of those rare, perfect days. The sun was shining; it was warm. I felt so close to him."

She set her soda on the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest. "He's not like that anymore," she said sadly, pools of tears collected in the corners of her eyes.

I felt bad for her. It was obvious Edward's behavior was hurting her; I wanted to pummel the asshole for hurting Bella. I patted the chaise, "Come here."

Bella unfolded herself and scooted closer. She rested her head on my shoulder, "I don't know what changed," she sobbed. I rubbed her arm; I was at a total loss for words. Her tears fell on my arm, like warm, salty rain drops.

"I'm sorry," she cried.

"For what?" I asked.

"For being a crybaby and talking all about me and not asking about you. I'm such a bad person."

I wrapped my arms around her, "You're not a bad person Bella. You're one of the best."

She giggled, "You've only known me for three days."

And yet I know you're gonna be the death of me, I thought. "Three days is a long time. What would you say if I told you I hadn't eaten in three days?"

"I'd say you were nuts."

"So see, three days is just a matter of perspective." Bella snuggled closer to me. The candles I had lit earlier were starting to burn low.

"So what's your story? How did you end up here, painting portraits and taking pictures?"

"It's a long story better saved for not a not so dark and stormy night," I said evasively. I did not want to bear my emotional soul to anyone, myself included. Bella looked at me, her bottom lip poking out, "Please?" she breathed. "I told you mine, now tell me yours."

I felt my resistance weakening, "Fine, but I don't want to hear it when you find out what kind of monster I really am."

She sat there staring at me with those huge chocolate eyes. I took a deep breath, here goes nothing.

"I grew up a little farther south of here. I had two sisters, Rachael and Rebecca, they were twins. My father was a drunk who worked odd jobs. He used my mother as a punching bag when he wasn't beating on me or my sisters."

"I saw Rachael's picture in the darkroom right?" Bella interrupted.

"Yea, that was Rachael."

"You said your sisters were twins, what happened?"

"Well like I told you, she died two years ago. My father, like I said was an alcoholic; well one night he was at a bar and Rachael went to get him. He was a stubborn drunk, when she went to put him in her car; he refused, kicked up this huge fuss and got in his car." I took a deep breath and looked at Bella, here comes the hard part, I thought, please don't hate me.

"That night I was the one who was supposed to get him. The three of us, Rachael, Rebecca and I, took turns carting out drunk father home from the bar every night. Well I was pissed off that night. My wife and I had been having a lot of problems, money and shit, and she had left me; she was six months pregnant with our first child."

Bella was staring at me in the near darkness, sadness all over her face, "The bartender called me to come pick up my dad. Well I wasn't exactly sober either, so I called Rachael and begged her to go get Dad. Rachael was with Leah that night, trying to help her work through our problems. Well Rachael didn't want me driving drunk, so she and Leah went to go get my father. It had snowed the day before, then later turned to rain and the road was all slushy and icy; completely frozen. I knew the roads were dangerous and I knew my father was going to be hammered by eleven o'clock and I still drunk myself into a stupor. I practically forced my sister and pregnant wife out that night. Billy, my father, got into his car and Rachael and Leah followed behind to make sure he got home. Halfway there Billy slammed on the brakes to avoid running a red light. His car slid into the intersection, an on-coming tractor trailer swerved to avoid hitting him. It jack knifed, skid and slammed, head on into Rachael instead. The police said she died instantly, Billy died a few days later, the baby died when the air bag deployed, and Leah, well she's as good as dead."

I exhaled, letting the guilt and shame and pain and anger washed over me. Every emotion from that night came rushing back with amazing speed and clarity.

"What happened to Leah?" Bella asked softly.

"Her parents came, took her back home with them. She's on life support; the doctors said she's brain dead; that she'll never come back. Sue and Harry, her parents, don't believe it. So they keep her hooked up the machine hoping on day she'll wake up."

Bella wiped a tear from her eye. "How terrible, to lose your whole family that way," she sobbed.

I pulled her into my lap. "Don't cry for me," I said with disgust and anger. I didn't deserve her pity. Everything that had happened to me was a direct result of my own arrogance; I thought I could live the life I'd lived before getting married, that I could still go out with friends and paint silly little pictures. Leah had been completely right in leaving me.

Bella looked at me, wiping away tears I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"I'll make it better," she whispered and lowered her lips to mine.

I fought against the rush of desire that surged through me. Bella sucked my bottom lip and bit at it; I was done. I just let go; I was done fighting. Tonight the past was the past; it would stay where it belonged. I gripped either side of her face and pulled her closer. Bella's tongue darted into my mouth, I nudged hers with mine. She shoved her hands into my hair, wrapping it around her fingers and pulling our faces closer together. She gyrated her hips, the friction, the sensation, drove me nuts. I grabbed her waist and pulled her hips tight against mine.

BPOV

I knew it was wrong, cheating is wrong. There I said it. But you'd do it to if your boyfriend had barely looked at you, let alone touched you in the last six months. And you'd do it too if there was a man straight out of your darkest fantasies smashing your gyrating hips against his already hard dick.

Jake's mouth was warm and inviting as he sucked on my bottom lip. I ground my hips against his, he groaned and I was watched with pleasure as his eyes rolled back in his head. He gripped my waist and pulled my hips against his. I grabbed the back of the chaise and dug my hips into his; his hands pulled me closer. I threw my head back thinking, God bless you Carmen Electra and your strip tease DVD's, and moaned.

Jake rocked my hips against his rock hard erection. I rolled my hips against it and felt my eyes roll back in my head and he ran his fingers over my lace covered nipples. He chuckled low in his throat, his fingers tugged at the lacy tank top I had on. He pulled it up over my head, dropping it to the floor.

He wound his hands through my long hair, grabbing a handful he tugged, I arched my neck and his warm mouth was there, his rough tongue tracing patterns on the delicate skin. I cried out when he bit me.

"I'm dying to have you, warm and wet, wrapped around me," he whispered into my ear.

I shivered at the declaration, just as anxious to have him. All but one candle had burned out and the thunderstorm had passed. The city was quiet…for now.

(Unedited version is on blog, see link up top for that)

JPOV

"She really was like a drug. I could already feel the need for more. I had been wrong. So very wrong, she- this- was nothing like Leah. It was worse. The desire to be near her, next to her- in her, it was almost unbearable. It's just for tonight, just a one night thing, our little secret, I reminded myself.

Bella stood and did a cat like stretch. She glanced at the delicate silver watch she wore, then looked at me, "Oh shit!" she exclaimed, "It's ten thirty! I've got to get home!"

She started scurrying around, picking up her discarded clothing. She had one foot in her pants and did this cute hop as she tried to quickly get them back on.

"Oh, he's gonna be so pissed," she mumbled under her breath as she buttoned her pants. I picked up her black button up and held it out.

"Here," I said as she slipped her arms in and quickly buttoned it.

"Thank you," she said, smiling. "What time should I come in tomorrow?"

"Is noon okay?"

Bella smiled, "noon's fine." She slid her shoes on. "I'm sorry I have to leave like this, I feel like a total tramp."

"It's okay," I said, "you gotta get home."

She kissed my cheek, "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded as she rushed out the door. I went to the windows and watched as she scurried to the silver Volvo parked on the street. I glanced out over the city, I noticed some of the streetlights were back on as Bella pulled away from the curb.

"Be safe," I whispered.

BPOV

Excuse; I need a really, really, really good excuse, I thought as I frantically drove across town. As I drove I drug a brush through my hair and had pulled it up; put on some lip gloss and checked for 'I've just had sex with a man who's not you and I hope you don't notice' marks.

Satisfied I looked the same now as I did this morning, I immediately calmed down. As I pulled into the dark, vacant parking lot, I was surprised to not see Edward's car as I parked in my spot.

Hmm, that's interesting. Wonder where he is? I thought as I unlocked the door. The apartment was dark and empty. The red light on the phone was blinking. I picked it up and turned on some lights as I dialed the voicemail.

There was one message from Edward, "Bella, it's me. Guess your not home yet," Hmm wonder what gave you that impression, I thought sarcastically, "its almost eight now. I was calling to let you know that I have to fly to…" papers rustled in the background, "San Francisco for a few days. So I guess I'll see you when I get back."

The robot voicemail voice asked me if I wanted to save the message, I hung up without bothering to keep or erase his lies. As I placed the phone back in its cradle, I felt slightly less guilty. San Francisco for a few days my ass, I thought sarcastically.

I was done with this; as soon as he came home I was ending it. I don't know why he even bothers keeping me around. We barely even live together; we're more like two people who keep our stuff in the same place. It was beyond pathetic; the fact that we were both sneaking around each others backs instead of just ending it.

I got in the shower, making a mental not to do laundry ASAP, I didn't want Alice putting that coochie juice notion in Edward's head. As the warm water washed over me I thought about my night with Jake. It had definitely turned out better than I expected. But one thing was for sure, I was most assuredly addicted to Jacob Black.

**I was gonna say reviews are better than hot sex during a blackout, but we all know thats a lie...**


	6. Oh Yeah, By The Way Part One

A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters

*****Please read this: I am quite sick and tired of the nasty ass reviews I've been getting on this very old, very finished story...if you want to be a douche, leave my story now and stop with the negative comments...remember what you were taught as a child, if you don't have anything nice to say, be quiet and move on. Sorry if this is bitchy, but I'm tired of getting all these nasty comments every few weeks.****

**BPOV**

I pushed the door the diner open. The large brass bell attached to the inside door handle clanged loudly as the door swung shut. I grimaced at the harsh sound and searched the diner for Alice.

I spotted Alice in our usual booth and side-stepped a waitress carrying a tray loaded with scrambled eggs and French toast; my stomach growled. I sat down across from a glum looking Alice.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, reaching across the table and grabbing her coffee cup.

"We had plans last night," she pouted.

"We did?" I looked at her over the rim of her coffee cup, her evil glare met mine and I slowly lowered the cup.

"The movies," she reminded me. "I came by your house at like eight last night to pick you and up and you weren't there."

"Oh shit," I muttered.

"Where were you?" Alice demanded.

"I was working late," I mumbled.

"At eight o'clock at night?" Alice said skeptically, "In the dark?"

"You don't need light to take pictures Alice," I said meekly.

"Pictures? I thought he was a painter?"

"He does both, paints and photographs. He took some pictures the other night; he was teaching me how to develop them. I'm sorry though, I really am. I just; I completely forgot. Forgive me?" I gave her puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," she said, with a smile, "But you owe me."

I nodded, "Fine. Where's Jasper?"

"Working, his boss called someone called in sick; they needed him to fill in. Someone's gotta save all those lives."

Jasper, Alice's boyfriend, worked as a paramedic. Alice's neighbor's son had been out riding his skateboard one afternoon when a distracted teenager came around the curve in the road too fast and hit the kid. Alice called an ambulance, Jasper had been the paramedic who responded; and as they say, it was all down hill from there. They'd been dating for almost three years now.

"Where's my brother?" Alice asked, looking around.

"San Francisco," I told her.

"Why?" she asked, her eyebrows knitted together.

I shrugged, "I dunno. He wasn't exactly forthcoming in his message. Something's up, I just don't know what." _Nor do I care, _I thought.

"Oh…well when is he supposed to be back?"

"Three days."

Our waitress approached our table, order pad in hand, "Hey ladies, I'm so sorry. It's been crazy this morning. What can I get for you?"

"It's okay Brenda, we still love you," Alice chirped and placed her order.

"I'll have the same," I said as Brenda looked at me expectantly.

She nodded and looked at me closely, "Girl, you're glowing. Have a good time in that blackout last night, did you?"

My face grew hot as the blush crept up my neck. "If you call work fun," I muttered.

Alice looked at me curiously, "You okay?"

I nodded and looked down at the table.

"You slept with him didn't you?" Alice asked in an accusatory tone.

"No, Alice, I did not sleep with him," I lied and immediately felt like a horrible person. "I wanted to, God knows I wanted to; but I didn't."

"What are you going to do about Edward?"

I shrugged, still looking at the table. I felt absolutely horrible for lying to Alice, but she couldn't know. "I'm going to break up with him when he gets home. I've just been putting it off. We've been together so long, but he's not the same person he used to be. And let's face it, our relationship isn't going anywhere. I'm twenty seven, we've been together for ten years and he hasn't even asked me to marry him; we haven't even talked about it."

Alice nodded sympathetically, "Well, whatever you do, do it for the right reasons. Use your head. I know right now all these emotions have to be overwhelming you, but you and Edward love each other. Don't let the idea of great sex get in between that."

She had no idea; even if all Jake and I had was great sex I would definitely take that over what Edward offering, which was well… a whole lot of nothing.

Brenda arrived with our breakfast; she set my steaming plate in front of me with a wink and headed off toward another table.

"Why do we keep coming here?" I asked as I glared at Brenda. "The food really isn't even that good."

"Its tradition Bella and we'll keep coming here until the place burns down or all the grease and cholesterol clogs our arteries and we die."

I knew it was tradition, we walked into Betsy's a rainy Saturday morning, right after the three of us moved to Seattle seven years ago and we kept coming back. "Will you still meet me here for breakfast even if I dump Edward?" I asked.

"Bella," Alice said exasperated, "I don't care what you and Edward do. Yes, he is my brother but he is a grown up and can handle himself. You and I will be friends no matter what; now please stop worrying that I'm going to drop you like last seasons Kate Spade and relax."

After breakfast, I got in my car and went back home. I tried calling Edward but his phone went straight to voicemail. I picked up a few things that had been lying around and did some laundry; paying extra attention to the pockets of Edwards clothes.

I didn't find anything; just some gum wrappers and loose change. At quarter till, I grabbed my purse and headed toward the studio. My cell phone rang, Katy Perry sang along with herself on the radio. I turned the radio down and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" Edward asked.

_Who else would be answering my phone, _I wondered. "Yes Edward, it's me."

"Oh good. I was just calling to see how you were. Did you get my message?"

"I did and I'm fine. When will you be home?" I asked, braking for a red light.

"Sunday evening. There's no need to pick me up, my car is parked at the airport." It sounded like he was in a conference hall; I could hear the echo of voices behind him.

"Where are you?" I asked stepping on the gas as the light turned green.

"I'm at a conference in San Francisco. Remember that PTSD seminar I told you about last month?" he paused, I thought back, but couldn't remember any conversation about a PTSD seminar, "Mhmm," I said.

"Well Dr. Fuller invited me to attend the conference with him; said it would be good information for me to hear. It's all very fascinating information," Edward said excitedly.

"Oh well that's nice. It was such short notice though," I said, wishing I had my Bluetooth. I hated driving and talking on the phone.

"Yes, but we didn't have any plans, and with you working such late hours with the artist I figured you wouldn't mind."

"No I don't mind. It just would have been nice to know before hand. I came home last night to an empty apartment and had no idea where you were." I parked the Volvo in front of the studio and glanced up at the window. Jacob was standing there looking down at me. I gave a small wave and pointed at the phone rolling my eyes.

He nodded and rolled his eyes back. "Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself Edward. But listen, I have to go, I'm going to be late for work."

"Oh," Edward said dejectedly, "it's early for you to be going in, isn't it?"

"No, I work for the artist, and I come in when he wants."

"Oh okay then. Have a nice day at work."

"Enjoy your conference," I replied.

"I will, I love you," he said sweetly.

I rolled my eyes. "Love you too," I said and hung up.

I shoved my phone into my bag and got out of the car. Jake met me at the foot of the stairs, "Afternoon beautiful," he said with a kiss.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," I shivered, "its chilly today."

He nodded, "winter's going to come early this year." Jake glanced at the sky, "yup, it'll be snowing before we know it. Come on, I developed all the film last night, and we have pictures to print."

"You developed the film war film?" I asked

Jake shook his head, "And from what I've seen they're pretty good pictures. I don't know what I'm going to do with them, but they're cute."

"You won't be able to have a show or whatever they call it?"

Jake laughed, "What would I call it? Pictures of a beautiful girl?"

I shrugged, "Hey, people have some crazy paintings hanging up in their houses. Why wouldn't they want your photographs?"

"It doesn't work like that. But don't worry about it. I'll figure something out." Jake grabbed my hand and we walked up the stairs.

"How do you pay your bills if you're not selling your work?" I asked; the question just kind of slipped out.

"I own the building; there are four apartments downstairs that I rent out. The art is just for fun," he said crossly.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me," I apologized.

He pushed the door to the studio open and I followed him inside. "How much trouble did you get in for being gone all night?" Jake asked.

"None," I replied, "the bastard wasn't even home."

"Where was he?"

"San Francisco. He was asked to go to a conference for PTSD by a colleague. He'll be gone for three days." I smiled at the wicked gleam in jakes eyes.

"So, he left you all alone with me for three days?" Jake sauntered closer.

"Mhmm. He'll be back Sunday night."

"I like it," Jake said grabbing my waist.

"We have pictures to print, mister." I laughed at his face, "We have two days to do all that. Now come on." I drug him toward the dark room.

Inside under the red lights, Jake patiently explained the entire process; walking me through it numerous times until I could finally do it all myself.

I was standing there, watching images appear before my very eyes, Jake was standing behind me, "I got the fourth degree from Alice this morning over breakfast," I told him.

"Really? About what?" he asked, his fingers on my waist.

"Missing our movie night last night; we were supposed to go out and when she came by to get me I wasn't there. She wanted to know where I was. I had to lie and then the stupid waitress damn near blew my cover; Said I was 'glowing.' Like I'm some kind of firefly or something."

"You do look radiant," Jake said, laughing. I glared at him over my shoulder, "Not the point," I reminded him, "she almost ousted me. I had to lie to Alice and I hate lying."

Jake stopped laughing, "I'm sorry," he replied "I shouldn't have put you in a position where you have to lie to everyone."

I took the photo out of the developer and put it in the next bath. "You didn't put me in any kind of position," I said, turning to face him, "If we're being honest with each other, _I _seduced _you, I _came onto came onto _you. _You didn't do anything wrong. This one's on me."

"What are you gonna do? About Edward, I mean."

"That depends," I replied.

"On what?"

"You," I said.

"Me?" his eyes widened.

"Yes you. What are we doing? What _was_ last night? Was it just sex, the product of sad stories and the blackout? Or something more?" I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and stared up at him.

_Please say it meant something more than just sex, _I begged silently, _please let it have meant more to you than just some careless fling._

"Bella," Jake sighed, "I barely know you-"

I took a deep breath, willing the tears away, "It was just sex, I get it Jake."

"I'm not going to ask you to leave your boyfriend. I enjoyed last night, I enjoy spending time with you, but asking you to leave Edward is out of the question."

I had never felt so torn in my life, Edward and I had ten years of history between us, whereas Jake and I had ten minutes. "I don't know what to do," I moaned.

"It's easy Bella, stay with Edward, I'm no good for you. You saw that last night. I'm selfish and petty and pretty damn good at destroying anything good that comes my way."

I shook my head at him, "That was the past. You just need someone to love you. Let me love you, let me make it better."

"You can't make it better, Bella. You have a life with Edward, he can give you the things that you want, the things you need. I can't give you any of that. I have nothing to give you except what I gave you last night. And as long as you want it, I'll give it to you. That's all I have to give."

"I have to go, "I sobbed, and ran for the door. I thought it was more. I would have sworn he felt the same pull as I.

I stepped into the door and grabbed the handle to spin it shut, Jake grabbed the door before it could close, "Bella, wait," he pleaded. "Don't go."

I sighed, cursing myself for being so weak. I stepped back into the darkroom.

"I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be," Jake apologized. "Maybe someday I can be that guy, but not today. This is all I have to give you and it's yours if you want it."

He lowered his mouth to mine, and I surrendered; _take what you can, when you can and be satisfied_, I thought.

**Reviews are better than taking what you can get, even when what you can get is still pretty good.. ;)**


	7. Oh Yeah, By The Way Part Two

A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters

**This is Jacob's side of Chapter six...my hubby read it and was like why is he being a jerk off? So hopefully this clarifies that.**

**JPOV**

After Bella left last night, I collected up the cameras from the "Picture War" and wound the film. There wasn't much else I could do in the dark so I went into the darkroom and started to develop the film.

Part of me felt bad for what just happened, but another part of me, the part that craved her, was satisfied for the time being. I felt like a junkie, waiting for her to come back. I cursed Edward for taking her from me.

After I finished with the film I went to bed. I hoped when I woke up the power would have been restored. The last thing I thought of before I fell asleep was the sound of her saying my name.

When I woke up, the sky was gray with the promise of more rain. But the power was back on so I couldn't complain. Bella and I would be able to print some pictures today. I knew Jared was going to be calling soon to find out how the painting was coming along. He was anxious to have a few pieces for his gallery. The last ones I'd done for him had sold fast and made us both a pretty decent amount of money. I dressed and went down the coffee shop on the corner for a cup of coffee and got back to the studio a few minutes before noon.

I was standing at the window looking at the sky when I noticed Bella pull up. She waved and pointed at the phone rolling her eyes.

I nodded and rolled my eyes back, figuring she was talking to Edward. I walked away from the window and went to wait for her at the bottom of the stairs.

"Afternoon beautiful," I said kissing her.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," she shivered, "its chilly today."

I nodded. "Winter's going to come early this year," I glanced at the sky, "Yup, it'll be snowing before we know it. Come on, I developed all the film last night, and we have pictures to print."

"You developed the film war film?" she asked

I shook my head, "And from what I've seen they're pretty good pictures. I don't know what I'm going to do with them, but they're cute."

"You won't be able to have a show or whatever they call it?"

I laughed, "What would I call it? Pictures of a beautiful girl?"

Bella shrugged, "Hey, people have some crazy paintings hanging up in their houses. Why wouldn't they want your photographs?"

"It doesn't work like that. But don't worry about it. I'll figure something out." I grabbed her hand and we walked up the stairs.

"How do you pay your bills if you're not selling your work?" Bella asked.

"I own the building; there are four apartments downstairs that I rent out. The art is just for fun," I said crossly, _not like its any of _your_ business, _I thought nastily.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me," Bella apologized.

I pushed the door to the studio open and she followed me inside. "How much trouble did you get in for being gone all night?" I asked.

"None," she replied, "The bastard wasn't even home."

"Where was he?" I asked my curiosity definitely peaked; maybe he was cheating on her.

"San Francisco. He was asked to go to a conference for PTSD by a colleague. He'll be gone for three days." I smiled at the wicked gleam in jakes eyes.

"So, he left you all alone with me for three days?" I sauntered closer.

"Mhmm. He'll be back Sunday night."

"I like it," I said grabbing her waist; the urge to be close to her was undeniable.

"We have pictures to print, mister." she laughed, "We have two days to do all that. Now come on."Bella grabbed my hand and drug me toward the dark room.

We went into the dark room, I turned the red lights on explained the entire process; I walked Bella through the steps a few times and then let her do it herself. I leaned against the table and watched her set the photo into the developer bath.

I got the fourth degree from Alice this morning over breakfast," she said.

"Really? About what?" I asked, grabbing her waist.

"Missing our movie night last night; we were supposed to go out and when she came by to get me I wasn't there. She wanted to know where I was. I had to lie and then the stupid waitress damn near blew my cover; Said I was 'glowing.' Like I'm some kind of firefly or something."

"You do look radiant," I said, laughing. She glared at me from over her shoulder, "Not the point," she said heatedly, "she almost ousted me. I had to lie to Alice and I hate lying."

I stopped laughing, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you in a position where you have to lie to everyone."

"You didn't put me in any kind of position," I said, turning to face him, "If we're being honest with each other, _I _seduced _you, I _came onto came onto _you. _ You didn't do anything wrong. This one's on me."

"What are you gonna do? About Edward, I mean."

"That depends," she said.

"On what?" I asked.

"You."

"Me?" I looked at her, my eyes wide. _Shit, _I thought, _this can not be good._

"Yes you. What are we doing? What _was_ last night? Was it just sex, the product of sad stories and the blackout? Or something more?" I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and stared up at him.

"Bella," I sighed, this was going to hurt her, "I barely know you-"

Bella took a deep breath, I could see the tears she was fighting, "It was just sex; I get it Jake."

"I'm not going to ask you to leave your boyfriend. I enjoyed last night, I enjoy spending time with you, but asking you to leave Edward is out of the question."

"I don't know what to do," she moaned.

I wanted to grab her in my arms and tell her to leave the scum bag, to be with me. I wanted to tell her that even though I barely knew her, I felt this unexplainable pull to her. I wanted to say, "Your toxic, I know you're probably bad for me but I need you like the air I breathe. When your not here I feel like a fiend, counting the hours until I can see you, be near you again."

Instead I said, "It's easy Bella, stay with Edward, I'm no good for you. You saw that last night. I'm selfish and petty and pretty damn good at destroying anything good that comes my way."

She shook her head at me, "That was the past. You just need someone to love you. Let me love you, let me make it better."

_Yes, _I thought, _love me, and make me better. _But I couldn't do that.

"You can't make it better, Bella. You have a life with Edward, he can give you the things that you want, the things you need. I can't give you any of that. I have nothing to give you except what I gave you last night. And as long as you want it, I'll give it to you. That's all I have to give."

"I have to go," she sobbed, and ran for the door.

I felt horrible, but I couldn't let her mess her life up. I was a worthless piece of shit, I would ruin her life; eventually, just like I ruined Leah's. If Leah had never met me, never married me, she'd still be alive and happy and healthy. Her parents would have their daughter, not some vegetable that looked like their daughter.

Bella stepped into the door and grabbed the handle to spin it shut. I fought myself, part of me argued to let her go; let her walk out the door and just go back to the way her life had been. But the other part of me, the addicted part, told me that _my_ life would be ruined if she walked out the door. I grabbed the door before it could close, "Bella, wait," I pleaded. "Don't go."

She sighed and stepped back into the darkroom.

"I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be," I apologized. "Maybe someday I can be that guy, but not today. This is all I have to give you and it's yours if you want it."

I lowered my mouth to hers and gave her all I had, all I could afford to give her.

**Reviews are always awesome :)**


	8. A Night Like This

A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters

Everyone say Welcome Home to Edward!! lol...thanks for clearing up the "lemon" question..now I can fully appreciate all the comments that say things like "yummy lemon" lol...hopefully by the end of this chapter you'll be leaving lots of "hot damn that was a delicious lemon" comments..I worked really hard on making this scene better...I think I'm getting there..let's just say thank god for iPods and audio books...let me know what you think!

**BPOV**

The weekend was over too soon. Sunday evening found me in a good mood. I had stayed with Jake the night before, making love until the sun came up. I dozed at dawn and woke later to half a dozen different versions of myself preserved on canvas.

I sat up and reached for the painting closest to me. "Oh my God, Jake," I gushed. The version of me in the painting was lying on her side, the green bed sheet draped over her bare backside. The light glinted off the red in my hair, which was swept dramatically to the side. The arc of my neck was long and gracefully melted into a back that begged to be touched. I set the painting down and picked up another.

"These are amazing," I stared in awe as he turned and showed me the last painting. It was a black and white of me, asleep.

"The face of an angel," he said setting the painting against the wall.

I left later that afternoon, glum. I didn't understand Jacob's strange mood swings. One minute he didn't want anything from me; couldn't give me anything in return, the next moment he was intimately taking me places I'd never known existed. His attitude stung and I didn't pretend to understand. I took what he gave and cherished it.

On the way home, I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a roast and some potatoes for dinner. Back at home I turned on the radio and the oven and sang along to Adele as I peeled the potatoes. By the time I'd finished peeling the potatoes I was in a better mood.

As everything was cooking, I dug a lighter out of the junk drawer and lit some candles. _That's better_, I thought surveying the room. It looked cozier, warmer than it did before.

At seven thirty I heard the front door open.

"Hello?" Edward called over the music. I peeked around the corner.

"Welcome home," I called and grabbed the stereo remote, turning the music down. I went to him and grazed his cheek with a light kiss.

"How was your trip?"

"Oh it was fascinating. You should see some of the things these people deal with…" he started rambling about PTSD and how it affects suffers. I took the roast out of the oven and set the table. Edward carried the serving dish to the table and sat down. I reached for the bottle of wine and filled my glass.

"This is nice," he said as he filled his glass. "How was your weekend? Did you and Alice go see your movie?"

"No, there was a blackout Friday night, so we couldn't go. I did see her yesterday though. We had breakfast at Betsy's. Other than that it was pretty quiet.

"A blackout? That's interesting."

"It _was_ interesting," I said and raised my wineglass to my lips to hide my smile; images of the blackout drifted like bubbles to the surface of my mind. "There was a huge thunderstorm. Lightening and everything; it was breathtaking."

After dinner, Edward carried the leftovers to the kitchen. "Leave it," he said and I reached for the dishwasher, "I'll take care of it in the morning."

"You're sure?" I asked.

He nodded and grabbed the bottle of wine. "Come on; let's go spend some time together."

I settled on the couch, opposite of Edward. He filled my glass and handed it to me.

"Thank you," I murmured. He filled his own glass then set the bottle on the table. "Listen, Bella. I wanted to talk to you about some things. I know I've been…distant lately."

_That's an understatement, _I thought.

"It's just been so crazy at work. Dr. Fuller is getting ready to retire and there's the rat race for department head. I've been unwillingly swept up in the madness," he paused, sipping his wine, "It'll be over soon and things will go back to normal. I just didn't want you to think, well hell; I don't know what you've been thinking."

I scooted closer, "I haven't exactly been understanding." I felt like a total bitch now; blaming him, mocking him, cheating on him when our issues were both of our faults.

"Say you'll forgive me?" he breathed, green eyes smoldering.

"I forgive you," I murmured. The smoldering eyes always did me in. Edward leaned towards me till he was looming over me, one arm braced on the back of the couch, the other on the cushion beside me.

_Trapped, _I thought. Edward's lips, softer and cooler than Jake's, brushed against my temple.

"I want you," he said lowering his eyes to mine.

"Edward, I'm tired," I said breaking his gaze. He grasped my face with the hand that had been on the cushion next to me.

"Please," he breathed.

The need was instantaneous; like a match being lit. I tried to fight it; but the effort was futile. _Was it wrong, to make love to your boyfriend after being shacked up with your…what do they call the male counterpart of an affair?_ I wondered, _if a woman is considered the mistress, would that make Jake my mister? Nah, _I thought, _lover. Lover sounds better. _

_Fuck it, _I thought, _you only live once. _

Edward carried me to the bedroom and took off my clothes. He set me on the bed and stood before me, removing his own clothes. Edward pushed me back into the plush bed. I laid there and let him take complete control.

He kissed me again and again, leaving me breathless. He tore his lips from mine, traveling down. He paid special attention to my breasts, kissing them; drawing the hardened peaks between his teeth and running his tongue over the tops; sucking them gently.

After he had his fill, he slithered down and rested himself between my legs. I sighed as he slid his hands under my ass cheeks and raised me to his waiting lips. His long fingers opened me and his tongue caressed the delicate flesh within. He slid a finger, then two, inside me. The pleasure burned across my nerves, slowly at first, then faster as Edward's fingers probed deeper, coaxing me toward the edge.

I arched my back as the sensation exploded through me. My body was still trembling as Edward slid over my body. I cried out when he entered me, muscles clenched, drawing him toward the same precipice I was so precariously balancing on. His mouth met mine; I could taste myself on his tongue.

Edward's arms encircled me, pulling me closer toward him, driving him deeper into me. I cried out at the pleasure this brought; The speed of our love making increased and wave after wave of pleasure washed over me; each more intense than the last.

As my body shivered and trembled, Edward slowed, each thrust magnified by intense pleasure he'd already delivered.

"Bella," Edward grunted. I tried to open my eyes to look at him, but the sensations still shook my body, my eyes rolled back in my head.

Edward effortlessly turned me onto my hands and knees. With one hand he grabbed my hair, the other my throat.

"You answer when I'm talking to you," he growled into my ear. I shivered, I liked dominant Edward.

"Stupid bitch," he growled, "I said answer me."

I moaned. "That's not an answer," he growled, "now what do I do to stupid naughty little bitches who can't follow the rules?"

"Punish them," I moaned.

He yanked my hair, my head snapped back. "Speak up," he commanded; lowering his face to mine, "I can't hear you." He licked the side of my face; I shivered.

"Punish them" I said a little louder.

"That's right," he said and let go of my hair and throat and pushed me down by the shoulders. He grabbed my hips and rammed himself into me.

"Harder," I cried out, "oh please Edward, please fuck me harder."

"You want me to fuck you like the goddamn dirty slut you are? Fine." He fucked me harder, faster; the pain intensified the immense pleasure. I felt my toes curl as my body shook with orgasm; it was like every nerve in my body had been set on fire. Edward's release seemed just as intense; his fingers dug into my sides, gripping me close to him as he released himself with a shudder.

**JPOV**

After Bella left Sunday afternoon I sat on the edge of the bed staring at all the paintings I'd painted as Bella slept. Not to sound conceited, but they were pretty amazing. It was some of my best work ever and the best thing I'd painted since the accident.

Leah had been my muse. When I was with her I could spend hours painting and when she left she took the artistic vision with her. This morning was different; I felt the familiar tingle, the itch that had been there with Leah. It started in my fingertips, slowly spread up my arms and crept toward my heart. I felt like if I didn't paint something that second I would explode.

Now, looking at the paintings in the early evening light, I wanted to take a knife to them. I flicked the tab on the box cutter. It clicked three times, the blade biting into my hand, my vision blurred by angry tears. I didn't want her to go back to him; I wanted her to stay here with me. I knew I had no right to be angry or jealous. I had told her that all I wanted from her was her body. She graciously agreed to give me what she could, and I took and took from her. She gave it all to me; never asking for anything in return.

I paced in front of the painting. Could I take this from her as well? If these showed, people, Edward, would know I slept with her. But they were too beautiful to be locked away in a closet.

"God damn it," I roared and punched the wall.

"Real mature Jake," Rachael's ghost said from the doorway.

"Go away. You're not real," I muttered, inspecting my hand.

"Not that bright are you?" she asked. "Punching a wall when you work with your hands; are you expecting the paintings to paint themselves?"

I turned away from Rachael. _She's not real, not real, not real_, I chanted to myself. Rachael walked across the room and knelt before that black and white I painted last.

"This one is exquisite," she murmured, ghostly fingers caressing the edges of the painting.

"I need to refill my drugs," I muttered, "Dead sister's admiring my paintings. What's next, Dad's in the kitchen raiding the fridge for a cold one?"

Rachael stood in front of me, "Pills aren't going to make that night go away Jacob. It happened and you are going to have to deal with it. The only person who blames you for that night is you."

"Whatever Rachael; it's my fault you and Dad are dead; and Leah, well that's entirely on me. I pushed her away, basically pushed her into the car with you that night. There are plenty of people who blame me for that night. Becca does, she doesn't say it but I know she thinks it's my fault you and Dad are dead. And Sue and Harry sure as hell blame me too. If I hadn't been such a terrible husband Leah would still be alive."

I gathered up the paintings and walked into the hallway. Rachael followed me down to the studio.

"What about the girl in the paintings, huh Jacob? She's _naked _in _your bed. _It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on with her. What's going to happen to her? Are you going to drive her away too? Let her be consumed by the blackness that shrouds your life?"

I set the paintings down on the table, "Bella won't be swallowed up by this; by me. I won't let that happen."

"How are you going to stop it Jacob?" Rachael challenged.

I shrugged.

"You better start making some changes, Jake, because if you don't this guilt you carry around will consume you and everyone you care about." Rachael shimmered for a few seconds then vanished. _I really need to get some help, _I thought, _I can not keep having conversations with my dead sister._

The sun was shining when I woke up Monday morning. I climbed out of bed and into the shower; then headed out for a cup of coffee.

_I really need to go grocery shopping, _I thought as I stepped into the crowded coffee shop. Melissa, the owner, waved me toward the end of the counter.

"Hey Jake, how you doing?" she asked with a grin.

"I've been better," I admitted.

"Yea, I can tell, you look like shit. Here, coffee to go and some breakfast." She shoved a brown paper bag full of bagels into my chest.

"Thanks Missy," I said gratefully.

"See you later Jake," she said with a nod and hurried off to make a pissy looking banker-type a latte.

I collected my coffee and bagels and exited the shop. Missy had been good to me since the accident. She, Rachael and Leah had all been friends, and their death had hit Missy pretty hard, she looked out for me when Becca wasn't around.

I rounded the corner and saw the silver Volvo parked across the street. Bella was sitting on the stoop. I hurried toward her.

"Hey," I said as I approached the building.

She looked up at me, squinting against the sun, "Oh hey. I tried to wait for you in the studio but the door was locked."

Something was wrong with her, she looked like she was about to cry at any second. "Sorry. I went to get coffee. You okay?"

Bella stood and took the bag of bagels. "Yea, I'm okay," she mumbled.

"You sure? You seem kinda upset." I held the door open. She ducked under my arm and started up the stairs. On the landing she stopped and faced me.

"I-um, I-uh, I slept with Edward last night," she said in a small voice.

I grit my teeth, _I don't care, don't care, don't care, _I chanted. Jealousy bubbled in my stomach, making me nauseous.

"So?" I said coolly, smoothing my face into a blank mask that hid the anger and rage I was feeling. I felt bile burn the back of my throat as I thought about his hands touching her, her toes curling as he pleased her. I almost threw up right there on the steps.

"Did you think I'd care? I snapped, "Or are you trying to make me jealous?"

Shock flashed across Bella's face, her jaw dropped, forming a tiny 'O.' She stared at me for a second then snapped her mouth shut, "I have to go," she cried, shoving the bagels at me. She pushed past me and ran down the stairs; heels clicking as she went.

**Reviews are better than a roast beef dinner!**


	9. Apologize

A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters & Lenka owns Bella's ringtone (Don't let me fall~Lenka)

_Okay..thanks for not shooting me because Bella slept with Edward, or because she forgave him to easily...I swear there was a reason for it...but now that its done and out of the way, it will probably not happen again...hopefully by the end of the chapter you understand Edward's personality transplant..and if not..well I'll let you know why :)_

**BPOV**

_That unimaginable bastard! Who the hell did he think he was? _Hurt gave way to anger as I leaned against the driver's side door of my car. The teeth of the keys bit into my hand.

_No, _I thought, _he can't talk to me like that. He had no right, especially not after I said I wanted to be with him and he turned me down. _I pushed myself off the car and crossed the street.

I quickly climbed the stairs and pushed the studio door open.

"You fucking bastard," I shrieked and slapped him. A red mark slowly colored Jacob's cheek. "Who the fuck do you think you are? You had _no_ right to talk to me like that."

Jacob rubbed his cheek, "Why not?" he asked the nasty edge returning. "You don't mean anything to me."

I took a deep breath and fought the tears that threatened to spill. "Say what you want but we both know you need me." I picked up a painting from Sunday morning and held it up, "When's the last time you painted something like this, huh Jacob? When's the last time you painted something that wasn't a piece of shit?"

I set the painting down and glared at him, "Look at you, standing there acting like you don't care. Face it, you need me and not just for your paintings. I can see it all over your face; you're angry; and jealous as hell that I let him fuck me. I can see it all over your face, all the jealousy and rage that someone else had their hands on me."

He glared at me. "I told you I wanted you, to be with you, and you refused me. What did you expect Jacob?"

He was visibly trembling, his anger radiating off him in waves, "I don't need you Bella; not to paint or for anything else. You're just a pretty face, one of many, so don't stand there acting like you're not replaceable."

I couldn't believe my ears, twenty four hours ago he held me tenderly, whispering sweet words in my ear. "Who _are_ you?" I asked incredulously and turned to walk away.

I pulled the door opened and stopped to look at him, "You're not the person I thought you were."

I let the door slam shut behind me and hurried back down the stairs. I burst out the front door of the building and into the street, tears spilling from my eyes. I crossed the street and walked past my car, just walking with no destination in mind. I wiped at my tears with the sleeve of my shirt, Jacob Black was not worth crying over.

I walked for a while, not really paying attention to where I was going. My stomach growled, I stopped and looked around, trying to get my bearings. I had walked into an area of the city I wasn't familiar with. I patted my pocket for my cell phone.

_Damn it, I don't have my cell phone,_ I thought, and then I remembered I'd left it in the car. I turned around and started walking back the way I'd come. On the corner, a homeless man in a holey brown jacket sat. "Hey lady, you got any change?" he called as I crossed the street.

Keeping my eyes forward, I walked down the broken sidewalk. The wind kicked scraps of paper and other trash out of the gutter and into my face. I stumbled, trying to brush the scraps of paper out of my tangled hair, right into a broad, warm chest and screamed; thinking whoever had grabbed me was a potential rapist or serial killer.

"Bella, Bella calm down. It's me. It's Jake." He let go of my arms, I stepped back and straightened my coat.

"What do you want?" I snapped. "Did you follow me?"

"Yes, No-I mean not really." Jake ran his hands through his hair, "I hate the fact that you let him put his hands on you, and I know I have no right to be mad, but I am. I want you, all to myself and I don't want anyone else putting their hands on you. I know I have no right to ask that of you, but please don't walk away Bella, I need you too much."

I stood on the dirty street staring at him, "You need help. You can't go pulling a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on my all the time. It's no good for you and it sure as hell isn't any good for me."

"You forgive me?" he asked.

"You haven't apologized yet," I informed him.

"I'm sorry," he said, "Will you please forgive me?"

"On two conditions," I replied. Jake nodded. "First, you make an appointment to talk to someone, and two, never _ever_ disrespect me that way again."

"I'm sorry I spoke to you like that. I lost my head for a minute. And okay, I'll go talk to someone. I'll make an appointment today."

"All right, you're forgiven. Seriously though, you need to talk to someone, a psychiatrist, therapist, counselor whatever, it doesn't matter. You've obviously got some issues leftover from the accident and if you don't talk about it they are going to ruin your life. And it's too beautiful a life to ruin."

Jake nodded and looped his arm through mine, "Come on, it's cold. My car's around the corner."

**JPOV**

We drove back to the studio in silence. I thought about what she said, about my life being to beautiful to ruin. I glanced at Bella from the corner of my eye; she was staring out the window, a faraway look in her eyes.

I turned into the lot behind the studio and shut off the car. "Do you feel like working today or do you just want to go home?"

Bella looked at me, that distant look still there. "I can work," she said softly. I leaned across the seat and kissed her cheek, "I really am sorry."

She nodded, "I know. Come on, let's get to work."

I painted her all afternoon; by the time the sun set I had twelve new paintings. Bella had been quiet all day; I figured she was still a little upset about this morning. After she changed back into her clothes, she walked around the studio admiring each painting.

"I like this one the best," she said pointing at one where I had painted her as she stood in front of the window glancing over her shoulder, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"I'll save it for you," I promised.

"Oh, Jake, you don't have to do that," Bella protested.

I grabbed her hand, "I want to."

Across the studio, the old rotary phone rang, I glanced at it quizzically; it _never_ rang.

"Hello?" I said picking it up.

"Jacob?" Becca screeched in my ear, "Where the hell have you been, I've been trying to get a hold of you for almost a week."

"Becca chill out," I muttered into the phone. "Can you hand on for a second?"

"Fine," she huffed. I set the phone down, "It's my sister; I've been avoiding her all week, but I really gotta talk to her. Can you come back tomorrow?"

Bella nodded. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." I kissed her softly and walked her to the door.

"See you tomorrow," she said softly as she left.

I watched her as she disappeared around the corner, then I picked the phone back up.

"Becks, you still there?"

Rebecca sighed, "Yes, Jake, I'm still here. Are you okay? I've been trying to call you for like, four days and I keep getting your voicemail. What's going on?"

"A whole lot of nothing," I replied, "Just painting."

"Wait- you're painting again?" Rebecca interrupted.

"Mhmm."

"Jake that's amazing, but how?"

I told her about Bella, and then I told her about the hallucinations. "Jake you really need to talk to someone. It's not going to stop and its just going to get worse."

"I know Becks. I was actually hoping you could help me find a shrink."

"Absolutely. Hang on for a second." I heard a clicking in the background.

"Okay," she said after a few minutes of silence, "Write this down."

* * *

I stood outside the red brick building feeling seriously overwhelmed. Rebecca had made an appointment for me to see the psychiatrist that she saw after the accident. When I told Bella about my appointment, she hugged me and asked if I wanted her to come along. I had told her no at the time, but I was starting to wish she had come.

I entered the building and rode the elevator to the fourth floor. The bell dinged and the doors slid open to reveal a comfortable lobby. I stepped up to the reception desk and was greeted by a buxom blonde.

"Hello, how can I help you?" she asked. I gave her my information and she handed me a clipboard, "Okay Mr. Black, you just fill these out and Dr. Fuller will be with you shortly."

I took the clipboard and had a seat in the waiting room. The first sheet was the regular medical mumbo jumbo; I scanned the second page, _Family history of mental illness? _One question asked. I checked the appropriate box and scanned the rest of the page. It was all pretty basic stuff. I finished and handed the clipboard back to the blonde behind the counter.

A few minutes later, an older gentleman walked into the waiting room.

"Mr. Black, I presume?"

I stood and shook his proffered hand, "Dr. Fuller?"

The man nodded, "Pleasure to meet you," he said. "If you'll follow me, we'll go have a seat in my office and get to know one another."

I followed him down a well lit hallway. There was art on the wall; I glanced at it as I walked by. "These are phenomenal," I said, motioning to the paintings.

"Ah, yes. One of my first patients painted those. He was highly delusional, thought he'd been kidnapped by bunny rabbits and thought they implanted some sort of mind controlling device in his brain. Painting was the only thing that calmed him."

"Interesting," I said and followed Dr. Fuller the rest of the way down the hall.

"Here we are," he said, opening the door to his office. I entered and looked around. I was expecting antique desks and leather couches, but there were none. In the far corner was a large mahogany desk, but no leather couch. Instead, there was a circle of plush, hunter green arm chairs in the center of the room.

"Please, have a seat," Dr. Fuller instructed. I sat in the chair closest to the door, trying to get comfortable.

"Excuse me, Dr. Fuller, may I speak with you for a moment?" a man asked from the doorway. I turned in my chair to see a man about my age standing in the hallway, his bronze hair set upon his head in a disheveled heap.

"Yes, Edward?"

_Wouldn't it be funny if that was Bella's Edward, _I thought, running the odds through my head before deciding it was highly unlikely. Besides, I didn't even know what he did for a living.

A few minutes later, Dr. Fuller re-entered the room. "Please excuse the interruption, Dr. Cullen there will be taking over my patients soon; I'm retiring to the sunny shores of Miami."

"Congratulations," I said.

Dr. Fuller sat across from me, "Thank you," he said crossing his legs and opening a leather bound notebook.

"So, Mr. Black, talk to me about what's been bothering you," he said, clicking his pen.

"Two years ago my father and sister were killed in a car accident." I stopped and took a deep breath. "My wife and unborn child were also injured in the accident. My child died, my wife, ex-wife, is in a coma. The doctors say that if it wasn't for life support she would be dead."

"That's very tragic," Dr. Fuller said sympathetically.

I snorted, "You're telling me."

"You blame yourself for this accident. Why?"

"Because it was my fault. It was my turn to pick my father up from the bar and I didn't. If I had, Rachael, my sister, would still be alive. My father would still be alive; Leah and the baby would be alive."

"Let me ask you this. Did you give your father the alcohol that made him too intoxicated to drive?"

I looked at him, "No, of course not."

"Did you drive your father to the bar?"

"No, he drove himself," I answered. I had no idea where he was going with this line of questioning.

"So it's safe to say that if your father had not been drinking that night, no one would have gone to fetch him from the bar, no one would have gone out, and no one would have died. Is that an accurate summation?"

"You could say that; but he was a drunk. He couldn't help it."

"Of course he could. There are plenty of treatment facilities available to those who suffer from any kind of addiction. He could have gotten himself help any time he chose to. But he didn't."

"I don't understand your point Doc," I admitted.

"My point, Mr. Black, is that your father is to blame for the accident. Not you. If your father had gotten help for his addiction he wouldn't have been in the bar. His addiction is the reason your family was out that night. If he had learned to control that addiction no one would have been out that night."

I rolled my eyes; it would have been so easy to blame my deceased father for all of this. "Let's talk more about that night," Dr. Fuller suggested.

_Okay lets; _I thought sarcastically and spent the next forty five minutes talking about the events that lead to the night of the accident.

When the timer dinged, Dr. Fuller looked down at his notebook. "It sounds to me," he said glancing at me over the tops of his glasses, "That you're suffering from PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder, and survivor's guilt. I'm going to prescribe you some anti-depressants, now that will help you cope with the day to day stress, but you're going to need to come back and see me, or another psychiatrist and talk more about the accident. Maybe even trying group therapy, getting together with others who've suffered losses like yours and talking with them; but you've got to talk about it Jacob."

He tore a square white slip of paper off a tablet and handed it to me. "It's a long hard road to recovery; but if you're willing to accept my help, I'm willing to help you."

I took the prescription. "How do I schedule another appointment?" I asked.

Dr. Fuller smiled, "See one of the girls at the desk on your way out, they'll set that up for you."

I shook his hand, "Thank you."

"Any time, I'll see you next week."

I walked out of the office, staring at the surreal scenes in the paintings. I bumped into the doctor that had been outside Dr. Fuller's office earlier.

"Sorry," I said glancing down at him, his zipper was down. Not that I was looking, but when you tower over people you tend to notice things that not a lot of others notice.

"My fault," the doctor replied smoothly, stepping to the side to let the red head behind him out.

"See you next week, Dr. Cullen," the red head said timidly.

I stepped around him, and then stopped. "Fix your zipper man," I said and walked away. I glanced over my shoulder and chuckled as he fumbled with the zipper.

On my way out I made another appointment for next week. When I approached the elevator the red head was standing there talking on her cell phone.

"Yes, he said he's leaving her," she paused, "No, he said she didn't suspect a thing."

The elevator doors slid open and Red and I stepped onto the elevator. I pushed the button for the ground floor and looked at her, "Ground floor," she said. I nodded as the doors closed.

Red laughed into her phone, "Beats me," she cackled. "When you figure out how a 747 can fly out of SeaTac during a blackout let me know."

She laughed again, that high pitched cackle vibrating off the walls of the elevator. "A PTSD convention in San Francisco, God she's _so_ gullible."

I gritted my teeth, she was talking about Bella. That _was _Bella's Edward up there and he was cheating on her with the red head beside me. I listened to her cackle again, my temper flaring. I turned to snatch the phone out of her hand, but the elevator doors opened and Red brushed past me into the lobby.

I stumbled out of the elevator anger pulsed in my head, red and angry. _The bastard, the mother-fucking bastard. How could he do that to Bella? _

I got into my car and sat there, letting it run. I wanted to go back in there and beat the living shit out of him.

_Do it, _my subconscious urged, _do it for Bella. _ I shut off the car and opened the door, about to go back into the building when my cell phone rang.

_Underneath the moon, underneath the stars, _it sang. I picked it up and glanced at the caller id. Bella's cross eyes face started back. I sighed and shut the door, _here's a little heart for you, up above the world._

"Hey," I said carefully.

"Hey good looking. How was your appointment?" Bella asked.

I exhaled, forcing myself to calm down. "It was good. I have another appointment next week."

"Oh that's good," she said.

"Yea. Look, are you busy? Do you think you could meet me somewhere?"

"Um, maybe in like an hour. I'm out shopping with Alice right now. Where do you want me to meet you?"

"Back at the studio. I'll see you in an hour." I hung up the phone.

_This is gonna break Bella's heart_, I thought as I drove home.

**Reviews are better than Jake (almost) beating the shit out of Edward :)  
**

Okay...so incase it wasn't clear, Edward's personality transplant was basically his guilt over cheating on Bella...he's still a irresistable tool..


	10. LoveHate Heartbreak

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Well WOW! I woke up to lots of reviews this morning which was TOTALLY awesome...they all rocked! And I'm glad someone appreciated my crazy bunnies..my darling husband was like "What??!?!" I told him aliens was too cliche...and doucheward, I LOVE that! And if you have questions let me know..I always answer them..whether its in the next few chapters or a little note at the end...one more thing..please, please, please don't be mad at Jake...he's a good guy...

**BPOV**

I snapped the lid of the phone shut and stared at it. "Something's up," I mumbled; I could feel it.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked her dark eyes troubled.

I ran my fingers over the face of the phone. "Hello, earth to Bella," Alice called, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Huh?" I snapped back to attention, I was pretty sure I didn't say anything.

"You said something's wrong. What happened?"

I looked down at my cell, "Nothing's wrong Alice. Everything is fine."

"Oh okay. Well I didn't find anything here I liked, did you?"

I shook my head and grabbed her arm, "Come one, let's head to Macy's. I hear they're having a sale." Alice's face lit up, "Really? Come on."

She made a bee line for the department store; determination echoed in each click of her kitten heels. I smiled; she'd probably already spent her whole month's paycheck on new shoes.

Alice walked into Macy's and grinned. "Mecca," she moaned.

I laughed and headed toward the shoe department figuring I'd hang out there for a while, and then tell her I had to go. I walked down one aisle, turned the corner and walked down another.

I picked up a pair of strange black heels, and inspected them; they looked like they would be more fitting on a dominatrix rather than here on the shelves of Macy's nestled in between the more conservative styles of Kenneth Cole and Steve Madden.

I set the gladiator heels back down and walked down the next aisle, thinking about my phone call to Jake. He sound pissed; and not the 'some asshole just cut me off in traffic' pissed, but a 'watch me go kick these motherfuckers asses' pissed. It made me wonder what happened in therapy. Only one way to find out; I reached into my purse and dug my cell phone out.

I ran my finger over the jeweled strap of a pair of Marc Fisher stilettos and waited for Jake to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

Well at least he _sounded_ calmer. "Hey, it's me. Is everything okay?" I asked, picking up a pair of Chinese Laundry pumps.

"Yea, Bella, everything is fine. You still coming over?"

I spotted Alice coming towards me carrying at least five different dresses. "Yea Jake, as a matter of fact, I'm leaving right now."

"Okay. See you soon."

"Bye." I snapped the phone shut and put on my sad face.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked.

"I gotta go. Jake needs me."

"Needs you how?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. I smacked her arm, "Not like that."

She pouted, "You really gotta go?"

I nodded and shoved my phone into my bag. "Alright, call me later."

"I will," I promised and headed off toward the parking lot. On my way back uptown, my cell phone chirped, I reached for my Bluetooth and wiggled it into my ear.

"Jake I'm on my way right now." I said, speeding up to make it through a yellow light.

"Who's Jake?" Edward demanded.

_Oops, _I thought. "Jake is my boss Edward, remember?"

He cleared his throat, "Oh yes, that's right. Listen I was calling to let you know that I have some paperwork to catch up on. Going out of town this weekend put me rather behind, so I won't be home until late. I just wanted to let you know."

I adjusted the ear piece, "Okay Edward. Be safe getting home."

"I will," he said as I parked the car and got out. "Love you."

"Love you too." I hung up and climbed the stairs. On the second floor I poked my head into the studio and finding it empty I climbed the third flight of stairs and knocked on the apartment door. "Jake," I called, "Its me, Bella. Are you here?"

He opened the door wearing only a pair of jeans that sat low on his hips; that sexy 'V' peeked out. Talk about scrumptious.

"Hi," I said, a little breathless.

"Hey," he said huskily.

"Are you alright?" I worriedly searched his face, "Cause earlier on the phone you didn't sound so good."

"Come in out of the hallway," he said and grabbed my arm. "I'm fine now. That's the power of Prozac, makes the anger go away."

I smiled. "How was your appointment?" I asked, dropping my purse on the coffee table. I sat down on the couch and looked at him.

"It was good. The doctor said I have something called PTSD and survivor's guilt. He said that I need to talk about what happened and stuff, told me that it wasn't my fault, you know the accident, and that if anyone was to blame it was my father's addiction."

I smiled and nodded, it was so nice to see him happy, even if the happiness was chemically induced. "Who did you go see?" I asked.

"Some guy Becca saw right after the accident, a guy by the name of Fuller over there at Seattle South Wellness Group. Why, you know him?"

I nodded. "Yea, that's Edward's boss."

"Oh really? How odd is that?" Jake laughed.

"That is an odd coincidence," I agreed.

"Yea. Ugh on my way out I got stuck in the elevator with the most annoying red head. She was on her cell phone, blabbing about 747's taking off during blackouts, and her voice, it was like nails on a chalkboard."

"Wait, what? How the hell could a 747 take off during a blackout? Was she drunk?" I laughed at first; then it hit me, that niggling little fear you feel creep up the base of your spine when you realize the thing you suspected all along was true.

"You okay?" Jake asked as he sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. I shook my head no.

"The night Edward said he flew to San Francisco was the night of the blackout. How did the plane take off if the power was out?"

Jake looked down at his hands, "Maybe his plane took off before the blackout and he called you from San Francisco. Or maybe he called from one of those plane phones. There are a million possibilities."

"You're right," I agreed, "A million possibilities."

**JPOV**

I was going to tell her, I really was, but when I went to do it, to tell her, I just couldn't. I couldn't be the one to tell her that. She probably wouldn't have believed me even if I did tell her; there was ten years of history between her and Edward and only days between us.

I know the bit about the plane taking off during the blackout was a cheap shot, a bastardly move, but I couldn't be the one to break her heart. She looked lost, sitting on the edge of the couch, probably running all the different scenarios through her mind.

I pulled her into my lap and smoothed her hair. "I do have some good news," I told her, trying to change the subject.

"What's that?" she asked, her face buried in my chest, her warm breath tickling my skin.

"A few more paintings and we'll have ourselves a show."

She gazed at me, chocolate eyes shining, "Really? That's fantastic!"

"It is, but I'm worried about showing some of them, mostly the ones from last Sunday. They don't show your face, but people can associate you with me. They'll know it was you. I don't have to show them if you don't want me to. I'll let you decide."

Bella was quiet for a whole, a look of thoughtful concentration on her face. Finally she spoke, "Show them."

"They'll know it was you," I reminded her.

"People are going to say what they want, but they'll have to prove it was me," she said with a devilish grin.

"Okay," I agreed, "If that's what you want."

She nodded. "Okay. I have to put a call into my friend, see what he says. We'll keep working and see where we are at the end of the week."

"That gives us a few days, two actually."

"I know. How late can you stay?" I asked, nuzzling her neck. I had missed being so close to her; these last few days had been hell.

"I dunno, nine or ten. Edward called on my way here; said he had work to make up so he'll be late."

"Good," I growled and kissed her.

Later, after a make out session on the couch, I ordered Chinese food and we watched some ridiculous movie about these four girls who lost a magical pair of pants. I thought it was ridiculous nonsense, but Bella, who was curled against my chest, loved it. I heard her sniffling and her warm tears streaked down my chest.

At nine, she got up off the couch and collected our empty take out containers. "So I'll come over early tomorrow so we have plenty of time to work."

I took a swig of my beer and burped, Bella shot me a meaningful look. Jeez, she was already trying to domesticate me, "'Scuse me. Alright, but I should probably give you a key-"

Bella's eyes bugged out of her head, "-incase you get here and I'm not here or whatever."

She blinked a few times, "Okay, if you want," she said, feigning nonchalance as she viciously wiped at imaginary spots on the counter. I reached into the junk drawer and pulled out the spare key, Leah's old key. I tried not to think about that as I dangled the key in front of her.

"Here," I said, "is your all access backstage pass."

Bella snatched the key and held it in her hand. "Thank you. Now I won't have to sit on the step like a vagabond."

"Oh you're so cute when you talk dirty," I joked.

Bella rinsed the sponge and set it on the sink. "I have to go now," she said, standing on her tip toes to kiss me, "But I'll be back first thing in the morning; with coffee." She kissed me again.

"So I'll see you then." I hugged her, inhaling the flowery scent of her hair. _I can't wait for the day you don't have to sneak off like a thief in the night, _I thought then let her go.

"Come on, gorgeous. I'll walk you to your car."

After Bella left, I called Jared. "I have about two dozen paintings, are you interested?" I asked in lieu of a greeting.

"You're painting again?" Jared sputtered. "When the hell did that happen?"

I crossed the room and pulled back the blind. "Sunday morning, to be exact. You interested?"

Giant fluffy flakes of snow drifted past my window. _Christ, _I thought_, its not even Thanksgiving._

"I can swing by tomorrow afternoon, if that's good with you," Jared offered. "I'd like to see what you've got."

"Yea, that's fine. I swear, Jared, you wont be disappointed, these are brilliant."

Jared chuckled. "We'll see Jake. I'll swing by around two."

I hung up the phone feeling excited for the first time in a long time. This was the second chance that not many people got, and I fully intended to make the best of it. I owed at least that much to Rachael, Leah and Rebecca. But most of all I owed it to Bella.

Bella wasn't kidding when she said first thing in the morning. I smelled her before I saw her. The scent of caramel and coffee preceded her.

"Wake up sleepy head," she called, climbing into the bed next to me. "Its morning and I have coffee and a yummy caramel and pecan sticky bun thing that cost almost as much as my next car payment."

I felt her warm lips on my neck, coffee breath in my face. "It snowed last night," she whispered in my ear. I rolled over and grabbed her, pulling her down under the covers.

"Did it?" I mumbled, blinking against the early morning light; vaguely remembering that I saw it falling last night.

"Yup, it sure did."

We lay there a little while longer, the only sounds were the heater as it clicked on and the distant honking of a car horn.

Finally I glanced at the clock. "Okay," I groaned, "I'm awake."

"Finally," Bella grinned and hopped out of bed. She disappeared down the hall and came back a few seconds later with a large cup of coffee in hand. I had a flash of how easy out life together could be, coffee in the mornings, take out and chick flicks at night; I sighed and resigned myself to be content with the situation for now.

Sipping the coffee I went into the kitchen and ate a 'cost a car payment' sticky bun. Bella was curled on the couch with a well worn paperback.

"I'm gonna jump in the shower," I called. While I was in the shower, I heard the bathroom door open and Bella slid in behind me.

"I just want to be close to you," she whispered and wrapped her arms around my torso. When the warm water was gone, I shut the shower off and wrapped a towel around my waist.

"Jared, my friend who owns the gallery, is coming by this afternoon to check out the paintings," I said watching her brush her hair in the foggy mirror.

"Really?" I nodded my head yes. "Can I meet him?" she asked, placing the brush back on the counter.

"Yea, he'll be here at two."

We worked diligently all morning. At lunch time, I ran down to the deli at the end of the block and came back with a couple of tuna sandwiches. We ate and got back to work. At two, the studio door opened.

"Jacob-fucking-Black," Jared boomed. I set the brush I'd been using down and greeted him.

"Hey man. It's good to see you."

"How are you?" Jared asked.

"I'm good, real good. Oh meet Bella."

Bella walked up, "Jared, Bella. Bella, Jared."

"Nice to meet you," Bella said and shook his hand.

"So," Jared boomed, "Let's take a look at some art."

I motioned him toward the easels Bella and I had set up earlier this morning and held my breath as he inspected each one. Bella grabbed my hand and squeezed.

"Jake," Jared said, looking up at me, "These _are_ brilliant. You get me twelve more and you've got yourself a show. Twenty more and I'll owe your for the rest of my life."

I nodded. "Alright man, I'll see what I can do for you."

"Yea, Jake you do that. Just gimme a call when you're all set. It was nice to meet you Bella."

Bella did a little dance as soon as the door closed behind Jared. "I'm so excited," she squealed and happy danced into my arms.

I wrapped my arms around her. "I couldn't have done it without you. This is all because of you."

**BPOV**

"Hey, I didn't do much. I just stood there looking pretty," I said nonchalantly. I was so happy for Jake, he deserved a second chance.

"This is so great," he said, a huge grin on his face.

"You know what?" I asked thoughtfully.

"What?"

"I think," I grinned mischievously. "I think I'm staying with you tonight; to celebrate."

Jake's eyes lit up, "Oh really. The _whole_ night?"

I nodded. "Yup, the _whole_ night." I reached into my purse and pulled out my cell phone. I put a finger to my mouth to shush Jake and called my house. The phone rang a few times, and then the voice mail picked up. I hung up without leaving a message and dialed Edward's office. No answer there either. Jake raised his eyebrows, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, dialing Edward's cell phone. It was two o'clock in the afternoon, he should have been at work, and it was odd that he didn't answer his office phone. The phone rang a few times; I tapped my finger, waiting for an answer.

"Hello?" a female voice said, laughing. I pulled the phone away from my ear and glanced at the screen, making sure I dialed the right number.

"Hello?" the girl laughed again.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked at Jake. "He's cheating on me," I said.

"What? How do you know that?" Jake asked, rushing to my side.

"Some girl just answered the phone. His cell phone."

"Bella, I'm sorry. Maybe it's a co-worker or something." Jake wrapped his arms around me. I pushed him away.

"Another coincidence?" I challenged, "Like the plane and the blackout." I stared at him, _oh my god he knew._ My stomach heaved, I felt nauseous.

"You _knew, _didn't you." The phone fell from my hand, "You've known all along haven't you?"

**Reviews are better than sticky buns that cost an arm and a leg...**

Like I said..don't be made at Jake...he was trying to do the right thing for Bella without having any idea what the right thing to do was...go easy on him...

crazy gladiator heels are real too: .?ID=360489&CategoryID=42895 I told my hubby I wanted a pair..he looked at me like I was smoking crack


	11. Goodnight and Goodbye

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Thanks for not beheading Jake for not spilling the beans about douche-turd-deadward...sorry for the late updates...last night I got sucked into watching Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day...really good movie..this chapter was done at five o'clock this morning (I was up all night writing it..so if there are spelling errors...I'm sorry..I checked over it like five times, so I think I got them all) and then my daughter took over the computer and so you think you can dance came on..so blame the TV for your update being so late :)

**BPOV**

"How long have you known?" I demanded. I was furious; Furious at Edward, furious at Jacob, even myself for not knowing.

Jacob looked at me, "Bella please calm down-"

"No, I will _not_ calm down. You should have told me. Why didn't you tell me?"

I couldn't believe this; I knew Edward was cheating but part of me didn't want to believe it. _Humph, _I thought angrily, _just when_ _you think you know someone; they go and do something like this. Makes you wonder what else they've lied about over the years._

"Please, if you'll sit down, I'll explain," Jake pleaded.

"How about I stand and you explain anyway," I snapped.

"Fine," Jake stomped across the studio and pulled a couple of beers from the mini fridge; he offered me one before he sat down on the workbench.

"Thank you," I said. Even though I was mad as hell at him, he was still kind to me. That said a lot. Edward had a tendency to get very nasty, verbally, when we fought.

"You're welcome. I found out the day I went to see Dr. Fuller. I saw him in the hallway before, he was talking to Dr. Fuller; I thought to myself it would have been funny if that was…your Edward." Jake stopped talking and raised the frosty bottle to his lips and swallowed. "Then as I was leaving, I was admiring the art in the hallway, you know, the ones painted by the guy who thought he'd been kidnapped by rabbits."

I laughed when he brought that up, I knew it was mean, but the simple fact that this guy thought he'd been kidnapped by rabbits was highly amusing. I mean come on, seriously?

"Well, I bumped into him. The red head left pretty quickly and his zipper was down. I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what he'd been doing. When I got on the elevator Red started talking about how he said he was leaving her, and she didn't suspect anything. At first I thought she was just talking trash, but then she started talking about how could a 747 fly out of SeaTac during a blackout and I thought, well hmm, now that's a good question. Then she said that one sentence and I knew it was your Edward up there and this was his…_other _girlfriend."

"What'd she say?" I asked my voice hollow. Curiosity was a mother fucker, but I had to know.

"She said, "A PTSD convention in San Francisco." That's how I knew it was him, that's where you told me he was last weekend. I almost went back in there and beat the shit out of him. I was half out of the car when you called. That's why I was upset, I just found out your boyfriend of ten years was cheating on you and I couldn't tell you; there was no way you would have believed me."

"I would have believed you Jacob," I protested.

He looked at me dubiously," No you wouldn't. If you had told me my girlfriend was cheating, I would not have believed you. It's okay, that's not a big deal. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to be the one to hurt you. Maybe I should have, but I didn't and I'm sorry."

He had a really good point. I probably wouldn't have believed him, and it really wasn't his place to tell me about my unfaithful boyfriend. I snickered, talk about the pot calling the kettle black. He was cheating on me and I was cheating on him. What a sick, twisted pair we were.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong." I sat down next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

"It's okay," he murmured.

"What do I do know?" I asked, suddenly very unsure of my future.

"You could torture him," Jake offered.

I snorted. "What go home and pretend everything is fine? Maybe go all Arsenic and Old Lace* on his ass and poison his dinner, then bury him in the basement once I successfully murder him?"

Jacob snickered, "Sounds like a fine plan to me."

"I guess I better call Alice and see if I can crash at her place for a few days, figure out what I'm gonna do." I sighed and tugged at my ponytail, my hair cascaded down my back in a shower of curls.

"What can I do to help?" he asked, twirling a strand around his finger.

"Kick his ass," I suggested, looking around for my fallen cell phone. I spotted it under the stool Jake had been sitting earlier today.

"That can be arranged," he said suggestively.

I chuckled, "I know, but I doubt it would be helpful. Can you help me move my stuff?"

"Of course, I'll do anything you want me to."

I picked up my cell and opened it. _One missed call, one new voicemail, _the screen blinked. I cleared the messages and dialed Alice's cell. She had one of those stupid ring back tones, and I was forced to listen to some rock band shriek in my ear, "_Lonely, lonely, lonely, don't you go changing for me." _Two repetitions later Alice answered the phone with a chipper, "Hello?"

"Al, it's me."

"Bella?" Alice asked

"Yea, do you have a few minutes to talk?" I asked.

"Yea, hang on, I'm in the bathroom."

I moved the phone away from my mouth, "I'll be in the hall," I told Jacob. He nodded and walked away from the door. I slipped into the hallway and waited for Alice.

"You still there?" she asked.

"Yup."

"What's up?"

"I take it you haven't heard from your brother?" I asked.

"No, why, is he okay?

"Not as far as I'm concerned. I called him this afternoon, to let him know I'd be out late, and some giggling bimbo answered his phone. His _cell_ phone."

"What! Are you serious?"

"Yup. It gets better though," I said through gritted teeth.

"Oh no," Alice moaned, "He _is_ cheating on you, isn't he?"

"Yea. Jake, the painter, had a meeting with Dr. Fuller and overheard a rather interesting conversation in the elevator. Seems your brother thinks he's rather cleaver, thinking I wouldn't figure out that he supposedly flew out of SeaTac during a blackout."

"God Bella, seriously? I should kill him. Do you want to stay with me for a few days till you can figure this out?"

"You wouldn't mind?" I asked.

"God no, it's the least I could do." Alice sounded almost embarrassed by Edward's behavior. Wonder what she'd say if she knew what I'd been up to.

"Listen, Alice, don't say anything to Edward about this. Let him think he's pulled the wool over my eyes for a few more days. Can you do that?"

"I can do that. What are you going to tell him when he asks why you're staying with me?"

"I'll just tell him that since he's working late, I'm alone a lot more, so you asked me to stay so I won't be alone. I'm not gonna do anything crazy. I swear."

"Alright," Alice sounded doubtful. "Will I see you this evening?"

"Yes, I'll be there around six. Thank you Alice, you're a doll."

She laughed, "I know. I'll see you later sweetie."

I hung up and went back into the studio. "Alice said I can stay with her, at least for a few days. After that I don't know what I'm going to do," I told Jake. I was beginning to feel the stress; there was the pinch in the back of my neck and tightness in my chest.

"You could always stay with me," Jake offered. "I mean, if you wanted."

Tears filled my eyes, "You'd get sick of me."

Jake shook his head vehemently, "Not if you promise we can eat takeout every night and watch an infinite amount of sappy chick flicks."

I laughed, tears spilling down my face, "I could fall in love with you."

"What's stopping you?" he asked, wiping the tears from my face.

"I don't have a parachute," I kidded.

"A parachute, what do you need with a parachute?" He laughed.

"To catch me; you know, when I fall," I blushed.

"You don't need a parachute, I'll catch you" he promised.

"Who'll catch you then?" I challenged.

"Damn," he laughed, "I guess we are gonna need those parachutes after all." He kissed me softly, "It'll all be okay Bella. You know that, right?"

I shrugged, it was either going to be okay or it wasn't. "There's a voicemail on my phone. Wanna listen to it for me?" I asked, holding the phone out for him to take.

"We'll listen together," he turned on the speaker phone and played the message.

_Bella, it's Edward, please call me. I know what you think you heard, but I swear it's not what you think. That was one of my patient's daughters; she answered the phone, that's all. Call me back please. _

I rolled my eyes as Jake ended the call. "Wow, he really does think he's smarter than you doesn't he?"

"Shows how much he knows," I said as I hopped back up on the workbench. "Okay, so here's the plan. I'm going to call him back, ten bucks says he feeds me the 'I have to work late' line, then I'm going to tell him that I'll be staying with Alice for a few days, because he's always working late, and I get lonely. I'm gonna go on like everything is fine, and all that. Then I'm gonna find a way to humiliate the shit out of him."

Jake grinned. "My god woman, you are wicked."

"Yes, I know. See my horns?" I pointed at my head, as Jake squinted, "They're holding up my halo."

"Call that douche bag, so that way it can be done and over with."

I dialed Edwards cell and listened to it ring. He answered this time. "Hello Edward," I said sweetly.

"Listen Bella, about earlier-"

"It's okay Edward," I cut him off; "I got your message. No big deal. I was in the car and a cop pulled out behind me, I didn't want him to give me a ticket, so I hung up quickly." The lie came out smoothly.

"Oh okay, well good. I'm glad you're not upset."

"No reason to be upset," I said evenly. "I was just calling to let you know that I was going to be out late. I was going to have dinner with a friend."

"Oh that's good, I have to work late again tonight, I'm almost done with those files, thank God."

"Well about that, you're always working late; I was going to stay with Alice for a few days. I'm always alone and quite honestly; I'm getting rather lonely spending my evenings at home alone. I do hope that's okay."

Edward hemmed and hawed, "I suppose that would be okay. How long will you be gone?"

"A few days; three or four at the most," I grinned at Jake and mouthed the word, _sucker_ and pointed at the phone.

"Okay. Well I have to get back to work, I have a patient. Have a good time with Alice."

"Okay, I will. Bye." I hung up quickly and grinned at Jake. "Who's the naive one now?"

"Remind me never to piss you off," Jacob said and slid the phone out of my hand. "Now that _that's_ taken care of what do you want to do now?"

"I've got to get my stuff, well at least some of my stuff. You want to come with me?"

"What, now?"

"I want to get there before he gets home. If I see him I'll probably punch him in the dick." I gathered up my stuff and headed for the door. "Fucking bastard," I spit.

"Come on," he said laughing, "You wanna drive, or should I?"

**JPOV**

I let her drive. It was easier that way; she already knew where she lived and we wouldn't waste time with my shitty navigational skills.

"You know I'm kind of glad that this all happened," she said as she fiddled with the heater controls.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Because, it was starting to get stale; we've been together since we were seventeen. He hasn't asked me to marry him; hasn't even talked about it. I doubt we'd even be living together if I hadn't moved out here with him after high school." Her fingers tapped a staccato on the steering wheel; she looked on the verge of tears. "I was starting to feel trapped."

I placed my hand on her thigh. "Hey," I said softly, a solitary tear traveled down her cheek. "It'll be okay, you'll see." Bella nodded and wiped the tear from her eye.

"I know," she said softly and gripped the steering wheel, her knuckles turned white as she pulled into the parking lot outside her apartment building.

Her heels clicked on the marble floor as we walked toward the elevator. "Swanky," I grinned at her.

She laughed, "Please, this isn't even the half of it." The elevator chimed softly and we stepped in. The doors slid shut with a soft hiss and the elevator climbed slowly toward the fourteenth floor.

"You thought the lobby was sweet, check this out," she said and pushed open the door to her apartment. The smell of her perfume immediately greeted me and I breathed deeply, greedily inhaling the delectable scent.

"Whoa," I sighed as I followed her in. Light wood floors gleamed in the setting sun. The walls where an interesting shade of khaki, so light it almost wasn't khaki, the bare windows allowed the sunlight to flow in, a glass door led to a balcony with a clear view of the space needle. The furniture was white, brightly patterned throw pillow were scattered across it. A large picture hung on the wall above the couch, a watercolor of the forest. Fresh sunflowers sat in a crystal vase on an end table.

"Very impressive digs," I told her. She looked around, "Yea, you could say that. Not my taste though." Bella looked around the room then crossed her arms over her chest, "Come on, my room's back here. I wanna grab a few things and then get the hell out of here."

I followed her down the hall, admiring the photographs on the wall. I heard the dresser drawers slamming shut so I hurried down the hall to see what I could do to help.

Bella stood in front of the dresser pulling shirts and underwear out of the drawers. I opened the pink and black suitcase that was sitting on the bed. She dumped the handful of clothes into it. "What else can I do to help?" I asked as I stood there feeling completely unhelpful.

"Carry my suitcase when I'm done," she said, smiling.

"Okay," I agreed, "Whatever you need."

Two suitcases and several trips into the closet; that was, mind you, almost as big as my bedroom; Bella was ready to go. She stood at the foot of the bed, her hand on her hip, finger ticking items off her metal list.

"Okay," she grinned, "Let's go."

I wheeled both the suitcases out of the apartment and waited as she locked the door. "I'm free!" she shouted as we walked down the hallway. "Well, almost."

**Reviews are better than devious plans to embarrass Edward...**

The ring back song from Alice's phone is Lonely, Lonely by Taking Back Sunday...that song was playing when I wrote that..so it got written in..

* Arsenic and Old Lace is a play revolving around Mortimer Brewster who must deal with his crazy, homicidal family and local police in Brooklyn, New York. His family includes two spinster aunts who have taken to murdering lonely old men by poisoning them with a glass of home-made elderberry wine laced with arsenic, strychnine, and "just a pinch" of cyanide; a brother who believes he is Teddy Roosevelt and digs locks for the Panama Canal in the cellar of the Brewster home (which then serve as graves for the aunts' victims).


	12. Vindicated

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Awesomeness on the reviews..you guys totally rock! And lots of Arsenic and Old Lace fans..love it! And I absolutely love the names you guys come up with in reference to Edward...they totally make me LOL..

**BPOV**

By the time I'd driven back across town, it was five thirty. I felt bad as I pulled up to the curb in front of the studio.

"I'm sorry, I know I said I'd stay, but Alice is expecting me," I apologized as Jake opened the door. He gave me a wounded expression, "It's okay as long as you come back as soon as you can."

"I'll be back first thing in the morning," I promised and blew him a kiss as I drove away. Traffic in Seattle at rush hour is murder. I sat behind a yellow Hummer tapping my fingers on the steering wheel as traffic crept along.

Forty-five minutes later I turned onto Alice's street. She was waiting for me when I pulled in the driveway. "How are you?" she asked sympathetically as she rushed down the walk and threw her arms around me the second I got out of the car.

"Surprisingly enough, I'm okay," I told her as we carefully made our way up the snowy walk. "I knew it was going on, but it still hurts."

Alice nodded, "Of course it does, hon. Rejection always hurts." She sat down on the couched and tucked her legs under her; her face serious. "I do have a question for you," she said twirling a strand of hair around her index finger.

"What's that?" I asked as I sat down opposite her on the couch.

"Please don't get mad," she said.

"I won't" I vowed.

Alice took a deep breath, "You don't seem that upset. I mean you just found out from your boss that your boyfriend of ten years is cheating on you and you're cool as a cucumber. What gives?"

I stared at her; perceptive pain in the ass. "I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to get mad."

"It's the painter isn't it? You're sleeping with him, aren't you?" she glared at me.

"I-no-yes, I mean, no, well sorta, but-" I shut my mouth before it got me into more trouble.

"How long?" she asked blankly.

"How long what?"

"How long have you been sleeping with him?" Alice asked.

"Since the night of the blackout. It was an accident, I felt sorry for him; he'd just told me about what happened to his family and one thing sorta led to another. And then while Edward was supposedly in San Francisco, I stayed with him."

Alice started at me; I stared at my fingernails, expecting the worst.

"Damn!" she finally exclaimed, "You dirty whore. How was it?"

I burst out laughing. "Why aren't you mad?" I asked when the giggles finally subsided.

"Well," she said thoughtfully, "This is the way I see it. It's that whole 'do unto others' thing. If he's cheating on you, then you have the right to cheat on him. It's the least he deserves for being such a coward; he could have at least broken up with you. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but how big of an asshole does he have to be to cheat on you."

I exhaled a breath I didn't even realize I'd been holding. "I'm so glad you're not mad."

Alice grinned devilishly, "Tell me about him."

"Well first of all, he's a fantastic painter. One of his friends came to the studio earlier today and told Jake if he can paint another twenty or so pieces Jared, Jake's friend, would give him a show."

Alice's eyes widened. "That's fantastic! What does he paint?"

I blushed, "Me."

"Okay, now I see," she said knowingly. She threw her head back dramatically and placed a dainty wrist on her forehead, clutching her chest with the other hand, "Oh Monsieur artiste, take me. Take me I'm yours," she said in a demure French accent.

I collapsed in a fit of giggles, "You're such a bitch," I said between breaths.

Alice relaxed and laughed. "And you're a hussy. Are you hungry?"

"Yes. Today has been the longest day of my life, and it's only seven."

We ordered pizza and talked some more about Jake. "What's he like in bed?" Alice asked after she ordered the pizza, a naughty gleam in her eye.

My face flushed, I could feel the heat burning my ears and cheeks. "Gentle and passionate. None of the freaky shit I've learned to enjoy from Edward."

"Freaky shit!?" Alice squealed. "My brother, the tightwad with a stick so far up his ass you'd think its poking his brain, is into freaky shit?" Her face was a mask of horrified curiosity.

I nodded. "Oh my God yes. At first it was an experimental thing you know, let's try this and see if you like it. Just hair pulling, spanking, whatever. Well one night back in college, we came home from a party, totally wasted. Edward was pissed off because he thought I'd been flirting with my chem lab partner; who was, by the way, a total nerd. So we go into the bedroom and he's yelling, all belligerent and shit and I told him to shut up, before the neighbors called the cops. Next thing I know we're tearing each others clothes off and he's got me face down on the bed, pulling my hair and telling me I'm a dirty whore that needs to be punished. It was kind of hot." I shivered involuntarily at the memory. "From then on it seemed like the only way he could get off, so I just went with it."

Alice's mouth was hanging open, her brown eyes wide with shock. "Oh. My. God. Bella. That was more information than I _ever_ wanted to know."

"You asked," I reminded her, laughing.

The doorbell rang and Alice gracefully got up from the couch. "A simple, Yes, Alice your brother is into freaky shit, would have sufficed," she called from the foyer.

I heard her talking to the delivery guy then the door clicked shut. "Come on, let's eat. Though I don't know how much of an appetite I'll have after that revolting story."

I followed her into the kitchen and we sat at the table. "Veggie pizza," she said lifting the lid of the pizza box. The zesty smell of pizza sauce mixed with the cheese and onions and green peppers wafted out of the box, my mouth watered and my stomach growled.

"Yum," I said and grabbed a slice. I chewed, enjoying the snap of the vegetables, and then swallowed. "Alice?"

She gazed at me over the crust of her pizza. "What am I supposed to do after I leave Edward? I have nothing, everything is in his name; the apartment, the Volvo; it's all his."

Alice chewed thoughtfully, "Stay here for a while. I've got the room and I could definitely use the company. Jasper's been working crazy hours lately."

"Really, you wouldn't mind?" Alice shook her head and sipped her soda. "No, of course not. Whatever you bring from your apartment that we don't have room for here, we'll put in storage until you can get back on your feet."

I leapt from my seat. "Oh Alice, what would I do without you?" I cried into her shoulder.

"Shack up with the painter," she suggested.

"He _did_ offer," I said and bit into another slice of pizza.

She raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?"

I nodded. "I barely know him," I said defensively.

"And yet, you've already slept with him. Numerous times."

"You don't need to know someone to sleep with them."

Alice grinned, "Obviously."

I slept in the guestroom; well I guess it was technically my room, now. Alice's alarm clock woke me the next morning at the ungodly hour of five am. I rolled over, groaning and pulled the pillow over my head.

Fifteen excruciating minutes later, Alice shut off the alarm and I heard the shower turn on. A few minutes later I dozed off again and woke up two hours later to my own shrieking alarm. I got up and silenced the alarm on the phone and made a mental note to buy an actual alarm. I pulled the door open and padded silently into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee.

While the aroma of brewing coffee floated through the air I pulled on my coat and boots and crunched over the fresh layer of snow as I carefully made my way down the slippery walk. I opened the Volvo's trunk and grabbed the smallest suitcase. It came out easily, I set it down in the snow and grabbed the handle of the largest suitcase and tugged.

"Come on," I muttered, "It's cold as hell." I tightened my grip on the handle and tugged again. It still didn't budge, so I pulled a second time with all my might. The suitcase flew out of the trunk. I didn't expect it to come flying out at me; my feet slipped on the slick driveway, I had let go of the suitcase and was now falling face first into the bumper as my feet went out from under me. My hands frantically searched for something, anything, to stop my fall. I turned my head at the last second and my cheek smashed into the icy bumper.

"Oh sweet Jesus," I cried out as blood tainted the snow.

Tenderly, I touched my face and winced as I plunged my fingers into the gash on my right cheek. Hot tears spilled from my eyes, stinging the cut. I grabbed the bumper and stood up, surveying the damage. I'd have some awesome bruises later, but thankfully nothing seemed to be broken. I shut the trunk and grabbed my suitcases.

_The last one can wait,_ I thought as I drug my suitcases into the house and left them in the foyer while I looked at my cheek in the bathroom mirror.

It was an ugly reddish purple, but the cut wasn't as bad as it felt. I cleaned it and tried to find a band aid. _Buy band aids,_ I added to mental list and got in the shower. I quickly washed my hair and body, then got out and threw on the first thing I grabbed when I opened my suitcase.

I almost left with out a cup of coffee, but it smelled too good not to drink. I grabbed a travel mug out of the dishwasher and poured myself a cup, then flicked the machine off and hurried off toward Jake's.

**JPOV**

I woke up early, before the sun was even up. I'd dreamt that I was beating Edward's head in, UFC style. The satisfaction I felt with each blow sickened me and I'd woken abruptly, Edward's please for mercy still echoing in my ears.

I crawled out of bed and into the shower, trying to wash away the dream. It was so real, the sickening crunch of his nose crumbling under my fist, his cries of pain as my fists abused his body. The hot water scalded my back as I leaned my palms against the wall, my head under the rush of water.

The hot water cooled as the water heater emptied the last of its reserve. I shut off the water and stepped onto the tiled floor. I stared at myself in the mirror, then opened the medicine cabinet and took my daily pills.

I was pouring corn flakes into a bowl when the front door opened. "Morning," I called. I heard her drop her keys into the bowl by the front door and her purse hit the floor with a dull thump. She came and stood in the doorway of the kitchen. I saw her face and dropped my spoon; it clattered in the bowl.

"Oh my god, Bella what happened to your face. Did Edward do that?" I set the bowl on the counter and grasped her face.

"Oh god no, Jake. I fell this morning trying to get my suitcase out of the trunk of the car."

"Come here, closer to the window so I can see." I turned her face toward the light and inspected her injuries, "It doesn't need stitches," I told her.

"I know. It's just bruised. I'll be okay in a few days."

"How was your night?" I asked. _I missed you,_ I thought.

Bella smiled, "It was okay. Alice and I ordered pizza and talked about you. She offered to let me stay with her for a while. "

I nodded and picked up my cereal. "You eat?"

She shook her head no; I titled my head toward the corn flakes. Bella crossed the kitchen and stood in front of the cabinets, staring at them. "Second one to the right."

She opened the cabinet and pulled out a bowl, then titled the box of cereal. The golden flakes spilled out, tinkling like wind chimes as they came to rest in the bowl.

"You okay?" I asked, crunching a spoonful of the crisp flakes.

Bella looked over at me. "I'm alright. Alice's alarm clock woke me at five this morning."

I finished eating my cereal, rinsed the bowl and set it inside the dishwasher. "If you want we can hang out up here instead. Eat soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, watch some cheesy comedy."

Bella yawned, and then winced, "What about our deadline?"

"The deadline, the show can wait a day. Come on, I'll see if I can find you some sweats and we'll chillax."

She followed me into the bedroom as I rummaged through the dresser trying to find her a pair of sweat pants. "Here, these should fit you okay," I said setting a pair of faded gray sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt on the bed.

She came out of the bedroom a few minutes later, tugging at the waist of the pants, they were two sizes to big, but she looked adorable.

"Come here," I said from the couch. Bella snuggled up to me; I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered us, she sighed, content.

We were watching some movie on HBO, I wasn't really paying attention. Neither, apparently, was Bella. She glanced up at me. "What did you mean about me staying with you?"

"Exactly what I said Bella; move in with me."

"But you can't mean that," she protested, pushing herself up so she was facing me. "We've only known each other a week."

"Bella, time is unimportant. You take the time you're given and you make the most of it because what's here today could be gone tomorrow. Trust me, I know. I thought I had all the time in the world to tell my sister how much I loved her, to help my father get better; to make amends with Leah; but I didn't, I ran out of time and I don't want to make that mistake again."

Bella stared at me. "I dunno Jake," she said softly.

"I'm not saying answer me right this second. Wait an hour, a day, or a month. It's up to you to decide. Until then, I'll wait."

She laid her head back on my chest. "I'll think about it," she promised.

**Reviews are better than grossing Alice out with your sexcapades!**

**Someone** asked about the title and whether it came from a song called Pictures of You by a band called The Last Goodnight. As much as I love that song, no. The title actually came from a song by The Cure, which just so happens to be titled Pictures of You as well. There's a verse in the song that made me think of how Jacob felt about Bella…it goes:

_There was nothing in the world_

_That I ever wanted more_

_Than to feel you deep in my heart_

_There was nothing in the world_

_That I ever wanted more_

_Than to never feel the breaking apart_

_All my pictures of you_

So there you have it…the idea for the story came from the song _Your Song_ by Elton John, Jacob was originally going to be a sculptor, but painter was easier... in case you haven't already noticed, (I know some of you have…Harleygreen...Halestorm ROCKS!) the chapter titles are all song titles…something about the song whether it was the title or the lyrics, fits the chapter…and if you have a song that you think would fit the story send it to me..besides awesome reviews, music is the next best thing for inspiration

1. Untouched by The Veronicas

2. Revenge is Sweeter (than you ever were) by The Veronicas

3. Familiar Taste of Poison by Halestorm

4. All Over You by The Spill Canvas

5. Just for Tonight by Manna ft. Ville Valo

6. Oh Yeah, By the Way by The Killers

7. A Night Like This by The Cure

8. Apologize originally by One Republic, but for this chappy the version by Silverstein is better

9. Love/Hate Heartbreak by Halestorm

10. Goodnight and Goodbye by The Jonas Brothers

11. Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional


	13. Who You Are Without Me

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

A nice big Hi! to the newbies...especially all of you who like Edward and Bella together...I dunno if you've kept reading..but I enjoyed your reviews nevertheless...and All I Need by Radiohead is so on my playlist...it just hasn't made it into the story yet...

**BPOV**

Jake and I spent the day curled up on the couch, watching movies as snow fell outside. My cell phone, muffled by the thick material of my purse, rang a few times. I just let it ring; the rest of the world could wait. I stayed on the couch with my cheek pressed against Jake's chest as if nothing else mattered.

That night, Jake carried me into the bedroom. "Stay with me," he urged, "If only for tonight."

"Okay," I agreed, kneeling on the bed as I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck, "I'll stay, as long as you promise to make love to me." I grabbed the waist of the oversized shirt Jake had given me and pulled it up over her head.

I gazed at him, "Can you do that Jake? Can you make love to me tonight?"

He swallowed hard and nodded his head, "I'll do anything you want me too." Jake wrapped an arm around my waist and lowered me to the bed.

Jake's stubble scratched my neck as he kissed a trail down to my collarbone. He slid a thumb under the strap of the lacy bra I was wearing. He slid it down my shoulder slowly. "You're beautiful," he whispered against my chest as he kissed the swollen nipple and sucked gently.

A moan escaped from some deep part of my throat. I tugged at the hem of his shirt; Jake pulled away, pulled his shirt up over his head and flung it across the room. I traced the contours of his chest with my index finger; he shivered and pushed me back into the bed. His fingers dancing over my waist and slipping inside my panties, fingers met flesh and moved against me until the pleasure boiled over and I lay there quivering.

Jake was on top of me. I gasped, a low moan emerging from my throat, and we moved together, in the throws of passion. He pulled me closer to him, sitting us both up, whispering into my ear. Passion, desire, yearning, craving, whatever you wanted to call it, spilled over then as I climaxed. My head fell back, as Jake delivered another wave of delight. My toes involuntarily curled, and I screamed out his name. Wave after wave of sexual goodness washed over me, as Jake made love to me. He gathered me tighter in his arms and devoured my mouth. I came again, moaning into his mouth as he sucked my bottom lip. He had his release them, groaning something against my neck as he did. If I didn't know any better I would have sworn he said, "I love you."

The sun, shiningly brightly in my eyes woke me the next morning. I rolled over and laid my head on Jake's chest and watched as his chest rose and fell.

"You awake?" he asked, yawning.

"Yes. You really need to get some curtains," I complained.

Jacob chuckled, "Move in with me and I'll buy some curtains."

"That's a dirty tactic," I said as I traced random patterns across his chiseled abdomen.

"You leave me with no other options," he said. "I've got to find some way of convincing you that here is where you should be."

"It's still dirty," I called as I climbed out of bed. I picked up the shirt I'd worn yesterday and slid it over my head. "I should probably check to see who kept calling me yesterday. It's probably Alice, calling to bug me about you."

I walked into the living room and retrieved my phone. _Seven missed calls_, the screen blinked when I opened my phone. I hit the button to bring up the call log; one from my mother, one from a number with a Forks area code, three from Edward and two from Alice.

_What the hell? _I wondered as I called Alice. The phone didn't even ring once before Alice answered.

"Oh my god Bella, are you okay?" Alice sounded frantic and scared.

"Yes, I'm sorry I should have called you last night."

"Everyone's been trying to get a hold of you; Edward, your mom, me and Carlisle. Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"Wait; why is Carlisle trying to get a hold of me, what's going on Alice?" The icy hand of panic grabbed a hold of my stomach and squeezed.

"Bella- it's your Dad. He-there was an accident. It's not good," Alice said softly.

"What!?" I shrieked "Alice what are you talking about an accident? What happened to Charlie?"

I saw Jake come down the hallway, concerned lines etched around his eyes. "All I know is there was black ice on the highway, a logging truck lost control and there was an accident. I think you should go home and see him. Carlisle's not sure if he's going to pull through. It's still touch and go at this point. You mom's flying in from Jacksonville later today."

I sank to the floor; I think my heart must have stopped as soon as she told me Charlie was in an accident. Jake rushed behind me and wrapped his arms around me, "It's okay, your dad will be fine," he soothed.

"Bella are you still there?" I heard Alice say. Jake took the phone from me; I turned my face into his chest and sobbed.

"Hi, Alice right?" he said. "Okay, alright. Yes, I'll make sure that happens. Okay. Thank you." He snapped the phone shut and took me by the shoulders.

"Bella, look at me," he commanded.

I gazed at him through tear filled eyes. "Your dad is going to be fine. But he needs you. Alice said she can have someone come get you and drive you to Forks if you want. Do you want someone to drive you home?"

I took a deep breath, _Time to be strong,_ I thought, and shook my head. "No, I can drive myself," I told Jake.

"Are you sure? If you don't want someone else driving you, I will."

I clasped the side of his face, "You sweet. Thank you for offering. I can drive up there, I'll be fine."

"Okay," Jake looked at me unsurely, "If you're sure you'll be okay."

I nodded; the tears had all dried up now. My dad would be fine; he was even more stubborn than I was. He wouldn't give up with out a fight. "I have to take a shower and go home and pack."

Jake nodded and headed toward the bathroom, I heard the water turn on a few minutes later. I set my phone down next to my keys and went to join him.

**JPOV**

She kissed me before she got in her car, "I'll call you when I get to Forks and let you know what's going on."

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" I asked, still concerned that this brave face she put on was just an act, and as soon as she was out of sight she was going to fall apart. But she inhaled and let out a shaky breath, "I'm as okay as I can be under the circumstances. I won't do anything stupid and I will pay close attention to the road. I promise."

I kissed her again, "Come back to me," I said softly and closed the door. She started the engine and rolled the window down. "I will, Jake. I care about you too much not to."

I watched Bella drive off into morning rush hour. Once she turned the corner I headed back upstairs and sat down on the couch. It was horrible what happened to her father, it was more horrible not knowing if he was going to be okay or even how badly he was injured.

She called at noon, "Hey there good looking," she said.

"Hello beautiful. Are you home yet?"

"Not yet. I just stopped in Port Angeles to get some gas and grab a bite to eat. I'll be home in about an hour. I talked to my mom, her flight gets in at four, and I talked to Carlisle, Edward's father. He said the accident was pretty bad, but wouldn't say much more than that. He said we'd talk more about it when I get to the hospital. How's your day been?"

I sighed, "It's alright. I'm thinking about going downstairs and seeing if I can paint a bit. See if I can still meet out deadline."

"Oh God Jake I completely forgot about that," she cried.

"Bella its fine, don't worry about it. The show will still be there when you get back. And if Jared doesn't want to wait, then I'm sure another gallery would love to give me a show. It's not a big deal. Just worry about your dad."

"Okay. Well look, I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna head out. I'll call you later."

"Alright Bella; be careful."

"I will Jake. Bye."

"Bye," I said.

I took the phone and went downstairs. I needed twelve more completed paintings before Jared would give me a show. Slacking off yesterday had really set me back, but Bella needed it. With everything that happened the day before I couldn't blame her, it had been a long day. I looked at the painting on the easel, it was mostly finished. I laughed, thinking back to that movie _The Princess Bride, _and the crazy miracle man, _mostly _dead, _mostly_ finished, same thing right?

I picked up a couple of brushes and some paint and stood before the easel staring at it. _Okay, I can do this. _I dipped a brush in some paint and held it over the canvas. It hovered there for a few seconds, I heard our conversation from this morning, words echoed in my ears, _Come back to me…I will,_ _I care about you too much not…_ I lowered the brush to the canvas; my hand trembled, paint smeared across the canvas. I dropped the brush; it clattered to the floor spraying paint everywhere.

I grabbed a rag and wiped the streak of paint off the canvas and picked up the brush I'd dropped. "Knock it off," I said to myself, "She's only gonna be gone for a few days. It's not like she left you and is never coming back. Now paint, goddamn it."

I tried three more times to finish the painting. The only I succeeded in was ruining it. I set it aside and tried to figure out what was wrong with me. It was obvious I could do this. Painting was easy, fun, when Bella was here, but as soon as she was gone I couldn't do it. Maybe I'd take the painting with me on my next appointment and talk to Dr. Fuller about it.

Bella called again later that afternoon. She sounded weary when I answered the phone. "It's bad Jake. Both of his legs, his left arm and a couple of ribs are all broken. But at least he's stable now, and awake. When he saw the cut on my cheek he damn near walked out of here to go back to Seattle and kill Edward. I had to explain to him that I fell on the ice. He didn't believe me until I told him how I fell. Did you get any painting done?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "No. I tried to finish the picture we'd been working on the other day. The only thing I did was ruin it."

"Aw Jake, I'm sorry. Keep trying, you'll get it," she urged.

"I will Bella, I'll try again tomorrow."

"Do that don't let my being gone stop you; you're a talented artist, you don't need me to paint. Think about what inspired you to paint in the first place and run with it. Oh, I gotta run, my mom just got here. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Alright beautiful, I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye Jake."

**Reviews are better than mostly finished paintings...**

**So** I know the lemon prolly wasn't that great...sorry if it sucked...still a skill I'm trying to hone...


	14. Be Here Now

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

First I want to thank ShelbySue who beta'd (is that the correct terminology?) this chapter for me…thank you so much : ) Hmm…sorry for the late update…the uploader was down... : (

**BPOV**

The drive from Seattle to Forks took an hour longer than it should have. I had to pull over to the side of the road to cry every couple of miles or so. My father was a fighter, no doubt, but he definitely was no spring chicken either. I called Carlisle when I stopped at a dirty rest stop half way to Port Angeles. He'd been sympathetic and told me Charlie was going to be okay and they were monitoring him closely. Then I called my mom to find out what time her flight was arriving.

A little before noon I stopped in Port Angeles to get some gas and lunch. I called Jake after I ate. "Hey there good looking," I said when he answered the phone.

"Hello beautiful. Are you home yet?"

"Not yet. I just stopped in Port Angeles to get some gas and grab a bite to eat. I'll be home in about an hour. I talked to my mom, her flight gets in at four, and I talked to Carlisle, Edward's father. He said the accident was pretty bad, but wouldn't say much more than that. He said we'd talk more about it when I got to the hospital. How's your day been?"

Jake sighed, "It's alright. I'm thinking about going downstairs and seeing if I can paint a bit. See if I can still meet out deadline."

"Oh God Jake I completely forgot about that," I cried. I had completely forgotten about out deadline to be finished with the paintings today.

"Bella its fine, don't worry about it. The show will still be there when you get back. And if Jared doesn't want to wait, then I'm sure another gallery would love to give me a show. It's not a big deal. Just worry about your dad."

"Okay. Well look, I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna head out. I'll call you later."

"Alright Bella; be careful."

"I will Jake. Bye."

"Bye," he said.

I got to the hospital a little over an hour later. I stood on the sidewalk staring up at the brick building looming over me and took a deep breath. I hated the hospital; I spent an awful lot of time here when I was a teenager. I exhaled and entered the hospital. There was a patient information desk situated in the middle of the atrium. I approached the desk, a heavy set nurse smiled warmly at me. "Good afternoon sweetheart, how can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Chief Swan," I told her.

"Are you family?" she asked, shuffling the paperwork on the desk in front of her.

"Yes I'm his daughter, Bella."

Recognition illuminated her eyes, "Well yes you are. We used to see quite a bit of you when you were younger; such a clumsy thing. I see that hasn't changed much." She pointed at the bruise on my cheek and I blushed. _Evil bitch, _I thought nastily, _I was a clumsy kid, so what?_

The nurse typed Charlie's name into the computer then she looked at me, "Your dad's up on the fourth floor, room twenty three."

I thanked her and rode the elevator up to the fourth floor. When I walked into Charlie's room, Carlisle was there.

"Hello Carlisle," I said setting my purse down on the pinky vinyl chair by the door. Carlisle looked up from the chart he'd been filling out. "Bella, how are you?" He rested a hand on my shoulder and gazed at me, pointing at my cheek he asked, "What happened to your face?"

"I fell. How's my dad?" I eyed Charlie nervously; he didn't look so good laying there hooked to all these beeping machines. Carlisle motioned me toward the hallway and began going over the details of the accident.

"Your dad had a heart attack while he was driving home from a friend's house, the police think he fainted during the attack because his car drifted into oncoming traffic. There was a logging truck coming right at him. The trucker tried to stop, but with all the snow and ice he just couldn't. Charlie was unresponsive when the EMT's brought him in, he woke up briefly, but the pain meds we've given him made him drowsy; so he's out for now. Now for his injuries; his legs, left arm as well as a couple of ribs are broken. He's going to need some physical therapy after his injuries heal, and he's going to have to see a cardiologist about that heart of his. But other than that, your dad is going to be fine."

"Thank your Carlisle," I said gratefully. He patted my shoulder, "Of course Bella. That's what family is for. Now if you'll excuse me."

I nodded and he made his way down the hall to another patient's room. I re-entered Charlie's room and pulled the pink chair closer to his bed.

"Hey Dad, it's me, Bella," I said, reaching for Charlie's hand. "You know if you wanted to see me that bad you should've just called; I would have came. You didn't have to go and get yourself all jacked up. And what did I tell you about eating all that junk food, its called _junk_ food for a reason." I wiped a tear away and took a deep breath.

Charlie's eyelids fluttered, and he groaned. "Dad?" I stood up quickly and grasped his face.

"Bells? What are you doing here?" he asked groggily.

"Dad, you had a heart attack and broke both your legs, where else would I be?"

"Damn. That explains why I feel like I got hit by a truck." He smiled weakly at me.

"You feel like you got hit by a truck because you were hit by a truck." Tears leaked from my eyes. "I was so worried about you," I said softly. I sat back down, grabbing Charlie's hand. He looked at me, his gaze stopped on my cheek, "Isabella Marie Swan, what the hell happened to your face?" he wheezed, his voice borderline angry. "Did Edward do that to you?"

"What! No, Dad. I fell trying to get my suitcase out of the trunk of my car. The driveway was icy and the suitcase was stuck. I pulled it to hard and fell face first into the bumper. Now relax before you have another heart attack."

"If I find out that Cullen kid hit you I'll break his scrawny ass in half," Charlie muttered under his breath, then yawned. "Gosh, I'm sorry Bells, I'm so tired," his eye lids drooped shut.

"It's okay Dad. Get some rest; I'll be here when you wake up again." I sat back in the vinyl chair and watched as he slept.

"Dad?" I said softly. No answer. "So much is going on Dad. Edward is cheating on me, I'm cheating on him. I left him but he doesn't know it yet. I'm staying with Alice for now. And I'm working for a painter, he paints these beautiful pictures. You should see them Dad, they're amazing." I stared at Charlie's sleeping face and sighed. "He's amazing," I added wistfully.

"Maybe after you get better you can come out to Seattle and see his work. Oh and Mom's flying out. She'll be here in a couple hours, so you better put your brave face on."

I sat back and stared at the monitor attached to Charlie's heart. _Beep, beep, beep, _it chirped. I watched the lines go up and down on the monitor; the combination of jagged lines and constant beeps was hypnotizing.

I must have dozed of for a while because the next thing I heard was the squeak of soft soled shoes and the crinkling of plastic. I opened my eyes and stared at the Hispanic nurse standing by Charlie's bed.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, "I didn't mean to wake you, just changing the Chief's banana bag."

I stifled a yawn, "It's okay. I should be waking up anyways." She smiled at me. "Is this your dad?" she asked as she marked Charlie's chart, I nodded. "He's a fine man, I hope he has a speedy recovery," she said and set the chart in the plastic bin on the end of Charlie's bed.

"Thank you," I said as she left and glanced at my watch. Almost five thirty, Renee should be here any minute. I dug my cell phone out of my bag and called Jake, he answered almost immediately.

"It's bad Jake. Both of his legs, his left arm and a couple of ribs are all broken. But at least he's stable now, and awake. When he saw the cut on my cheek he damn near walked out of here to go back to Seattle and kill Edward. I had to explain to him that I fell on the ice. He didn't believe me until I told him how I fell. Did you get any painting done?"

On the other end of the phone Jake sighed. "No. I tried to finish the picture we'd been working on the other day. The only thing I did was ruin it."

"Aw Jake, I'm sorry. Keep trying, you'll get it," I urged, he'd have to learn to do it on his own, who knew how long I'd be here for.

"I will Bella, I'll try again tomorrow."

"Do that don't let my being gone stop you; you're a talented artist, you don't need me to paint. Think about what inspired you to paint in the first place and run with it. Oh, I gotta run, my mom just got here. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Alright beautiful, I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye Jake."

Renee saw me and rushed down the hall, her pink crocs squeaking on the floor.

"Bella!" she cried.

"Hi Mom," I said and hugged her. "How's your father? Oh my! What happened to your face?" I winced; I was going to have to get a shirt made that said, "I fell," with an arrow pointing up.

I guided Renee toward a row of hard plastic chairs along the wall and told her what Carlisle had said. She dabbed the corner of her eyes with a tissues.

"Mom?" I said and tried to phrase the next part of my question delicately. "How come you're here?"

Renee looked taken aback. "Didn't your father tell you?" she asked.

"No, he hasn't told me anything. What was he supposed to tell me?" Now I was the one who was confused.

"Phil and I are getting divorced. We've been separated almost a year now. Your father and I have, well…reconnected, if you will. We are going to give it another go."

"Wow Mom, that's- well that's really great," I said, totally stunned. Talk about bombshells, I so didn't see that coming. Renee shrugged and smiled.

"Where's Edward?" she asked, looking around.

"Your guess is as good as mine," I told her. I didn't exactly talk to him and I sure didn't want him here.

"He didn't come with you?" she asked, disgust coloring her voice.

I shook my head no. "I drove up by myself. Alice offered to have a car bring me, but I didn't want to be stuck here without a car."

"You know the Chevy's still at the house. Dad kept it; still runs too. He's turned it into a sort of project. Restoring it to its former glory."

That surprised me, my father was a sports fan; not a mechanic. "Hmm. Never would have pegged Dad as the grease monkey type."

"Well that's your dad for you; full of surprises. I'm going to see your dad, will you be okay?"

"Yea mom, go ahead. I've got to make some calls." Renee and I both stood, she walked off toward Charlie's room and I walked toward the end of the hall.

I dialed Alice's cell. "How's Charlie's?" she asked after I said hello.

"He'll be okay," I told her.

"That's good. How long are you staying in Forks?"

"As long as I need to. Charlie's going to need physical therapy after his breaks heal. It will probably be a while."

"Did you talk to Jacob yet?"

"Not yet. There are some details that I need to work out here first. I don't want to bother him until I know for sure what I'm doing."

"Well I have some kinda bad news," Alice said despondently.

I groaned. "Lay it on me."

"Edward suspects something."

"What do you mean?" I asked. _ Great, dumbass picks the night I'm _not_ home to be a good boyfriend._

"He kept trying to get a hold of you yesterday. I don't know how late he called here; I was at Jasper's, but when I talked to him this morning he was pissed that he couldn't get a hold of you. Not here and not on your cell. I told him maybe you left your cell in the car and were asleep, but I don't think he bought it. Sorry Bella."

"Fuck him," I said loudly; a nurse in SpongeBob SquarePants scrubs shot me a dirty look, 'sorry' I mouthed at her. "Fuck him," I said, quieter this time, "Let him get pissed over not being able to reach me. I don't really care."

"I know, but you know how men are."

"Yea I know. It doesn't really matter any more Al, but thanks for covering for me."

We talked a bit more, and then hung up. I walked back down the hall and peeking to Charlie's room. Renee was sitting in the pink chair holding a sleeping Charlie's hand, tears streaming down her cheeks. I could see her lips moving, but couldn't hear what she was saying. I sat down on the row of hard plastic chairs and waited. I watched the Hispanic nurse go back in to Charlie's room, and a few minutes later, a red-eyed Renee came out followed by the nurse.

"Visiting hours are over," she told me.

"Did you rent a car?" I asked as we exited the hospital.

"No, I took a taxi." We walked through the twilight toward where I'd parked the Volvo earlier this afternoon. More snow had fallen since I arrived earlier today. All of Forks was covered in a fresh white blanket of powdery snow.

"Sure you want to leave sunny, warm Jacksonville for this?" I asked as we got into the car. Renee snorted, "I've missed this. Jacksonville is all sun, all the time. Did you know that it was 86 degrees there yesterday?"

I gaped at her and slowed for a red light. "In _November_?" I asked incredulously. Renee gave a slight nod of her head. "Yes, the day before that it was 62. It's the most ridiculous weather. You have shorts next to sweaters and you never know what you'll need. The whole damn state is bi-polar or something."

I laughed, "Bi-polar? Really Mom?"

Renee waved her hand. "No matter. Forks is constant, when it's supposed to be cold, it is. There's none of that flip floppy weather thing going on here."

I had to agree, the weather was always pretty predictable. I pulled into the driveway next to my old Chevy truck. I guess Charlie's cruiser had been towed off to car heaven, aka the junk yard, after the accident.

"God I hope dad hasn't changed the locks," I told Renee as I flipped through my key ring searching for the house key.

"I have a key," Renee said holding it up for me to see. _Okay showoff, _I thought and followed her up the walk.

The house was dark and we walked into the foyer, Renee flicked on lights as she walked farther into the house. I looked around.

It's been about a year since I've been home, but nothing ever seems to change here; the house seemed frozen in time.

Come to think of it, not much had changed in ten years, the same faded green couch sat in the living room; a procession of school pictures still lined the mantle. Even the mismatched kitchen chairs were the same. Still mismatched, still circling the heavy oak table in the kitchen.

I suddenly felt seventeen again, felt like the new girl in Forks; felt my life sliding toward some unseen change just like it did when I first moved back here.

Ten years ago the change had been falling in love with Edward, now it was falling _out_ of love with him. I'd finally come full circle. I walked up the stairs and stood in the doorway of my room.

Nothing changed here either. The cluster of pictures above my bed had faded a bit, but still, there they hung. I marveled at how young we all looked; Edward and Alice, Jessica and Mike and Angela, Ben and Eric. I wondered what had happen to them all.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and spied my ancient CD player sitting on the table on the other side of the bed. I reached for it, leaning across the bed, and popped the top open. Inside was a pink CD, _Bella's Mix was_ written across it in black sharpie.

I snapped the lid closed and pushed the play button and laughed as an Nsync song started playing. Each song was increasingly more sappy and lovely than the last. Renee stood in the doorway laughing at the grimace on my face.

"You were so in love," she said wistfully. "Your father would call me nearly everyday asking for advice. He just swore that boy was going to break your heard. He kind of hoped he would so you'd stop playing that god awful music. He said it drove him nuts." Renee smiled sadly, "It upsets me that I wasn't here for it; your first love."

She came and sat next to me on the edge of the bed. I laid my head on her shoulder, "It's okay Mom. You didn't miss much." I motioned toward the CD player, "Unless teeny pop love songs are your thing."

She grimaced. "Tell me what's going on with Edward." I laid back and stared at the ceiling. Renee lay next to me; the CD player continued playing in the background while I told my mother about my suspicion of Edward's infidelity as well as my own betrayal. Renee tsk'd and clucked her tongue. "Shame on the both of you," she scolded. "What would his mother say if she knew?"

I shrugged, the bed shook under us. "Beats me. He barely gives me the time of day."

"Well then you break it off when you go back to Seattle. You only get this one life Isabella, and you don't spend it being miserable. If this Jacob fellow makes you happy, and it sounds like he does, then that's the way of it."

"But mom-"

Renee grasped my arm, "There are no 'buts,' besides the one you're sitting on, sweetie."

Before I went to bed that night I called Jake. He sounded depressed when he answered the phone.

"Hi," I said, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling.

"Hi," he replied, "how's your dad?"

"He's okay. I told you he woke up and tried to leave to go lay a beating on Edward, right?"

Across the line, Jake chuckled. "Yea, you told me. How's your mom?"

I sighed, my heart heavy, "She's good. Her and my dad are getting back together."

"That's nice. How are you holding up?"

"I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally. I wish I could be lying in bed with you right now."

Jake sighed. "Me too; I miss you."

A solitary tear slid down the side of my face. "I miss you too." I was quiet for a while, just laying there listening to the sound of his breathing. I started to nod off when Jake said my name.

"Bella?" he said softly.

"Hmm?"

"Come back to me," he whispered.

"I will," I mumbled sleepily. And with that, I drifted off to sleep.

**Reviews are better than cheesy teen pop love songs from the late ninety's**

& in case you cared the title, Be Here Now is by Ray LaMontagne


	15. I Will Be

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Big thanks to ShelbySue who beta'd this chapter for me…thank you so much : ) Sorry to make you all wait for the next chapter...real life got in the way yesterday...and True Blood season two started last night..if you missed it go shoot yourself in the foot (lol JK)..without further ado...

**BPOV**

I woke up the next morning with a clear head and a crick in my back. I stepped on my cell phone as I got out of bed. I bent down to pick it up and noticed the battery was dead. I smiled as I plugged the charger in, and then headed downstairs.

I was going to have to call Edward, figure out what he knew and if he planned on coming up here. I could hear Renee in the kitchen and I groaned. Whatever she was doing in there it couldn't be good. I stopped at the foot of the stairs and listened. Whatever she was doing, she wasn't doing alone.

"How's Charlie?" I heard Edward ask. My hand fluttered to my throat, I listened to Renee answer, and then she asked about me.

"What's going on with you and Bella?" Renee asked softly. I could hear the spoon hit the side of her cup as she stirred her coffee. It was a nervous habit she'd done for as long as I could remember.

Edward sighed, "We've just drifted apart I guess, and I don't have the heart to end it." I snorted softly, drifted apart my ass. More like you pushed me away.

"I met someone," he admitted softly. "Her name is Tanya. She's well, was, a patient. Her husband was killed in Iraq. She had trouble coping after he died, but she said she's okay now." I hear Edward's hands hit the table. "What do I do Renee?"

"Well Edward, that's not a question I can answer. It's something you've got to figure out for yourself. You either want to be with Bella or you want to be with Tanya. How long has this been going on?"

"Almost a year," Edward said quietly.

_That explain a lot_, I thought and quietly climbed back up the stairs, walking a bit heavier as I came back down. "Mom," I called.

Renee poked her head into the hall. "Good morning sweetie. Sleep well?"

I nodded. "Good. There's someone here to see you."

I raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Who?"

Edward stepped around Renee. "Hello Bella," he said. "I tried to call you last night but I kept getting your voicemail."

"My battery died," I mumbled and kissed his cheek as I passed by him in search of coffee.

"I came as soon as I could. Renee says Charlie's going to be okay." I nodded and poured coffee into my chipped Tinkerbell coffee cup.

"Your dad said he'd be fine with physical therapy, diet and exercise." I dumped sugar into my coffee, trying not to look at him. "How long are you staying?" I asked him quietly. He folded his hands and stared at me.

"Till tomorrow night. I have to be back to work on Tuesday. I can stay longer if you like." I sat down across the table from him.

"No, that won't be necessary. I'll be fine. But listen, I'm going to stay and take care of Charlie. He's gonna need someone to take care of him. Between Renee and me he should be okay."

Edward nodded and unfolded his hands. "Okay," he said. "Where were you Friday night? I tried calling you at Alice's and on your cell. I never got an answer."

I swallowed hard, "I think I might have left my phone in the car." I pretended to think about it, "You know I think I did. It was on the car charger and I think I might have just left it. By the time I got home I crashed. I never heard the phone ring."

Edward nodded. "Listen Bella, after your dad gets better there are some things we are going to have to talk about." He glanced down at the table while I stirred my coffee.

"Yes, there are some things that we need to discuss." I picked up my cup and walked out of the kitchen. Renee was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper. I sat down next to her and propped my feet on the coffee table.

"I heard everything," I said quietly.

"I know," Renee replied, turning the page of the newspaper, "But he doesn't need to know that yet."

Sipping my coffee I grabbed the metro section of the paper and read the bestsellers list. "You know we're going to have to work out a schedule or something. How we're going to work out who's here when. I know you probably have lots to do back in Florida, with the divorce and everything."

"Don't worry about that now Bella. We can figure that out later," Renee said, turning back to the garden section of the news paper.

Later that morning we drove to the hospital. Edward had left after I walked out on him in the kitchen. He poked his head into the living room and told Renee and I that he was going to see his mother.

Charlie was looking a lot better this morning; there was a healthy pink glow to his cheeks. Renee set the daisy's she bought in the gift shop down on the table besides Charlie's bed and started fussing with his blankets. I hid a smile as I stood in the doorway watching. I'd never really seen them together like this; my mom had left with me when I was really young. Their obvious love for one another brought a tear to my eye. I sniffed and discreetly wiped my eye.

"Bella?" Charlie called to me, "When did you get here?"

"I got here yesterday Dad, remember?"

Charlie shook his head no, "All that damn medication they have me on, makes everything fuzzy. What the hell happened to your face?"

_Here we go again,_ I thought with a sigh. "I fell. I told you all this yesterday." Exasperated I sat down in the chair by the door.

"You fell? Into what Mike Tyson's fist?"

"No Dad, the bumper of the car."

He eyed me skeptically. "She slipped on the ice Charlie," Renee said, patting his shoulder. He looked at Renee, she shook her head slightly. Charlie focused his attention back on me.

"How long are you staying, Bells?" I shrugged, "I don't know Dad. Mom and I still have to talk about that. You're going to need one of us around for a little while."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "I'm not crippled," he muttered.

"Dad, _both_ of your _legs_ are broken. You might as well be crippled," I said crossly, he was so damn stubborn when he wanted to be. Charlie muttered under his breath.

"Charlie," Renee said impatiently.

"I'm going down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee, you want anything?" I said to Renee.

"No," she said at the same time Charlie said, "A jelly filled donut." My mother closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Those," I said pointing at Charlie's chest, "Are the reason you're here."

I rode the elevator down to the crowded cafeteria and was pleasantly surprised to find a Starbucks kiosk in the corner of the cafeteria. I ordered a caramel macchiato and pushed open a door that led to a courtyard equipped with snow covered picnic tables.

I set my coffee down and dusted off a small square of table and sat down. I dialed Jake's number and stared at the sky while the phone rang. It was cloudy and looked like it might snow again. Five rings later his voicemail picked up and his message gruffly instructed me to, "Leave a message."

"Hey Jake, its Bella. I was just calling to say good morning. I don't know if I'll be able to call you later, Edward showed up in Forks this morning, so…" I trailed off. I had this sudden, overwhelming urge to jump in my car and drive back to Seattle as fast as I could. I took a deep breath, _Charlie needs you,_ I reminded myself. "So I guess I'll talk to you later. And thank you for last night. I really needed that. I miss you." I hung up and grabbed my cold cup of coffee and headed back to Charlie's room.

"Bella, look who's here!" Renee chimed as I walked into the room. Esme sat on the edge of Charlie's bed in a pair of designer jeans and a hunter green cashmere sweater. The strawberry blond highlights in her hair glinted under the fluorescent over head lights. She stood and embraced me, hugging me tightly. "I've missed you," I cried, hugging her back.

"I've missed you too. Here let me look at you." She stepped back and gazed at me. Her face transformed into a mask of horror, "What happened here?" she asked, motioning towards my cheek.

"She fell," Renee and Charlie said simultaneously. Esme glanced at me expectantly.

"I did, fall. I was trying to get a suitcase out of the trunk of my car. I slipped on the ice and ate bumper." Esme clucked her tongue, "Bella you must be more careful."

I nodded my agreement. "Now where'd that son of mine get off to?" she asked looking behind me. I looked at her, confused. "Um, I-he-" I stuttered.

"Is right her; I must have just missed her." Edward sauntered into the room carrying a cardboard tray of coffee.

I toyed with my cold macchiato while everyone stood around Charlie's bed, looking at one another. The awkward silence went on for a few minutes before Carlisle entered the room his smile faltered a bit when he saw us all standing there.

"Well at least I won't have to repeat myself," he chuckled. "Chief, just wanted to let you know we're gonna cut you loose tomorrow. I'll have the cardiologist come by and talk to you, and we'll get you set up with the physical therapist. You should be good to go by noon." Carlisle smiled at Renee and me, and then made his way out of the room.

Joe Sheen, a deputy on the police force poked his head in, "Hey Chief, just wanted to-" he stopped short when he saw us all standing there.

"Hey Joe, come on in," Charlie called.

Esme collected her coat, "Well I should be going." She kissed Charlie's cheek, "Get well soon Charlie."

I looked at my mom, "I should probably head home and make sure the house is all picked up, wouldn't want the wheelchair getting stuck." I kissed my dad goodbye. Renee and Edward followed me into the hall. Renee handed me her house key.

"Put all the junk food, and all that other crap he's been eating in the garbage. Stock up on healthy stuff that he'll pitch a fit about having to eat. I'll be home in a couple of hours."

I nodded and looked up at Edward, "Can you take me home?" He nodded; I reached into my purse and pulled out my car keys.

"Here," I said handing them to her, "Take my car so you have a way to get home."

Edward and I walked toward his black Mercedes. It beeped as he unlocked it. As we pulled out of the parking lot, my cell phone rang. I glanced at the screen, Jacob's face flashed in the display window.

"You can answer it," Edward said quietly. I shoved the phone back into my bag. "It's okay, I don't know the number," I lied.

The Mercedes purred quietly as we drove back to my house. "Bella…" Edward began. I shifted in my seat and looked at him.

"What Edward?" I asked innocently. He gazed at me as he pulled along side the curb. I knew what he was going to say, knew he was going to break up with me; two days after my father had a heart attack. That's the kind of asshole he was.

"Nothing," he finally said. "Never mind, it's nothing." He got out of the car and slammed the door. Okay so maybe he wasn't a complete asshole.

I got out of the car and followed him up the walk. Once inside, I shrugged out of my jacket and made a beeline for the kitchen.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Edward asked, watching me pull up my sleeves and empty boxes of Twinkies and ho-ho's out of the cabinet.

I pointed to the sink, "Can you hand me a trash bag?" He leaned down and pulled a black trash bag out of the box. I snatched the proffered bag and dumped a box of pop tarts into it.

"So how's your work with the artist going?" he asked, taking the bulging trash bag off the counter.

I smiled, "It's good. I'm almost done. The deadline was supposed to be Saturday, but he pushed it back until I can get Charlie all settled here." I tossed a bag of gingersnaps into the trash bag. "Will you come to the show?" I asked archly as if I really wanted him to say yes.

Edward exhaled slowly, "Yea, Bee. I'll come to the show; just let me know when it is. Maybe we'll bring Dr. Fuller, he's an avid art fan too you know." I smiled widely, the evil voice in my head chuckled wickedly, _all the more better to embarrass you, my dear_. "That would be fabulous. Remind me and I'll make sure he gets an invitation."

Two hours later the cabinets were junk food free. It was no wonder he'd had a heart attack, his diet was mostly snack cakes, chips and pop tarts. It was a miracle he didn't weigh 800pounds; he had that reliable Swan metabolism to thank for that. I had Edward take the four bags of trash out to the garbage; I watched him from the back door while I listened to my voice mail from Jake.

"Hey Bella, it's me. Sorry I missed your call. Umm, hop you can call me back, I miss talking to you. Hope your Dad's doing good." The next thing he said was mumbled, but it sounded like, "come back to me."

I snapped the phone shut and held it to my chest. "I will," I murmured.

"You will what?" Edward asked leaning against the counter.

"Be, with you forever to get your through the day and make everything okay," I sang. Edward made a disgusted face. "I hate that song. Tan-" he stopped and coughed, "Rosalie, the blond office girl, plays it all the time. It's that song by that British chick that idol guy discovered right? What's her name?"

"Leona Lewis," I told him, "And actually, Avril Lavigne sang it first; and better."

Edward rolled his eyes, "All sounds the same to me."

"As does that classical shit you listen to. I have to go to the grocery store. Do you want to come?" I glanced at him over my shoulder. He shook his head no and I turned my attention back to the key hook.

"Chevy key," I muttered, "where are you hiding?"

"Do you want to take my car?" Edward asked, watching as I moved various sets of keys from one hook to another.

"Nope," I said triumphantly, holding up the keys to the Chevy. "I'll take my truck."

Outside, the Chevy roared the life, just as loud today as it was ten years ago. Not matter how much work Charlie did, it would probably always be that loud. I backed out of the driveway, and headed toward town.

At a stoplight I dug my Bluetooth out of my purse and called Jake back. He answered the phone with a sullen hello.

"It's me," I said.

"Well hello me," he said comically, "I've missed you terribly. What have you been up to and when are you coming home?"

I laughed, "I've been trashing my Dad's cupcake stash. He'll be royally pissed when he gets home tomorrow. I don't know when I'm coming home, though."

"Oh," Jake said dejectedly.

"You know, you can always come here. We could hole up at the cozy B & B on the edge of town; eat cookies in bed and watch cheesy chick flicks."

"Cheesy chick flicks?" Jacob asked with false enthusiasm, "I'm so there." We laughed. "Seriously Jake. I'm probably going to be here a while. It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months for my dad's legs to be completely healed. My mom can't stay; she's in the middle of a divorce and all that goes with that. We're going to take turns, you know. She'll come out for a week and I'll be able to come home while she's here, but nothings definite yet."

"It's okay Bella. I completely understand. We'll figure it out, don't worry. Just worry about your dad getting better."

I sighed, tears filled my eyes. If you looked up understanding in the dictionary, I was positive you'd find Jake's picture.

"Okay. How's the painting going?" I asked, pulling into the grocery store parking lot. Jake sighed, "I've tried, but it's…it's hard. I worked on one yesterday but it looks like a drunken primate painted it."

I smiled at the image of an intoxicated monkey painting. "Keep trying Jake and come up this weekend. I miss you. We'll hole up and paint. What do you say?"

"Okay, I'll come up this weekend."

"Good. I can't wait to see you." I smiled and jumped out of the truck. "Well listen, I'm getting read to head into he grocery store, so I'm gonna let you go, but I'll try to call you later, 'kay?"

"Alright, I'll talk to you later. Oh and Bella?"

"Yea Jake?" I grabbed a cart and walked into the over light store.

"Come back to me."

I smiled. "I will."

**Reviews are better than drunken primates painting!**


	16. Connect the Dots

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

ShelbySue helped me soooo much with this chapter...she's the more talented half of all this, lol, and totally kept it from going straight into a cheestastic harlequin romance novel...lol...I'm sorry it took so long to update...I'm a total insomniac and have tons of trouble sleeping, and trying to write when you've been awake for like 36 hours just does not work, and on top of that this chapter took FOREVER to write (its the longest one I've written..._ever_). So thank you for your patience..I really apprecitate it...

**JPOV**

Remember when you were a kid and there was a special occasion, like Christmas or something, and the day before always seemed like the longest day ever? That's how this week was.

By my appointment with Dr. Fuller Wednesday afternoon, I felt like two weeks had passed rather than two days. Earlier that morning I rolled the mostly finished painting up and slid it into one of the black tubes the canvas company used for shipping. I had blocked Bella's face out with a few strips of masking tape, just to protect her privacy.

I wanted Dr. Fuller to see first hand what it was like to paint with out Bella. I rolled one of the drunken primate paintings up and slid it into a second tube. Maybe Dr. Fuller would have some advice on why I could paint when she was here and why I couldn't when she wasn't.

At half past one I gathered up the tubes and headed toward Seattle South Wellness Group. The buxom blond behind the desk greeted me happily. "Good afternoon and how are you today Mr. Black?"

I smiled at her, "Fine thank you. I'm here to see Dr. Fuller."

She clicked her keyboard and smiled up at me, "He'll be with you in just a minute."

I thanked her and sat down, humming along with the classical music that was piped into the waiting room. By the chorus, I realized I knew the song and found it to be an odd choice for the muzac station.

"Why the puzzled expression?" Dr. Fuller said beside me.

I jumped. "The song," I said and pointing at the ceiling.

Now he looked puzzled, "What about the song?"

"It's an odd choice to be played this way; all sad violins and cellos. The band is actually a rock band; I mean the song has violins in it, but its just odd hearing it this way."

Dr. Fuller shrugged, "I think it's quite beautiful even if it is a song normally sung by a rock band."

I shrugged again and stood up, collecting my tubes. "Now what do we have here?" he asked curiously.

"Today's conversation topic." I followed him down the hall, still mesmerized by bunny abduction guy's paintings. "If that's okay," I added hastily.

Fuller nodded and opened the door to his office. I made my way to the circle of chairs and set the tubes down in one chair and waited till Dr. Fuller situated himself.

"So what's all this?" he asked as he opened his leather notebook, wrote something and sat back gazing at me expectantly. I slid the painting of Bella out first.

"This," I said as I began unrolling the painting, "Is a picture I painted last week." I set the unrolled painting down on the table that sat between Fuller and me.

Dr. Fuller pushed his glasses up and gazed at the painting. "This is fantastic work, Jacob."

"Thank you," I said and pulled the second painting out. I unrolled it and set it on top of the first. "This is a painting I did on Sunday."

Dr. Fuller glanced at it, "I like this one better," he said honestly.

I snorted, "This one is garbage," I said tapping the pieced I'd secretly dubbed 'Drunken Primate.'

"Why do you think that?" he asked.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "Okay, there's this girl," I started.

Fuller smiled knowingly. "Isn't there always," he said conspiratorially. I laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Well, the first one I painted when she was here. Her father fell ill and she had to go take care of him. I tried to finish this one after she left, as you can see it's still unfinished. I kept trying to finish it and instead of finishing it, I was ruining it; so I stopped. She encouraged me to keep trying, so I did. This one," I pointed to the second painting, "is my attempt to paint without her. I can't do it. I need her to paint. She's my muse or something. She left and took my talent with her."

"Has this happened before?" Fuller asked

"What do you mean?"

"With another woman; perhaps with Leah? Did you stop painting when Leah left you?"

I nodded. "Yea, when she left I stopped painting, but it was a choice. It was depressing, every time I picked up a brush I felt like a total ass. Painting is what tore us apart; well a part of it. Then the accident happened, and I was so guilty about that, I just didn't bother. I haven't painted since the accident, well until now."

"Why now?" he asked, his pen scratching the page as he wrote.

I shrugged, "I can't really explain it. It was this feeling, like, I dunno. You ever get the feeling where you should just stay in bed, and you do then later you find out the bus you normally take to work exploded?"

Fuller nodded his head. "Well that's what it was like; not dread, but something else, like painting was going to bring something good back to my life. I started that night, but everything I did just came out wrong. I had the vision in my head, but it wasn't matching what was on the canvas. I figured I was rusty; two years of doing nothing but wallowing in your own self pity will do that to you; or so I hear." I smiled, Fuller's pen was scribbling frantically at the pages of his notebook.

"Who encouraged you to paint in the first place?" he finally asked.

"My mom. My father would always throw my work away, but my mom was my biggest champion, her motto was 'paint what you feel.' So I always painted what I was feeling."

Fuller nodded, "Do you know what the phrase 'dependent personality' means?"

I shook my head no. "It's a disorder where sufferers have a psychological dependence on others. They typically have trouble initiating projects or doing things on their own because they lack self confidence in their abilities and they tend to feel uncomfortable alone." He let that sink in for a minute; I avoided his gaze and stared at the painting on the table.

"Does any of that remind you of yourself?" he asked.

It did, it was me almost to a 'T.' I swallowed hard, "That sounds a lot like me," I admitted.

"I figured as much. As far as your painting goes, you have talent Jacob. But you're giving it all to this young lady, your letting her tell you that your worthy, that you have talent, that your art is worth something. Its not true, you _don't _need her to paint, you could do it all on your own if you wanted, but your so afraid that if someone's not there to tell you what a fantastic job your doing then your not doing well. Have confidence in your work, its terrific. Look at this." He held up the 'Drunken Primate.' "Do you know what I see in this?"

"A horrible attempt at art?" I joked, wishing he would set it down, it was a disgrace and I didn't want to look at it.

"No! Oh, no, no, no, not at all. I can see what you were feeling. I can see your anguish and despair. and the guilt you carry around, the guilt and blame you don't want people to see; its all right here on this piece of canvas and its brilliant; a bit heartbreaking, but beautifully so."

I stared at the mess of colors and shapes. How he saw all that I'll never know. "Keep it," I told him.

Dr. Fuller looked surprised, "You'd part with this beautiful piece of art so easily?"

"Yes, you seem to like it, so I want you to have it." _Jesus Christ, just put it down, _I thought. He was still holding the painting up, almost waving it in my face.

"Well thank you, I'm flattered, but I think you should keep it for a show. There are a lot of people whose lives could be changed because of this."

He finally set the painting down; I breathed a sigh of relief. "Let's talk treatment that is if you want it."

I nodded my head. "Alright. Well I think it's clear you suffer from dependent personality disorder. Treatment is not much different than what we're already dealing with. Group therapy, a few tweaks in medication and a kick in the self confidence should do you good. How does that sound?"

"Like I'm a bigger basket case than we first thought." We laughed.

"You're not a basket case Jacob, just a man who's had a tough time. Think of it this way, it could be worse."

"Your right doc, things could be worse," I agreed.

"Now do me this, go home and keep painting. Do like your mother said, paint what you feel and it will eventually come to you. Now that's our time for today, don't forget to stop and see Rosalie on your way out so she can set you up for next week. Remember Jake, you're a good man; you'll get there, it's just a matter or time and patience."

I stopped at the reception desk on my way out to schedule my next appointment. Rosalie wrote the date on a card and handed it to me. "Have a good week," she said with a smile.

"Thank you," I murmured and headed toward the elevator. Down in the slushy parking lot I thought about what Dr. Fuller said about depending on other people and how I should have confidence in myself. I guess he was right, if someone else failed me then it couldn't be my fault therefore leaving me guilt free about the situation. I decided that when I got home I would put a serious effort into painting on my own.

In the meantime, I had groceries to pick up. Rebecca was back and coming to dinner, AKA coming to check up on me; you know the usual, have you burned down the building, attempted to slit your wrists or created any kind of catastrophe that I'm going to have to clean up?

Back at home, I season the chicken and diced some carrots, onions and potatoes and threw them in the pan with the chicken, then slid the pan into the over. I set the timer, and then headed downstairs. "Paint what you feel," I chanted as I jogged down the steps. The air in the studio was chilly when I entered. I ignored it and rolled up my sleeves. I stared at the blank canvas, brush in hand. _Paint what you feel_, I said to myself; then, _what do I feel?_

_Lonely, _my mind answered countered; a_fraid, love, bittersweet, crazy, confusing love; joy._

Bella's face flashed in my mind; her warm brown eyes smiling. I stroked the brush across the canvas, just letting my hand and arm do its thing, I watched as an image emerged. It was a woman, her hair was blowing in the breeze, her arms were down at her sides, a piece of paper floated on the breeze, _come back to me,_ scrawled across it. At her feet was an emerald green bottle half buried in the sand. The woman waiting on the shore, staring off at the lightening horizon; the sea rose up, a brilliant mix of blues and greens on the canvas.

"That's pretty damn amazing," Rebecca said from behind me. I jumped, "Jesus Christ Becks, you can't scare me like that." I set the brush down and wiped my paint stained hands on my jeans. Rebecca strode across the studio and hugged me.

"How are you?" she asked, squeezing my waist.

"I'm good; it's good to see you."

"You to; you look…happy almost," Becca said, gazing over my shoulder at the painting. "Who is she?"

I glanced at the painting, "It's a, well it's a long story."

Becca looked at her watch, "I've got time Jake."

"She's the girl who's been modeling for me," I said, still looking at the painting.

"And 'come back to me,' what's that mean?" Becca walked closer to the painting and stared at it.

"It's a sort of code," I said sheepishly, knowing she was going to ask and know it was going to be embarrassing.

"For what?" she asked.

_Damn you woman, _I thought vilely. "I love you," I told her, my face burning.

"I'm not sure I understand, can you explain it to me. The painting, I mean."

I nodded and took a deep breath. "It's my way of saying I love you to her."

"What happened while I was away?"

"Come on, I'll tell you about it over dinner."

* * *

Becca sat back and sipped her tea. "Okay so, let me see if I've got this right. Bella is the model, she's "dating" Edward who's cheating on her with a patient, and she's sleeping with you. You went to therapy because you saw Rachael's ghost and she was admiring a painting _and _because Bella said she wouldn't stick around in you didn't, Bella left because her dad had a heart attack, you're going to see her this weekend in some podunk town called Forks, and 'come back to me' is your way of telling her you love her. Did I miss anything?"

I shook my head no.

"Jake, that's well…interesting to say the least. I won't sit here and pretend to understand. Are you sure she's going to leave her boyfriend?"

"She already has Becks. She moved in with his sister for now. I asked her to move in with me."

Becca's eyes widened, "What did she say?"

"She'd think about it." I picked up my coffee cup and took a long swallow, scalding my tongue and cheeks.

"Jake, just be careful okay," she warned.

"I know Becca," I stared into my coffee cup; I should've known I'd get the 3rd degree from her.

"I hope so Jake, because right now it sounds like you've gotten yourself into one hell of a mess. I'm happy you're painting again, and that you've decided to finally see a therapist. And I'm happy that Bella makes you happy, but I've seen you go down this road before and I don't want to see you hurt again, okay."

I nodded, mentally kicking myself in the ass for even trying to explain all this to her; I should have known she'd be like this.

"Okay," Becca said forcefully, staring at me like I was a bug she wanted to squish.

"Okay," I muttered.

"Jake…" Becca said unhappily.

"Becks, it's fine, I get it. You're concerned. We're moving on now, how was your trip?"

Becca talked about her trip back east. It was a lot of talk about medications that had names I could hardly pronounce. After the last dish was loaded into the dishwasher, Becca looked at her watch. "I've got to get going, I have to work early tomorrow."

I walked her to the door and helped her into her coat. "Be careful," I warned her, "the roads are probably slick."

It had barely stopped snowing all week; the street plows and salt trucks could barely keep up.

"I will," she promised. "And call me when you get to Forks, so I know you made it there alive; and just…be careful okay?"

"I will," I promised, "See you later."

* * *

Thursday went by surprisingly fast and then finally it was Friday. The snow had stopped last night, and upon glancing out the window I discovered the streets had all been plowed and salted. While I waited for the coffee to brew I made a check list of everything I had to do before heading out. I finished making my list and poured myself a cup of coffee, then carried it and the list to my room. I found a couple of old duffel bags under the bed and set the both on the bed.

I threw some clothes into one and carried the other downstairs and started throwing art supplies in. My cell phone rang, Bella had changed her ringtone before she left, and now those whiny Jonas brats were screeching at me.

"_She walks away, colors fade to gray_"

I pulled the phone out of my back pocket, "Hi Bella."

"Hi," she said excitedly, "Have you left yet?"

"No," I told her as I set a tube of blank canvas next to my bag. "I'm getting some supplies, I want to paint a bit this weekend. I've got to pack a few more things, and then I'll be heading out."

"Okay," she said squealing, "Don't forget a book or something. It takes about thirty minutes for the ferry to get from Edmonds to Kingston."

"Okay babe, I'll scrounge up a book or something. Oh and the Jonas brats have to go."

Bella groaned, "How'd you know it was them?"

"The one that sings has that whiny thing he does with his voice…I heard it once and never forgot it."

Bella laughed, "Alright, I'll change it when you get here. Be careful okay?"

"I will," I promised.

"I'll see you in a few hours."

I said goodbye and packed a few more brushes and tossed a couple extra tubes of paint into the bag then zipped it up. I carried the bag and the two tubes into the hall and set them down outside the door, then went back in to turn the heat down and make sure nothing was on. Satisfied I wasn't going to burn my studio to the ground I locked the door and headed upstairs to grab my other bag. I walked through the apartment, checking windows and making sure no appliances were on. Satisfied I carried my bag into the hall and locked the apartment.

* * *

Five hours later I turned down East Division Street and followed a private lane to the parking lot behind the Miller Tree Inn. Bella's car was already in the parking lot. She was out of the car before I even had a chance to shut the engine off.

"I missed you," she told me then wrapped her arms around me. I pulled her closer to me, "I've missed you too. Come on, it's cold out here."

I grabbed our bags we walked up the flagstone path. "This place is beautiful," Bella breathed.

The white three story house looked like it was built around the turn of the century; its large windows were framed on either side by hunter green shutters. A wide porch with comfortable looking wicker furniture wrapped around the front and side of the inn; icicles hung in a festive manner from the gutters. I followed Bella into the lobby. The lobby walls were off white, and held framed photos of the local wild life; the pine floors shone, reflecting the light from the fireplace opposite the registration desk.

A middle aged woman with sandy blond hair greeted us with a smile. "Good afternoon, welcome to the Miller Tree Inn. Mr. and Mrs. Black, I presume?"

I nodded, Bella started to gush, "Good Afternoon, this place is gorgeous."

The woman smiled, "Thank you. I have your room keys," she reached into a drawer and pulled out a pair of keys and set them on the counter. "You'll be staying in the Country Clover, which is on the third floor, the last room at the end of the hall. There's a sign on the door, so you can't miss it."

She smiled at us then, "Let's see…breakfast is served between seven thirty and nine am around the corner. If there's anything that you need Mr. Brager or I can be reached here at the front desk. We hope you enjoy your stay at the Miller Tree Inn."

We thanked her; Bella took the keys and led the way up the stairs. "How have you been?" she asked as we climbed the stairs, "Have you painted anything? God it feels like I've been here a lot longer than a week."

"I've been okay. Had another appointment with Dr. Fuller on Wednesday; turns out I'm even more messed up I was last week." I laughed, Bella playfully smacked my arm. "I painted some, only one was any good. I brought it with me; I thought you'd want to see it. Had dinner with my sister, total drag; how's your Dad?"

Bella slid the key into the door; it clicked as she unlocked it. "My Dad is good," she said as she pushed the door open, "He's doing okay. The doctors let him come home Monday. He's stuck in a wheelchair for a little while, which pisses him off, but he's alive so he can't really complain. My mom is flying back to Jacksonville on Monday. Phil, her husband, signed the divorce papers and said he wants the house, so my mom was like, psht keep it. She's going to go pack up her stuff and have it sent here, so she should be back for good by the weekend. Then," Bella said wrapping her arms around my neck, "I'll be able to come home."

I dropped the bags I was carrying on the love seat. "That's great. I've missed not having you around."

Bella smiled and kissed my nose, "I've missed not having you around too. Wow, would you look at this place, it's huge." She unwrapped her arms from around my neck and looked around.

"It is," I agreed.

"Look, there's a fireplace," she said pointing toward the bedroom.

"Very cool; look its snowing again."

**BPOV**

We unpacked and had gone out to eat then gone back to the Miller Tree Inn. I sat down on the loveseat and slid my feet out of the black heels I'd been wearing. I nagged him about this mysterious painting he'd brought all through dinner until he agreed to show it to me after we ate. I watched the door way, waiting for him to bring it in. Finally, Jacob's tall frame filled the doorway.

"Okay, listen. I had a really hard time painting this last week. It goes back to that whole; I'm more messed up this week than I was last week thing. Dr. Fuller explained why. Basically I crave the acceptance of others because I lack confidence in my ability to paint. I took these two paintings with me to my appointment."

He picked up the black tube on the chair next to him and pulled the paintings out. He held each one up as he unrolled them. "I took this one," he held up one of me I'd already seen, "And this one."

I looked at the second more closely. It was a painting I hadn't seen before. "This is beautiful," I said running my fingers over the abstract shapes on the canvas.

"You don't think it looks like a drunken monkey painted it?"

"This is the drunken primate?" I asked pointing at it. Jake shook his head shamefacedly.

"Oh my god, Jake this is absolutely stunning. It, it almost hurts me to look at it. Like my heart is breaking while standing here looking at his. But the love and passion is overwhelming."

I exhaled, "How can you honestly think this is a bad piece of art when it so obviously isn't? I don't understand that."

"Well, jeez, thanks," he said, a bit embarrassed.

"It's beautiful; I don't care what you say," I said defiantly.

Jake shrugged, "Okay, back to my painting story. So when I got home after the appointment I painted this. Dr. Fuller said to go back to basics, paint what I feel. So I did."

He unrolled a painting of a woman standing on the beach, her chestnut hair fluttering in the breeze; rough ocean waves rose up from the sea, a brilliant shade of bluish green on the canvas. At her feet was an old fashioned emerald green bottle, half buried in the sand. A curled piece of paper floated on the wind, 'Come back to me' scrawled across it. The painting stirred some strange emotion in me; it was like sad happiness or happy sadness; and acceptance.

"What does it mean?" I asked, running my fingers over the woman's hair, unable to tear my eyes from the painting.

"The painting?" Jake asked. I nodded. "It was a message in a bottle. The woman, well she lost something dear to her; she had to go away and she lost something because of it. It was unavoidable; her loss, Just one of those things that happen and you're powerless to stop it. The message in the bottle, it wasn't meant for her, but she found it and it gave her hope that what she lost she'd eventually find again because it wanted to be found, the thing she lost, it wanted her to find it. These messages, they always seem to find the right person; even if it's not the person the message was intended for. And this message wasn't intended for her, but she found it and it was exactly what she needed at that moment."

I wiped the tears from my eyes, "and the note, 'come back to me,' does that mean something?"

"I love you," he said softly. "Bella _you_ are my message in a bottle. You might not have been intended for me, but you were exactly what I needed at that moment. And you saved me; and I…well I love you."

Tears streamed down my cheeks, that's was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. I reached up and grabbed the black and blue checkered tie he was wearing and pulled him towards me. His lips, warm and moist, met mine and lingered for a second; he drew my bottom lip into his mouth and nipped it with his teeth, then released the full weight of his mouth on me. The heat was instantaneous; I felt the flames of desire burst around and in me as hot as the sun in July. Jake's mouth was minty; I could taste the sweet flavor leftover from the handful of after dinner mints he'd swiped upon leaving the restaurant. His tongue probed deeper, exploring as if he'd never been here before. I responded in kind, reacting on some primordial instinct. My tongue slid circuitously against Jake's. He plunged his tongue deeper; I let go of his tie and wrapped my arms around his neck. Dizzy with desire, I felt myself rising; Jake's arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, the dress I had on hitched its way up until the tops of the thigh highs I was wearing peeked out. I never stopped kissing him as he carried me to the bedroom.

Jacob set me down on the edge of the bed. He slid his hands up my waist and reached behind me and tugged at the zipper on my dress. It slid down slowly with a hiss. Jake's fingers brushed my shoulder blades as he grabbed the straps and pulled it down. He gasped when he say the expensive lingerie I was wearing. It was black French lace, specially ordered by a shop in town from a custom lingerie company in New York.

"You like it?"I asked in a sultry voice. Jake nodded like a dumbfounded school boy. He pulled me closer toward the edge of the bed; closer toward him. I could feel him, fully aroused, pressed against me. Jake grabbed the edge of the dress and pulled it over my head. I grabbed his tie and tugged it, loosening it; I lifted it over his head and let it fall. I traced my fingers along his muscular neck and slowly unbuttoned each pearlized button of his shit. My fingers skimmed his chest, Jake shivered and I chuckled at his pleasure. As I unbuttoned the last button I tugged his shirt free of his pants and kissed his chest, then reached for his belt buckle. It came undone easily, and I slowly unzipped his pants, my fingers caressing his considerable erection.

Jake groaned and pushed me toward the center of the bed, there was a bottle of champagne chilling beside the bed that I hadn't noticed till now. Jake reached into the silver bucket and pulled an ice cube out. He grinned mischievously and set the ice cube on my chest. I gasped at the coldness and tried not to squeal. He traced the ice cube over my fevered skin, along the tops of my breasts and circled over one lace clad nipple, then the other. I gasped as the ice made its way down my stomach; rivulets of icy water trickled across my ribs and dripped onto the bed, and circled my belly button. Jake pressed his lips to my stomach and sucked the ice cube into his mouth. He blew cool air onto my moistened skin, a trail of goose bumps flashed over my skin. Jake made his way back up, and stopped at the clasp on the front of the bra. He grasped the delicate clasp and gently unhooked it. With the wave of a hand he pushed the cups aside and drew one hardened peak into his mouth. I cried out, the chill of his tongue against the warmth of his mouth felt pleasantly strange. He sucked and nibbled as he ripped the expensive panties from my body. With his lips still gently sucking, he slid one finger, then another in side of me and gently coaxed me toward euphoria. I felt the pleasure buzz start in my toes and burn across my nerve endings; I arched my back and pushed myself against his fingers, moaning as wave after wave of satisfaction washed over me.

Jacob glanced at me, his eyes heavy lidded and dark with passion locked onto mine as he kissed a trail down my stomach. Lowering himself, he settled his mouth against me most intimately, and moved his tongue in the most intricate ways; ways that had me holding back screams of pleasure. And just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, Jacob slowly, excruciatingly slow, thrust himself into me, driving me wild. The plush bed squeaked softly as he moved against me, slowly coaxing me toward yet another release. I could feel it swelling up inside me, Jake could too. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer toward him, driving him deeper.

"Bella," Jake said, "Open your eyes and look at me," he commanded. I slowly opened my eyes, my vision swam before me. Jake's eyes locked onto me that final, toe curling rush of pleasure drug me under, then another drug me under still and yet another. I cried out, screamed was more like it. Jake covered my mouth with his sexual, minted mouth. It was a strange, albeit not unpleasant, combination. As Jacob came, his face contorted into a mask of delight and he groaned into my mouth.

I shivered once, a left over orgasmic spasm. Jake collapsed against my chest. "I love you," he murmured against my sweat soaked skin.

I ran my fingers down his back, laughing as he shivered, "I love you too," I whispered.

**Reviews are better than sexy getaways to snowy B & B's**

**Connect the Dots **by **The Spill Canvas...**total bow chicka wow wow song..

oh..and I know I bash the** Jonas Brothers** a lot...psht..it's all a lie...I secretly love them...but shh don't tell anyone....Bella's ring tone was **Black Keys** off their new cd **Lines, Vines & Trying Times** and is a totally awesome song...(I probably just lost like ten cool points for admitting that..lol)

And the song that was playing while Jake was at the doctors office was the instrumental version of **New American Classic **by** Taking Back Sunday**

www (dot) playlist (dot) com (forward slash) playlist (forward slash) 16541604875 is where I found it..and its so pretty :)


	17. The Show

A/N Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Real quick...I am sooooo sooo sooo sorry that it took so long to update..this is (so far) the longest chapter, and it took a while to write, as well as figure out exactly how to oust Cheatward...so here is your next chapter..now no more scary reviews saying your gonna come thru my computer and strangle me if I don't update..not exactly conducive to a good writing environment...and to my wonderful Beta, ShelbySue, who is not afraid to give me her honest opinion, chica you rock! Thank you for being such a help and keeping it real..and thank you to SummerLeigh for listening to me bitch..woo hoo for Grape Smugglers! lol

**BPOV**

Renee was on the porch, her cell phone pressed against her ear when I pulled into the drive way. I shut the Volvo's engine off and popped the trunk. She waved to me as I got out of the car and pulled my duffel bag out of the trunk. I slung the lightweight purple bag over my shoulder and waved back.

As I approached the porch I could hear Renee's agitated voice. "Phil," she said, her voice taking that 'I'm trying to be patient but if you don't shut the hell up I will kick you' tone. She sighed, "All I want is what's mine. Besides what are _you_ going to do with a closet full of women's clothes?"

I climbed the steps and grabbed the phone from my moms grasp. "Hey Phil," I said sweetly.

"Bella, put your mother back on," Phil demanded sounding like a petulant child.

"No, now shut the hell up you vapid little hobbit. My mother is coming out there tomorrow to get her stuff, and so help me God if you interfere in anyway I will call the Jacksonville Sheriffs office and tell them that you're threatening to harm yourself and my mother. I'll have you Baker Acted* and committed so damn fast your head won't stop spinning. And let me tell you this; I'm not bluffing, I'll have Edward draw up the papers so fast you won't have time to call my bluff."

I let that hang in the air for a minute, "And we both know that being committed will not help you get into any kind of coaching programs, you'll be stuck coaching pee wee ball for the rest of your life. So be a doll okay, if not for my mom, then for your own damn selfish reasons."

I handed the phone back to my mom and left her standing dumbfounded on the porch. Charlie was in the living room watching Sports Center.

"Hey Dad," I called as I slid my shoes off.

"Hey Bells, how was your weekend?"

I set my bag down just inside the door way and sat down on the arm of the couch. "It was good, nice and quiet; and relaxing. How ya feeling?"

He shrugged, "I've been better. I miss ho-ho's, and beer; this light stuff is for the birds."

I laughed, "Ho-ho's are bad for you. I mean come on, even the name is dirty. It's like you're calling a couple of two bit hookers out of the cabinet. And look on the bright side, light beer is better than no beer at all." I kissed his forehead and stood. "I'm gonna go unpack, you need anything before I go?"

Charlie reached for his can of light beer and gave it a shake, "Nah, I'm good for now."

"Alright Dad, Mom's outside if you do need anything." I picked up my bag and headed upstairs with a smiled pasted on my face.

This past weekend had been perfect. I woke up Saturday morning and found the sitting room full of paintings. Jake had drug a chair into the bedroom and was sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said rising from the chair.

I sat up and stretched. "Good morning," I yawned and looked around at all the paintings.

"Did you sleep at all?" I asked in amazement.

Jake shrugged, "For an hour or so. I woke up and just started painting. Come take a look." He held his hand out to me, and I grabbed it and slid out of bed. There were so many paintings spread out everywhere, I carefully picked my way through them. I stopped when I got to one depicting a bed dangerously similar to the one I just climbed out of. Two legs jutted out from under the fluffy white comforter, coral painted toe nails curled in ecstasy.

"Jacob!" I exclaimed, blushing, "Don't you dare show that one."

Jake grinned wickedly, "I wasn't going to. Besides, that one was just for me."

I swatted his arm playfully and picked my way through the rest of the pictures. I made my way back to the bed and climbed into the center of it.

"So," Jake said settling into his chair, "What do you think of our show?"

"We have enough?" I asked, an edge of excitement creeping into my voice.

"Yea, we have enough. Actually we have more than enough. Jared's gonna flip."

I leapt out of bed and tiptoed through the maze of paintings spread out on the hardwood floor, "That's awesome. I can't wait!"

"Me either," he said pulling me into his lap and running his fingers through my tangled hair. Jake yawned, "You must be exhausted," I said, my fingers tracing his jaw line.

"Just a little," he admitted.

"Well come on then, lets go back to bed." Together we climbed back into the king sized bed. Jake slept while I read a book I found in the drawer of the bedside table. That was how we spent our Saturday, curled up in the king sized bed, a fire roaring in the fireplace while fluffy snowflakes gently fell out side the bedroom window.

On Sunday afternoon we packed our stuff and checked out of the B & B. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, but there was still work for me to do here, so I pulled on my big girl panties and kissed Jacob in the parking lot until I was dizzy.

"Call me as soon as you get home," I instructed and watched as he drove down East Division Street and disappeared onto the 101.

* * *

Early Monday morning I drove Renee to the airport. I stopped along the curb outside the Delta terminal. Two men dressed in Delta uniforms pulled her luggage out of the trunk and set it on a cart.

"I'll be back by Thursday, I promise," Renee called through the open passenger side window.

"Have a safe trip," I said and waved goodbye, and then headed for home, already counting the hours until I could escape Forks.

The week passed slowly; Jake called every night, Edward called only once, on Wednesday to find out what was going on. I called Alice every other day and talked mostly to her voicemail.

By the time Thursday arrived I was thanking God. After I got back from the airport Monday morning, Charlie had started complaining. He wanted pop tarts, coffee, or a regular beer, cookies, chips, cupcakes, ho-ho's. When it was time for lunch, he wanted pizza or a burger instead of the salad I had fixed. I fully understood now, how and why hospice people wind up holding that pillow over dear old Mrs. So and So's face; because as much as I love and adore my father, if he so much sneezed at me funny I was going to go all Homer Simpson and strangle him until his eyes bugged out just like Bart's do.

Thursday afternoon I set Charlie in front of the TV with a couple cans of beer and a clear path to the downstairs bathroom.

"I have to go get Mom," I told him, slipping my coat on and grabbing my purse.

"Why can't I come?" he whined.

"Because Dad, if I have to bring you with me, I'll probably intentionally crash the car. You're on my last nerve, so I'm gonna go get mom by myself. I love you to death, but you're driving me nuts. I'll be back in an hour."

I hurried out the door before he had a chance to complain again. I was late getting to the airport; some stupid kid laid down his motorcycle, which was then run over by quintessential soccer mom in her red minivan, which caused rubberneckers far and wide to slow down to a snails pace and gawk at the hulking wreck as they drove by.

By the time I got to the Delta terminal, Renee was pacing back and forth along the sidewalk, her luggage on a car behind her. I threw the car into park and hopped out and started putting her bags in the car.

"Sorry I'm late, there was an accident," I said as I finagled a particularly large suitcase into the trunk.

"Its okay," she said as she shoved the last suitcase into the back seat. "Your fathers called me like eight times. He said he called you, but you didn't answer.

"Serves him right," I muttered crossing around the back of the car and sliding into the driver's seat.

"What was that?" Renee asked absentmindedly.

"Nothing. Dad's just lucky I haven't murdered him yet."

Renee raised an eyebrow, "Was he that bad?"

"Oh my God Mom. It was a constant battle, 'I want this' or 'I want that' and it was all stuff he knows he can't have. It was like babysitting a toddler. You're going to have your hands full once I'm gone."

Renee chuckled, "I'll be fine; I know how to control your father."

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. Renee shifted in her seat, "You never got a chance to tell me how your weekend was."

I suppressed a smile; I had told them I was checking into a hotel to get some rest and relaxation. Having my parents privy to the details of my sex life was uncomfortable, to say the least.

"Oh you know, it was relaxing; I don't think I got out of bed to do anything."

Renee smiled, "That sounds nice."

"It was," I agreed. "How was Jacksonville?"

Renee's face twisted with disgust, "It was 84 degrees when I left; and humid, gah. I'm glad I never have to go back there."

"Did you get all your stuff packed?"

She nodded, "the movers came yesterday; it should be here in a few days. But let me tell you what. You put one hell of a scare into Phil; I've never seen him behave so well. I think he really believed Edward could have him committed."

We laughed as I turned onto our street. Renee sighed when the house came into view. "Home sweet home," she said blissfully.

"Welcome home Mom," I said as I pulled into the driveway.

Later, after the three of us had eaten dinner, Renee wheeled Charlie into the living room and the two of them sat in there watching the news. I could hear Charles Gibson talking about a deadly strain of E. coli being linked to a bag of chocolate chips. I shook my head and shut the bedroom door and threw my suitcase on the bed. I was heading back to Seattle tomorrow morning, thank God. Forks was great, but after living in the city for ten years I definitely missed the energy. But more than that, I missed Jake; I missed him more than anything.

Folding the last pair of jeans, I tossed them into the suitcase and snapped it shut then grabbed my cell phone off the charger.

"Hey there good looking," he answered.

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'll be heading out first thing in the morning." I held the phone to my ear and checked my room once more to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything.

"You sound anxious. Everything okay?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm fine; I'm just ready to come home. My dad's been a pain in the ass and I really, really miss you."

"I miss you too. I have some good news though. Do you want to hear it now or later?"

"Is it about the show?" I asked excitedly.

"It is."

"Tell me now," I demanded.

Jake laughed. "Okay, okay, calm down. We have a show date."

"Do we really?" I squealed.

"Yes. It's next Friday at seven. Jared came by yesterday and was shocked at all the work I've done. He wanted to show tomorrow, but I thought you'd be exhausted from your trip."

"I'm so excited. Now I really can't wait to come home. We have to celebrate."

"Yea," he agreed, "I'll make reservations or something; I dunno we can talk about it when you get home."

"Okay, we'll figure something out. Speaking of figuring it out, Thanksgiving is week after next. Do you have any plans?"

Jake laughed, "Uh yea, football game that day. Me, a turkey leg, and beer in front of the boob tube. Why did you have something else in mind?"

I coughed, "Um, okay well, just hear me out okay?"

"Okay."

"Well I was wondering if you'd like to come out here for Thanksgiving. Maybe meet my parents, watch some football with my dad. What do you think?"

Jake was quiet for a minute. "You want me to meet your parents?" he finally asked.

I groaned and smacked myself in the forehead, _what was I thinking, _I scolded myself. "Sorry, too soon?" I asked awkwardly.

"No, absolutely not. I would love to meet your parents. Your dads not going to hook me up to a lie detector machine in his basement is he?"

I laughed, "What?"

"Oh come on, you've never seen Meet the Parents?"

"No on both accounts. I've never seen the movie and my dad is most definitely _not_ going to be hooking you up to a lie detector. They don't even have a basement." I giggled at the image of my father zombie walking down the stairs, both his legs still encased in the casts, hooking Jake up to take a lie detector test.

"Phew, that's a relief," Jake said.

"You're so retarded," I joked. "Okay, well I have to finish packing and get ready for bed; I want to be out of Forks first thing in the morning."

"Okay babe, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too. See you tomorrow."

In the morning I packed my stuff into the Volvo and kissed my parents goodbye. "We'll see you in two weeks!" Renee called as I got into the car.

I waved as I backed out of the driveway. "Love you," I called and tooted the horn. On the Edmond-Kingston ferry I called Alice.

"Hey chicky!" she exclaimed.

"Hi," I said, staring into the choppy Prussian blue water of the bay.

"Where are you? Are you on your way home?"

I leaned against the white metal railing and stared across the deck of the ferry. "I'm on the ferry, on my way home."

"Good," Alice said. "I've missed you; it's been terribly lonely here for the last two weeks. And there's a sale at Macy's this weekend, now that you're coming home I won't have to go alone."

She was so damn chipper I could practically hear her smiling through the phone. I swallowed a groan, "Alright a sale at Macy's!" I exclaimed, "I'm so excited."

"No you're not, but I forgive you. Have you figured out what to do about Edward yet?"

I sighed and turned to face the water, "I think I'm just gonna go home and tell him that I know and that it's over. What's the point in dragging it out any longer? I just want to be done with him so that I can get on with my life."

Alice giggled, "You mean your life with the painter. How is he by the way?"

I grinned, "He's good. Did you get any of my messages?"

"Yes, I got them all. I'm sorry I haven't been home to talk to you. So tell me how your weekend with him was?"

"It was good," I said happily. "He said he loves me."

Alice gasped, "Seriously? How did he say it? Did he just bust out and be all like 'Bella I love you' or did it slip? Tell me, tell me, tell me."

"He painted this picture, it was a woman on a beach, and he had this little saying, 'Come back to me,' he'd say it before hanging up the phone, I figured it was a sentiment, but never that it was his way of saying I love you."

"Aw, that's so sweet. Like Wesley from the Princess Bride, with his 'as you wish.' I still want to meet him, you know." Alice sighed into the phone.

"I know. Come to his show next Friday, I'll introduce you to him then." The ferry horn blasted, once, then again. "Alice, I have to go, the ferry just docked in Edmonds. I'll see you when I get home."

I hung up the phone and got into the Volvo. Cranking the heat up, I let the car idle while the ferry was moored to the dock. The cars in front of me started their engines, plumes of white exhaust billowed up from their tail pipes. As I waited I thought about the best way to confront Edward and end this sick cycle carousel.

I leaned my head against head rest and started to daydream.

_We were at the gallery, Jake had invited Dr. Fuller and I had brought Edward with me._

"_So, Dr. Fuller, Edward tells me he learned a lot about PTSD sufferers at the conference in San Francisco earlier this month," my dream self said._

_Dr. Fuller looked confused. "PTSD conference in San Francisco?" he asked._

_I nodded, "Yes, Edward said you invited him to attend the conference with you a few weeks ago."_

_Beside me Edward had stiffened as soon as I mentioned the conference. "Bella, please, let's not talk work right now."_

_Dr. Fuller looked from Edward to me, "I'm sorry Bella, but I'm afraid I have no idea what conference you're referring to."_

_I smiled sweetly at Dr. Fuller, "No, of course you don't." I turned to Edward, "He has no idea what I'm talking about," I said, my voice saccharine sweet, "I wonder why that is Edward?" _

_I placed my index finger to my lips and cocked my head to the side like I was deep in thought, "Oh I know why!" I exclaimed. "Maybe it's because that's the weekend that you and Tanya; you know Tanya, your patient, were shacked up at The Edgewater; that fabulous little hotel that sits on Pier 67, and over looks the Bay. You must think your pretty damn brilliant, calling and saying you flew out of SeaTac during the blackout."_

_Edward stared at me, "Bella, what are you doing?"_

"_What am I doing? Airing all your dirty laundry Edward," I scoffed. _

"_Bella this is not the time or the place to do this," Edward pleaded. Dr. Fuller was standing there silently watching the exchange. _

"_Edward, are these accusations true?" he asked evenly._

"_No, its-there's no way, that's just absurd!" Edward sputtered._

"_Really Edward? Should I call my mother and have her repeat what the two of you talked about over coffee?"_

_Edward's eye widened, "I-I don't know what you're talking about. I never said anything to your mother about a woman named Tanya."_

_I snorted, "__The Nile isn't just a river in Egypt, I see. So you're going to stand there and tell us all, that you no nothing about a patient of yours who lost her husband in Iraq and that you're now dating?"_

_Edward stood there staring daggers at me, "I still don't know what you're talking about."_

_I laughed, "Deny, deny, deny. That's okay, there's an eye witness to your naughtiness. Jake?"_

"_Dr. Fuller, if I may?" Jacob interrupted._

_Fuller turned his attention to Jacob. "After my first session with you, as I was leaving I witnessed this woman leaving his office, and his clothing, was well, not up to professional standards."_

"_How so?" Fuller asked._

"_His zipper was down; then on the elevator I over head the woman on her cell phone saying that 'he was going to leave her, and for someone to please let her know how a 747 flew out of SeaTac during a blackout.' It seems to coincide with what Bella is saying."_

_Fuller nodded, "Edward, I want to see you in my office first thing Monday morning. And I want a meeting with your patient as well. After that I will decide what to do, but as of right now you are hereby suspended." Fuller glared at Edward and walked away, rejoining his wife a few feet away._

_Edward turned the full fury of his flashing green eyes on me, "Are you nuts? You have just ruined my career. What were you thinking?"_

_I snorted, "You asshole, you ruined your own damn career the minute you thought it would be a good idea to pork a patient. Don't even try and pin this on me." _

_I started to walk away Edward grabbed my arm and yanked it. Jake was at my side in a flash, "Let go of her now," he growled._

"_Fuck off," Edward snapped, "This is none of your business."_

"_Take a look around you Edward," I said motioning to all the paintings of me, half naked in Jake's bed, or abstract versions of our tangled limbs, "I am his business. Unlike you, he would never hurt me. Now let go of my arm or Jake here will remove it for you."_

_Edward dropped my arm like it was a red hot fire poker. Jake pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around me. "You okay?" he asked softly; I nodded. _

_Jake turned his head and faced Edward. "So you're the painter?" Edward scoffed. "And let me guess, you figured out who I was and ran back telling her what you saw. Why? So you could get in her pants?"_

_Jake snorted, "I didn't tell her anything. That was all you buddy. But for real though, I gotta thank you."_

"_Thank me? Thank me for what?" Edward demanded._

"_Being such a first class asshole; Bella is an amazing woman. Maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass you'd have learned sooner to appreciate that fact. And thank you for letting me show her how a real man treats a lady," Jake grinned at him._

_Edward's face turned this strange shade of reddish purple. All of a sudden his fist flew towards Jake's face. Jake laughed and blocked the punch; his fist flew at Edward's face and connected with a sickeningly hollow sound. Edward's eyes rolled back in his head and he crumpled to the floor. _

_From the other end of the room Jared came running, cell phone in hand, "What the hell Jake?"_

"_Dude tried to hit me," he shrugged. I stared at Edward's crumpled heap on the floor. I hate to say it, but he got what he deserved, hitting someone who is a whole foot taller than you is never a good idea. _

Behind me, car horn honked snapping me out of my day dream. I smiled. As much fun as it would be to ruin Edward's life, I would feel like the worlds biggest bitch for actually pulling a stunt like that. Not to mention the fact that Edward would probably kill me right there in front of everyone.

I followed the procession of cars off the ferry and turned onto the 104. Thirty minutes later I was driving past the Space Needle, its tip covered by the gray clouds that hovered above Seattle like a moist blanket, and turning into the parking lot of a Starbucks. I ordered a macchiato at the drive through then headed toward Alice's.

I parked the Volvo in the driveway and pulled my bags out of the trunk, careful not to fall and smack my now healed face. Inside I put my bags on my bed in the guest room and fixed some lunch.

As I put a sandwich together I thought some more about the best way to end this thing with Edward. _Just be reasonable, _that voice in my head told me, _call him and make plans to meet him at the apartment tonight and just come clean and end it._

After I ate I called his office, the secretary I'd foolishly believed he was cheating on me with answered the phone.

"Can you please put me through to Dr. Cullen's office please?" I asked cordially.

"May I ask who's calling, please?"

"It's Bella Swan, his girlfriend."

"One moment." The line clicked and that horrible music they play in elevators assaulted my ears. "I'm sorry, Dr. Cullen's not in at the moment. Can I take a message?" she chirped, her chipper tone grating my nerves.

I took a deep breath and reined my aggravation in; it wasn't her fault Edward wasn't in. "Yes, please just ask him to call Bella on her cell as soon as he can."

I heard her softly repeat what I just said, "Alrighty, I'll make sure he gets this as soon as he's back. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, thank you. Have a nice afternoon."

"Thank you, you too. Bye-bye now."

I hung up and searched for a phone book. I needed to make plans to have movers come in and pack up my stuff. Then I needed to find a storage facility to put all that stuff in; at least for the time being. I located a battered and abused phonebook on the shelf in the coat closet. I set it on the coffee table next to a pad of paper and sat down. Taking a deep breath I opened the phone book to the 'M' section.

I skimmed the pages, motels, motorcycles, and then finally movers. I spread the phone book open on the table and glanced at the ads on the page. One company took up the entire top half of the page, I looked at their ad, Sudden death was the company name, I had to glance at it a second time; not believing that was actually the company name. I laughed out loud, when I realized it wasn't sudden death, but Suddath. I turned the page and on the second page was an ad about two inches high and four inches long. "Apartment Movers," it proclaimed, "Packing, loading, unloading. Short notice moves, same day moving, anywhere in Washington."

_Well alright then, let's give these guys a call, _I thought and reached for my cell phone. A man with a twangy southern accent answered the phone.

"Apartment movers, Billy speaking how can I help you today sir or ma'am?"

"Hi," I said, a bit unsure about how this worked, "I'm, um, moving and I need, uh, well I need some help packing and moving my stuff."

"Okay ma'am. How many rooms would you need packed?" Billy asked in his adorable country draw.

"Um, I'm not really sure. See I'm breaking up with my boyfriend, and we live together, so I'm not taking any of the furniture or whatever. Well maybe a few pieces, but its mostly just my clothes and some photos, stuff like that; little stuff." I exhaled and wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans.

"Okay, we can pack that up for you; no problem. I'm going to mark you down as a small, one bedroom apartment. How's that sound?"

I cleared my throat, "Um, okay."

"Do you have a moving date set yet?"

"No, not yet; your ad said you do short notice moves; do I have to give you a date right now?"

"How about a guesstimation? Do you think you'll be moving this week or maybe next week?"

I swallowed hard. "This weekend," I said finally.

"Okay then, can I get your name please?"

"Oh, it's Bella. Bella Swan."

"Okay Miss Swan. Are you going to be needing storage as well?" Billy asked kindly.

"Yes."

He went over all the details, the initial fees as well as the fee for additional hours, the cost of the storage unit. I zoned out, mmming and ahhing at appropriate moments. Finally Billy stopped talking, "Okay we'll be seeing you this Saturday at 1 pm. Have a great day!"

"Thank you," I murmured and hung up. The second I set the phone down, it rang. I picked it back up, "Hello?" I said wearily.

"Bella? Its me," Edward said, "You called?"

"Yes, Edward, I did. I need to speak with you, the sooner the better, preferably," I picked up the pen I used to jot down the date and time the movers were going to show up and started drawing hearts and stars.

"I, uh, okay, where did you want to meet?"

"At home, I think that would be best."

"Okay. I can be there around five. Will that work for you?" I could hear papers being shuffled in the back ground. I looked at the clock, it was quarter to two.

"Yes, that's fine. I'll see you then," I said and hung up. I sighed and grabbed my car keys. _Best to probably get over there and start getting my stuff together; figure out what I wanted and what could go in the garbage, _I thought.

As I drove across town, I thought about what to say to him. I barely had a leg to stand on, we were both cheating on each other, so I really couldn't get mad about that; but the fact that he'd been cheating on me for a year pissed me off. I could not, for the life of me, fathom why he just wouldn't end it. What was the point of coming home every night and looking me in the eye and lying? How could he look at himself in the morning after making love to me and telling me he loved me all night? How many times did he touch Tanya the way he touched me; said things to her he'd only ever said to me? That's what hurt the most, the lies. People grew apart; that was life, people cheated; they cheated on their taxes, they cheated death, they cheated at their video games.

I sighed, a warm tear slid down my cheek. I viciously swiped it away; I was done crying over Edward, he was no longer worth it. I parked the car in my spot and shut the engine off while staring at the traffic. _You can do this,_ I told myself, _it's been a long time coming, just cut the cord and be done with it._ I opened the door and stepped into the chilly afternoon. In the lobby, Emilio, the security guard, was behind his desk, he nodded to me as I walked by. I gave him a little wave and boarded the elevator behind a woman with a poodle in her Prada. I smiled at her and pressed the button marked 14.

At the 12th floor the elevator stopped and the woman and her dog got off. The doors slid shut, whisper quiet and then resumed the journey up. On the 14th floor I stepped into the silent hallway and listened as my sneakers squeaked on the marble floor.

I was slightly shocked when I opened the apartment door. The furniture was all rearranged, and there was a skimpy black cocktail dress hanging over the back of the couch. _Figures, _I thought, snatching the dress off the back of the couch. _Wait, why do I even care?_ I dropped the dress and went into the bedroom. I'd gotten most of my clothes when I came with Jake before my dad's accident, so there wasn't much left in the closet. On the dresser were a few photos and knick knacks I wanted. But really, there was nothing in this apartment that I really wanted. The art, the furniture Edward could keep it all. I really didn't care.

At 4:30 I heard the front door open. I was sitting on the bedroom floor, a box full of high school memories was open in front of me; a dusty yearbook was lying open in my lap. I was reading all the things people had written thinking how they all wrote the same thing, keep in touch, and yet now, ten years later I had no idea where half of them were.

Edward, leaning against the door frame, cleared his throat. "Ahem," he coughed. I slowly closed the year book and placed my hands on the cover, then looked up at him. "You're early," he said.

I nodded, unfolded my legs and stood. "Yea, well I had nothing better to do. That's a nice dress you had hanging over the couch. You turn into a drag queen while I was away?"

Edward's face turned a deep scarlet, "Bee I can explain-"

I held up a hand cutting him off. "Edward I already know," I said calmly. "I've known for, well for about two weeks, but I've suspected it a hell of a lot longer."

"Bee-"

"No, Edward, I don't want to hear it. I just want you to sit there and shut up and let me talk." I walked to the window and pulled back the drape, gazing out over the city while I collected my thoughts. I took a deep breath then exhaled, fogging the window. I dropped the curtain and turned back to Edward.

"Ten years Edward. Ten years. That's how long we've been together. Through high school, through college and medical school for you; I was the one who was there _every_ step of the way. I was the one who made flash cards and skipped parties to help you study. It was _me _Edward. Me." I ran my hands through my hair, jacking my pony tail up so bad I had to pull the rubber band free and pull it back up.

"But I think you should know that while you've been out being unfaithful for the last year, I, too, have met some one."

Edwards green eyes flashed with blazing anger.

"You can't possibly be mad? Do unto others, Edward. Not that I intentionally set out to fall in love with some one else, but I did and now I'm ending this." I motioned to the space between us, to him and myself. "Because, seriously Edward, you should have ended it a year ago before you cheated. I would have still respected you then at least. And what bothers me the most is the simple fact that you felt like you had to sneak around. I'm stronger than you think I am, Edward, I could have handled it. I don't need you the way you want to believe I do."

I felt ill, and angry, "And you know what, our whole life was a fucking lie. You thought you could lie to me; I gave you all of my trust. I loved you, now it's all down the drain. It's gone and for what? A skeezy romp in the sack with a crazy chick? God, I hope it was worth it Edward, because you just lost the best damn thing you ever had."

I turned away from him, the very sight of him looking like an ashamed and scolded six year old made me want to punch him and hug him all in the same second. "Look, a moving company is coming here Saturday afternoon to pack my stuff. That's all I want from you, my stuff and I want to keep my car. That's it. I don't want an explanation or an apology; just my stuff and my car and to never see your face again. Maybe in the future I can be friends with you, but right now I just want to punch you in the teeth. And please, I still care deeply for Alice and your parents, so I would appreciate it if you didn't bad mouth me to them."

Edward finally spoke, "Bee, I'm sorry."

I looked at him, "You never should have done anything to be sorry for."

"I don't know what to say," he finally admitted, his voice laced with defeat.

"There's nothing left to say, Edward. Except maybe that you shouldn't let your whore re-decorate your girlfriend's apartment before you break up with her." I pushed past him and stood in the middle of the living room looking around. "I won't be your doormat anymore."

"Bella at least let me explain," Edward pleaded.

"Why? What's the point? Do you really think I want to hear every sordid detail of your affair? Oh wait," I turned on my heel and glared at him, "It was an accident, wasn't it? You didn't mean to, and it was only going to be one time, but you couldn't stop. Or you planned to stop seeing her, but I pissed you off and that's how you justified it. No, I know. I wasn't satisfying you in bed, that's it isn't it."

"No, it wasn't like that. I just felt bad for her, at first it was just coffee."

"I know. I heard that morning you told my mom about it. That's how I found out. Oh and not to mention that your girlfriend has a rather large mouth. She should be careful what she says, and where she says it. And not only that, but screwing in your office? Seriously, how tacky is that?" His mouth dropped in shock.

"How did you know about that?" he hissed. Then I saw it, the realization and understanding. "Dr. Fuller's new patient, he's the guy you've been seeing, isn't he? He's the one who told you about Tanya."

I shook my head, "No, he confirmed what I already knew, but he didn't tell me. You did, with all your 'oh I'm working late' excuses and then she answered your phone, and then you told my _mom,_ of all people my mother? Are you nuts? You're lucky she didn't castrate you."

"Are you going to go to Fuller about this?" Edward asked; the fear in his voice was apparent.

I shook my head no, "What do you take me for? Some kind of vengeful, career ruining bitch? I don't care any more Edward. I stopped caring about four weeks ago. If you want to ruin your career by sleeping with a patient, go for it."

I grabbed my purse off the coffee table, "So…I'm done. I'm done with you, with this," I motioned to the apartment around me, "with us."

"Bella, I'm sorry, please forgive me."

I snorted, "There's nothing to forgive. You don't exist to me anymore."

I turned and pulled the front door open and let it slam behind me. I ran down the hall and jabbed the elevator button, wishing it would hurry the hell up. I wanted to be out of here, the sooner the better. The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open; I jumped inside and jabbed the smooth plastic one button.

Outside, I leaned again the driver's side door of the Volvo and breathed a sigh of relief. The dirty laundry that had been accumulating between Edward and I was now all aired out; the slate had been wiped clean. A gust of wind blew through my hair; I shivered and got into the car, more than ready to lose myself in Jacob's arms.

* * *

**Friday evening, one week later**

"Bells!" Jake called from the bathroom.

"What?" I said hopping toward the bathroom as I tried to buckle the death trap Alice had called a shoe. I managed to get the strap into the buckle and not break my neck in the process. Jake was staring at his reflection, running his hands over the front of his shirt unsurely.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his muscular chest. I moved his fingers aside and proceeded to button the remaining buttons.

"Is this shirt okay?"

I moved to the next button, my fingers skimmed his bare chest as I moved to the next button.

"I," I said, sliding the button into its hole, "think you look handsome. It's a nice shirt. Think eh, maybe later I can talk you out of it?"

Jake laughed, the husky sound echoed off the bathroom walls, "Haven't you done that once already? This must be my lucky shirt."

"Must be," I murmured as I finished with the last button.

"You know," he said, glancing at his watch, "We have a little bit of time. Besides, who'd notice if we were late?" he slid his fingers along the nape of my neck and pulled at my zipper.

"Oh no mister, I spent an arm and a leg on this dress, not to mention that I have been waiting for this night for a while; so have you. Now finish up so we can go."

Jake shot me a puppy dog face, I tapped my watch, "Chop, chop."

I heard him grumbling from the bathroom as I opened the dresser drawer and pulled out his matching tie, the one he'd worn in Forks. I set it on the bed next to my jacket and glanced at my reflection in the mirror over the dresser. Jake came out of the bathroom and put on his tie, once he'd cinched it; he picked up my jacket and held it out.

I slid my arms in and turned to make sure his tie was situated. "Is that the only jacket you're wearing?" he asked doubtfully.

"Oh no," I assured him, "It came with the dress, I have a coat in the living room." His face relaxed, "Good. Well I'm ready if you are."

I nodded once and followed him out of the bedroom, shutting off the light as I went. Jake picked up the silver trench coat that was hanging over the back of the couch. He held it out while I slid my arms in; I smiled and picked up my bag.

"Let's go," I said. Jake smiled nervously, "Let's go," he agreed.

Thirty minutes later we were pulling into the parking garage a few blocks from Jared's gallery. Arm in arm we hurried down the street, slipping on a patch of ice here and there, but otherwise making it unscathed. Jake sucked in a huge breath when he opened the door to the gallery. It was packed.

"Are you nervous?" I asked him quietly.

He let out a low chuckle, "Nah, not really. Too many people have faith in my work so someone, somewhere is going to like it."

I rubbed his back, "Good way to think about it."

He smiled, "Let's go."

I followed him around the displays down a short hallway. He rapped on the doorframe and poked his head into Jared's office.

"Jacob!" he exclaimed, "Did you see all those people out there?"

Jake nodded and slipped off his coat, "Sure did Jared. What the consensus? Do they love it or hate it?" he tossed his coat onto a chair by the door and helped me out of mine.

"It's good Jake, so far they seem to like it. So far five have been sold." Jared turned to me as Jake choked on the number.

"Bella, sweetheart, your looking beautiful as ever; Adrianna Papell suits you. This color is beautiful." He air kissed my cheek and I secretly wondered if he was gay. I'd have to ask Jake about it later, he had to be, the only reason I knew who made the dress I was wearing was because of my crazy clothes obsessed best friend slash roommate.

"Thank you Jared, you're looking rather dashing too, might I add."

He smiled, "Thank you darling. Now please, take your troubled painter and go schmooze." He waved us off with a flamboyant flick of the wrist. Yup, he was gay alright.

I grabbed Jake by the wrist, "Come on good looking, let's go meet your adoring public."

Out in the showroom or was it the gallery, ah it didn't matter; Jake and I walked through the small groups of people clustered around the skillfully arranged paintings. Most of the reviews were good, Jake would stop and ask me a question, loud enough to capture the attention of those around us, and he would listen thoughtfully to what the others had to say about his work. Never once did he own up to the fact that he was the artist.

"Why do you do that?" I asked looping my arm through his as we moved toward another group of people; older women this time admiring the message in a bottle.

"Do what?" Jake asked.

"Speak about the paintings like you've never seen them before? Why don't you tell them you're the artist?"

"Because," he said with a sly grin, "I get a more honest opinion when they aren't afraid of hurting my feelings."

I nodded, it made sense. Up ahead I spotted Alice and Jasper, "I'll be right back. Alice is here, she's been dying to meet you and I'd really like you to meet her."

Jake nodded and leaned down to ask one of the women a question about the painting. I scurried off in Alice's direction.

"Bella!" she squealed and hugged me, "These are so fantastic."

"I know aren't they gorgeous. Hi Jasper, how are you?"

"Good, Bella. These are really amazing, I haven't seen anything yet that hasn't blown me away."

I blushed; Jake and I had spent all week arguing over what paintings to show. He wanted to show them all, even the ones he painted at the Miller Tree Inn a few weekends ago. I didn't want those shown, they were way too personal, but Jake had stood firm on showing them and he plead his case well; but in the end I just wasn't comfortable showing them. He'd been disappointed, but understood. Two days before the show I gave in and told him to show them; it was his hard work and it deserved to be appreciated. There were a few though, including the message in a bottle that were not for sale. We simply marked those as purchased before the show started.

I felt a glimmer of regret, but pushed it away, it was just art after all; look at Michelangelo's statue of David, he was hanging out with his wang out and no one seemed to mind, the Venus de Milo was nude from the waist up and no one told her to put a top on. It was art, and no matter what it depicted, someone, somewhere would appreciate it; just as Jake had said.

"Thanks, I guess. Look Jake's right over there, I'd really like for you guys to meet him."

Alice grinned, "I'd love to meet him."

"Down girl," I muttered and together the three of us approached Jake, who was having an intense argument with a middle-aged woman about the meaning of the paper with the words _come back to me_ on it.

"It doesn't mean I love you," she hissed at Jake. He shrugged, "I think it does. But what do I know, I'm not the artist."

I leaned down and whispered into the woman's ear, "It does, actually. Mean I love you, I mean."

She turned to gape at me. "How do you know?" she sputtered, obviously irritated at being wrong.

"Because I'm the painters girlfriend and I'm the one he used to say that too; before he got the courage to actually tell me that he loved me." I winked at Jake.

"Well then," the woman sighed, "you're a very lucky young woman. I wish I could meet this painter fellow of yours."

"You have," I said, pointing at Jake over her shoulder.

She turned to face Jake, her face a lovely shade of red, "I'm sorry, I had no idea it was your work."

"I'm sorry I deceived you. Its fun to hear honest opinions and the only way you can do that is to not spill the beans."

The woman muttered something and hurried away. I smacked Jake's chest, "Knock that off," I said sternly.

He grinned, "Okay, okay."

"I want you to meet Alice, and her boyfriend Jasper."

Alice looked like her face was about to crack open, she was smiling so hard. "Guys, meet Jacob."

Jake shook Jasper's hand, and kissed Alice on the cheek. "So you're Jacob. I have to admit I thought you'd be taller," Alice smiled. "Bella's told me all about you."

"Only the good things, I hope."

Alice giggled, "Yes, only the good things. Your work is beautiful. I'm hoping I can find something to hang in my office at work."

"I hope you can find something, where do you work?"

"Brooks and Banks; it's a publishing house uptown," Alice said with a wave of a hand.

Jake nodded, "That seems interesting."

"It is; I get to read all the manuscripts of promising new authors. It's nice to be able to make some dreams come true; very fulfilling."

Jasper wandered off, meandering through some of the more abstract pieces in the collection. Coming towards us was Dr. Fuller. I tugged Jake's sleeve.

"Look who's here," I said, nodding in Fuller's direction.

Jacob excused himself and went to speak to Fuller. Alice grabbed my arm and we walked toward the back of the gallery.

"Bella," she gushed, "He is scrumptious; and so nice too. And that dress looks absolutely stunning on you."

"Oh this old thing? Some crazy shopaholic picked it out for me." I laughed, "So you really like him?"

"Well, I haven't had much time to talk to him, the four of us should go out to dinner; but yes, I like him. He seems perfect for you. Have you talked to my brother at all?"

"Nope," I said shaking my head, "I told him I didn't want to talk to or see him. I know it's kind of hypocritical you know, with me cheating on him too, but his affair went on for a year and he never ended it. I don't have any respect left for him. And besides, its over, I have no reason to speak to him. He let me get my things last weekend, and he signed the Volvo over to me; so there's nothing left to be said. Why do you ask?"

Alice looked uncomfortable; she started fidgeting with her earring, "He's called the house, a lot. You've been so busy helping Jake with the show that you haven't been home much and I haven't really had a chance to tell you; but he's been calling, leaving messages talking about how he realizes he made a mistake and that he wants you back."

I laughed loudly. "You have got to be kidding me!" I exclaimed. "Typical man, thinks he can walk all over me, use me and then lose me and then come crawling back, begging for mercy. Maybe he needs a shrink because that is just plain crazy. Have you actually spoken to him?"

Alice looked relieved, "Yes. I told him that you moved on, that you were done with him; with your relationship with him. He said he tried to call you cell, but the number didn't work."

I laughed, "That's absurd, to think I'd go back to him after all that's happened. God what a nut." I shook my head, "Oh well, forget about him. Let's see if we can find you something for your office."

At the end of the night Jake, Jared and I sat in Jared's office sipping a celebratory glass of champagne. Over half of Jake's paintings had been sold. Jacob's return to the art world was a success and the two men seemed happy. I sat back on the sofa and enjoyed their jubilance.

"Tomorrow, start working on your next show pieces; don't let another two years go by before you finally decide to grace my office with that ugly mug of yours." Jared downed the rest of his champagne and pointed at me, "And you, young lady, feel free to give him a swift kick in the ass if he procrastinates."

I smiled at him. "I will," I promised. Jake stood and shook Jared's hand. "Thank you for this opportunity, I owe you."

"Give me Rebecca's phone number and we'll call it even. She looked smoking hot, prancing around here earlier in that sexy red dress."

I giggled under my breath, _okay, so maybe he's _not _gay after all._

Jake grumbled and scribbled his sister's number on a sheet of paper and handed it to Jared. "Why didn't you ask her for it yourself earlier?"

"I did, she wouldn't give it to me."

Jake shook his head, "She's gonna kill me. Alright man, I gotta get my lady here home. Come on lady."He pulled me up off the couch and helped me into my coat.

"Alright Jake, well I will give you a call next week, and let you know if any more paintings sell. Take it easy, and congratulations, you deserved it."

The two men shook hands, then Jared leaned in to kiss my cheek, "Be well fair Bella. And remember; kick him in the ass if he stops painting."

"I will Jared. Have a nice weekend and if I don't see you before then, have a happy Thanksgiving." Jake wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

_This is how it's meant to be_ I thought as we headed off into the snowy night, my friends, my boyfriend, my life.

**Reviews are better than telling Edward to go fuck himself...**

**_The Show~Lenka_  
**

_And in case you were wondering this is what the Baker Act is about:_ * Baker Act: The Baker Act is something they do here in Florida, basically if you threaten to cause yourself harm, i.e. commit suicide, someone can call the police and the police can take you into custody and turn you over to the psych ward at the local hospital and keep you under observation for up to seventy two hours. There are other reasons why they enacted the Baker Act, but the most notorious reason is the suicide thing.


	18. Your Parents House

A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters

Ok so..I read all your reviews (can I say aww...I have the BEST reviewers in the world..I don't care what anyone else says you guys are so awesome..some of the reviews made me lol and some made me almost cry) but it's not the end...I promise that when the end _does _come you guys will be the first to know...so...here you go...chapter seventeen and if your nice, I'll give you 18 tomorrow..lol I'm so evil!

And again, a million thanks to ShelbySue my wonder beta...she rocks with all her Charlie "smart-assness" wisdom..still lol-ing about painting what, houses? (she wrote those two lines)

**BPOV**

"Jake, did you already take that purple duffel bag down to the car?" I looked around the bedroom; I knew it was here, I just set it on the bed. I sighed and then strode into the living room. Jake poked his head out of the kitchen doorway, a bright orange baby carrot clenched between his teeth.

"What was that?" he asked, biting into the carrot, it snapped with a loud _crunch._

"My purple duffel bag, did you take it downstairs already?" I asked him.

Jake chewed the carrot and swallowed. "Yea I just took it down; why did you need it?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not sure; I feel like I'm forgetting something but I have no idea what."

I plopped down on the couch, feeling a little queasy. Jake came and sat down next to me, a plastic bowl of ranch dressing in one hand, the bag of baby carrots in the other. He held the bag out to me; I took a proffered carrot and dipped it in the ranch and chewed thoughtfully.

"Did you pack your toothbrush?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Enough clothes?"

I nodded again.

"Cell phone, charger; wallet, makeup…um, hairbrush?"

I nodded once more.

"I don't know what you could be forgetting; but if you remember along the way we'll just stop and get a new one; whatever it is you forgot." Jake popped another carrot in his mouth. I could hear it crunching as he chewed.

I double dipped my carrot and stared at it, I knew I was forgetting something, and I knew it was something that I needed, but for the life of me I could not figure out what. The sensation was unsettling. I popped the carrot into my mouth and chewed. My stomach was still a little unsettled; I got up and went into the kitchen in search of some crackers.

Jake poked his head into the kitchen. "You about ready to head out?" he asked as he reached over my head for the box of saltines on the top shelf. He grabbed the box and handed it to me, I grabbed them from him. "I'm ready now," I said opening the box of crackers.

Jake eyed the box. "You okay?" he asked as he searched his pockets for the car keys.

I plucked the keys out of the fruit basket. I nodded and handed him the keys. "I think I might be getting sick; the flu or something. I've been feeling out of it lately."

The concern in Jake's eyes was apparent. "I'll go to the doctor next week if I don't start feeling better," I told him. I didn't want him to worry, besides, I was sure that it was nothing.

"Alright. Well the cars all packed, so let's roll."

I pulled my coat on and followed him down the stairs. "Are you nervous?" I asked as Jake pulled into traffic.

"About what?" he asked as he pulled onto the 104 and headed west toward Edmonds.

"Meeting my parents."

"Nah, not really; well maybe your dad. Dad's are always the worst."

I laughed. "Well I'm glad that you know that. My dad's probably going to be a huge pain in the ass. Mom said he's gotten a little better, but he's still struggling with the new diet. And he's still stuck in the wheel chair; it'll be okay though."

Jake laughed and slowed the car as we approached the ferry terminal. He rolled the window down and paid the fee. The frigid winter air swirled into the car. I shivered and turned the vent toward me, the warm air blowing in my face instantly warmed me again.

Pulling forward, Jake slid the ferry ticket onto the dash and rolled the window up. "Do you want to stay in the car or get out?"

I swallowed the cracker I'd been chewing, "Let's get out. Maybe the cool air will help me feel better."

Jake shut off the car and we both got out and headed, hand in hand, toward the upper deck. The ferry was quickly filling so we snagged a bench and watched the cars pull onto the deck. Fifteen minutes later the ferry's horn blasted, a flock of seagulls scattered, crying out as they dispersed.

Jake was playing with a strand of my hair that had slipped out of my ponytail. It had been blowing in the wintry breeze when he grabbed it and gently wrapped it around his index finger.

"You have such pretty hair," he said letting the strand fall away from his finger. I smiled at him. "Really, you do. It is such a rich color, makes me think of a rich cup of coffee."

"Thank you," I said and snuggled closer to his chest, watching as Edmonds slipped farther and farther away.

"So…," Jake began.

"So," I retorted.

"Christmas is coming; is there anything in particular that you wanted?"

"You," I said.

Jake smiled. "You already have me. Was there anything else you wanted?"

I shook my head no; I already had everything I wanted. "How about you; is there anything you want?"

"There are a few things I want," he said mysteriously.

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?" I asked archly. Jake nodded.

"Like what?" I was truly curious now.

"Well, for starters, I'd like you to officially move in with me. Next, I'd like to ask you to marry me, and hear you say yes."

My heart started racing when he mentioned marriage. Ten years with Edward and he never uttered the word once; one month with Jake and here I was.

_They are not the same, not even close,_ I reminded myself.

"Go on," I encouraged, my voice surprisingly steady.

Jake wrapped his arms around me; pulling me closer to his chest. "I want to feel like forever; just happy and content to spend everyday of the rest of my life loving you. I want to wake up and have your beautiful face be the first thing I see when I open my eyes and I want it to be the last thing I see when I close my eyes at night. I want, if you want, to watch your stomach swell as our babies grow."

Jake's thumb carefully wiped away the tears that were spilling from my eyes. "Now are you sure you don't want anything for Christmas?"

I sniffled. _How did I get so lucky? _I wondered. "I want you, all of you, forever. I want getaways to snowy B & B's and art shows; dinner dates with friends, chick flicks and chicken noodle soup. I want to one day be your wife and mother of your children; but right now I just want you and only you." I peeked up at his face, afraid I might have hurt his feelings.

Jake's face was happy. He smiled; the corners of his brown eyes crinkled. "How about moving in?"

"I will move in, but first let's just get through this weekend."

He kissed my forehead, "Okay."

The ferry blew its horn as we approached the terminal in Kingston. Jake and I stood and made our way back down to where the car was parked.

"You know," I said with a laugh as I got into the car, "I'm really starting to get sick of this ferry."

* * *

As Jake pulled into the driveway behind my old Chevy, the old green and white gingham kitchen curtains swished, and fell into place. "Brace yourself for a Renee impact in 10, 9, 8-,"

Jake laughed. "What are you talking about?" he asked looking around.

"You'll see. 5, 4-," I counted down slowly.

The front door opened and Renee came bustling down the front step as if it had been a year, instead of two weeks, since she'd last seen me.

"3, 2-,"

Jake opened the car door and got out as I said, "One!" Renee threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"You must be Jacob!" she exclaimed, "Oh Bella's told me so much about you. It's so nice to finally meet you."

I got out of the car, as I shut the door I could hear Charlie yelling about the front door being open.

"Hey Mom," I smiled. Renee hurried around the front of the car, I met her halfway.

"Bella!" she exclaimed and threw her arms around my shoulders. "He's a total hunk," she whispered in my ear.

I snickered. "Have you been hanging out with Alice?" I whispered back.

"No," Renee laughed, "But she is here with her boyfriend, oh what is his name, James?"

"Jasper," I corrected her.

"That's right. Well I bumped into her and Esme in Kroger yesterday. That butthole son of hers was with her too. But anyways, let's get out of the snow. Come on good looking," she reached for Jakes hand and led him into the house.

I followed closely behind listening to Renee's incessant chatter. Charlie was settled in his recliner in the corner of the living room; a can of beer in one hand, the television remote in the other.

"Hey Dad," I said, dropping a kiss on his forehead.

"Hi sweetie," Charlie said, "How have you been since you left?"

I giggled. "Fine. Dad, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Jake. Jake this is my dad, Charlie."

Jake offered Charlie his hand. "How are you sir?"

Charlie took it and eyed him warily. "Just fine, sit." he snapped and dropped Jake's hand.

I sat down on the couch and pulled Jake down next to me.

Jake carefully regarded Charlie who was giving him all kinds of nasty looks from his La-Z-Boy. Charlie took a swig of his beer then set the sweating can back into the plastic cup holder on the arm of the chair.

"So how'd you two meet?" Charlie asked, muting the TV.

"Work," Jake replied.

"And what is it exactly that you do?"

"I'm a painter," Jake replied.

"As in houses?" Charlie scoffed and gave Jake a disgusted look.

"As in canvases." Jake corrected him trying not to look offended.

"Oh," Charlie said, his tone implied there was something wrong with that.

"You don't like art?" Jake asked.

"Never said I didn't like art, just don't think that's a suitable career for the man dating my daughter."

Jake opened his mouth; then snapped it shut again quickly. "I do just fine," Jake remarked.

"Humph. Got a record?"

Jake's jaw dropped. "If you lie, I'll know. I'm a cop, remember." Charlie tapped his forehead like he had a built in lie detector. I stifled a laugh as I thought back to our conversation about Charlie dragging Jake down to the basement to administer a lie detector test.

"I've never been arrested, never been in any trouble with the law. I have a B.F.A-,"

"A what?" Charlie interrupted.

"A Bachelor's in Fine Arts, I minored in photography, from the USC Gayle Garner Roski School of Fine Arts. My parents are both deceased, my mother died from ovarian cancer when I was sixteen; my father and sister were killed in a car accident. My other sister lives in Seattle. I love Bella, and I have no plans to ever change that." Jake sighed and grabbed my hand. His palms were sweating and I could see the rapid flickering on his neck that was his pulse.

"I'm sure you're incapable of understanding just how amazing Bella is, but know this; my daughter is very precious to me, don't underestimate her importance." Charlie was staring Jake down, giving him the bad-cop stink eye, but I had to give it to Jake, he never let his gaze falter. Edward had never stood his ground to my father, he cowered like a child. _Stop comparing them, you know Edward could never win and you don't even want him anymore._ I felt more loved watching Jake look my father in the eye for me than I had ever felt looking into Edward's eyes.

I ran my thumb over his and shot Charlie a meaningful look that said "Be nice."

"I'm going to go see if mom needs any help in the kitchen. Will you two be okay out here alone?" Both Charlie and Jake nodded. I turned to Jake, "If he gives you any trouble just steal the remote and turn on Martha Stewart; he'll shut right up and beg for mercy. And you'll be safe for another three weeks to three months; just depends on how long his legs take to heal. But don't worry; he doesn't know where you live." Jake smiled and kissed my hand.

I turned to Charlie. "And you," I said pointing at his chest, "Be nice and maybe I'll sneak you a ho-ho."

I stifled a chuckle at Charlie's almost euphoric grin at the mention of his beloved ho-ho's. "Come back to me," Jake whispered as I left the living room.

I found Renee in the kitchen staring at a giant turkey in a blue metal baking dish.

"What are you doing?" I asked her as I leaned against the counter.

"Communicating with the turkey. I want tomorrow to go off with out a fire or explosion of any kind," she replied, her tone implied that she was, in fact, dead serious.

I burst out laughing as Renee gave the turkey one final stern look.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked me.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and exhaled, still giggling. "You. You're killing me, Mom. Do you want me to cook the turkey?" I grabbed a bottle of water off the counter next to the stove and twisted the lid and swallowed a mouthful of lukewarm water.

"Have you ever cooked a turkey?" she asked dubiously.

I rolled my eyes, "Only every year for the last five years or so. "

"Did you ever burn down a kitchen or blow up a turkey?"

I started to laugh again. "I burnt my first one. Edward, Alice, Jasper and I thought it would be a good idea to go for a hike in the woods while the turkey cooked. We wound up getting lost and ate turkey jerky for a week."

Now it was Renee's turn to laugh. "Yum," she said with a chuckle, "I bet that was tasty."

I shook my head no. "Uh uh, have you ever had a turkey jerky sandwich or turkey jerky soup? My dentist had a field day. I think I made him independently wealthy."

Renee wiped her eyes, as I continued, "Jasper used to tell Alice she was going to fall asleep in the tanning bed and wake up looking like turkey jerky. It went from being a ruined dinner to a whole culture in our little circle; it was used to describe texture and color. Jasper and Edward turned it into their own slang. If they didn't like something they would say something like 'Oh no way, that's so turkey jerky."

Renee leaned back against the counter and dabbed her eyes with the green and white checkered hand towel. "Okay enough," she wheezed.

"Enough what?" Charlie demanded, wheeling himself into the kitchen. Jake followed a few paces behind him. His face a façade of calmness, but I could see the irritation brewing behind his dark eyes.

"Bella was telling me about the first turkey she ever cooked," Renee told him.

Charlie nodded, "Bet it was delicious wasn't it Bells?"

I blushed as Renee cawed, "She burnt it; started a whole turkey movement."

Charlie smiled, "Ah, its okay. Bella is a brilliant cook." He turned to Jake, "How about you, besides liking the Cowboys can you cook? Did you know your boyfriend here likes the Cowboys?"

I rolled my eyes at him and played with the cap on my bottle of water. "So?" I said flippantly and reached for Jake. "Ignore him; my dad thinks that if it's not made in Washington state it's not worth the time of day. Right Dad?"

Charlie shrugged, "Never been steered wrong before. I will be rooting for the Seahawks tomorrow. And, might I add, will enjoy rubbing it in your face when they win, Jake."

Jake's expression remained neutral. "We'll see," he said simply.

Charlie muttered something then wheeled himself out of the kitchen, Renee followed him.

"How are you and my dad getting along?" I asked softly.

Jake groaned inwardly. "He hates me," he said.

"He's a dad, isn't he supposed to hate you?" I smiled at him. "You wanna get out for a while. I can give you the Forks grand tour…or we can go to the grocery store and buy Charlie some ho-ho's and you can slip them to him whenever he says something nice to you. I bet he'll change his mind about you real fast after that."

Jake laughed, "You make him sound like he is a puppy in a dog show. Slip him a treat so he behaves. Sounds good, let's go." He grabbed my arm and playfully pulled me toward the foyer. I laughed and smacked his arm.

"You're horrible," I said.

"You suggested it," he retorted.

I nodded, "Yea I did. Come on, let's go in and sit with them for a little while."

We walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. "So, Mom, Dad; Christmas tree shopping on Friday?" I asked glancing at the two of them.

"We were just going to pick up one from Lowes, seeing as how your father is still crippled," Renee joked.

I laughed. "Alright Dad, way to ruin tradition."

Charlie shot me a dirty look, "That was _our _tradition, Bells."

I leaned against Jake's chest. "It was our tradition, Dad, and you know what they say. If it isn't broke-"

"Don't fix it," Charlie and I said in unison.

I glanced up at Jake, "See, back when I was a teenager, Charlie and I would eat microwave turkey slices and some Stovetop stuffing for Thanksgiving dinner. He would sit in his easy chair and watch football and I would sprawl out on the couch and read. Then on Friday morning; we'd get up super early and drive out to Henderson's Christmas tree farm and spend hours trying to find the most perfect Christmas tree. Then we'd spend the next two weeks fighting off the flu; but we always had the best tree and the most fun."

In his reclining chair across the living room I could see tears shining in Charlie's milk chocolate eyes. "Yea and Bella would make sure to wrap up the day with a trip to the emergency room. The first year she was here, she fell and broke her arm when her foot got caught in the net they use to wrap your tree in. Then the next year, she tripped over a tree branch and had to have four stitches on her forehead."

He leaned his head against the back of the reclining chair, the ghosts of holidays past glided across his face. "I've missed having you around," he whispered.

"Aw, Dad," I cried and rushed to his side. I sat on the recliners arm and leaned against Charlie's chest. He patted my back. "I like Jake. He's a keeper, okay?" he whispered into my ear.

I sat up and nodded. "Good, now get your bony ass off the arm of my brand new chair."

I laughed and went back to sit next to Jake. Glancing at the clock on the wall above the TV, I looked at Jake. "Let's get out of here for a little while," I suggested. He looked all too relieved to get out of the house and practically jumped off the couch.

"We'll be back in a bit," I said to my parents. "Do either of you need anything while we're gone?"

Both of my parents shook their heads no. Jake and I pulled our coats on and headed out into the snow. "Drive or walk?" I asked him.

"Walk," he replied.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the woods. "C'mon, I wanna show you something."

"Where are we going?" Jake asked as I pulled him through the deep snow and into the silent woods.

"To the place where I used to come whenever life seemed to be getting out of control; I would just escape and put things into perspective." I trudged through the snow, the toes of my socks slowly growing cold as the snow melted through my sneakers. I lifted back the branches of the tree, the old branch groaned under the burden of the snow weighing down its brittle branches, and motioned Jake into the small clearing in the middle of the woods.

He ducked and folded his tall frame through the small opening. I followed behind him, letting the tree branches fall back into place behind me. They swished shut, dropping a mound of snow onto the ground as they did.

"Wow, this is pretty amazing," he said, as he looked around my private sanctuary.

"There used to be a bench there," I said pointing to the opposite side of the clearing, "Well more like a very large tree branch. But I think a few years ago some kids infiltrated my hideout and either stole it or destroyed it."

Jake laughed, "Either way, this place is still amazing. I can see you here, an angst ridden teenager, escaping here to contemplate the ins and outs of life."

"Shut up," I said, lightly slapping his chest. "It was hard being the new kid in town. I had to leave Phoenix, move here to a place I hadn't been since I was a kid; live with my day, who I barely knew. Back then I kinda felt a little abandoned by my mom. Looking back now, I know she didn't abandon me, but to a seventeen year old kid it sure did feel that way. You know, like she found a new life, and cast me out here because I didn't fit into her new life."

I kicked at the snow on the ground; I had never admitted that to anyone; not Edward or my father and definitely not my mom. I felt almost ashamed for ever having felt those emotions.

"Did you ever tell your parents that?" Jake asked from across the clearing.

I shook my head no. "Why not?" he asked.

"I felt foolish for thinking that; and that if I ever told anyone that, they would have ridiculed me." I continued staring at the snow as Jake made his way to my side.

"You never said anything to anyone until right now?"

"Yes. You're the only person I have ever told that to." I wiped away the tears that had managed to escape from my eyes.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you've had to carry that around with you for so long," Jake sounded truly upset, and he wrapped his arms around me. "You're shivering," he observed.

"I'm cold," I admitted. "And my toes are wet and slowly starting to freeze."

"Come on, let's get you back home," he declared and ruthlessly pulled back the tree branch. All the snow that was left on it tumbled onto Jake's head.

I laughed. "Come on abominable snowman, let's go."

He followed me back onto the trail shaking the snow out of his hair. Tiny white flakes gently floated down from his head and landed on mine. I closed my eyes and felt a few of the flakes land on my eye lashes.

"I wish I had my camera with me; you look absolutely stunning."

I felt my breath catch in my throat and my cheeks burned. "Thank you," I murmured; still unable to believe how incredibly lucky I was that this man loved me.

**Reviews are better than...well hmmm...frozen toes!**

**Your Parents House~The Pale**


	19. All that Lies

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

*pummels fist in the air* Yesss! the turkey jerky movement was a success! I was sitting here writing it, giggling like a madman and my husband is all like, "what are you laughing at over there?" so I read it to him and he rolls his eyes..so I called him a jerk and kept laughing..but anyways...the actual burnt turkey/hiking thing is for real..the year after my mom and step dad got married, they took us to this park in Jersey (thats where I grew up) called Bethlehem Park and we were there and my mom forgot about the turkey and when we got home it was burnt to a crisp...the turkey jerky spawned from that..so, Mom, if there's ever a blue moon and you've managed to figure out what Twilight is, and somehow stumbled upon this..I'm sorry...and here is chapter 19 because I promised if you left me nice reviews I would be nice and post it soon...the next chapter is a ways out..I have two different scenarios that I'm working on, trying to figure it all out..so be patient..lol..and last, Shelby Sue my beta guru, thank you for all your help & advice : )

**BPOV**

"Mom, where did you put the damn oven mitt?" I ran my hand threw my hair and spun around the kitchen searching for the other oven mitt.

Jake handed it to me. "Here, sorry, I moved it so I could peel these potatoes."

I snatched it from his grasp, "Thank you." I reached into the oven and pulled out the turkey. "Hello gorgeous," I said sweetly to the golden brown turkey.

Beside me, Jake laughed. "Who you calling gorgeous, gorgeous?" he said in an accent that even Humphrey Bogart would have been proud of.

I laughed and basted the turkey. "How are you doing with those potatoes?" I asked glancing at his progress from over my shoulder.

Jake looked frustrated. He stared at the mound of potatoes on the cutting board. "Eh, I'm getting there. It was either deal with the vegetable peeler or your father. The peeler seems like the lesser of the two evils."

I inserted the thermometer into the turkey; yea it had that stupid little plastic pop-up button, but I had learned now not to trust them. "He's just doing it because he likes you," I said as I crossed the small space between us and wrapped my arms around Jake's neck.

"Likes to torture me, is more like," Jake grumbled.

"It'll be okay. Why don't you go in there and watch the Cowboys kick the Seahawks asses. I'll peel these. And here, take my dad a real beer. You can even tell him that you snuck it to him with out me knowing."

Jake looked like he would rather have red hot needles shoved under his finger nails than go back into the living room. I bumped him with my hip. "Go on," I said with a smile, "He's in a wheel chair after all, if he gets on your nerves, dump him on the floor and run like hell."

Jake laughed and set the vegetable peeler down and pulled two bottles of beer out of the refrigerator. "You owe me," he said as he walked out of the kitchen. I checked the temperature on the turkey and slid it back into the oven.

"I know I do," I called over my shoulder.

I set to work peeling and dicing the potatoes, and checked the bread dough to see if it was rising properly. I could hear the occasional curse coming from the living room. From the sound of it, the Cowboys were winning. Charlie was grumbling under his breath, Jake would cheer and yell things like "It's not true what they say about you, Romo, either that or your girlfriend stayed home today." I had no idea what he was talking about, but I smiled, glad that he was at least finally starting to enjoy himself.

At halftime, Renee came into the kitchen, her arms loaded down with empty beer bottles, from the living room I could hear Taylor Swift screeching about "tears on her guitar."

"Oh, here Mom, let me help you with that." I grabbed some of the empties from her and deposited them into the blue recycling bin outside the back door.

"Thanks honey. Dinner smells good. Is there anything I can do to help?"

I shook my head no and lifted the checkered towel and glanced at my bread dough. "Nope, I've pretty much so got it all under control. Dad and Jake haven't killed each other yet, have they?"

Renee laughed and twisted the top off another bottle of beer. "Not yet. They seem to be getting along a little better. I think it would help if you told Dad what happened with Edward. He doesn't understand how you can date someone for ten years then break up without so much as a word about why. And it doesn't help that you bring a guy you've been dating for three weeks home for Thanksgiving dinner. Don't get me wrong, I like Jake just fine; but your father, well he's a different story."

I shook my head adamantly. "No Mom, I told Edward not to talk badly about me in front of his family. It's only fair to do the same. And not only that, but Dad doesn't need to be that deep in my business. God only knows what he would do if I told him and he happened to see Edward. He'd probably shoot first and ask questions later. It's just easier if he doesn't know."

Renee looked at me skeptically, I shook my head at her and made a _well, what did you want? _face at her. "Don't make that face at me, young lady."

"Trust me Mom; it's easier if Dad doesn't know."

Renee opened the fridge and grabbed three more bottles of beer, "If that's what you want, honey. But I still think you should tell him."

I sighed and wiped my hands on the checker printed dish towel. "I know," I said and picked up the knife I'd been using to chop apples with before Renee had come in.

I turned and pointed the knife at the beer bottles she carried, "You guys ease up on those or you are all going to be passed out before dinner's done."

Renee smiled and headed back to the living room. "Oh no, look at that Charlie, Cowboys are winning, woo hoo!"

I laughed and finished chopping the apples. The soft and steady _thunk, thunk_ of the knife as it hit the wooden cutting board was relaxing. After I finished cutting the apples I scooped the seeds and skins into the palm of my hand and tossed them down the garbage disposal.

I finished the pie and washed my hands, then grabbed my own beer and went to join my family in the living room. "Hey babe," Jake said, pulling me down onto the couch next to him.

"Don't spill that beer on my sofa, Isabella," Charlie warned.

My face flushed, I hadn't been called that in so long. "How are those Seahawks doing, huh Dad?"

Now it was Charlie's turn to blush, "Be quiet Bells."

"That's what I thought," I said with a laugh.

I sat back and cheered when Jake and Renee cheered and booed when the Seahawks made a touch down. Lucky for Jake, in the last half of the fourth quarter the Seahawks had a change of luck.

They scored a touch down, ran the ball into the end zone for a two point conversion, then intercepted the Cowboy's ball right after the first down and ran it all the way down the field for yet another touch down.

Jake and Renee sat on the couch quietly with their mouths hanging open while Charlie whooped and yelled at the TV. Things seemed to be turning around when the Cowboy's kicker made a 54 yard field goal, but Seattle stomped any chance of a win by scoring the winning touch down in the last fifteen seconds of the game.

"Ha!" Charlie yelled, "Score one for good ole Washington State."

I laughed at his exuberance and went to check on the turkey. Jake followed behind me, eager to get away from my father and his enthusiasm over Seattle's win.

"That smells good," Jake said as I pulled the turkey out of the oven.

I grabbed the thermometer and shoved it into the turkey and watched as the needle steadily rose. "It better, I've been up since six this morning."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Jake asked, looking around for something to do.

I shook my head no. "Everything's already done. We've just been waiting for this baby to finish cooking."

I glanced at the thermometer again, "And now the turkey's done too. Hey Mom!"

"What?" she hollered from the living room.

"Where are we eating?" I hollered back.

"Stop the damn yelling," Charlie yelled from his chair.

"What?" I yelled back, "I can't hear you, there's too much yelling going on in here."

"Smart ass," Charlie yelled.

"I know, I get it from my father," I hollered.

Renee came into the kitchen. "What's with all the yelling?" she shouted. "I can't hear myself think!"

"I just needed to know where we were eating. Are we going to pretend to be a normal family and eat at the table?"

"Hell, Bells, we're not a normal family. We are going to eat with the Cardinals in the living room. Come on, you hunk, help an old lady find some plates."

Renee grabbed Jake's arm and hiccupped. _Oh boy, _I groaned silently, somebody's _drunk. _ I shot Jake a sympathetic glance and mouthed, _I'm sorry. _

He grinned foolishly. _It's okay; _he mouthed back and opened the cabinet, searching for plates.

"Next one over," Renee pointed to the cabinet next to the sink. Jake pulled it open and grabbed four plates and set them on the counter.

"Renee," Charlie called from the living room, "Cardinals against the Eagles, game starts in five."

Renee grabbed a plate and started piling turkey and potatoes on it; she scooped a spoonful of stuffing on top of the turkey and grabbed some sweet potatoes.

"Mom, do you need another plate? Jake, grab another plate for Mom, before she winds up spilling her dinner all over the floor."

Jake grabbed the plate Renee had in her hands and handed her another plate, "Here," he said as he handed it to her. "I'll hold this one for you."

Renee finished putting food on a plate for her and Charlie and she and Jake headed into the living room.

Jake came back into the kitchen. "You mom is a little tipsy," he grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes I see that. Don't hold it against her though. She normally doesn't drink, except when she watches football." He hooked his arm around my waist and lowered his lips to mine.

"I won't," he mumbled against my mouth.

"Won't what?" I sighed.

"Hold it against her. She's sweet."

I grasped his face in my hands. "I love you," I said looking into his calm eyes.

"I love the fact that you smell like pie."

I smacked his chest, "Smartass. Here I am confessing my undying love for you and you tell me I smell like pie."

He kissed me again, "I do love you; _and_ the fact that you smell like pie."

Once we'd all settled in the living room, Charlie hit the pause button on the TiVo.

"Okay before we eat, I want to give thanks. I want to thank Bella for coming home to take care of me, even when I was a huge pain in the ass. Renee, I love you, I'm glad you came home. I'm thankful for my life and my plasma screen and Sports Center."

The tears that were threatening to spill were quickly replaced with laughter. Only my father would give thanks for his plasma screen.

Charlie looked at me, "Bells?"

I set my plate on the coffee table. "Me? I'm thankful for a chance to start over, and do things a little differently; I'm thankful that I was able to be a part of your art," I said looking at Jake, "And for the chance to know you. Dad, I'm thankful that you realized you were a pain in the ass, but more importantly that you're okay, and Mom, I'm thankful that you decided to come home. It's nice, having you so much closer."

Charlie gave Jake the stink eye, "Jacob?"

Jake looked uncomfortable. "I'm thankful for Bella." He wiped his mouth with his napkin the set it down on the table next to my plate. "She saved me; she wouldn't let me give up when that was all I wanted to do. She made me see that there was more than what met the eye. I'm thankful for her, and everything she has taught me these last few weeks. I am forever changed because of who she is; so for that, I am thankful for you, her parents, as well."

He picked up his soda and took a long swallow. Charlie scowled. "Renee?"

Renee smiled sweetly, "I am thankful that I was able to come home; that those I love are happy and healthy, and safe. I am thankful to _finally _be out of Florida, and I am thankful that even though so much time has gone by, Charlie and I were able to reconnect."

"All right then," Charlie chuckled, "Let's eat!"

* * *

I woke up early Friday morning and slipped out of bed and into the bathroom to take a shower before Renee could wake up and use all the hot water first.

I turned my face to the spray and made a list of things that we had to do today. I had scrapped the Lowes Christmas tree idea; on the way into Forks I'd seen an area set up in the park where they were selling trees. It wasn't Henderson's but it was better than Lowes. So after breakfast we would head over there and find a tree, then I'd have Jake head up to the attic and see if he could find the Christmas decorations. I had to call Alice, see if she and Jasper were still in town, if they were maybe the four of us could go out to dinner. Then we'd decorate the tree and put up some lights.

I shut off the water and wrapped a towel around me. I wiped off the mirror with my hand and ran a comb through my tangled hair. That nagging feeling came back as I stared at my reflection in the mirror; the feeling that I had forgot something at home that I needed. I frowned at myself in the mirror, still unable to figure out what it was. _Oh well, _I thought and set the comb on the counter. _I'm sure that whatever it is can't be that important if I can't remember __it__. _

Back in my room I slid into some jeans and a pulled on a grey hoodie. Beside me on the bed, Jake stirred.

"Morning," he said, yawning, his long arms raised above his head.

"Good morning," I said, smiling at him. "I'm gonna go make breakfast. Is there anything you want?"

"Eggs, please." He closed his eyes and lay back against the pillows.

"Okay. Start waking up though," I smacked his leg and dug through my bag, looking for some socks.

"Mmkay."

I found some socks and carried them downstairs. In the kitchen, I made coffee and started cooking breakfast. Upstairs I could hear Jake walking around; a few minutes later the shower turned on.

Renee came down five minutes later. "Morning," she growled.

"Mhmm," I said sipping my coffee. Renee grabbed the coffee pot and poured some into her coffee cup. She pressed the thick green mug to her lips and took swallowed a mouthful of black coffee.

"Much better," she said her voice slightly less growly than a moment ago.

"What time do you and Dad want to leave for the park?" I asked cracking an egg into the sizzling frying pan. The egg hissed as it hit the heat and immediately turned white, the edges waving up at me.

"How about eleven, is that too late?" Renee asked as she raised the coffee mug to her lips.

I poked the egg yolk and watched as the yellow bled into the frying pan. I let it sit for second, adding a dash of salt and pepper before finally flipping it.

"Eleven is fine. Do you want eggs?" I heard Jake coming down the stairs quietly. He came into the kitchen, his hair still damp. "Do you want toast, Jake?"

"I can get it, hon," He kissed the top of my head, "As soon as I find the bread. Good morning, Renee."

"Bread's over there, by the fridge."

"Bella did you want toast too?" Jake asked; his hand poised over the vacant toaster spots.

I nodded, "Yes, please." I heard him drop the toast into the toaster. I opened the dishwasher beside me and pulled a plate out and set the steaming eggs on it. "Jake, eggs."

He took the plate and I cracked two more eggs into the frying pan. I heard the springs on the couch groan as Charlie stirred. He grunted once as he pulled himself into his wheel chair. The rubber wheels squeaked on the wooden floor.

"Morning Dad, eggs?"

"Mhmm, coffee?"

"Yea, hold on I'll get it for you." I reached into the cabinet and got Charlie's coffee mug out. From the outside looking in, one would probably think I was interacting with a group of cavemen; all grunts and growls in the morning. I fixed Charlie his coffee and eggs; then finally made my own breakfast.

At eleven, I put my jacket on and slid my feet into my sneakers and opened the front door. I had to make sure there was room in the trunk of Renee's car for Charlie's wheel chair as Jake and I were going to take the Chevy. I hopped down the front steps and was making my carefully toward the driveway when Jake rushed up behind me and pulled me down into the snow.

I screamed, the seat of pants slowly starting to get moist. "Let me up!" I shrieked as he mashed a slushy snowball into my hair.

Jake released me and jumped up. He offered me his hand and helped me up. We started walking toward the driveway; that's when I noticed it; a sleek, black Mercedes sat idling behind Renee's navy blue Altima.

"What's _he_ doing here?" I hissed, clutching Jacob's arm.

"Bella, what's wrong? Who is that?" Jake asked, looking from me to the car in the drive way. The engine shut off, the curls of cloudy exhaust that had been rising from the tail pipe dissipated into the air. The driver's side door opened and out stepped Edward.

"Edward what are you doing here?" I called to him.

"I needed to talk to you, Bella; in private." Edward's voice sounded weary, like he hadn't slept in a few days. _Too bad, _I thought.

"Edward, there's nothing left for us to talk about. I really don't care to hear anything you have to say unless something has happened to Esme, Carlisle or Alice."

"Bella, can we please talk about this privately," Edward pleaded. I looked from him to Jake, then back to him.

"That's what this is about? You came over here to convince me to take you back? Are you freaking kidding me?"

Jake placed his hand on my arm. "Do you mind if I say something?" he asked, his tone implied that he was going to speak his piece whether I approved or not.

"No, go ahead Jake." I stepped back and let Jake say what he needed to say.

"It's Edward, right? Is it okay if I call you Edward?" Jake asked cordially.

Edward just shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, here's the thing," Jake began. Clasping his hands together he started pacing in front of me. "You cheated on Bella, for a year, right? And now here you are, pretty much begging for her back. Man to man, you look pitiful. You know you messed up; Bella ended it two weeks ago. Obviously what the two of you had is over in her book. She hasn't returned your phone calls, hasn't come to see you, you two haven't had any contact at all. So just let it go. Get in your car and go home and let her enjoy her time with her parents, okay. Let them go do their modified family tradition in peace. Stop trying to call her cell phone, stop asking about her; she's fine. I'll make damn sure of it, anything she needs, anything she wants, I'll give it to her."

Edward hung his head in defeat and walked back toward the Mercedes' driver side door. He opened the door and glanced up at me before sliding behind the wheel.

"I got fired from my job," he said.

I fought back a snicker, "Why's that?"

"I broke up with Tanya and she went to Fuller about our relationship. I'm leaving Seattle; thinking of heading to L.A. for a while."

I almost fell to the frozen ground; I wanted to laugh so badly. I admit, I thought about it; ruining his career, but it wouldn't have been worth it in the long run. That, and I wasn't as big of a vindictive bitch as Tanya turned out to be. "Well, that sucks. Maybe next time you'll use better judgment. Now if you'll excuse us, this conversation is over. There's nothing left to say."

"Nothing left to say about what?" Charlie asked gruffly as he wheeled toward us.

I turned sharply to face him and almost fell on my face. Jake grabbed my waist before I had the chance to fall face first into the sidewalk.

"Careful there Bells, sidewalk's icy."

"Yea, Dad, I caught that. Where's Mom?" Jake kept his arm locked around my waist.

"She's coming. Who's car is that parked at the end of the driveway?"

I groaned. _Why couldn't he just leave already? _"It's Edward's car, Dad."

Charlie looked confused, "Edward? What, is he going Christmas tree shopping with us too?"

"No Dad, he just had something he wanted to tell me, that's all. He's leaving now," I grabbed the handles of his wheel chair and guided him down the icy sidewalk.

"Bummer," Charlie said sadly.

"What Dad?"

"I said it's a bummer."

"What is?" I asked wheeling him up to the side of the car.

"It's a bummer that both my legs are broken and I'm stuck in this damn chair. I'd have liked to punched him in the wiener."

"Where is _that_ coming from?" I asked, trying to suppress a giggle.

"I heard what Jake said to him. Can't say I'm surprised," Charlie said gruffly. He swiveled his head and looked at Jake. "You're alright in my book. You just treat my daughter better than that and you'll be okay. If you hurt her I'll be forced to hurt you. Now come on over here and help me into the car, will ya?"

A stunned Jake stood there staring at the back of Charlie's head. "Jake," I called. His wide-eyed expression didn't change.

Renee came up behind him and hooked his arm. "Come on you," she said, dragging him toward the car.

Jake quietly helped Charlie into the car and put his wheel chair in the trunk. He reached for my hand, and walked around the back of the truck to open the door for me.

"Thank you. Are you okay?"

Jake slowly nodded. "Your dad just surprised me. I really thought he hated me."

I laughed. "If he hated you he would have ignored you the last few days. Come on, let's go get a Christmas tree."

The drive across town took a few minutes. I followed Renee's blue Altima into the parking lot and shut off the roaring engine.

"God that was loud. I think I'm partially deaf now," Jake retorted, slamming the passenger side door. He rushed over to Renee's side and helped her get the wheel chair out of the trunk. I stretched and took a deep breath, breathing in the fresh scent of snow and pine trees.

"C'mon Bells, quit lollygagging and let's go find a Christmas tree," Charlie and Renee glanced at me expectantly from the entry way to the park.

I hurried over and together the four of us searched the lot for the perfect Christmas tree. It took us an hour and a half to find a tree that both Charlie and Renee could agree on. It was an almost seven foot tall Colorado blue spruce and it smelled like heaven as Jake and I set it up in the corner of the living room.

"Go to the left a little bit, there Jake," Charlie ordered, pointing his cane at the tree. Jake tilted the tree to the left. Charlie grumbled. "Not that left, your _other_ left."

I had to laugh; poor Jake looked irritated all over again. He shot me a dirty look at tilted the tree the other way. "Perfect!" Charlie boomed.

Renee carried a dusty box of ornaments into the living room and set them down on the coffee table. "Look what I have," she sang as she dangled a ballerina ornament in front of me.

"Wow, you still have that?" I said in awe. I took the ballerina from her and looked at it.

"What's that?" Jake asked peering at the tiny ballerina in my hands.

"It's an ornament my mom gave me after my first ballet recital that was, might I add, a total disaster." I hung the ballerina on the tree, and then turned back to my mom. "What else you got in that box, woman?"

The four, well three of us spent the rest of the afternoon decorating the Christmas tree and putting up decorations outside. Charlie ordered everyone around and took a million pictures. He followed Renee around snapping pictures of her until she threatened to take the camera away. She lovingly sent him our way and he greedily snapped pictures of Jake and me decorating the Christmas tree and unraveling lights.

When dusk fell, Jake plugged the lights in and the four of us went outside to see how the house looked. Charlie looked up and nodded appreciatively. "Good job, Jake."

"Thanks Charlie," Jake said. He smiled at me and slid his arm around my waist. "I love you," he whispered into my ear, "Thank you for letting me be a part of this part of you life."

I smiled up at him. "Thank you for being here."

**Reviews are better than Charlie punching Assward in the weiner**

All that Lies~Jason Mraz**  
**

So, okay…I know some (maybe most) of you don't watch football, but for those of you who do...I _know _Dallas won the Thanksgiving game against the Seahawks...if my memory serves correct, they kicked their asses...lol...but this here is my world..lol and here in my world the Seahawks won that day..and in case you don't know what a two point conversion is, normally when the team gets a touch down they kick a field goal (worth one point) a two point conversion is basically running the ball into the end zone and its worth two points.


	20. Moonlight

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

******okeedokee...so here it is...and congrats to yavannie916 who guessed what was wrong with Bella first...umm, I don't think there's anything that needs explaining or whatever...and 300 reviews (lol I'm so excited) so thank you guys...and as always a big thank you to my beta guru, Shelbysue...this chapter probably would have been crap if you saw the first two drafts that I sent her...oh wait..I so almost forgot..I am a write-a-holic...I have three chapters each of two new fics...would you guys want a sneak peak? lemme know...and without further ado (cue the drums..lol) chapter twenty!  
**

**BPOV**

Jake and I were sitting on the top deck of the ferry, the cold winter air was surprisingly still, almost like it knew we didn't want to be disturbed. Jake had my hand in his palm, his fingers were tracing lazy patterns across the top of my hand as I stared silently into the choppy waters of the bay.

_Do I tell him or do I just quietly sit here, waiting._ I'd been struggling with this decision, completely at war with myself since yesterday.

Jake glanced at me from the corner of his eye. I ignored him and watched as Kingston disappeared behind us.

* * *

The morning before leaving Forks, Renee cornered me in the bathroom. "Here," she said handing me a small blue box of tampax. I stared quizzically at her.

"What are these for?" I asked as I shoved the box into my bathroom bag.

"Oh, I borrowed some out of your bag," she said pointing at the small pink and brown polka dotted bag in my hand. "I ran out and just forgot to pick some up sooner, so I just used yours."

"Oh, well, okay then," I mumbled and zipped the bag.

Renee grabbed an orange fingernail file with pink and white flip flops printed on it and left the bathroom. I stared at her back as she retreated down the stairs.

Slowly, the realization of what just happened hit me. I fumbled with the zipper and yanked the bag open, rifling through its contents. Just as I'd suspected, my birth control was clearly not there.

"Oh my god," I whispered. So that's what I'd been forgetting. God, how could I have been so stupid. Then the bigger picture hit me. _My period was late. _

I stared at my chalky face in the mirror and thought back to the nausea I'd been feeling lately. "Oh my god," I moaned and sank onto the toilet. My heart started racing and I felt like I was going to vomit. I lowered my head to my hands and sat there whimpering like a baby.

There was a soft knock at the door. "Bella? Are you okay?" Jake asked, his voice muffled by the wood door.

"Eh, uh, yea," I moaned. "I'm not feeling so well."

"Why don't you go lie down after you finish up and I'll bring you some ginger ale and crackers?"

"Okay," I managed to call back.

Tears spilled down my face. I was feeling pretty damn stupid right about now. I could not, for the life of me, remember the last time I'd even taken the stupid pills. _And_ I'd had sex with both Jake and Edward. This was quickly turning into a nightmare of the worst kind; either that or a very bad "who's my baby's daddy?" episode of Maury.

I heard Jake walk back downstairs. I rushed to the bathroom door and quickly unlocked it and darted across the hall into my room and climbed, fully dressed, into bed and pulled the covers up to my face. The few times Jake came up I lay with my back to the door and pretended to be asleep.

Once darkness fell, I went down to the kitchen and made a feeble attempt to eat the grilled cheese sandwich Renee had cooked me. I took a few bites before the nausea returned. I sat at the table staring off into the distance.

"Are you coming down with the flu or something?" Renee asked whisking the half eaten grilled cheese off the table and dumping it into the trash.

"I don't know, maybe," I said hoarsely.

Renee tsk'd. "Back up to bed," she ordered.

Jake made a move to pick me up. I waved him away and got up from the table. He followed me upstairs, tucking the blanket around me after I'd gotten back into bed. "I hope you feel better."

I nodded and closed my eyes. Jake kissed my forehead, and then clicked off the light and left; the door clicked quietly as it closed.

I opened my eyes and stared at the shadows on the ceiling, watching as they grew and faded. I must have drifted off because I was awoken by Jake's not so stealthy attempt to climb into the too small full sized bed.

An hour later he woke me up again. I sighed and rolled over. At six thirty he woke me for the umpteenth time. I scowled at the clock and threw his arm off of my before sliding out of bed.

I could feel the ferociously bad mood settle over me like an angry gray mist. I trudged downstairs to make some coffee and get some reading done.

I snuck into the living room and grabbed my paperback copy of The Friday Night Knitting Club and grimaced as Charlie stirred on the couch, muttering something that sounded like, "Stick 'em up or I'll shoot."

I stifled a giggle and scurried out of the living room. In the kitchen I set my book on the table and brewed a pot of coffee.

An hour later I heard Charlie stir out in the living room. He grunted as he pulled himself into his wheelchair. His feet preceded him into the kitchen. "Good morning," he called.

"Morning, yes. Good, not so much," I replied grumpily.

Charlie got his coffee and wheeled himself to the table. "What's wrong with you?" he asked as he set his mug down.

"I'm tired," I told him. "Jake's too tall for us both to sleep comfortably in that bed."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing you're going home to your own bed today then, huh?" Charlie grinned at me.

"Yeah I guess so," I retorted.

"You know Bells, you're welcome to come home anytime you want," Charlie said looking down at his coffee.

"I know that Dad."

"Well then, why the hell do I have to have a heart attack to get you to come home before Christmas?" he asked irritably.

I shrugged, "It's just been, I dunno, crazy Dad. Even before all this mess with Edward. I was so busy taking care of him and his needs that I let everything else, including myself, just slip by the wayside. I'll try to come home more often okay?"

Charlie nodded and took a sip of coffee. "Good," he said gruffly as he turned the day old page of newsprint; it crinkled loudly, "Because I really like Jake, more than that butthead Edward."

I laughed, and started choking on my coffee. "God Dad, tell me how you _really _feel."

Charlie smiled, "I will. And besides, what kind of man doesn't like football?"

I set the sloshing cup of coffee back down on the scarred wooden table and reached for a napkin. "I have no idea Dad," I giggled.

"Yeah, me either."

* * *

Two hours later, I was sitting on the couch, deeply engrossed in the lives of the characters in my book, when Jake plopped his half awake form down on the couch next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. My already simmering irritation flared.

"Jake, could you not do that please," I said through gritted teeth.

He picked his head up and glanced woefully at me. "Sorry," he yawned.

I closed my book and rested my head on the back of the couch and took a deep breath and exhaled through pursed lips. Jake got up and left the room. I glanced at the clock on the mantle, checking the time. We were leaving soon, so I headed upstairs to make sure I'd packed all my things and to tidy up my room.

Jake was zipping his jeans when I came in. I faltered in the doorway, mesmerized by the sheer sexiness of his washboard abs, the dark curls of his "happy trail." My heart beat sped up, chasing the bad mood away.

Jake turned to his bag, oblivious of my ogling, and bent down. The muscles in his back rippled, sending a shiver up my spine. I had to check and make sure I wasn't drooling. He pulled out a long sleeved tee shirt and pulled it on. I pouted as I grabbed my duffel bag.

_Why couldn't he just walk around shirtless? _I wondered.

He turned and saw me standing there. "I'm gonna start taking our stuff to the car, okay?"

I nodded as he grabbed his bag and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I glanced over my shoulder, watching him walk away. Stripping out of my tattered, yet comfy sweats, I pulled on the jeans I'd taken out. The button dug into my stomach as I zipped them which only served to irritate me further. I finished getting dressed, the too tight jeans felt like they were suffocating the life out of me. Then I shoved my pajamas into my bag and zipped it shut.

Jake came back and asked if he could take it. I nodded and followed him back down stairs. "We're getting ready to head out," I said to my parents who were both sitting at the kitchen table sharing a sandwich.

"Okay honey," Renee smiled. "Will we see you for Christmas?"

"I dunno," I shrugged. "Probably not. I think we're gonna spend Christmas with Jake's sister. But we'll come back soon. And you guys can always come to Seattle. We'd love to have you."

In the foyer, the front door shut and Jake came to stand behind me. "Car's packed," he said. "So when ever you're ready to go."

I glanced at the clock, it was still early, but by the time we got there the ferry should be running. "I'm ready now, I guess."

"Okay." He squeezed by me and went to hug Renee. "Thank you for allowing me to spend the holiday with you."

Renee patted his back. "You're welcome."

He shook Charlie's hand. "Sir, it was a pleasure to meet you."

"Take care of my daughter. I like you, I'd hate to have to hurt you," Charlie said sternly.

"You have my word," Jake vowed.

"Good," Charlie said gruffly, and then laughed. "It was great meeting you Jake. You're a fine man. Come back end of January, we can throw a super bowl party."

Jake grinned, "Oh absolutely."

I hugged both my parents. "Come visit soon," Renee said.

"I will," I promised. "Bye Dad. Behave okay?"

Charlie nodded. "Okay. Love you, Bells."

"Love you too Dad."

* * *

"So, are you gonna tell me what's going on?" Jake asked, finally breaking the silence.

I stared out at the water. "Nothing's going on," I lied.

"Really?" he asked skeptically.

"Really," I replied sarcastically.

"If you say so."

_Tell him,_ my mind urged.

_No, _I thought, _shut up you. No one asked you._

"So I was thinking after Christmas, you could move in. Maybe buy some frilly curtains, spruce the place up a bit."

_Here we go again._

"Jake, what the hell?" I exploded. "I keep telling you that when I'm ready to, I'll move in. Why the hell do you have to keep pushing it?"

Jake stared at me, dumbfounded. "I was just trying to make conversation Bella. What is wrong? You've been in a mood all day, what gives?"

The words rushed out before I could stop them. "What gives is my period's a week late, I feel like shit; not to mention that if I _am_ pregnant who the hell knows whose baby it is," I practically screamed at him.

Jake's normally bronze face was ashen. "You might be pregnant?" he said slowly.

"I don't know," I screeched and ran off toward the bathroom.

As I hit the stairs, tears started flowing. I sniffed and batted them away as I entered the bathroom.

I fumbled in my bag for my cell phone and quickly called Alice. She answered on the second ring.

"Hey Bella," she said enthusiastically. "What's going on are you guys home yet?"

"No, not yet," I sobbed into the phone.

"Bella what's wrong are you okay? Did something happen to Jake?"

"No nothing happened to Jake. He's okay."

"Well God, Bella, talk about scaring the shit out of someone. Why are you crying if nothing's wrong…"

"I'm late," I said talking over her.

Alice immediately stopped ranting. "You're late? Late for what? Oh my god, late, baby in the baby carriage late or late as in I'm late for an important date late?"

I could hear the surprise in her voice.

"Baby in the baby carriage late," I sobbed into the phone.

"Accidents happen," Alice soothed.

I snorted. "Yes, forgetting to take your birth control because your too busy juggling the two men you're sleeping with happens. One out of every ten women will forget to take her birth control due to an affair…should be a goddamn warning label."

"How late are you?" Alice asked.

"Almost a week. Vile mother nature was supposed to bestow her "gift" upon me Tuesday."

"Bee, you're almost a week late and you didn't notice?" she asked incredulously.

I shrugged, even though she couldn't see me. "I've been busy and stressed. My dad and the heart attack, the Edward thing, moving and the show, Jake coming here to meet my parents; my god it's been a lot to deal with in like a two week span. I need a freaking vacation. Wanna go to Hawaii with me for a week?"

"I wish," Alice sighed. "Alright look, you're late. There's a fifty percent chance your preggo. There's a fifty percent chance your not. And the way I see it you have two choices here; one, go buy a test and find out or, two, you can wait and see if you're just late because you're stressed."

"How about option three?" I asked timidly.

"What's option three?"

"Go to Hawaii," I replied.

"That's not an option no matter how badly I wish it was," Alice retorted.

I looked into the mirror over the sink and wiped my eyes. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

I sighed, "Yes, but I think I better go. I kinda just dropped a bombshell on Jake, and then ran away."

"Yeah, you might want to go handle that. He's probably freaking out. Call me later okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, you're the best."

"I know," Alice sang. "Talk to you later."

"Bye."

I hung up and went into the bathroom stall; the coffee I'd drunk before we got on the ferry was going right through me. As I did my business, I blew my nose and wiped my eyes. Then I discovered the root of the bitchy attitude. Mother Nature had come a-knocking and decided to leave me a little gift. I breathed a sigh of relief and finished in the bathroom.

I walked back up to the top deck of the ferry, searching for Jake. He was still sitting on the bench staring out into the bay. I felt bad; I just dropped a huge bombshell on him then run off. I crossed the deck and sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "It was a false alarm."

He looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not…pregnant. I just got my period. I'm sorry."

Jake shoved his hands into his hair. "I still want you to go to the doctor, just to be sure. Okay?"

I nodded. "Okay."

I laid my head on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Jake took a minute to answer. "Yes and no. I'll be okay though."

* * *

I made the appointment like Jake asked and went to the doctors the following week. I was sitting in Dr. Green's office, waiting for her to come back with the results of my blood test when she came back in, file in hand and smiled at me.

"Well, Ms. Swan, I can definitely confirm you are not pregnant," she said, sitting down behind her large mahogany desk.

I smiled. "That's fantastic. But why would I be feeling nauseous and just out of it, and why was my period so late?"

Green smiled, "Have you been experiencing a lot of stress lately?"

I nodded. "There was some work related stress, I had some personal issues, my father had a heart attack and I was taking my boyfriend home to meet my parents."

"Well there you have it. Anxiety explains the nausea, and the lateness of your menses. Have you been taking your birth control?"

I shook my head, ashamed that I could be so forgetful. "My life has been…hectic, to say the least, these last few weeks. It just sort of slipped my mind."

Green clucked her tongue, "Perhaps a different form of contraceptive would be more conducive to your life style; something that doesn't need to be taken every day, like the patch or an IUD?"

She stood and gathered several packets and handed them to me. "Look these over and think about it, okay? The next time you might not be so lucky."

I collected the information and thanked her as I left the office. As I walked to my car, I glanced at the information contained within the brochures. Some of the side effects were scary, to the say the least. Blood clots, heart attacks, infections, cancer possibilities.

I threw the brochures onto the passenger seat and headed toward Jake's. When I got there, he was in the studio, painting.

"Hey," I called as I pushed the door open.

Jake set the brush down and looked at me. "How was your appointment?"

"Good," I told him, setting my bag down on the work table. "No bun in the oven. Dr. Green said the reason I was late and sick, was because of all the stress I'd been under with everything that's been going on."

Jake nodded. "Alice called while you were out. She wanted to know if we wanted to go to dinner and a movie tomorrow night. I told her I'd have to talk to you first."

"Do you want to go?"

"Sure, I don't mind. It might be fun to do some normal, couples stuff for a change. You'll call her back and make plans?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna go change. I'll be back down in a few."

"Okay," he said, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "And Bella?"

I turned to face him, my hand resting on the strap of my purse. "Hmm?"

"We need to talk about this," he said solemnly.

I nodded. "I know. Let me change first then I'll be back down okay?"

He nodded and picked his paint brush back up. I grabbed my bag and headed upstairs to change. In my chest, my heart was pounding furiously. I had been avoiding this "chat" all week; I'd successfully managed to weasel out of it four times using the "let's wait until I see the doctor" excuse and for the last week it was like the two of us had been walking around quietly avoiding the rather large elephant in the room. I didn't stay the night and he didn't ask me to.

I changed out of my slacks and pulled on a pair of stretchy yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I carried my clothes into the bathroom, tossed them in the hamper and pulled my hair into a ponytail.

As I looked at myself in the mirror I tried to prepare, mentally, for this conversation. It was going to be unpleasant to say the least but it had to be done. I sighed and exited the apartment. I trudged down the stairs and stood outside the studio, glancing through the glass doors, watching Jake paint.

Watching him paint was like watching someone dance, the way he moved and held the brushes, it was all so graceful. I pushed open the door and cleared my throat. Jake's hand stopped mid-stroke as he turned to look at me.

"So…let's talk," I said timidly and went to sit on the chaise I'd sat on the first time he painted me. Jake plopped down next to me, wiping his hands on a paint stained cloth.

"So…"I said, tucking my legs under me.

"So…" he trailed off and looked at me. I shrugged, not exactly sure what he wanted from me.

"Well, okay here it is. Bella, you told me you 'might' be pregnant, and then ran off. Meanwhile I'm sitting on the ferry looking like a fool. Then you come back and say it was a false alarm. I mean, seriously? What was that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I was scared and stressed. I didn't know what to do. I had a moment of, I dunno, insanity. What was I supposed to do, just sit down and say "Oh, yeah Jake, by the way my periods a week late, but don't worry if I'm pregnant it might not be yours." I mean seriously?"

"It wouldn't have mattered if the baby was mine or not. Jesus Christ, I love you Bella, don't you know that by now?" Jake stood running a hand through his hair_._

_It needs to be cut again_, I thought. I shook my head slightly. _Focus, _I ordered my mind.

"Jake," I sighed. "I know that you love me. But the point is if I _was_ pregnant, that thought, is it mine, would always be in the back of your head. Whatever, I get that. I'm sorry, I should have just told you, but I didn't want to get your hopes up, and then have it turn out to be a false alarm. I'm sorry."

"Either way Bella, I would have been okay. But quite frankly I'm worried." He turned his face slightly away. My heart skipped a beat; I couldn't read his expression.

"Worried about what?" I asked trying to mask the tremor of fear in my voice.

"I'm worried," he sighed and shoved his hands through his hair again, "about the way you've been acting. I asked you, what three weeks ago, to move in. You said no-,"

I opened my mouth to interrupt but Jake held up his hand. "I _know_ the timing wasn't the greatest, I understand that now, but I brought it up again on the ferry, and your response is let's just get through the weekend at your parents. I bring up again and you freak out on me and run away. Then you're late, and your first instinct is to, I don't know, hide it from me. Bella if you _were_ pregnant I'd be the happiest son of a bitch in Seattle, no the world, because I _know_ what I _want_. I _want_ you to move in, I _want_ to marry you, I _want_ you to have my babies; but quite frankly, I'm not so sure _you_ want those same things. If you don't just tell me now so that way I can stop wasting my breath trying to convince you that here is where you want to be."

I stared at him, "You don't think I want to be here with you?"

Jake shook his head no and shrugged. "I'm not sure. What do you want?"

I pushed myself off the couch. "You big idiot, I want you. I want to be here with you; I want all of you, all the time. You want me to move in, fine, I'm moving in. You want to marry me? Ask. You want me to have your children? Ask."

Jake's jaw dropped. "Oh, wait. We're gonna have to wait on the kids thing. I'm not quite ready for that just yet. But I want to be with you, here. I wasn't trying to hide the late period from you, I just didn't know what to do and I'm sorry. But I want you, I always want you. I love you, you knucklehead."

Jake crossed the room in two strides and grabbed my face, pressing his warm lips against mine. Sliding his hands into my hair, he pulled our faces closer together and slid his tongue over mine. I could taste the bitter coffee he'd been drinking, all tart and pungent; it was strangely comforting and familiar. All the stress from the last month fell away and suddenly we were just one man and one woman desperately in love. There was no heart attack, no art show, and no cheating boyfriend. We were just us, Jake and Bella.

There was a small work bench behind me, Jake picked me up and carried me toward it. He held me with one hand and swiped the discarded paintbrushes and bits of material to the floor and set me down. I shoved my hands into his hair and twisted it around my fingers. He grabbed at the hem of the sweatshirt and pulled it up, collecting handfuls until the shirt was up and over my head. He smiled wickedly when he saw that besides the pants, the sweatshirt was all I had on.

He buried his face in my chest, licking and sucking his way from one breast to another. I gasped as he drew a hardened peak into the warm cavern of his mouth. I grabbed at his shirt and clumsily yanked it over his head; the desire, no need to feel his skin on mine was overwhelming.

Once free from the t-shirt, he unbuckled his pants and tried to free himself of his denim prisoner while trying to remove my pants at the same time. He finally got us both free and tossed both pairs of pants across the room. Grabbing my waist, he pulled me, hard, onto him. I cried out, digging my nails into his shoulders.

Jake hissed at the pain and carried me to the chaise, never parting from me. "We should fight more often," he said following me down onto the crushed velvet chaise. I couldn't think about a next time; all I could think, and feel was this moment; the here and now and the overwhelmingly amazing sensation that rocked my body.

It felt so good that it hurt. The ecstasy coiled inside me, each thrust, heavy breath, bead of sweat wound it tighter. Jake grabbed the arm of the chaise, muttering unintelligible phrases. The coil sprung, waves of pleasure radiated through me and Jakes name spilled from my lips, moaned over and like a mantra.

I drew up my knees and wrapped my legs around his waist; pulling him tighter, closer to me; riding the high for just a few strokes more. Jake grabbed my hip, gripped it tightly, with his free hand. "Oh Bella," he groaned and dropped his head to my shoulder, breathing heavily against my neck.

"This," he laughed, his breath tickling my neck, "is one hell of a lucky chair."

I laughed. "It is. Maybe I'll move it into our room where it's a hell of a lot warmer."

Jake leaned back and looked at me. "Are you really going to move in or were you just blowing smoke up my ass?"

I pulled him back down on top me. "I was," I said, kissing him, "_am, _serious. I still have to call Alice back, when I do, I'll let her know I'm moving out. I'm sorry I made you feel that I was unsure, you are the only thing I am sure of in my life. I want this, _our _apartment, _our_ home, _our _bedroom."

"I love you," Jake said against my lips.

"I love you too, and again, I'm sorry for all that nonsense on the ferry. I'm just not used to being able to be open and say, you know, this is what's going on with me."

He brushed an errant strand of hair out of my face and gazed at me with those dark brown eyes. "I know," he said softly. "But I'm not Edward, Bella. You can tell me these things, okay?"

I nodded. "I know you're not Edward, it's just going to take some time for me to get over that. But I swear, from now on, if something happens you'll be the first to know. Well, second."

"Who's the first?"

"Me."

"You-," he laughed, "Are seriously retarded sometimes."

I batted my lashes. "Why thank you, thank you very much. I love you too. I think if we stay down here like this much longer one of us is going to freeze to death."

Jake chuckled. "It's not _that_ cold in here."

"My ass it isn't. I'm freezing."

"Okay, come on. Let's go upstairs and do this make up sex thing properly."

He got up and scurried across the studio, picking up our discarded clothes. He tossed me my pants and I hopped into them. Without my Jake blanket, it was freezing cold.

"So how exactly do you have proper make up sex?" I asked after I was dressed again. Jake grinned wickedly. "Do I get to tie you up, maybe shove a gag down your throat?"

His expression went from aroused to afraid in record time. "I-uh, um, do you want to do that?"

I laughed. "No, I just wanted to see what your reaction would be."

He laughed and wiped his brow. "But seriously. How exactly do you have proper make up sex?"

The wicked grin returned. "I can show you better than I can tell you."

**Reviews are better than a sneak attack lemon..lol bet you didnt see that coming..lol..ok well maybe you did**

Kicked it old school with the chapter title..Moonlight, 3rd Movement - Beethoven


	21. I Could Not Ask For More

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

**Alrighty ladies and gents..it's that time again..lol...ok first let me say..I love all the comments that start out "I'm team edward but..." this may come as a huge surprise, but as far as teams go...I am team edward (gasp!) lol but my first fic was a Bella/Jacob fic and so when I started this one it just felt natural for it to be a Bella/Jake fic and I will continue to write Bella/Jake fics..I tried a Bella/Edward fic and it was hot steamy garbage..lol...and not only that, but there are MILLIONS of B & E stories and like a hundred B & J...as always a big huge THANK YOU to my fabulous beta, ShelbySue, who is had time to fix my boo boos and write her own kick ass one shot...go read it..and a thank you to SummerLeigh who is completely responsible for the idea behind how Jasper and Alice met...many chapters ago she concocted this idea and I promised I would use it..and I did : ) and as I promised..I have two concrete ideas for new fics...and because I love you all, check the end of the chappie for a first look! **

**BPOV  
**

On the bed beside me Jake was snoring softly. I glanced lovingly at him and pushed a lock of hair off his forehead. He stirred and snaked an arm around my waist. "How long was I asleep for?" he asked between yawns.

I glanced at the alarm clock on the table beside me. "Maybe an hour; I'm not sure. I dozed off too."

"Oh," he said and flung himself back into his pillows. I slid out of bed and padded to the bathroom.

"I'm gonna take a shower," I called and turned the water on.

When I got out of the shower, Jake was no longer in bed. "Jake?" I called.

"In the kitchen. Do you want some eggs?"

"Yeah, I'm starving." I got dressed, pulling on some oversized sweats and one of Jake's t-shirts. I walked down the hall, eyeing the walls critically. They could definitely use a new coat of paint, something with some color. And some pictures or something, maybe I could hang some of the paintings that we kept.

When I came into the kitchen, Jake was standing at the stove, shirtless. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Are you all clean?" he grinned.

I nodded.

"Go sit down, I'll bring you your eggs in a few minutes."

I released his waist and hopped up on to the counter. "So do you really want to go see a movie with Alice and Jasper, or were you just trying to make me happy?"

Jake flipped the egg; it sizzled in the pan. "I want to go. I'd really like to get to know Alice's boyfriend; I didn't really get a chance to talk to him at the show and he seems like a cool dude."

"Okay, well I guess I should call her, let her know that I am moving out of her house and in with you." I leaned over and kissed him.

"Do you know how happy that makes me?" he asked.

"Pretty happy?"

Jake grinned. "It makes me very happy. I'm so glad that you are; moving in, I mean."

"It makes me very happy too. I'm sorry that it took so long. I just didn't want to use you as a way out of that mess with Edward or anything like that. I wanted my moving in to be for the right reasons, you know?"

"What are the right reasons?" Jake asked as he set the fried eggs onto a plate and handed it to me.

"You know," I said. He stared at me, his brown eyes piercing.

"You don't," I sighed and set the plate down on the counter next to me. "I wanted to wait to make sure that what we were doing was right. I mean, when we first started it was this secret taboo thing between us. And then there was the Edward crap; I just didn't want to make any sudden decisions. I owed you more than that."

Jake nodded, "I think I understand."

"I knew you'd been hurt; I didn't want to hurt you anymore. And to be honest, I didn't want to get hurt. And I wanted to see how it went with my parents. Not that they would change my mind about you, but whether you'd change your mind about me."

"Bella, you don't have to explain. You have the right to your decisions."

"Jake, I owe you an explanation."

He kissed me, his tongue slid over mine. "The only thing you owe me sweetheart, is your love. That's all I want from you. Just your love."

I wiped an escaped tear from my face. "I'd love to give you all my love, always."

Jake smiled and kissed my tear stained face. "I love you. Now eat your eggs before they get completely cold."

I smiled at him and hefted the plate into my lap. "I love you too. And thank you for the eggs."

Later, after we'd eaten and the kitchen had been cleaned up, I called Alice back. She answered on the third ring with a chipper, "Hello?"

"Hey it's me."

"Hey did Jake tell you I called?"

"Of course, why else would I be calling you?" I said, plopping down on the couch with the book I'd been reading over Thanksgiving.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you miss me."

I laughed. "Miss you? No, never."

"Anyways, Jasper and I were going to see a movie and have dinner. I thought maybe you and Jake would want to come along."

"That sounds good. What movie are you guys going to see?"

I flipped through the pages looking for the page I'd dog eared earlier this morning while in the doctor's office.

"I'm not sure; Jasper wants to see the new Transformers movie, but I haven't even seen the first one. I want to see Harry Potter, but Jasper said that it's a kiddy movie and he won't watch it."

I could hear her pouting through the phone. "How about that one with the sexy dude from P.S I Love You?"

"Mmm," she purred into the phone. "Gerard Butler. I like him."

"I bet," I snorted.

"Seriously, he is a God! If you haven't seen that movie 300, go rent it. Jake will love you for wanting to watch such a manly movie, all those guys run around half naked and are buff as hell. Its like, a Snickers bar for your eyes or something."

"I will have to check that out," I laughed. "When are you guys going out?"

"Tomorrow night. Jasper's off, and I should be out of here by five thirty, so how about eight? Will that work for you and painter boy?"

"Yes, eight is fine. We'll meet you at the theater. And I have something to tell you."

"Oh my god, you're pregnant aren't you?"

"God no," I gasped.

"Phew," Alice laughed uncertainly. "That would have been awkward."

"Tell me about it. It would have been a case of 'guess who my baby daddy is.' Thanks but no thanks."

"So what's up?" Alice asked.

"I'm uh, I'm moving in with Jake," I said quickly.

"Oh good," Alice cooed. "I was wondering when that was going to happen."

"So you're not mad?"

"Bella why would I be mad?"

"I dunno, you said you wanted the company. I thought you'd be upset."

"Does he make you happy?" she asked.

"You know he does."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I do," I replied.

"Then I'm happy for you. You're my best friend, practically my sister. All I want for you is happiness, with whomever you choose to be with. Okay?"

"Al," I cried. "You're the best!"

She chuckled conceitedly. "Yes, I know I am, but thank you for reminding me."

I laughed and wiped my eyes. "Okay, well I should probably let you go. We'll see you guys tomorrow night, okay?"

"Okay Bee, I'll talk to you later.

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up and headed back downstairs. "You call Alice back?"

"Yup. We are going to meet them at the theater tomorrow night at eight."

"What are we going to see?" Jake asked.

"Um, I'm not sure. Jasper wants to see the new Transformers movie; Alice has never seen the first one, so she said no to that. She wants to see the new Harry Potter, but Jasper said no. I haven't seen any of them so who knows."

"I vote for Transformers," Jake said.

"Yeah you would." I crossed the studio and plopped down on my chaise. "Hey, have you ever seen this movie called 300?" I asked, twirling a strand of hair around my index finger.

Jake's forehead crinkled as he thought about it. "I might have, I can't remember. Is it about those Spartan's who go to fight the Persians?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. Alice said it was a good movie. I was just wondering if you'd seen it."

"We can go rent it if you want."

"Nah," I said, waving my hand.

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

"It's not important," I told him.

* * *

The next night we met Alice and Jasper in front of the Mulitplex and tried to decide on a movie to see. After fifteen minutes of arguing amongst ourselves, we decided on the second installment of the Night at the Museum movie.

It was cute. It had the Jonas Brothers in it as adorable little cherubs, flying around the Smithsonian singing the theme song from Titanic, which totally made my night.

Jake leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I do _not_ want that showing up on my phone as the ringtone."

I pouted at him in the near darkness. "Okay," I said, giving in after five minutes of useless puppy dog eyes.

After the movie ended we went to this nifty little diner across from the Multiplex called Max and Erma's. The smell of burgers and fries attacked my nostrils when we first entered and my stomach growled.

"I've never been here before," I said as we sat down. Alice's eyes lit up.

"Really? It's so good. You're gonna love it."

Alice and I both ordered the tomato mozzarella burger and fries, and Jake and Jasper both got something called a "garbage burger."

I glanced at Jake after the waitress left to get our drinks. "You're really gonna eat something called a 'garbage burger'?"

"Heck yea. It's got all kinds of stuff on it, look." He pointed to a menu on the table. I looked at it, and then back to him. "That's gross."

"Yeah," Alice echoed, "Gross."

"Whatever," Jasper said, "We're men, and men eat gross stuff."

He leaned across the table and him and Jake knuckle punched. "Yeah, we eat gross stuff," Jake laughed.

"You guys wanna hear this joke this driver told me the other day?"

Across from me Alice groaned and rolled her eyes. "Here we go."

"Yeah, go for it," Jake encouraged.

"Okay, so this guy goes to the doctor and the doctor says well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you have twenty four hours to live. And the old man goes, that's the good news? Well what's the bad news? And the doctor says, oh well I was supposed to tell you yesterday."

Jake and Jasper both laughed loudly. I couldn't help it, a giggle escaped. "That was so lame, Jasper," I told him.

"Stupid paramedic humor," Alice grumbled, a small smiled played at the corners of her lips.

Jasper pretended to be hurt. He turned to Jake, "She never likes my jokes."

"Don't worry about it man. I thought it was funny." Jake and Jasper knuckle punched again and shared a laugh as Alice and I rolled our eyes at each other.

"So how did you two meet?" Jake asked, motioning toward Alice and Jasper.

"I met Alice after she accidentally ate a chocolate muffin with peanut butter chips in it."

"I'm allergic," Alice interjected. "Stupid woman said they were butterscotch chips."

"I'm an EMT; I was the one who responded to the call. God, that was an interesting day; and also the reason I think purses are over rated."

I laughed, almost spitting out the onion ring I'd been chewing.

"Purses?" Jake asked in confusion, looking from me to Alice, then back to Jasper. "What do you mean?"

Alice's face flushed, she held up her hand, cutting Jasper off and continued the story. "Right after we," she motioned to the two of us, "moved to the city, I let Bella borrow one of my purses. We both used to keep our bags on a table right inside the front door, well that morning I was running late and I forgot I let Bella borrow the bag, so I grabbed hers instead of mine, so all my identification, epi-pens, everything was in my other bag."

Jasper picked up the story, "So, we show up and since all her ID says she's Bella that's who we think she is. So I call Bella thinking she's Alice, to let her know we are taking her to the hospital because she's having some kind of anaphylactic reaction."

"So anyways," Alice butted in. "Jasper hung around until Bella and…uh, my brother got to the hospital."

"I invited Jasper to our Saturday morning breakfast but he bailed. But Fate is a cruel bitch who would have her way with him in the end," I said.

Jasper's face flushed a deep red in the ambient light of the restaurant. "I got a call, someone called in sick and I had to fill in. And as Bella said, Fate had her way with me. There was a neighborhood kid who was out riding his skateboard and got hit by a car. Alice saw the whole thing happen and called the police and an ambulance. Guess who was lucky enough to show up?"

Alice smiled warmly up at Jasper, "You were! And we've been together ever since."

I smiled at them. I wanted, so badly, to tell Alice that I knew what Jasper was planning. I'd known for months now; I even helped him pick out the ring. I just wished New Year's Eve would hurry up and get here so he could ask her to marry him and be done with it.

"We should go out dancing this weekend!" Alice exclaimed. I groaned. Dancing was Alice's thing; I was neither coordinated nor talented enough to dance.

"I have a better idea," Jake piped up.

The three of us looked at him. "What's that?" I asked.

"Who likes ghosts?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"The Seattle Market Ghost Tour," he grinned. "It's a walking tour through Pike Place Market. It's supposedly haunted."

Alice wrinkled her nose. "Nah, not really my thing."

Jake shrugged. "Okay. What about you?" he asked looking at me.

"I think it sounds fun," I said shrugging. "We should check it out."

"Sure. I'll buy tickets online tonight. We'll go this weekend, okay?"

"Okay, sounds fun."

The waitress brought our dinner to us, setting the guys' garbage burgers in front of them. I had to admit it smelled good, but the name killed me.

* * *

By the time we left Max and Erma's it was late. Jake and I walked arm in arm toward his car. "That was fun," he said as he opened the door.

"It was," I admitted. "That walking ghost tour sounds fun too. I'm glad you thought of it."

"I did it once, a while back on a Halloween night. Scared the shit out of me, but it was really fun. You should like it."

I buckled my seat belt and waited for Jake to get in the car. "I'm sleepy," I said and yawned.

Jake got in and started the car. "Oh," he said, reaching into the backseat. "I picked this up today while I was out."

He handed me a copy of _300_. I glanced at the cover. Alice wasn't kidding…eye candy didn't even _begin_ to cover it. I snickered as Jake pulled out of the parking lot.

"That is the movie you wanted to see right?" he asked as he pulled into the turn lane and waited for the light to turn green.

"Yes," I said nodding my head. "That's the movie."

Jake laughed. "Yeah I bet it is," he murmured softly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh c'mon, Gerard Butler, and a bunch of half naked, buff men. I know why you want to see that."

I blushed. "Damn, you found me out."

"I bet I did."

"We don't have to watch it if you don't want to," I said.

"I don't care. We can watch it."

"Okay," I said giddily anticipating three hundred half naked Spartans.

After we got home I changed into my pajamas while Jake set up the movie in the living room.

"Bella!" he called once the movie started.

"Coming!" I called back from the bathroom. I tossed my clothes in the hamper and went to join Jake on the couch.

Ten minutes later I was fast asleep.

* * *

The ghost tour sounded fun and I was looking forward to it. The weather had other plans for us though. It had started snowing around lunch time and it was really starting to look like the first hardcore blizzard of the winter.

I was sitting on the couch fiddling with my mittens when Jake came in looking upset. "They cancelled the tour because of the snow." He plopped down on the couch next to me.

"Aw babe, I'm sorry. We can always go in the spring." I patted his leg. He sat back and stared up at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry. I should have thought about the damn snow."

"Jake, it's not a big deal. C'mon," I got up and grabbed his hands. "Let's go."

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"Out, now let's go."

I drug him out of the apartment and onto the sidewalk. I pulled on my hat and mittens and grabbed Jake's hand.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know. We're walking, so come on."

We started off toward the north end of the city and passed by department stores decorated for Christmas. I stopped in front of the toy store and pointed at the wooden soldiers acting out a scene from The Nutcracker.

"I used to love those," Jake said pointing at the tiny wooden soldiers.

"Really?"

He nodded and moved to the next window. "Aw Bella, check this out."

I hurried toward him and gazed into the window. It was decorated like a winter wonderland. Shaved coconut snow drifts with chocolate bears on skis. A candy sleigh with a sculpted Santa was flying through the scene.

"That's pretty," I said to him and Jake nodded.

So the ghost tour might have been a bust, but traipsing across the city looking at all the Christmas window decorations was just as, if not more, fun.

"So that was fun, right?" I asked as we headed back home.

"Yeah, it was fun. You know, we need a Christmas tree," Jake said.

I nodded. "I know. We should find a lot and buy one."

Jake laughed. "Bella, I don't have any of that stuff, no stand or decorations. We can go get it tomorrow if you want."

"Okay," I said with a nod. "I want to pick up some paint to. Add some color to those drab walls. Wonder where I can find a painter?"

I loved teasing him, the way his smile broke across his face it was like a meteor shooting across the sky. It totally lit his face up.

"What color?"

"For what?" I asked.

"Paint? What color do you want to paint?"

"I was thinking a nice green color. Not to dark, but not to light. It would look good with the floors. What do you think?"

"I think if it makes you happy then it can't be that bad."

"You're too nice, but that's what I love about you."

He laughed. "Come on; let's go home, I'm freezing my ass off."

He wrapped his long fingers around my mitten covered hand and together we walked through the snow toward our cozy little apartment in the heart of the Emerald City.

**Reviews are better than wandering around the city with absolutly NO agenda! and don't forget to check below for a sneak peak!**

**Cado ex Venia **

**_Chapter One _**

**BPOV**

I could hear the motor groaning on Phil's wheel chair ramp as it traveled down the staircase. I rolled over and glanced at the alarm clock. 3:45 the green number glowed at me. I rolled back onto my left side and stared off in the darkness.

In the kitchen downstairs, I hear the ice maker drop three ice cubes into a glass. The cubes bounced off each other and hit the sides of the glass making an almost melodic tinkle. I knew what was going to happen next; it was the same thing that happened practically every night. I would wake up to some disgusting mess that needed cleaning.

The fridge opened condiment bottles rattled against each other in the door. Thirty seconds later I heard the obvious thud that was the bottle of booze hitting the marble counter. This was Phil's nightly routine; ride the elevator downstairs, get plastered and pass out. I think it was the only way he could sleep. Not that I could blame him. Losing your whole life in the blink of an eye could do that to a person.

I watched the headlights of a passing car wash over my bedroom wall, illuminating the faces of the photographs taped to it. I desperately wanted to slip out of bed and join him for a drink. Losing your mother to a random act of senseless violence would drive anyone to drink, even a seventeen year old.

I sighed; missing my mother, my father; my life pre-accident. Outside, the pool lights flicked on, casting dancing waves of iridescent light across my pale blue walls. I took a deep breath and watched the shimmering lights dance across my walls. I pretended I was under the water, locked in a secret cave where the tragedy of my mother couldn't reach me.

I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes again, the dancing waves were gone and the harsh Florida sun was blazing through the sheer white curtains on the French doors that lead to my balcony.

I yawned and glanced at the clock; 7:30. I slipped out of bed and padded down the hall. From my room I could see the top of the stairs, and I couldn't see the wheel chair lift at the top. I passed by Phil and Renee's room and jogged down the stairs, trying to stay positive; maybe today would be the one day I didn't have to clean up vomit, or any other disgusting bodily excrement. At the foot of the stairs I called for Phil.

"Dad? Where are you?"

He wasn't my biological father, but he was more of a father than Charlie had ever been. Phil had adopted me when I was six, a year after he and my mother got married. I hadn't seen Charlie since that summer; and he didn't seem to mind at all.

I poked my head into the living room and looked around. No Phil. I groaned and headed toward the kitchen. I stepped into the light and airy kitchen; my stomach lurched. An empty bottle of Wild Turkey lay on its side, a shattered tumbler lay on the floor; its shattered pieces glittered like a diamond trail across the kitchen floor.

I followed the glass trail with my eyes to the French doors, wide open; their lacy curtains were blowing lazily in the sultry breeze. I rushed across the kitchen, cutting my foot on the shards of broken glass on the floor.

"Dad?" I called as I hurried to the door.

"Oh my God!" I screamed as I took in the scene before me. Floating face down; limbs splayed like a misshapen star fish, in the pool off the stone patio, was Phil. His state of the art wheel chair had sunk to the bottom of the pool.

I dove into the pool and fought vigorously to pull him out of the pool.

"C'mon," I moaned as I pulled him out of pool and began CPR.

"Wake up!" I cried, still pounding on his chest.

"Wake up!" I shrieked; my whole body shook violently.

"Wake up!"

I felt like someone had tied a string around my waist, and then proceeded to pull me out of the dream. The scene in front of me rapidly fell away as my eyes fluttered open and settled on the soft caramel eyes of the African American flight attendant.

"Honey, are you okay? You seem like you were having one heck of a night mare." She smiled warmly at me, her eyes rapidly searching my face.

"I'm-I'm okay. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare anyone. I'm, sorry." I raked my hand through my short brunette hair. "I took my meds before I got on the plane, I'm sorry."

She placed her hand on my arm. "It's okay. Not a lot of folks on this flight. You'll be okay. Can I get you anything?"

I shook my head no, and the flight attendant stood to leave. "Wait," I called, reaching for her arm.

She turned to look at me. "How much longer? I mean until we land?"

She glanced at her watch, then back to me, "Just a few more minutes, actually. We should be in Port Angeles in about 15 minutes."

I nodded and thanked her. She smiled at me and made her way toward the rear of the plane. I reached for my carry on bag and sat back in my seat. I reached inside and pulled out my cell phone and powered it up. After the dancing robot did his jig, the welcome screen appeared. The small yellow envelope appeared at the top of the screen and a box popped up. _You have five unread messages. Read now?_ I opened the first message. It was from Rosalie; my best friend in Jacksonville.

**Hey u r u n hell yet?**

I laughed and went to the next message.

**Emmett says we will come rescue u. just let us no and we will be there ASAP.**

A tear slid down my cheek and landed on my jeans. I wiped my hand across my face and read the next message.

**Miss u already. ****L**

The pilot came on and asked every one to turn off their electronics, return trays to the upright position and buckle up. I powered off my cell phone and slipped it back into my bag. As much as I wanted to get off this plane in Port Angeles and get on the first one back to Jacksonville; I couldn't. I had no parents, no home; no nothing there anymore. And not only that, but it was in Renee and Phil's wills that if anything happened to them I would go to Washington to live with Charlie and his two point five perfect kids and chipper wife.

_Only a year, _I chanted to myself_, you just have to stick it out for a year. And who knows maybe Forks won't be so bad. _

The evil voice in the back of my head scoffed at the notion that a place where the sun _never_ shines could not be that bad. I was a Florida girl, through and through. Living in a place where it rained everyday was going to suck…and I knew it.

The planed landed with a bounce and did a sort of frog hop down the runway before finally coming to a halt outside the terminal.

The pilot turned the fasten seatbelt sign off and thanked us for flying Delta. I unbuckled my seatbelt and stood up on my tip toes, trying to reach my carry on bag. My fingers closed over empty air.

"What the hell?" I muttered, looked down and saw my bag sitting on the empty seat next to me.

I let the over heard compartment door shut and bent down, muttering to myself, and grabbed my bag. The flight attendant who saved me from the nightmare waved as I exited the plane. As I walked down the terminal, I glanced out the window. Gray and raining; go figure.

I saw Charlie and a boy standing near the wall at the end of the terminal. I hurried to join them, ready to start my miserable stay in hell.

"Isabella," Charlie said in lieu of a greeting as I approached him.

"It's Bella; just Bella," I said self consciously. _If you'd been half the father you **should** have been you would have known that, _I thought.

"Hi," the dark haired boy quipped. "I'm Seth."

"Hey Squirt," I said, mussing his hair.

"I'm Seth, not Squirt," he laughed.

"Well from now on you'll be Squirt," I told him.

"Uh, Isa-Bella, "Charlie corrected himself, "We should probably go get your luggage, before something happens to it."

Charlie stalked off toward the baggage claim. I rolled my eyes at him and Seth and I followed behind him.

"So you're from Florida?" he asked, his eyes shining with curiosity.

I nodded, "Yea I am."

"What's it like?"

"Sunny…and hot. Everything Forks _isn't_."

"Wow, that's why you're so tan."

I laughed. "Yeah. My backyard has a huge pool in it. I can- could, go swimming anytime I wanted," I told him.

"You must be sad," Seth mused.

I glanced down at him. He was almost as tall as I was. "Why?" I asked him.

"Well, because you had a huge pool in a place where it's hot and sunny and now you have to live here in rain city. I'd be sad if I were you."

I gazed at the abstract pattern on the floor. My eyes filled with tears. "Yeah," I said, trying to keep the tears at bay, "I'm sad."

"Isabella are you okay?" Seth asked, grabbing my arm.

"Yeah Squirt, I'm fine. But please call me Bella." I discreetly wiped my eyes.

"How about Zee, can I call you that?"

"Zee?" I repeated. "Why that?"

"Well, you don't like Isabella and I don't like Bella. And I doubt you'd let me call you Izzie, so Zee."

I nodded. "Okay, you can call me Zee."

We finally caught up to Charlie at the baggage claim. He'd already successfully capture three of my five suitcases.

"How many more of these do you have?" he asked irritably.

"Two more," I said in a small voice.

Charlie looked at Seth, "See I told your mother we were going to need the van. Damn women and all their clothes and make up..." he trailed off, muttering under his breath about frou-frou girly products.

I didn't dare open my mouth and tell him that only two suitcases had clothes in them. The rest were books. The rest of my luggage came around, and Charlie grabbed it, heaving it onto the flimsy luggage cart.

"Is that it?" he asked crossly.

I nodded meekly and followed him out to the car. The drive back to Forks was quiet; Seth talked to me for a little while, then pulled out his game boy and got lost in video game land. Forty five minutes of agonizing silence later Charlie pulled the minivan into the drive way of a pristine two story brick house. The navy blue front door had a Halloween themed wreath hanging from it. The flower beds were weed free and had some strange flowery bush growing in them.

I got out of the car and stared up at the house that was now my home. It was about a fourth of the size of my house in Jacksonville, but it was nice enough. Charlie opened the trunk and started pulling out luggage.

"Seth," he called, "Put that damn game boy away and get your ass over here and help Isa- I mean, Bella take her stuff to her room."

Seth looked at me and rolled his eyes before turning off the game boy and sliding it in the back pocket of his jeans. He and I both grabbed a suitcase.

"I wasn't expecting you so soon, so I haven't had time to fix up the spare room, so until I can get a tech out here to hook up the internet up there you'll be sleeping in the attic. It's finished and has electricity. I just never got around to moving my office up there; and quite honestly I am too damn old to be climbing that many stairs.

I stood there, suitcase in hand, staring at him in utter disbelief. In my head, the hardcore version of me was yelling, "Oh hell no, he did _not_ just say that." Jeez, I knew I was unwanted but that just took it to a whole other level.

Seth and I grabbed suitcases and I followed him into the house. "Don't worry, the attic is awesome. You're gonna love it."

I smiled and rolled my eyes. _Yeah, the attic is _awesome, the sarcastic voice in my head mocked, _you're gonna love it!_

Like Cinderella, banished to the attic I carried my luggage piece by piece up the two flights of stairs. After we'd brought the largest and heaviest suit case up, Seth flung himself across what I assumed was my bed. It looked like it had seen better days, but I couldn't be picky; no longer the princess of the castle, my fate had been reduced to that of a lame Disney princess in fifteen seconds flat. It would have been hilarious if it wasn't so damn ironic. _All that's missing are the singing birds and mice, _I thought sarcastically.

"So what's the deal here?" I asked, sitting on the end of the bed.

"What do you mean?" he asked. Seth sat up and scooted back, making room for me.

"The kids, what are they like? Who's cool and who're the first class assholes?" Seth made a face at me.

"Don't make that face; I say curse words…get over it. And don't tell your mom and Charlie, if you do I won't be your friend anymore."

"Okay, well first steer clear of my sister, Leah and her boyfriend, Jacob."

Seth got up and went to the window; I followed and gazed out the dusty window at the idyllic street below. He pointed to a brick house next door.

"Leah doesn't like girls messing with Jacob, well everybody calls him Jake. But he's cool. His sister, Becca is my girlfriend."

I snorted, "Your girlfriend, please. You're like, what ten?"

Seth looked horrified. "I'm twelve," he said indignantly.

I rolled my eyes. "Ten, twelve, same difference."

"Anyways," Seth said loudly. "Jake's younger sister Becca is my girlfriend. I sometimes go over there to hang out with him and his friends. We play video games."

"Figures," I muttered.

"I heard that," Seth said.

"You were supposed to," I smiled and looked at the brick house next door, curious about the boy who let a twelve year old hang out and play video games.

"Becca and Jake have another sister, Rachael. She and Leah are best friends, and she's just as mean as Lizard lickin' Leah, so watch out for them."

"Lizard lickin' Leah?" I snickered.

"Yeah, it's what I call her sometimes. She hates it, but I think it's funny."

"I love it. Can I call her that too?"

Seth nodded enthusiastically, seemingly pleased to have another member of the "I hate Leah" fan club.

"So who else lives here?"

"I just know the rest of Jake's friends, Embry, Jared, Sam, Paul and Quil." He pointed to different houses on the street as he spoke the names. "I don't really like Paul or Jared, or Sam, but Quil and Embry are cool. They never complain when I'm there playing video games."

I nodded, still staring down at the street, when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in?" I said uncertainly. At home Renee just barged in, even if the door was shut. I wasn't used to this knocking business.

The door opened silently and an average looking woman with long dark hair and dark eyes stuck her head in. "Hi," she said warmly, "I'm Sue. I just wanted to see how you were getting along. Seth why are you in here bothering Bella?"

Seth looked properly chastised. "Oh no, Mrs. Swan; he's not bothering me. Seth was actually keeping my company."

She looked at Seth. "Oh, okay then. Is there anything I can get for you? Do you need anything?"

I shook my head no. "I think I have everything I need. But thank you."

"Okay, well let me know if there's anything that you need. Dinner will be in an hour, okay?"

"Okay."

Sue left and I got up and started opening my suitcases. "Guess I better get unpacked. Looks like I'm gonna be here for a while.

Seth smiled, "Want some help?"

I glanced at the suitcases then back to Seth's eager expression. "Sure, come on Squirt and give me a hand."

He wasn't much help, but it was nice having company. Seth talked about school and his friends and teachers while I hung clothes on hangers and handed them to him. He'd take them and hang them in the small closet, prattling on and on about a video game he wanted to play or his character on some game called World of Warcraft.

I listened with genuine interest. Half of what he was talking about I had never heard of it and I asked a lot of questions. By the time we hung up all my clothes, Seth was gazing at me like an adoring puppy.

"You're so much nicer that Leah. Whenever I try to talk to her she screams at me and tells me to leave her alone."

"Maybe because you've been around her your whole life," I shrugged. "I was the only kid in my house in Florida. But I still think you're alright."

"That must have been nice," Seth said dreamily. His eyes glazing over as he imagined life as an only child.

I shook my head no. "It got lonely sometimes. Once I got older my mom would travel with my dad, like when he had out of town games, so I'd get stuck at home by myself. My friend Rosalie would stay with me sometimes, but it's not the same."

"You must miss them then huh?"

I nodded my head and tried to fight the tears that were threatening to spill. "I do," I said softly. "I miss them so much."


	22. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

**I promised to tell you when the end got near, and its coming. There are three chapters left :( I know, I know, this is my baby...but its like they (who they are I have no clue) say, all good things must come to an end. But like you read last week, I have more stories up my sleeves...lol...and as always a big huge THANK YOU to my fabulous beta, ShelbySue, she keeps me on my toes :)  
**

**BPOV**

It took us a few days to actually get out and get our Christmas tree. It was more like a week…well actually two. A reporter from The Seattle Times covered Jake's show and wanted to write an article on his work. He refused at first, but after talking about it with Dr. Fuller he gave in and scheduled the interview.

Charlie was doing well. When I talked to Renee a few days ago she reported that his right leg was healing faster than the left, but the doctors weren't concerned. They would take a look at it again during his next appointment, when they would decide if he was ready for a walking cast or not.

Everything was going smoothly affording me the chance to just breathe and be. I could finally enjoy all the little moments I'd never really had the time to appreciate. Things like the way the white towel accented the warm caramel of Jake's skin or the way his jogging pants hung a little low on his waist showing off that sexy 'V' thing he had going on.

I started to really learn things about him too. Like every time he scrambled eggs he would hum an old Huey Lewis and the News song that had been, strangely, my favorite song when I was like, seven. He squinted when he shaved; wrote with his right hand but painted with the left, loves and I mean _loves _Van Halen. And he talks in his sleep.

He woke me one night after he sat right up in bed and shouted my name. Startled I sat up and looked him. My heart was racing and my hair felt like mice had nested while I slept.

"Jake? What's wrong?"

"The chickens!" he shouted.

"The what?" I asked, yawning.

"The chickens are escaping!" he shouted again, and then flung himself back down into his pillows.

I sat there, staring down at him trying to figure out if he was for real or not. He murmured once more then rolled onto his left side. I snorted then snuggled up next to him.

* * *

Before I knew it, Christmas Eve was upon us. The snow had finally stopped after dropping more than three feet on the city. The weatherman had no idea what was going on. Never had Seattle seen so much snow. A freak weather anomaly was what they called it.

I was singing along to the radio as I mopped the floors and wiped imaginary spots of the freshly painted Clearspring Green walls. Jake's sister, Rebecca, was coming into town for Christmas and it felt like a family of acrobatic monkeys had taken up residence in my stomach. I was so nervous.

I had met her briefly during the show, but we didn't really have much of a conversation. It was more like an introduction in passing and certainly not enough to really get to know her. Not only that but she had given me the epitome of a cold shoulder.

At noon Jake came up from the studio for lunch. He sauntered into the kitchen and wrinkled his nose.

"What's wrong?" I asked in a full state of panic.

"It smells like a hospital in here honey."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and then scowled at him. "I'll light a candle or something." I wrung my hands and searched for a lighter or some matches.

"Bella, can you calm down? You're freaking out for no good reason, it's just my sister."

"Just your sister who looked at and treated me like dog poop on the heel of Christian Louboutin pumps."

"Her what?"

"Her really expensive shoes Jake. She looked at me like I was some skanky gold digger you picked up off the street."

"No she didn't. Did she?"

I nodded my head slightly and moved across the kitchen to the second junk drawer.

"You guys just need a chance to sit down and get to know one another. If she treats you badly I'll talk to her, okay? It'll be fine, you'll see."

I found some matches and lit the Christmas Wish scented Yankee candle and immediately the scent of fresh baked cookies wafted through the apartment. I shook out the match as it burnt my fingertips. "I just want her to like me."

Jake kissed my singed fingertips. "She'll like you. Stop worrying about it."

I glanced up at him. "Are you sure?"

Jake nodded and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "Yes, now please put away the Lysol and relax." He opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. "I still have some work to do downstairs. So go take a bath or something and try to unwind, okay?"

I nodded and kissed him softly. "Okay," I agreed.

He grabbed his bottle of water and went back down to the studio. I crossed the living room and flicked the stereo from radio to CD and pressed play. Music filtered out, all horns, blues guitar and soul. A woman with a smoky voice crooned along with the music. It was relaxing. I turned it up and went to fill the antique claw footed tub. Steam swirled in the air as I slipped into the tub. Closing my eyes I listened to the music and started to think about things I still needed to do.

_Stop it, _I ordered myself. _Just relax. _The woman stopped singing and the guitar took over. I had no idea what this was, but Jesus Christ this was good music.

After the water cooled I drained the tub and got out. Jake was still down in the studio I guessed, because he wasn't in the apartment. Before going into the closet I glanced at the clock and groaned. I had to get dinner into the oven; Rebecca would be here in a couple hours.

I pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and hustled into the living room to turn the music down a bit. I reminded myself to ask Jake who these singers were. As I seasoned the chicken I swayed along to the beat of the music.

After the chicken was in the oven, I set the table, made a pitcher of iced tea and changed into something more presentable than a pair of holey sweats and an even holier Creed concert t-shirt. I picked out a pair of black slacks and a red sweater then went to find Jake. He'd been downstairs all day doing who knows what. When I went to push open the door to the studio it wouldn't budge. I knocked and peered through the glass; no Jake.

I headed back upstairs for the keys, figuring he must be in the darkroom. _Why the hell was the door locked though?_ I wondered. He met me on the stairs.

"What are you doing?" he asked eyeing the keys in my hand.

"I was coming to get you, but the damn door was locked. What were you doing in there?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"I was working on something for you."

"What?"

"It's a surprise." He made a move to pass me but I stuck my hand out; it connected with his well defined chest.

"What for?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," he smirked at me.

I growled and followed him up the stairs. I hated surprises, but, never the less, I'm sure he has a reason for it.

"Your sister will be here soon. Are you going to change?"

He looked down at the jeans and paint stained flannel shirt he had on. "I wasn't planning on it, why?"

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "No reason."

"You want me to change," he stated.

I nodded my head perceptibly. "Please. If you don't mind."

He climbed the rest of the stairs grumbling. "I love you," I called as he disappeared down the hallway.

I checked the chicken and turned the heat up on the potatoes I'd chopped earlier. "Dinner smells good," Jake called as he came back down the hall.

"Thanks. Does it still smell like a hospital in here?"

He came into the kitchen. "No, it smells like cookies and chicken. Does this look better?"

He held his arms out and stepped back. I closed the oven and glanced at him. He had on a pair of faded blue jeans and a black button up shirt; the sleeves were rolled up and rested in the middle of his forearms, a white t-shirt peeked out from under the black shirt.

"Yes," I said smiling. "Thank you."

"Anything you want," he said and dropped a kiss on my head. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. You can tell me who this is singing."

Jake glanced at the radio, and shrugged. "I don't know. It's probably an old CD; I hardly ever use that thing."

I frowned and stirred the potatoes.

"Why?" he asked.

"Oh, I just really like the music. It's relaxing." I dumped the potatoes into the strainer in the sink. "Can you get me the mixer?"

Jake leaned down and retrieve the mixer from the cabinet and plugged it in. "Anything else I can do for you?"

I shook my head no and began blending the potatoes. Jake wandered out of the kitchen and plugged in the Christmas trees. The white lights glowed softly within the pine branches.

"I already told you that you're gonna have to sit through It's a Wonderful Life, right?" Jake called from the living room.

"Yes, you told me, and no I don't mind. I like that movie."

Jake groaned and flung himself down on the couch. "I hate that movie," he muttered. "I'd much rather watch A Christmas Story."

I laughed and shut off the mixer. There was a knock at the door and I jumped. Jake pushed himself up of the couch and looked at me. My hands were shaking as I wiped them on a dishtowel.

"Calm down," he murmured and opened the door. "Becks!" he said jovially. "Glad you could make it."

Rebecca came into the apartment and looked around before sliding out of her coat. "I like what you've done with the place, Jake," she said and hugged her brother.

"You remember Bella, my girlfriend right?"

She looked at me, her nose slightly wrinkled. "Hi," I said sticking out my hand, hoping she didn't see my trembling fingers, "How was your flight."

Rebecca had a nice solid handshake. "Fine," she replied frostily.

I smiled nervously. "Come in, sit. Can I get you something to drink, maybe some water or juice? Or a soda?"

_Or maybe something with a bit more kick, like say, oh I don't know, a shot of tequila, _I thought.

Rebecca sat down on the couch. "I'm fine for now, thanks."

"Okay," I nodded. "Well, I'll, uh, let you two catch up while I finish dinner." I smiled at her and made a dash for the kitchen. The CD had started over, and I hummed along to the song as I finished dinner.

* * *

"So I see you like my music," Rebecca stated from the doorway. I jumped and sloshed water over the edge of the pot I was stirring.

"It's your CD?" I asked, hoping she couldn't hear the nervousness in my voice.

Rebecca nodded. "Yeah, I must have left it here a while ago. Why, you like it?"

I nodded. "I've never heard anything like this before. What is it?"

"It's blues rock. Not as popular as it used to be, but there are still some artists out there. This playing is Joe Bonamassa, and the first song, if I remember, is Ana Popovic. You can have this CD if you want. I have all this on my iPod."

"Thanks, that's really nice of you."

Rebecca nodded. "How was your flight?" I asked.

She shrugged. "You already asked me that."

"Oh I did? S-sorry."

"Don't worry about it. My flight was okay. You know, full of irritated people who were annoyed they had to travel on Christmas Eve."

"I bet."

After we sat down to eat Rebecca made an announcement. "I have something to tell you," she said to Jake.

"What's that?" he asked cutting his chicken.

"I'm moving to Annapolis. I applied for a position there a while back, I never thought I'd get it but I did."

"Becks that's really great! When are you moving?"

She coughed. "Um, well right after the holiday. I already found a new apartment and sent all my stuff out there. I even found someone willing to sub-let my apartment until the lease runs out. Are you okay with this?"

"Of course I am Becks! I'm really happy for you. I hope you're happy, and you can finally get a break from all you're traveling."

"Thanks Jake. I'm really excited about the new position. It's a huge promotion, even for me."

"Well good, you deserve it."

Rebecca visibly breathed a sigh of relief, like she had secretly expected Jake to have a hissy fit or something. I smiled at her and finished eating my dinner.

* * *

Jake was in the living room watching A Christmas Story. Rebecca and I were seated around a New York style cheesecake in the dining room.

"So how has he been?" Rebecca asked and took a bite of cheesecake.

"Good. Really good. He's been going to therapy every week. His doctor, Dr. Fuller, is retiring next month; one of his associates, Dr. Reid, is going to take over as Jake's doctor. He's a little worried about that, but he's meeting with Dr. Reid next week so we'll see how it goes."

Rebecca fiddled with her fork. "Well I'm just glad he finally decided to go to therapy. I've been trying to get him to go for years. So thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?" I asked.

Rebecca set her fork down and propped her elbows on the table top. Clasping her hands together she looked at me and said, "You saved him. Jake's downward spiral started when Leah left him. The accident accelerated it. I really didn't expect him to-," she stopped and wiped her eyes. I handed her a napkin, she sighed and continued, "It got so bad this year I really didn't expect him to see Christmas. There were _so_ many dark days; there were nights he'd call me, drunk and so close to the edge; the mornings after those calls I'd spend hours trying to get a hold of him, all to no avail. Every time the phone rang I'd practically jump out of my skin, expecting the worst you know, the police or the hospital saying he had finally killed himself."

We both wiped out eyes. I knew it was bad for him, but I didn't know it was this bad. _Poor Jake_, I thought.

"Then he met you," her voice wavered. "You saved him. God only knows what would have happened if you hadn't walked into the studio that day."

I smiled warmly. "He saved me too, only I didn't know I needed saving."

"That's how it goes," Rebecca said wisely. "But I have to admit, when he first told me about you I was slightly concerned. You know here you were, dating this other man – and from what Jake told me it sounded serious. I was afraid you were just looking for a dash of excitement and that you were going to leave Jake high and dry. I knew he was crazy in love with you after I saw his message in a bottle painting. I watched you with him at the show last month, and I know I treated you badly, but I was just worried about him. So I'm sorry for that. I just care about my brother." Rebecca smiled and sliced a small sliver of cheesecake.

"I do love him," I told her softly. "He's this amazing person. I don't even know how to describe my feelings for him. It – what we have – just feels so right you know?"

I sipped my cold coffee and continued. "It's like something just clicked into place, the universe smiled and said 'here's what you've been waiting for. Here is this man I've made just for you; your soul's other half. Now love him.' And I was powerless to stop it."

Rebecca sniffed and wiped her eyes. "That's so sweet."

"What's sweet?" Jake asked from the doorway.

"What Bella was just telling me. You be good to her, you hear me?"

"Sure, sure," Jake said with a nod.

Rebecca pointed at him. "I'm serious."

"Aye, aye Captain," Jake said with a mock salute. "Well I came to say goodnight. Becks, I opened the sofa bed and put some pillows and blankets out for you."

"Thanks Jake. See you in the morning."

"Night sis, love you." He kissed the top of her head. "Love you too little brother."

He came over and kissed me goodnight. "You coming to bed soon?"

"I'll be in shortly. Love you."

Jake shuffled out of the dining room and shut the bedroom door. Rebecca and I talked a bit more before we both turned in for the night. I woke up the next morning to the sound of eggs frying and Jake humming Huey Lewis and the News' Doing it all for my Baby.

I climbed out of bed and wrapped my robe around me. Rebecca was sitting at the table sipping a steaming cup of coffee.

"Good morning," I called.

"Merry Christmas," they both responded. I poured some coffee and kissed Jake before joining Rebecca at the table.

"Did Santa Claus come?" I joked.

"I think so," Jake responded with a laugh.

I smiled and sipped my coffee, envisioning Christmases to come. The excited giggles of our children as they ran to the Christmas tree. My eyes got a little misty at the vision; it seemed perfect and hopefully one day it would be a reality.

After we ate breakfast we exchanged gifts. When I had gone shopping for Rebecca's gift I'd had no idea what to get someone who spends majority of her time in hotel rooms. Alice and I had been out shopping when I found this distressed wicker basket. I bought it on a whim and it sat in the closet for a while before I figured out what to do with it.

For Rebecca's gift I'd gone to Bath and Body Works and gotten a bunch of soaps and bubble baths and I got some aromatherapy candles and made her a gift basket.

Yeah the whole "Look at this pretty basket stuffed with expensive soaps and candles because I had no idea what to get you" gift route is a bit clichéd but Rebecca seemed to like it.

"Oh my god," she said holding up a bottle of Cotton Blossom bubble bath, "This is my absolute favorite. I thought they discontinued it?"

"Mine too and they did. But if you check those giant bins in the center – you know the ones that are normally teeming with dramatically reduced Cucumber Melon scented products; you can find a stray Cotton Blossom. I think I cleaned them out."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Well thank you. I love it. Here, open my gift." She handed Jake a square box wrapped in paper depicting a Norman Rockwell Santa scene. He tore the paper and looked at the box. It was a digital picture frame.

"Thanks Becks, this is awesome. How many photos will it hold?" Jake flipped the box around searching for that tidbit of information.

"It should hold up to a thousand. At least that's what the guy who sold it to me said." She looked at me. "I figured he'd need something like that so he could display all his pictures of you."

I laughed and took the box from Jake. He crawled across the floor and drug the last gift out from under the tree.

"This is for you," he said pushing the box toward me. I pulled it toward me and opened it. Nestled inside the box was a leather bound book. I pulled it out and opened it. It was a picture album and it had every photo Jake had ever taken of me; from the first time we met – to the picture war – to thanksgiving at my parents.

"There's one for your parents too, it has all the pictures from Thanksgiving in it so the next time we see them we can give it to them."

"Thank you," I said, trying to fight the tears.

"That's what I was working on in the studio. I didn't want you to see it before I was done."

I smiled and pointed to a small box on the coffee table. "That's for you," I told him.

Jake picked the box up and held it up to his ear. "Just open it," I pressed.

He shook the box and smiled. Rebecca laughed. "He always used to do that when we were kids. He would spend fifteen minutes trying to figure out what the gift was instead of just opening it like a normal person."

Jake shrugged. "I like the mystery." He slid his finger under the edge of the paper and ripped it off. He held the small square box in his hand. "Bella, honey, you wrapped it upside down."

"For a reason. Look at what it says."

He slid the watch out and ran his finger over the engraving. "Come back to me," he murmured and turned it over. "This is the one I wanted," he exclaimed; his tone resembled that of a child who had gotten exactly what they asked for. "The Citizen Eco-Drive, oh this is great."

I scooted closer and grasped his face between my hands. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," he replied. "Thank you. And I will always come back to you."

"I love you," I whispered and kissed him.

"I love you too."

* * *

Rebecca made Jake watch It's a Wonderful Life. He sat next to me, grumbling through the entire movie. After it was over we ate Christmas dinner and Rebecca complained about Jake giving Jared her phone number.

"He called me eight times in six hours. It's nuts. He's nuts."

"I thought he was gay," I piped up from across the table.

"Oh my God me too!" Rebecca exclaimed.

"What?" Jake said. "Why did you think that?"

"He's a tad flamboyant," I admitted.

"A tad?" Rebecca crowed. "He knew the designer of my dress. Jake who made the dress I wore to your show?"

Jake shrugged looking like a deer in the headlights.

"My point exactly. It was Ralph Lauren by the way."

Dinner went like that, talking about silly things that had no real importance. And Jake had been right; I'd stressed myself out for no reason. Rebecca and I had more in common than I would have thought. It was nice that we got along. After dinner Jake wrangled us into watching A Christmas Story.

The next afternoon Rebecca left, thanking us for allowing her to spend the holiday with us. I hugged her and promised to call her soon. As we headed back upstairs Jake slid his arm around my waist.

"I told you she'd like you," he said smugly.

"Yes," I agreed. "You did.

**Reviews are better than your boyfriend screaming about chickens in his sleep. :)**

**& Before I forget...the new story won't be up until after this one is finished. I can juggle two stories, school and a six year old...anything more than that and forget it...lol..my poor husband feels like he's been replaced by fanfic...so once Pictures is finished I will post the new story, which at this time has no title..lol  
**


	23. I’m on the Football Team

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

I just wanna say thanks to everyone for being so supportive while I crawled into a hole and hoped to die. BIG, HUGE THANKS to my wonderful beta, ShelbySue who not only beta'd this chapter for me, but was also there for me to boo hoo to...I swear she's hiding some wings and a halo! And last, Jason...this is for you..where ever you are, whatever your doing. I miss the shit outta you. RIP!

**BPOV**

The rest of December passed. Japer asked Alice to marry him at 12:01 January 1st, 2009 and of course she said yes. January drifted by slowly. I finished redecorating the apartment and discovered that the first door on the left down the hall was actually a second bedroom and not a closet like I'd originally thought.

I threw myself into cleaning and organizing that room with a fervor that was so unlike me. Alice helped me find furniture to decorate the space, and curtains to match the cornflower blue I'd painted the walls. I organized the years of junk Jake had piled up in there and surprised him with the result.

"Wow Bella, this looks amazing. Maybe you should go into interior design. This room was hopeless; well at least that's what I thought."

"Oh is that why you let me think it was a closet?" I laughed and Jake stood there looking properly abashed.

Toward the mid part of January Jake and I started making plans to throw a Super bowl party. We invited Charlie and Renee, who made plans to come down the Friday before the game to spend some time with us, as well as Jasper and Alice.

Most of Charlie's injuries had healed, though he was still having some issues with his left leg. I didn't understand how it had been healing fine at Christmas, but now it wasn't. Renee had just said that it was one of those things that happened sometimes, and given Charlie's age it wasn't that surprising. The right one was in a walking cast, but the left wasn't healing right. The doctor said they might have to go in and re-break it and insert pins and screws to make it heal properly. Just the thought of have screws drilled into his bones made my skin crawl.

When I called Renee Thursday night to find out what time they were going to be here, she said not until the late afternoon, so I went ahead and made plans to have lunch with Alice Friday afternoon. As I left Jake told me to have a good time.

I met Alice at Bistro Turkuaz at noon. The restaurant was crowded and we were lucky to get a table. Nina, the owner's daughter, waved at Alice and sent a frazzled looking waitress in the direction of our table.

Not needing a menu, we gave her our order and she hurried off toward the kitchen. "So, you guys are still coming on Sunday right?" I asked fiddling with the salt shaker.

"Yeah, do you need me to bring anything?"

I shook my head no. "I could use some company at the grocery story. Want to come buy snacks with me?"

"Yeah, I guess I could check out of the office early. It is Friday after all."

The waitress came back and set our Turkuaz Salads in front of us. "The kitchens backed up, Nina said the rest will be out soon."

Alice nodded. "It's okay Stacy. You guys are busy. Tell her I understand."

Stacy nodded and rushed off toward the kitchen once again. "Why is this place so crowded?"

"Rave review in the Times last weekend. Nina said the food critic was blown away by the chicken guvec. He gave them an outstanding rating and business boomed."

I nodded and speared a slice of cucumber and a chunk of feta cheese and chewed. "My parents are coming in today. Jake and my dad have a bet against my mom that Pittsburgh is going to win. Of course my mom, being the native Arizonian, is appalled and says the Cardinals will win."

Alice laughed, "Your mom kills me."

"Speaking of mom's, how's yours?"

"Oh she and my dad are good. They are going on one of those carnival cruise things at the end of February."

"Where are they going?"

"To Alaska," Alice shivered. "I don't know why though. Leave one cold place for another cold place. Makes no sense to me."

"Me either," I shrugged.

Stacy came back to our table with our plates in hand. "Here you go ladies," she said setting Alice's Borek in front of me and my Turlu Guvec in front of Alice. She frowned at the table. "No," she muttered, "that's not right." She switched the plates. "There you go, enjoy."

* * *

After lunch Alice accompanied me to the grocery store. We walked leisurely through the store. "So how are the wedding plans coming along? Have you guys decided on a date yet?"

Alice pushed her cart and stopped to toss in bag of potato chips. "Winter; that's about as far as we've come on deciding."

"Oh, that's nice. A winter wedding here in Seattle?"

Alice shrugged.

"Al you don't seem very enthusiastic about this. What's going on?"

"Nothing," she said. "We just haven't had much time to talk about it. Jasper's been working a lot of hours. I barely see him."

I nodded and followed her down the cereal aisle. "Well I'm sure whatever you guys decide it will be fabulous."

Alice nodded and smiled. "Of course it will be; fabulous is my middle name."

***

On my way home I called Jake to see if he needed anything while I was out. I got the voicemail at the apartment and left a short message.

"It's me, I was just checking to see if you needed anything before I headed home. Gimme a call if you do. Love you."

I stopped by the dry cleaners and the drug store before heading home. Rebecca had moved to Annapolis a week ago. She called frequently and I enjoyed talking to her. She loved her new apartment and the fact that she was no longer living out of a suitcase. She joked about finally being able to put her Christmas gift to good use.

I pulled into the parking lot behind the apartment and popped the trunk. I surveyed the contents of the trunk and grabbed a few bags. I'd have to get Jake to come down and give me a hand. As I climbed the stairs I ran over my mental check list trying to make sure that I had everything ready for my parents visit. It was going to be tough for Charlie to climb the two flights of stairs, but I figured he would be okay if he took it in small increments.

I opened the door and called to Jake. There was no answer. I lugged the grocery bags into the kitchen and set them down on the counter. "Jake?" I called again. Only silence greeted me. Dropping my keys into the bowl by the front door I jogged down stairs and poked my head into the studio.

"Jake?" I called looking around.

I heard a muffled, "In here," come from the dark room. I crossed the room and stepped into the revolving door.

"You in here?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"If you're not busy can you give me a hand with the groceries?"

"Can I have five minutes? I'm almost done with this roll of film."

"That's fine. Thank you."

I hurried out of the studio and went to retrieve more bags. Jake met me at the door on my way back in. "There are a few bags left. Can you grab them for me?"

"Sure," he kissed me briefly and stepped aside.

"Thank you," I called as he jogged across the parking lot.

He brought the rest of the bags in with him and helped me put everything away. "Your mom called while you were out. She said her and your dad will be here within the hour."

I nodded and tossed a bag of chips into the cabinet. "Okay. What did you want to have for dinner?"

Jake shrugged. "I don't know. What did you want?"

"I was thinking of making steak. Sound good?"

He nodded and carried the dry cleaning to our room. Ten minutes later the phone rang. Jake grabbed it on his way back to the kitchen. "Hello?"

"Okay. We'll be right down." He hung up the phone and looked at me. "Your parents are here. Renee said Charlie might need some help up the stairs."

I nodded and followed him down to the parking lot. Renee bum-rushed me as I stepped into the parking lot.

"Hi Mom," I said hugging her.

"Oh I missed you."

"I missed you too," I admitted. "How's Dad?"

She turned to look at Jake and Charlie hobbling across the parking lot. Renee sighed. "He has to have surgery on the twelfth; they are going to re-break his leg and put all kinds of hardware in there. He's handling it better than I thought he would."

"That's good, that he's handling it. Do you need me to help you getting your stuff out of the car?"

Renee nodded and looped her arm through mine and we walked toward her Altima. "So how have you and Jake been? I saw Esme in the grocery store the other day, she told me Alice and Jasper are engaged."

"Yeah, he asked her to marry him on New Year's Eve; she seems less excited than I thought she'd be."

"Really?" Renee asked, raising an eyebrow. "That's interesting."

"She said he's been working a lot. I don't know, I'm sure it's just this time of year. You know how people are…they get all depressed because of the holidays, and then you have the idiots who drink and drive on New Years then the Super Bowl. I can see how it could be hectic."

Renee laughed and popped the trunk. "Yes, I can see how that could be problematic. Has Alice said anything about what Edward's been up to?"

I shook my head no and grabbed a medium sized suitcase out of the trunk. "Oh," was all Renee said.

I slammed the trunk shut and turned toward the building. "Why? What's that supposed to mean?"

Renee shrugged. "I just thought you would have heard. That's all."

"Stop being so damn cryptic; what was I supposed to hear that I didn't?" I hated when she acted like this. She was trying to "protect" me, but Renee's overactive curiosity always got the best of her.

She stopped and set her suitcase down on the pavement. "Edward is getting married," she stated, "Weekend after next. Esme told me, she figured Alice might have told you."

I stared blankly at her wondering why she thought I would care. I didn't, not really. Okay well maybe a little. There was that slight twinge of jealousy that I had wasted ten years with him and hadn't even heard him so much as _utter_ the word marriage.

Then, in that moment I decided I didn't care. He was a devious and deceitful son of a bitch and I was glad to be rid of him. He wasn't even a quarter of the man Jake was. I glanced at Renee, "Good for him. I hope the poor bitch he's marrying makes his life a living friggin' hell."

"My sentiments exactly," she grinned.

I led the way up the stairs and kicked open the apartment door. Renee followed me in and set her suitcase down inside the door. "Bella," she breathed, "did you decorate in here?" Renee walked further in and looked around.

I nodded and shut the door. "Do you like it?"

"Like it? I love it. You should think about going into interior decorating. It's so warm and inviting, not like that crypt of Edward's, all cold and uninviting. Can I look around?"

"Yeah, I'm going to take your stuff to the guest room." Renee nodded and peered at a picture on the wall. I grabbed their suitcases and carried them to the guest room. Charlie was lying on the bed when I came in.

"Sorry Dad, I didn't know you were in here." I set the suitcases down inside the door way.

Charlie propped himself up. "It's okay Bells. I was just resting. Climbing all those stairs took a lot out of me."

He looked tired, the weariness etched into the lines around his eyes. "Dad, are you okay?"

Charlie took a deep breath, the corners of his eyes crinkled as he exhaled. "Yeah honey, I'm fine. Where's your mother?"

"She's inspecting my apartment. Do you want me to get her for you?"

Charlie shook his head no. "Can I get you anything at all? Bottle of water, twinkie, swiss cake roll?"

He chuckled softly. "I'm fine. I'm just going to take a short nap if that's okay."

"Yeah Dad, rest. I'll wake you when its time for dinner." Charlie rested back into the pillows and closed his eyes. I stood in the door way watching his chest rise and fall, worried. He didn't look bad, but he didn't look good either. I pulled the door shut quietly behind me and went off in search of Renee.

She was in the living room looking at one of the twenty or so picture albums Jake had put together since Christmas. "Mom?" I said softly.

Renee jumped, slamming the picture book shut. "What is it honey?" she asked, looking up at me.

"Is Dad really okay? He's in there lying down and he doesn't look so good."

Renee sighed. "He's…okay. Not bad, but not good. He can't really move around well because of his leg, so it's hard for him. And climbing all those stairs probably took a lot out of him. He's not as young as he once was Bella."

I willed myself not to cry. "He's not that old," I protested. Renee eyed me dubiously.

"Bella, your father 55 years old and that certainly isn't young. But don't worry, once he wakes up from his nap he'll be right as rain." She patted my hand and set the photo album back onto the bookshelf.

"Where's Jake?" I asked. Renee shrugged. I scowled at her and stood up. "Carry on snooping while I go hunt down my elusive boyfriend."

I found him in the bedroom lying down. "What's wrong?" I asked as I climbed onto the bed next to him.

"Nothing," he grinned, pulling me down next to him. "I just wanted to wrap my arms around you and lie here for a little while."

I smiled. "Okay, I can lie. But not to long, God only knows what kind of havoc my mother will wreak if left unsupervised."

* * *

The next time I opened my eyes it was dark. On the bed next to me Jake was mumbling about needing a jacket. I propped myself up on my elbow and glanced at the alarm clock. It was quarter after seven. I groaned and rolled out of bed. As I padded down the hall I could hear the tinny laughter of a television sitcom. Renee was stretched out on the couch with a blanket over her watching TV.

"Mom, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep. I'll go get dinner started."

She didn't say anything, just lay there staring at the TV. I groaned. If she was mad that I dozed off I would hit her over the head with my rolling pin. "Mom?" I said again and crept closer toward the couch. She was asleep too. I snorted and went to the kitchen and started dinner.

Luckily I had set the steaks in marinade earlier this afternoon. I heated the oven and set them inside then scrubbed some potatoes and wrapped them in aluminum foil and set them in the over next to the steak.

As the smell of cooking steak and potatoes wafted through the house, Renee stirred on the couch, Jake came trudging down the hall and Charlie called for someone to come and help him. I heard Jake stop mid-way down the hall and enter the guest room. Renee stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"How long did I sleep for?"

I shrugged. "I just woke up too. I think we all fell asleep."

She nodded. "Need any help?"

"No, it's just about done. Go relax, okay?"

I checked the potatoes and pulled the steak out of the oven and drained the broccoli I'd been cooking on the stove top. Jake came and carried everything to the table. "Thank you," I said as he returned for the salt and pepper.

"Not a problem."

I pulled the potatoes out and shut off the oven. Quickly I pulled the aluminum foil off and set them in a bowl and carried it to the table. Charlie was already seated and I had to admit, Renee was right. He looked much better.

I sat down and the four of us ate. "So how was your trip?" I asked.

Charlie and Renee both nodded. "Smooth, and boring. I feel sorry that you had to make that trip so many times Bella," Charlie laughed.

"I know. Once you get off the ferry its all trees all the way to Forks. It's ridiculous."

Renee nodded and sipped her drink. "It is. The ferry schedule is nice, we got there just after it left and I thought we'd have to wait a while for the next, but it runs like what, every half hour?"

"Something like that. I'm so sick of that damn ferry," I said.

"I agree," Jake laughed.

* * *

After dinner we watched some movie that was on HBO. Even though I took a nap I was exhausted by the time it was over. I said goodnight and went to bed. Saturday we stayed in. it was too much trouble for Charlie to go up and down the stairs, so we played poker with pretzel sticks and watched cheesy movies about parasitic aliens on AMC.

And then it was the big day. Super Bowl Sunday. Charlie and Jake were like over eager little boys, talking about player statistics and analyzing which team would win. They sat in front of the television watching pre-game show after pre-game show. When Jasper and Alice showed up, Jasper dove right into the conversation, offering his opinion on different players for each team.

In the end it was decided that Pittsburgh would win over Arizona. Of course Renee disputed this, standing faithfully by her Cardinals. At eight o'clock when the game started we were all seated around the television cheering and booing and laughing our asses off at the hilarious commercials. My favorite, by far, was Denny's Nannerpus commercial. The first time it came on I choked on a chip.

At halftime Pittsburgh was winning, much to Renee's chagrin. When Bruce Springsteen took the stage Jake muted the TV. I had just walked out of the kitchen with an armful of beer when I saw Jake standing in the center of the living room and everyone glancing expectantly at me.

"What's going on?" I asked setting the bottles down on the coffee table.

"There's something I wanted to ask you, and I wanted to do it while your parents were here."

"Um, okay." I was confused, what the hell was going on?

"I love you, more than, well more than anything in this world and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I would be honored if you would spend the rest of your life with me."

I stood there staring at him dumbly as Jake reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out small silver ring. The diamond in the center sparkled in the lamplight. Jake walked toward me then got down on one knee. "I already asked your father for his permission, and now I'm asking you. Will you marry me Bella?"

Tears flooded my eyes and words escaped me. I nodded my head enthusiastically and held out my hand for Jake to slide the ring onto. I grabbed his face and kissed him. "I love you," I said against his lips, "and I would love to spend the rest of my life with you."

**Reviews are...hmm..good I love them so leave me lots!**

I'm on the football team is by All American Rejects...and I know this chapter is kinda dry and I'm sorry...I'm still processing and dealing/coping with the death of my friend...but I refuse to wallow in sorrow...it's not what he would have wanted...but I did try my best to give you guys a good chapter.


	24. All the Small Things

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

**Well this originally started out as one chapter, but it was hella long, so I split it into two chapters. So leave lots of reviews and I'll post the next chapter tomorrow ;)Now to thank all the usual suspects. ShelbySue, my wonderful and crazy awesome beta..everyone who reads and reviews faithfully...you guys are the bestest..(lol I straight stole that from my seven year old)  
**

**FEBRUARY**

(Two weeks after CH 23)

**BPOV**

"Yeah hi, this is Joe Cappelli trying to get a hold of either a Jake Black or Bella Swan. I can come out and fix the water heater today, just gimme a call before noon and I'll be out as soon as I can. You can reach me at-,"

I jabbed the button on the answering machine and the sudden silence hummed in the air. Ever heard that expression, when it rains, its pours? Well it was had been raining these last few days; actually it had been pouring.

It all started innocently enough. Some gazillionaire from D.C. contacted Jared about Jake and his art. The man wanted Jake to paint some crazy, abstract portrait of his wife's late toy poodle, Percy. Jake was ecstatic and made plans to fly to D.C. to meet the man.

Then the trouble started. Jake called home after his appointment with Dr. Reid and asked me to come get him.

"Why, what's wrong?" I asked, worried that maybe someone had stolen his car. If only.

"My car won't start."

"Maybe it's the battery?" I suggested.

"No. It's the engine, it won't even turn over. If the battery was dead it would make a funny noise."

"Okay," I exhaled, "I'll be there as soon as I can. Call and get it towed to a mechanic."

One diagnostic and a whole lot of incomprehensible car speak later we were down to one vehicle. "I don't understand," I ranted at Jake on the way home. "What happened to the car?"

"The engine died. It happens. Who knows why." Jake shrugged and changed the radio station.

On Friday I took him to the airport. With all their new rules Jake had to be there at the ass crack of dawn. He awoke early and got ready to go before waking me up. I drove him to the airport, wished him luck, told him I loved him and went home and back to bed. When I woke up later that morning I was greeted by a freezing cold shower. And we all know that nothing wakes you up better than an ice cold shower.

After Jake landed in Washington, he called and listened to me bitch about having no hot water. "Go to the breaker box and reset the breaker. You should have hot water in a few hours."

A few hours later the water was just as, if not colder. So I called the repairman who waited until the moment I left the house to call. I grabbed a pen and a slip of paper and replayed the message, furiously scribbling his number.

I called him back and the repairman, Joe, told me he would be out later that afternoon. After I hung up I wandered around, at a loss as to how to spend the afternoon so I straightened up some things that were lying around. A few rounds around the apartment later everything was tidy. I flopped down on the couch and clicked on the television.

I stared blankly at the screen for a few minutes then called Alice. "What are you doing today?" I asked after she answered.

"Working," she replied sullenly.

"On a Saturday?"

"Yeah. I'm coming up to deadline on that alien-space travel novel. Alex wants it edited by Wednesday and I'm not even halfway done. Damn thing's likes two thousand pages."

I groaned sympathetically with Alice. "Well, I won't keep you. Just one more thing before I let you go."

"What's that?" she asked sounding distracted.

"Are you free next weekend?"

"Um, let me check."

I heard pages being flipped in the background. "Not Sunday. Why?"

"Oh I just wanted to know if maybe you wanted to go look at dresses with me," I said playfully.

Alice gasped. "You guys picked a date?!"

Yes," I admitted, "We did."

"Aw, when?"

"The sixteenth of July."

"Ooh a summer wedding. Of course you have to let me help you plan it. Do you have a location picked out yet?"

"No, we haven't decided anything yet. There are three different places we're looking at, but so far nothings been decided. How are things with you and Jasper?"

In the two weeks since the Super Bowl, Alice really hadn't opened up about what was bugging her.

"They're, uh, they're good," she said with false enthusiasm. I knew immediately she was lying, but I wasn't going to pry. When she was ready she would tell me.

"Good. Well, I guess I'll let you get back to work. We'll do lunch or something this week, okay?"

"Alright Bella. But yeah, just give me a call, or whatever and we'll get together."

We said our goodbyes and hung up. The day dragged. I loafed on the couch watching a What Not to Wear marathon where Nick gave an interior decorator blue highlights. And that got me thinking.

I sat here, in the apartment, pretty much so all day doing a whole lot of nothing. I knew I should get out and find something to do, but the problem was what? What was I good at? Apparently I had put a house together well. Maybe after the wedding I could start taking classes somewhere. That could be fun. I'd have to talk to Jake about it after his trip.

Sunday I did some laundry and called my mom. Charlie's surgery was scheduled for the next morning id offered to drive out but Renee squashed the idea. "Enjoy your quiet time. Your dad's tough. He'll be fine. Now, when is Jake coming home?"

"Wednesday. He extended the trip a few days so he could drive to Annapolis to see his sister."

"Oh that's nice. Now, tell me again. Why'd you stay home?"

"You know I'm not a huge fan of planes and not only that but I thought it was just a few days for business. I didn't see the need."

"You sound irritated," Renee observed. "What's going on?"

I sighed and scowled in the direction of the bathroom. "It's just a bunch of nonsense. Jake's car died the other day. Friday morning I went to take a shower and had no hot water. The repair man was supposed to come by yesterday but of course, he never showed."

Renee chuckled.

"It's not funny Mom. I haven't taken a shower in two days," I complained. "And I stink."

Renee burst out laughing. "Boil some water and take a nice long bath."

"How about I just hunt down the repair man and make him smell me instead," I suggested.

"Oh Bella," she laughed. "Just relax sweetheart. In the end it'll all be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

"Thanks Mom," I said sarcastically and pulled out some pots to boil water. The call waiting beeped in my ear. "Hold on for a second mom, my phone is beeping." I clicked to the other line.

"Hello?"

"Hey there good-looking," Jakes warm voice greeted me.

"You obviously can't see me. I'm a mess. Can you hang on a second?"

I clicked over. "Mom?"

"Yeah honey?"

"Jake's on the other line. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Alright Bella. Tell Jake we say hello."

"Will do. Bye."

I switched back to Jake. "You still there?"

"Yeah. You were saying something about seeing you?"

I snorted. "It's a good thing you can't. Your repair man never showed up yesterday. I tried to take a cold shower. Didn't work to well."

Jake laughed. It tugged at my heart a bit. He'd only been gone two days and yet I missed him terribly. I went into our room and dug out some fresh clothes.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm getting in the tub. I have some water boiling on the stove and I'm going to take a bath. What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting in my hotel room watch people, who from up here look very similar to ants, rush around D.C."

"Sounds fun." I went back to the kitchen to check the waters progress.

"Nah," Jake said, "I'd rather be home with you."

I smiled and went to fill the tub with some cold water. "I wish you were here too. You're going to see Becca tomorrow?"

Jake made an indiscernible noise. "Jake?"

"Bella."

"I asked if you were going to see your sister tomorrow." I cradled the phone between my head and shoulder and grabbed the boiling pot of water off the stove.

"Oh, yeah. I'm heading out there tomorrow."

I made three more trips to the kitchen for water and by the time I'd dumped the last pot into the tub it was half full and piping hot. I sank into the hot water and closed my eyes.

"What are you doing?" Jake asked.

"I'm sitting in the tub," I told him.

"Yes, I can see that."

My eyes popped open. Jake was leaning against the door frame. I leapt out of the tub and tackled him. "What are you doing here?!" I exclaimed. "I thought you were going to see Becca?"

"I was, but she called last night and canceled. Some kind of meeting she couldn't miss, so I came home early."

"I'm so glad. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too. Now how about that bath. You got room in there for two?"

I drug his t-shirt over his head and tossed it across the room. "You bet your ass I do."

* * *

I pushed the diner door open, the silver bells attached to the handle chimed loudly. I spotted Alice and made my way toward her. Alice smiled warmly as I sat down. We hadn't had our Saturday morning breakfast in forever and I was glad we were getting back into the swing of how things had been.

The joy didn't last long as I took in Alice's appearance. Her hair looked almost unkempt and her shirt was wrinkled which, by Alice's standards, was a huge no-no. Her delicate eyebrows were two furrowed slashes above her tumultuous eyes.

"I'm glad you could come," she said gratefully.

"Of course Alice. You're like my sister. I'd do anything for you. I just wish you would tell me what's going on with you." I glanced at her, my eyes pleading.

She sighed and laid her hands flat on the table. Her engagement ring, I'd noticed, was missing.

The waitress brought me coffee. I dumped some creamer and sugar in the steaming cup and gave Alice time to collect her thoughts. I raised the cup to my lips to take a sip when Alice blurted

"I can't marry Jasper, Bella. I can't do it!"

Stunned, I set my cup down. "Why not?" I asked slowly.

She shrugged. "Nothings changed. He asked me to marry him and I still feel the same way as I did before he asked me."

I wanted to laugh but it was obvious this was disturbing her. "Alice," I began gently. "What were you expecting to change?"

"Nothing. Everything." She shrugged. "I don't know. I always thought that I would feel different, you know."

"Different how?"

"Happier, more in love. I don't know, just something more. Don't you?"

"Don't I what?" I asked.

"Feel something more?"

I shook my head no. "I feel the same. I mean I'm a lot happier because Jake and I made a commitment to take that next step, to stand before God and our closest friends and family and promise to love each other forever, but aside from that no. I still feel the same. I still love him the same."

Alice pouted. "I'm a spaz. I just expected to feel different and freaked when I didn't…" She sighed and pushed her hair out of her face.

"Alice, it's just a ring. That's it, just metal and stone. It doesn't change anything, at least not in the emotional sense. In my opinion a ring is just a physical token of a promise, a promise Jasper is making to you. A promise that says he loves and respects you and wants to spend his life with you. You understand what I mean?"

She nodded. "Is there something else bugging you? I mean, beside the whole not feeling different?"

"Yeah, captain perfect," she spat.

"What'd that jackass do now?"

"He's uh…he's"

"Getting married, yeah, I know. To who?"

"This girl he met at a bar like two weeks after he moved to L.A. she's a nurse in the pediatric ward at the hospital he works at. And the scary part is she looks almost exactly like you. It's chilling."

"How much like me?"

"A lot. She's got the same brown hair, and eyes. And she's soft spoken. Actually, now that I think about it, she's a lot like the high school version of you. I don't know what she sees in him, though really. She's nice enough so it's nothing against her. I'm just hoping he doesn't ruin her life."

I clucked my tongue. "Poor girl. Alice you should warn her, or something. Tell her what an asshole he is."

Alice laughed. "I doubt it'd do any good. She's, I won't say in love, but infatuated by him. Well maybe its more his good looks because he has the personality of a sock."

Now it was my turn to laugh. "Well hopefully she's easy to please or deaf. Because if not they'll be divorced within a year."

"Yeah probably," Alice agreed. "But on a serious note. I could strangle him. All our lives he's always had to one up me. I win the fifth grade spelling bee and Edward wins the district science fair. Its like no matter what I do, he has to go one step further and out do me. I get engaged, and here comes Edward, stealing my thunder. You know he's getting married tomorrow. Once again, he's gotta do something better than me." Alice scowled. With her disarrayed hair and wrinkled clothes she looked almost maniacal.

"I'm sorry sweetie," I patted her hand. "I wish there was something I could do, you know? Mark my words, by the time you and Jas get married, they'll be divorced. Wait and see."

* * *

**MARCH**

The sun was shining. It glinted off the water in the bay making it sparkle like someone planted a million little diamonds just below the surface. On my left Alice was chattering away pointing to various cakes and flower arrangements.

Jake smiled at me and I rolled my eyes in response.

"Um, excuse me future Mrs. Black, but if you two are done making goo goo eyes at each other we have a wedding to plan," she griped. When it came to the details, Alice was a formidable wedding planner. I think she had subscribed to every wedding related magazine in the country since getting engaged. She had stacks of them in the spare bedroom; it was scary.

"Alice," I sighed. "It's a gorgeous day. Put away the bridal magazine and enjoy it."

She slammed the magazine shut and shoved it into the oversized bag that was on her lap. "There. Are you are happy now?"

"Immensely," I grinned and turned my face up to the sun.

The four of us were headed to Forks for the weekend. Jake and I had a meeting with the owners of the Miller Tree Inn, the bed and breakfast where we stayed last November.

We had decided that was where we wanted to get married. It wasn't an easy decision though. Well not at first. When Jake and I first started talking about locations we both knew that we didn't want to get married in a church. There was nothing wrong with a church wedding but neither of us was very religious and therefore a wedding in a church wouldn't have been right for us. So we both made a list of places we'd like to get married. When I showed Jake my list he laughed at the first two choices.

"What's wrong with them?" I pouted.

"Bella," he said rather seriously. "The studio? Seriously?"

I shrugged. "It's where we first met."

"It's a mess. Even an army of maids couldn't make it presentable enough for a wedding."

"Okay," I conceded. "But what's wrong with my second choice."

"The Space Needle? Well nothing I guess if you're every other couple in Seattle. And besides, that place holds not sentimental value at all."

"Well what's on your list?" I asked, snatching his sheet of paper off the table and reading it. He only had one location written on it.

"The Miller Tree Inn?" I said tentatively. "Why there?"

"Well, for starters, it's where you first told me you loved me, and I was looking at the website the other day. All the pictures they have on the site show the place in the spring or summer and all the flowers are in bloom and there's this little white gazebo in the middle of the garden. It just seemed like the perfect place for us."

I grabbed his hand and held it in mine. "That sounds perfect."

So here we were now. I had called to find out if the owners would let us get married in their gazebo and they had seemed surprised by my request.

"Well, we've never had a wedding before. Would it be possible for you and your fiancé to come out and meet with us?" the owner's wife, Gail, asked.

"Sure, I don't think that would be a problem." So I scheduled the meeting as well as reservations for the weekend. And on top of that I started doing research into what I needed to become an interior designer.

I found out that I didn't need to go back to school; many places of employment were more likely to hire you if you had a degree in some kind of art, architecture, business or marketing. Lucky for me I had a business degree, in merchandising, from a damn good college.

I talked to Jake about wanting to go to work and what I wanted to do. He was genuinely pleased and encouraged me to go for it. So I did. I started looking for furniture stores, interior design offices in Seattle and even found a magazine that was offering an internship.

I sent a resume to several of the places I found and even applied for the internship at Interior Design magazine. It was nothing fancy, just setting up furniture for photo shoots but it would look really good on my resume. Now the only thing left to do was wait and see if any of those things panned out.

Behind me the ferry's horn blared sending a flock of seagulls scattering in the wind. "Come on," Jake said pulling me up off the bench. The four of us went down the stairs to the deck where Jake's new Blazer was parked.

A few hours later we turned down the lane and pulled into the inns parking lot. "Oh look at this place," Alice gushed as she got out of the car. "This place is so cute. I really hope they let you have your wedding here Bella, it would be a crime for them not to."

Jake and Jasper got the bags out of the trunk and the four of us checked in. After we got settled in Jake and I left Alice and Jasper to their own devices and went to see my parents.

Charlie answered the door with a smile. When I talked to Renee she said the surgery had corrected the issues with his leg and it was healing properly.

"Renee," he called as he opened the front door. "There's some strange girl and a really tall man on our front porch."

"Knock it off Dad," I quipped.

"Now she's calling me dad."

Beside me Jake laughed. "How are you Charlie?"

He opened to door further. "Come on in you two. How was the drive?"

I went in and Jake followed. "It was good," he said.

"Where's mom?" I asked.

"Good, good. Oh, she's in the kitchen Bella," he said, then lowered his voice, "but I wouldn't go in there if I were you. I think she's baking or something and you know how good she is at that." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. My mother, as we all knew, was the worst cook.

Jake and Charlie went into the living room to, no doubt, watch some sports related program while I went off to save Renee from a baking disaster.

When I walked into the kitchen it was a disaster. It looked like thousands of bombs, all full of flour, went off. Either that or a fanatical elf went nuts and just decided to dump flour all over.

"Mom what in the hell are you doing?" I asked suppressing a grin. Renee turned to look at me. She was covered in flour as well.

"What the hell's it look like I'm doing?" she grumbled. "I'm making a damn pie. Well trying to at least. The damn crust won't roll out right."

I sidestepped a pile of flour and went to inspect her pie crust. "Oh my god mom, what did you do to it?"

Renee shrugged helplessly. "I don't know."

I poked it with my index finger. The mound of dough was hard as a rock. "You're gonna have to re-do it," I informed her.

"Great," she muttered. "I knew I should've stuck with the premade crust."

A few hours later Jake and I headed back to the hotel. Renee remade her crust, the second time it turned out right and she actually produced a pretty mean apple pie. "Your dad's doing a lot better," Jake said as he steered the car in the direction of the hotel.

"I know," I agreed. "It makes me feel loads better not having to worry about him as much."

"I bet." He yawned. "I am exhausted," he said.

I nodded. "Me too."

** *

The next morning we met with Gail and her husband Tom in the sunroom over coffee.

"So," Gail said after settling down in the creaky wicker chair situated by the large window at the front of the room. "Tell us why you'd like to get married at our B & B."

I glanced at Jake who glanced at me. "Well," I began threading my fingers between Jakes. "We stayed here last winter and I thought the place was gorgeous. But the real reason is because of all the places we thought of, this one holds an almost sentimental value for us. See, ours was a, well…whirlwind romance and this was where we first declared our affections for one another. Up in the Country Clover suite is where we told each other we loved one another for the first time."

Gail's eyes were misty. "That's very sweet. How large of a wedding are you planning?"

"Very small," Jake assured her. "Around ten to fifteen guests and that's about ten more than we are expecting."

Both Gail and Tom chuckled. "Well, since it's such a small ceremony I don't see why it would be an issue. Do you have a date set yet?"

I nodded. "July the sixteenth."

"Good, that's a good day. I'll tell you what we will do. I'll draw up a contract guaranteeing the two of you the gazebo for the sixteenth of July and we can go from there."

I was exuberant. I really wasn't expecting them to say yes and when they did it made my day. I couldn't wait to tell Alice.

"Thank you, so much," I gushed.

"No, thank you. It's nice to know that this place means so much to someone besides us. I hope the two of you spend many happy years together," Gail said grasping my arms. "And congratulations."

I practically skipped up the stairs to our room. "I'm so happy!" I practically shouted. Jake grinned.

"I'm glad. Just think in four short months we will be husband and wife. Wow."

I sighed happily. "I know. Now I have to start shopping for a dress, and a cake and flowers. There is so much to do. And you're going to need a tux."

"Oh goody. You want to go out and do something?"

"Like what?" I asked sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Isn't there a beach or something around here?"

I nodded. "Down in La Push. Why do you want to go swimming?"

"It might be fun. Unless you wanted to do something different."

"No," I said shaking my head. "Let's go to the beach."

**Leave lots of reviews and I'll be nice and post the next chapter tomorrow (haha I'm evil I know)**

All the Small Things~Blink 182

**And I meant to post this with the last chapter, but here is the link for Bella's engagement ring..**

www(dot)tacori(dot)com(forwardslash)TACORI-SRCH(forwardslash)ENGAGEMENT(forwardslash)2584RD65-A-4-1-5-(forwardslash)


	25. Glad I Waited Just for You

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

I lol'd at lots of the comments for the last chapter...now you know it wouldn't a wedding without at least a pinch of angst and drama...so onto the Edward-wife look a like thing..think about it...Bella was his life for soo long, and then he pretty much threw her away and realized he just lost the best thing that ever happened to him, and when he couldn't get her back he got the next best thing..someone who looked enough like her and that he thought he could mold into something akin to Bella 2.0...or something like that. I don't know if you guys care, but I will put the links to Bella's dress at the bottom so if you want to check it out you can. And last, gianormo (so not a word, shut up I know) to my amazing beta, ShelbySue, who totally told me when things were sucking (and I thank her so much for that) and she even wrote the exchange between Bella & Esme and someother things...I'd tell you but it would spoil it..so..big hugs to her for keeping it real...she rocks so thank her too!

So I'm gonna shut up now so you can read..lol.

**MAY**

"Bella!" Alice called. "Bella, come out and show me that dress right now!"

I glanced in the mirror and grimaced. I looked like mermaid Barbie. The dress, which looked great on the hanger, looked like a taffeta sack on me.

"Bella!" Alice called again.

"I'm not coming out. I look…well…ridiculous." I grimaced again and reached, struggling, for the zipper on the back of the dress.

"Well I'm coming in." The door pushed open and Alice's scrunched face was reflected in the mirror. "Ew you're right, that does look bad. Quick, take it off."

She unzipped the dress and helped me slip out of it. I hung it back on the hanger while Alice went to get the next dress from the saleswoman.

I stared in the mirror while I waited for Alice to bring the next dress all the while thinking about everything I still had left to do. There was still so much left to do and not a lot of time to get it done. It was almost the third week of May and I was just now getting around to getting a wedding dress. I'd looked at almost every dress shop in Seattle and hadn't found anything that I liked; or anything that fit the ideal wedding dress in my head.

The dresses were either too poofy, too sparkly, or just too unlike me. I was a simple girl, with simple tastes who was having a simple summer wedding under a canopy of flowers. I wanted a dress that was simple and elegant and me – all at the same time.

I sighed. The past month had been hectic. I'd had six interviews with six different companies and none of them had been what I was looking for. The hours were crazy or the work wasn't what I was looking for so I had turned them all down. But truth be told, I was still holding out for the internship at Interior Design magazine.

I knew getting that internship was a long shot. Three weeks had passed since I applied and I hadn't heard a thing. I knew that my chances were slim to begin with and each day that went by that I didn't hear back from them meant my chances were getting slimmer and slimmer. But still I waited.

On a more personal note, things with Jake were strange to say the least. The first week of May was tense. The second one was worse. It started out as just a bunch of little things. He would take every comment I made personally.

If I had a bad day and made a comment about it he would mumble little comments under his breath. I never quite caught his comments; but it seemed like he was doing it to piss me off and then an innocuous comment on my part would escalate into a full scale argument.

And he started drinking again.

Well, no. Jake drank, he would have a beer while watching a basketball or football game, he would have a beer if we had something like steak for dinner. That was no big deal, but his drinking habits changed I guess would be a better way of describing it.

About an hour and a half before bed, he would guzzle down beer after beer. The sizzling snap of a can of beer opening became the soundtrack to my evenings.

At first I thought the stress of getting married and working on his second show was getting to him; but deep down part of me knew it was something more.

When I asked him about it he blew me off and said he was fine then mumbled those damn comments under his breath. We got into a huge fight, because I asked him if he was fine, and didn't talk for most of the day. He acted wounded and claimed that I didn't trust him, that I assumed he was going back to the way he was before therapy, before me.

I felt like I was walking on eggshells anytime I was home, or around him. I was starting to feel like I was living with Edward again.

And, even after all that, here I was, waiting for my best friend to bring me a wedding dress. There was a knock at the door. I cracked the door and peeked out. A long white dress stared back at me.

I snatched the dress from Alice. "Bella," she gushed. "I swear to god if this isn't the dress for you, let me know and it can be the dress for me. It is gorgeous."

I unzipped the dress and stepped into it. "Alice, can you zip me up?"

Alice tugged the zipper, it made a soft hiss as it slid up the back of the gown. I gasped as I glanced in the mirror. The all over beaded lace gown was the same cut as the mermaid dress, but the empire waist and cap sleeves made the overall appearance more flattering.

"Oh my god Bella, this has got to be the dress. It couldn't be any more perfect if your fairy godmother poofed it out of the universe especially for you," Alice breathed.

"I know," I murmured running my hands over the finely beaded front of the dress. It was the perfect dress, simple and elegant and me. I turned to look at the back of the dress. It was cut into a low 'v' that dipped down to my lower back.

"Come out and look in the three way mirror," Alice said.

I followed her out and stepped up onto the platform situated in front of the mirrors. The dress looked even better out here. I turned from side to side, admiring the way the fabric swished down past my ankles.

"This is the one," I said, tearing my eyes from the mirror. "This is the dress I've been looking for."

Alice grinned. "Well, halle-freaking-lujah! Want me to go get the saleslady while you change?"

I nodded and stepped down off the platform while Alice darted off down a short, pastel pink hallway.

I paid for the dress and collected my receipt. In four to six weeks I had to come back and have it altered. I kept asking the saleswoman if it would be in by the sixteenth of July, she assured me it would be and that I had nothing to worry about.

Alice and I left the dress store. I was worried that my dress wouldn't be in and altered in time for the wedding. We went back to her house where I could hide out for a few hours before going home to face Mr. My-Middle-Name-is-Denial.

"You know I have to find a way to thank you," I said to Alice.

"For what?" she asked clearly puzzled.

"For helping me do all this. For being my best friend, helping me plan the wedding, not disowning me after the fiasco with your brother. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I do it because I love you. And seriously, Edward is a dummy. Ooh, did I tell you what happened?"

My curiosity was now piqued. Edward had faltered a lot in the few short months he'd been married. Alice settled into the couch, moving pillows and making herself comfortable.

"Okay, you are going to love this. He and Monica, that's his wife's name by the way, were having dinner with my parents last weekend and Mom was telling this story about him; something from high school or whatever, and it was one of those embarrassing stories moms tell. Well Monica is laughing, just laughing her pretty little head off and Edward gets mad and he blurts out "stop laughing, it isn't funny Bella." And Monica stops laughing immediately, and Mom and Dad are sitting there mouths hanging open, just shocked. And poor Monica bursts into tears and runs, crying, from the dining room. Edward sat there at a total loss; like he had no idea what he said."

I shook my head, appalled and amused all at the same time.

"I think he married her because she's so much like you. I told you she looks like you didn't I?"

I nodded. "You did. And if he did then I'm sorry for her. She doesn't deserve that."

Alice shrugged. "Well that's what you get for marrying someone you barely know." Then her jaw dropped. "Oh Bella, I don't mean you. I mean you know Jake…I didn't mean that towards you guys. I just wasn't thinking."

"Alice, its fine, don't worry about it. I'm starting to wonder if marrying Jake is the right thing to do."

Her eyes almost popped out of her head. "Are you nuts? I've never seen two people more made for each other. You guys are like, destined to be together. You're perfect for each other."

I shrugged. "Yeah, well, perfect or not, some things have changed and not for the better."

"Like what?"

"He's been drinking. And not just a beer here or there, but several beers, right before bed. Like an hour before he goes to bed he just sits there cracking can after can of beer open. If I ask what's going on, he snaps at me. He will make little comments and just say stuff and try to goad me into fighting with him. Then he acts like the victim and I'm the big meanie trying to steal his lunch money. He won't talk to me and I have no idea what the hell is wrong. I'm just worried and quite frankly I'm tired of the bullshit."

"Maybe he's just stressed, you know the wedding and all. Just keep trying to talk to him. I'm sure you two can work this out."

I nodded. I really hoped we could work it out. Not just because we were getting married in a month and a half month but because I loved him so much and I couldn't imagine living without him.

**JPOV**

May.

The shittiest month of the year. This year it was determined to take that title to a whole other level.

Bella had been running around all over Seattle trying to find a job and plan a wedding and I had been sulking.

I had seen this month coming and as it crept closer my attitude and demeanor grew nastier and nastier and the shitty part was I took it out on Bella, who, out of this whole mess was the most innocent party.

On the second of May, the phone rang. Bella was at an interview for an interior design store downtown and I was home alone. I answered it and immediately regretted it. It was Sue Clearwater, Leah's mom.

"Hello Jacob," she said her voice weary with grief.

"Sue," I replied, wondering why the hell she was calling me. I hadn't talked to any of the Clearwater's, not Harry or Sue or even Seth, since the accident almost three years ago.

"I was calling," she said with a shaky voice, "to let you know that Harry and I have decided it's time to let Leah go. We are turning off the life support on the 16th."

I stood their mutely. I didn't know if they picked that date on purpose or not, but it stung nevertheless. "I'm, um, I- I uh, I'm sorry to hear that," I finally choked out.

"I just thought you might like to know. There will be a funeral on the 18th." She gave me the name and location of the funeral home. I numbly wrote it down on a sheet of paper and shoved it into my pocket.

Then I processed my emotions in the only way I really knew how. I drank and isolated myself from the one person who loved me, even when she had seen me at my worst.

I pushed her away and was nasty to her and each night when I went to bed I was still amazed that Bella lay beside me. I knew she wouldn't for much longer if I didn't tell her what was going on with me but honestly I was embarrassed by what I was feeling.

Embarrassed and afraid. Leah was my ex-wife and of course there would always be some part of me that cared for, perhaps even loved, her. She was my wife for two years. I understood it, but deep down I wasn't sure Bella would.

The nagging little voice in the back of my head told me that she was a woman and no way would she understand the rampant emotions I was feeling. How could she? I know if she came home and told me that something happened to Edward and she was upset I would be a little jealous and a lot pissed off. Well maybe. I can sit here and say that's how I'd feel, but the truth is, until you're in that situation you don't know how you're going to feel.

I thought I was over Leah and, while I knew this day would eventually come, I didn't expect to feel this way. I thought I had put all this- the accident, the death, Leah, behind me. Apparently that wasn't true. After almost three weeks of feeling sorry for myself it all came to a head the night before Leah's funeral.

That night I was on the couch watching Death Race when Bella came home. She set her purse on the table and her keys clinked into the burnt orange ceramic bowl that sat on the edge of the sideboard by the front door. Next, she would take off her shoes and make this little sound in the back of her throat, a sound that every time I heard it, made me think she was happy to be free of her shoes.

I didn't say anything to her. I just sat there watching Jason Statham cream the competition and plot revenge against the prison guard who killed his family. I felt bad for the dude, being able to empathize with the loss of his family.

Bella sat down in the arm chair by the couch and stared at me, her eyes boring into my forehead. After about five minutes of her death stare I turned off Death Race and turned to face her.

"I want to know what's going on with you," she said firmly.

I shrugged. "Nothing. I'm fine. What makes you think there's something wrong?"

She rolled her eyes. "Really Jake. You're fine? I've seen you fine and you fine doesn't drink like a fish. You fine doesn't snap at me for the stupidest little thing. You fine doesn't start stupid and asinine arguments with me for no reason. This is not you fine."

I shrugged again. "Maybe you need your eyes checked because there is nothing wrong."

Oops, wrong thing to say, I knew it was. I wanted to tell her what was going on, really I did, but I was so damn afraid she wouldn't understand that I did the only thing I knew how to do. I pushed her away, kept her locked out and out of the loop. I struggled against the overwhelming fear and opened my mouth to tell her everything. Bella stood, anger flashed in her chocolate eyes.

"Maybe _you _need _your_ eyes checked. Or your name changed. Maybe I should start calling you Edward, because that's who you're acting like."

I took it, even if it was a low blow, because I deserved it. She was right and I was being an asshole. I was intentionally hurting her, just like Edward had done. We were both having affairs with other women. Even if mine was an in my head emotional thing, it was still hurting her.

"You know what?" she asked, her voice quivering. "If you're "fine" then I can't marry you. Because for one you're lying to yourself and you're lying to me. Your acting just like you did when I first met you. Something happened because right now you're trying to push me away. So here's your stupid ring, and I guess I'll cancel my stupid dress order in the morning. I'm not doing this with you. If you want to be alone so bad then fine. I hope you enjoy it," she yanked the brilliant-cut diamond ring off her finger and hurled it at me. The cone shaped diamond hit my cheek then fell into my lap. Bella rushed towards the door and she grabbed her bag and keys and slid her feet into her shoes.

Bella stopped, her hand resting on the door, waiting, I guess, for me to ask her to stay. I sat there, silent. She wrenched the door open and disappeared through it. Then it slammed shut. The sound echoed through the now empty apartment.

_What are you doing you idiot? Go stop her! _common sense screamed at me.

I jumped over the back of the couch and ran, barefoot, down the stairs after her. I didn't have to go far. Bella was sitting on the second floor landing, sobbing into her hands. I immediately felt like pond scum; no, lower than pond scum. I was that unidentifiable gunk on the bottom of your shoe.

"Bella, honey," I said softly.

"Fuck off and die," she sobbed.

"Bella, honey, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say to make this right. I know I've been an asshole, and I have a reason, I know it's not necessarily a good one, but there is a reason."

Bella looked up at me; her brown eyes were bloodshot and watery. "You have a reason, but it's not a good one. Really?" she said sarcastically. "I'm curious what is it?"

"It's the past. About Leah actually. Um, her mom called earlier this month and told me that they were taking her off of life support. And they did it on the day that I took her out on our first date. I know that none of this is your fault; I just don't know how to handle everything. And I was, uh, well, I was, um, I was afraid that maybe you would think that I wasn't over her. I didn't want to hurt you that way."

Bella wiped her eyes, rubbing the tears away with her fingers. "Aw, Jake. I wish you would have told me. Why did you think that I would think that? That doesn't make sense to me at all."

I sat down on the step next to her. "I know I should have, but I thought I was over it all. I mean I am over it. I mean – aw hell I don't know what I mean. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for being an asshole or sorry for being upset?"

"Both, but more sorry for being an asshole. I just didn't think you'd understand. I don't know why I guess if the roles had been reversed, you know if something happened to Edward and you were upset, I figured I'd be upset with you for being upset. Which is just stupid, but then again I'm not the smartest guy in the world. I should've just talked to you and maybe we could have avoided this whole mess."

"You should've," Bella agreed. "But don't be sorry for being upset. She was your wife, you two went through a lot and you're not the same person anymore. It's only natural to be upset. I didn't even know her and I'm upset for you. Is there a funeral?"

I nodded.

"Go. Go and give your condolences and say goodbye. And never be embarrassed or ashamed of your emotions. I love you."

Bella wrapped her arms around me and we walked back up to apartment. "You know we have to talk about it more. You're not magically cured just because you told me what was bugging you."

"I know."

I opened the apartment door and followed Bella down the hallway. She flopped into the pillows on the bed. "Come sit and talk," she said, patting the vacant side of the bed.

I sat down next to her and stared at the ceiling. "I don't know where to begin," I admitted.

Bella ran her fingers through my hair. "The beginnings usually a pretty good place to start," she said softly.

So I told her about the phone call. "I didn't expect to ever hear from them again. After they took Leah back to Fern Hill they didn't call or write. I had no idea she was even still on life support. I mean it's been almost three years since the accident."

Bella continued running her fingers through my hair. "So you haven't seen her since they took her back to Tacoma?"

I shook my head no. "Nope. Her father came to court in her place and since he had power of attorney, the judge allowed him to sign the divorce papers in Leah's place. The judge almost didn't grant the divorce. He thought it was shifty; me trying to divorce a woman in a coma. Harry convinced him that it was what Leah wanted. So he granted it."

Bella sniffed and sighed. "It's all just so damn sad."

I nodded. "I knew it was only a matter of time until Harry and Sue pulled the plug." I said this without any emotion at all. It was a declaration that had been echoing in my head since I got the call that told me Leah had passed. Bella ran her hand up and down my arm.

I leaned back into the pillows on the bed and sighed. I felt like an asshole. There was no other way to describe it and I admitted it to Bella.

"Why?" she asked.

I shrugged; frustration welled in my chest. "I was ashamed and embarrassed of this feeling. I didn't think you would understand. You know? I mean, after all, this is my ex-wife we're talking about. I honestly thought you'd get jealous or pissed and leave. I couldn't risk telling you and you leaving me. I love you too much to lose you."

Tears flooded my eyes and spilled onto my cheeks leaving hot, wet track marks. Then the levee broke and the dam sprung forth. A sob caught in my throat; a strangled sound emanated from my lips.

I cried for Leah and for Rachel and for my father. I cried for the child I'd never know and the months I'd pissed away, the countless pieces of art that had been destroyed by my rage. I cried tears of joy that even through all this disaster, God- if there was a God- had seen fit to send Bella crashing into my life.

Bella pulled me into her arms and rubbed my back. "Let it out," she soothed. "It will all be okay, just let it out."

I soaked her shirt with snot and tears. I had held onto the past so long, so long that I didn't realize that I was still hanging on to some small pieces. As I cried I let them go. I let the pieces of the past float off into the universe and out of the present.

Bella's hands continued rubbing my back as I cried and moaned unintelligible phrases. Even I didn't know what I was moaning, even though it was coming out of my mouth.

"It will all be okay," Bella whispered over and over again. It was a mantra, a beacon of light in the darkness that pulled me back to the here and now.

"Will it?" I questioned. "Will it really all be okay? I acted like such an asshole, like Edward, how can you ever forgive that?"

"This is not about that," Bella said firmly. "You were hurting and you lashed out. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but given the circumstances it certainly makes it understandable. Maybe if I had been a little more perceptive I would have seen that you were hurting and it never would have gotten to this point. We could have talked about it and worked through it together. How can _I_ ever make it up to _you?_"

I rubbed my eyes and moved my head off her wet t-shirt and onto the pillow. "Baby the fact that you haven't left my sad ass more than makes up for it. Please though baby, not because you think you owe me, but because you want this, please let me put your ring back on your finger. I've never been more scared of anything than when you took that ring off."

Bella smiled at me and nodded and I pulled the simple, yet stunning, engagement ring out of my pocket and slid it back onto her ring finger. "There," I said admiring the way the diamond sparkled in the light, "back where it belongs."

"Thank you," Bella replied, leaning down to kiss me. She pressed her satin lips to mine and ran her tongue over mine.

I groaned into her mouth as her fingertips grazed the skin across my waist. With her lips still pressed to mine she pulled the black t-shirt I wore up, broke the kiss momentarily and pulled the shirt over my head.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Apologizing," she murmured, flashing me wink, her eyebrow arched.

Her nimble fingers tugged at my belt, loosened it and slowly unzipped my jeans. Her fingers slipped inside and caressed oh so softly.

I let out a ragged breath, this was so unlike Bella. "I – you- I mean- you have nothing to…"

"Shh," she said pressing the fingers of her free hand to my lips. "Just let me do this. I can't make the hurt go away but I can at least do this."

She tugged at my jeans, then grabbed them by the ankles and pulled them off flinging them across the room. Standing at the foot of the bed she slowly undressed. I watched in awe as she stripped away each article of clothing, growing more and more aroused as each one hit the floor. I was so overcome in that moment with more emotions than I thought I could feel at one time, and all I could focus on was Bella, anything else would cause the damn holding my emotions back to burst.

She crawled, sliding her breasts over my legs and chest, up my body and kissed along my jaw. Goosebumps raced across my flesh as her lips traveled south, licking and kissing every plane and dip her mouth came into contact with.

"Bella," I groaned as she licked my shaft.

"mm." the vibration ratcheted this experience up to a whole other level and she took the length of me, bit by tiny bit.

I groaned, eyes rolling back in my head. I saw stars, little yellow cartoony ones as her mouth worked wonders, tongue probed, all over the length of my dick. "Bella, oh God honey, it's too much…it's so good but I want to be with you, I need to be with you…please."

She swirled her tongue around the head of my dick, like she was licking an ice cream cone. I moaned and fought the urge to just let go. Luckily, Bella stopped. She glanced up at me from beneath her eye lashes then climbed lithely onto my lap, and hovered, poised, right above me. I could feel the heat emanating from her. She smiled angelically, and then lowered herself onto the length of me.

Bella ground against me, her hips dipping and grinding. I grabbed her waist, guiding her, coaxing her. She gently but firmly grabbed my wrists and pinned them.

"Baby let go, let me take care of you." she moaned, a little mewling sound in the back of her throat, "So just let go and let me be the one to please you."

She was so caring, so loving and beautiful, and so incredibly sexy. My God, I almost ruined everything and here she is, loving me, saving me, giving me the most amazing gift she every could, herself.

I moaned and felt myself rushing toward the edge all the while cursing myself for it. Faster and faster she went, growing slicker with each rise and fall. The wetness intensified the sensation of her riding me and I felt myself give in and plunge into the abyss. I groaned and arched my back plunging myself as far as I could into her. Bella gasped and moaned, these sweet little cries escaped her lips and she collapsed onto my chest. I could feel her heart racing in her sweat slicked chest.

Later, as I held Bella in my arms, she asked about the funeral. "Do you want to go?"

"I don't know," I admitted. Part of me did and part of me said that was not my life anymore and I had no business being there.

"I think you should go."

I glanced at Bella. "You do?"

She nodded.

"Why?"

"Because I don't think you got the chance the really say good bye. I think you should go and say goodbye. If you want to go, that is."

"I don't think I should," I admitted.

"Why not?"

"Because that's not my life anymore. I don't think I'll be welcome there."

"I think you'd be surprised. I think the Clearwater's, that's their last night right?"

I nodded.

"I think the Clearwater's will be expecting you to be there. This was your wife after all, and you have just as much of a right to say goodbye as anyone else. If you want I'll go with your, or I can stay in Seattle. It's your choice."

I nodded. "I'll go. And I'd like you to come with me."

Bella nodded. "Okay."

"Okay. The funeral is at three, so we should probably leave here around one, just in case there's traffic."

Bella nodded. Her eyes closed. I sat there watching her for a while as she drifted off to sleep. I felt like such a fool for not coming to her sooner. She was an incredible woman and I should have known she would have reacted this way and not flipped out.

The sound of her even breathing was relaxing. I turned off the light and closed my eyes, drifting off to join Bella in the land of dreams.

**JULY**

Charlie opened the French doors and together we stepped out. I could hear the chorus of New American Classic swell as Charlie and I made our way down the flagstone path. Lanterns lit the path as we descended into the dusk toward the gazebo.

Clear Christmas lights were strung around the gazebo making it glow softly in the twilight. I could see Jake standing there waiting. My heart started to race as we got closer to the gazebo. It was beautiful; lights were strung up in the garden casting a soft glow, illuminating the flowers that had grown up the side of the gazebo. Drops of dew sparkled, dazzled by the light.

Charlie and I stepped onto the gazebo and he stopped just in front of Jake. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Be happy sweetheart," he whispered in my ear. To Jake he said, "You remember what I was said."

Jake nodded and took my hand. "You look beautiful, absolutely stunning," he breathed.

* * *

Yesterday morning the four of us, Jake, Alice, Jasper and I, made the trip to Forks. We dropped the guys off at their hotel and headed to Renee and Charlie's to drop off my wedding dress.

Charlie's surgery had corrected the issue with his leg and it was now fully healed. His cheeks had a healthy pink glow that I hadn't seen in a long time.

"What are you two planning on doing tonight?" Renee asked.

I looked at Alice who shrugged. "No idea. I was going to take Bella to this strip club in Port Angeles that does amateur night, but I don't think she'd appreciate that." Alice winked at me.

"No your right. Strip club is definitely not my idea of good time," I laughed.

We wound up going back to Alice's parent's house and watching the best movies of the late 90's. Around ten, we raided the wine cellar and brought up a couple bottles of Pinot Grigio to drink while 10 Things I Hate About You played in the background.

Sometime after midnight, we must have fallen asleep. I woke up sometime in the early morning. The grey sky was tinged with hues of orange and pink as the sun peaked over the eastern horizon. I slid out from under Alice's leg, which was draped over my waist, and padded to the bathroom in search of some aspirin. Those two bottles of Pinot Grigio had not been good to me. I popped the top on the bottle of aspirin, each sound seemingly amplified by the tile walls. I quickly swallowed the round white pills and scurried back to bed.

Alice groaned as I pulled the covers over my head. "Is it time to get up already?" she moaned.

"No," I whispered.

"Stop screaming," she whined then flipped onto her other side and began snoring. I laughed softly and closed my eyes, drifting back to sleep.

* * *

When I woke up again, the sun was shining in the western windows. Alice stirred and rolled over. "Good morning!"

"Good morning," I replied. My head no longer felt like it was home to an angry rhino. I got out of bed, dragging Alice with me. Together we went downstairs for breakfast even though it was well past lunch time.

"Good afternoon ladies," Esme chuckled from her position in front of the stove. "Would you like something to eat?"

Alice and I sat down at the island and chatted with Esme. Just like the past, she set a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of each of us, followed by a glass of orange juice and two aspirin. I guess some things never change.

After we ate, I showered while Alice collected her arsenal of beauty products. I raided her closet for something to wear. I was a spitting image of my seventeen year old self in Alice's clothes from high school. I wandered downstairs while Alice showered and was headed to watch some tv when I saw Esme approaching me with a look I couldn't quite place. My stomach fell. _Please God, don't let her tell me I'm making a mistake, please don't let her ask me to give him another chance._ She opened her mouth to speak and what I heard shocked me.

"I've never been more relieved to see someone so happy Bella. I know you probably think I'm going to ask you to wait for Edward, give him another chance, but I could never do that to you. I've always thought of you as my daughter, and regardless of who you are marrying, I will always love you and want the best for you. I've watched you over the years, and it's been heartbreaking. When you first moved here Edward made you so happy. You were both young and free and you had the whole world laid out at your feet. But the more time passed, the more you put on fake smiles, and the light in your eyes started to fade. I watched him slowly eat away at your confidence and self-esteem, and it broke my heart. He's my son and I will always love him, but while you grew up, he still acts like a petulant child and rarely thinks of anyone but himself. He tried to tell me that you both ended things amicably, but Alice and I are close, and you know she has loose lips when she's drinking."

Esme smiled and chuckled at this, and I started snapping out of my state of shock. I smiled back at her as I stared, clearly she wasn't done. "I will never forgive him for treating you so despicably, you are such a better person than him, and I am proud to call you my daughter, even if it isn't technically true. I want to assure you Bella, I support your relationship with Jacob. I have never seen you more happy or alive. You are moving forward in life, making decisions based on what you want and what is good for you and because he truly loves you, he backs you completely. I know you must be concerned that we won't maintain our relationship Bella, but as I have proven with Edward, nothing could make me turn my back on one of my children. I love you Bella, and I am so thankful that you are letting Carlisle and I be a part of this wedding."

I couldn't even make words, I simply threw my arms around her and we held each other and cried. I didn't realize how afraid I had been that I wouldn't have Esme in my life anymore. Don't get my wrong, I love my mother, but there were so many times when I needed someone more grounded, and Esme became that person. I sent up a little prayer of thanks to God for giving me this woman in my life. Alice came downstairs and broke up our little sob fest informing us that the tears must stop if I didn't want to get married looking like I had pink eye. She then pointed out that it was time to leave and with one last hug from Esme I followed Alice out the door and into her car.

We drove the few short blocks to my parent's house and set up shop in the bathroom. Renee came up to help where she could. But she mostly left us to our own devices.

I sat quietly in the chair while Alice tugged and combed my hair into a low ponytail. Eventually the pain of her pulling my hair and jabbing abnormally long bobby pins into my scalp faded.

Sometimes I wondered how I'd gotten here. Not that I meant that as a bad thing. A year ago I was in this miserable relationship that was headed nowhere fast and I'd been foolish enough to think that was all I deserved, that my relationship with Edward was as good as it was going to get. Now, here I was, about to get married. In a little less than five hours from now I would be someone's wife. The thought made me happier than I ever could have imagined.

But of course all roads to happiness are filled with some kind of struggle. And we had struggled and at times we faltered, but together we made it work. Take Leah's funeral. God that was a hard day for Jake. He held it together well though; I will definitely give him that.

We left early the morning of the funeral; Tacoma was only about an hour away. He was quiet the entire trip down. I didn't say much, I figured he was processing his emotions and when he was ready, he would talk to me.

About halfway there, we stopped for a coffee refill at a gas station just off the highway. Once we pulled back onto the interstate Jake cleared his throat.

"I think you should know you might face some hostility. I hope that Harry and Sue are more grown up than that, but you never know."

I nodded. "Are you okay?"

Jake shook his head no. "I am, but I'm not; if that makes any sense. I'm scared that they are going to cause a fuss, but I'm scared that they are going to be too forgiving." He sighed and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Aw, hell, Bella. I don't know what the hell I feel. Part of me is being masochistic and hoping that someone curses at me and kicks me out, and another part of me just wants it to be calm so I can say goodbye."

I empathized with his struggle. It turned out that he didn't need to be worried. The Clearwater's were so grief stricken they barely paid Jake any mind. A tall, thin man approached Jake as we were leaving.

"Jacob," he called. Jake and I stopped in the parking lot and turned to face the caller.

"Seth," Jacob said enthusiastically, "How are you?"

The man named Seth shook Jake's hand. "Good, well you know." He motioned the funeral home. "I'm really glad you could come. Hello, I'm Seth, Leah's brother."

"Oh sorry. Seth this is Bella, my fiancé." Jake squeezed my hand. I took it as a sign that everything was okay.

I stepped forward and shook Seth's hand. "Nice to meet, I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Nice to make your acquaintance. And fiancé, congrats. When's the big day?"

"July 16th," Jake said.

"Very nice. Are you getting married in Seattle?"

"No, we're actually getting married at this B&B up in Forks."

Seth nodded, and the two of them chatted for a few minutes. Cell phones came out and phone numbers were exchanged. We said goodbye and headed back to Seattle.

"I'm glad you came with me today," Jake said, reaching for my hand as we got off the highway.

"Me too. Well, I'm glad that you let me come."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, because sometimes the easiest thing to do is isolate yourself from the people who love you. You could have told me to stay home and gone by yourself, but you let me come; you wanted me to come. It says a lot about the progress that you've made. You should be proud of yourself."

I was brought back to the here and now by Alice, who it seemed, was furiously trying to rip out huge sections of my hair as she pulled and twisted it into place. I yelped as a bobby pin jabbed me in the head.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly.

I rolled my eyes and thought about the upcoming internship. There is an old saying about a door closing and a window opening, or something like that. That afternoon when we got home from the funeral, Jake retrieved the mail from the box in the lobby before we climbed the stairs. He shuffled through the mail and handed me a single white envelope.

I stopped right in the middle of the stair case and stared at the pristine white envelope with its embossed Interior Design Magazine logo in the upper right hand corner. My heart skipped like six beats and I weighed the envelope in my hands.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked coming back down the stairs. He spotted the envelope in my hand and smiled knowingly. "Want me to open it?"

I shook my head no, still staring at it. I was beginning to feel like the confident high school senior who'd applied to one school, pinning all their hopes and dreams on that one perfect school and was now standing there holding that envelope that could decide the rest of their life.

The unopened letter held two possibilities and countless experiences. They would either say no, and that would be that or they said yes and a million doors just opened up. "I'm scared," I whispered and with trembling fingers, I slowly opened the envelope and withdrew the single sheet of paper inside.

I scanned it a few times to make sure I was reading it correctly.

"What's it say?" Jake asked.

I slowly looked up at him. "It says yes. I got the internship, they picked me."

Jake picked me up and spun me around on the step. "Oh my god they picked ME Jake, they picked ME!"

"I know!" he shouted. "Congratulations."

* * *

Alice jabbed another pin into my hair. I shouted as it ripped on my hair. "Are you almost done?" I grumbled.

"Yes, almost. There, I am done." She handed me a mirror so I could look at the back of my hair. Alice had taken my hair, pulling it into a low ponytail, and then made a knot at the nape of my neck and weaved strands of hair into this design to hide the elastic band holding my hair up. She finished the whole thing by curling a few strands of hair that hung loose.

I smiled and hugged her. "Thank you it looks gorgeous."

"Glad you like it. Make up time." She assaulted my face with products I had never even dreamed of, but by the time she was finished I put Aphrodite to shame.

Renee came up as I was getting changed. She brought four boxes with her and set them on the bed, then zipped the back of my dress.

"What's all that?" I asked.

"That is your something old, new, borrowed and blue."

"Ooh. Can I see?"

Renee nodded and handed me the first box. "This is your something old and blue."

I took the small jewelers box from her and opened it. Nestled in the box was a set of hair combs. The design across the top resembled a tree branch, off of it were five pearls and in the shape of flowers were clusters of sapphires. "Oh mom these are beautiful."

Renee smiled, a tear spilled down her cheek. "They belonged to your great, great grandmother and now they're yours."

I set the box down and hugged my mom. "Thank you."

She patted my back. "You're welcome. Now go let Alice put those in for you."

I crossed the room and picked up the box, handing it to Alice. She delicately slid each comb onto my hair and inspected her work. "They look gorgeous."

"Here's your something borrowed."

"I want my shoes back," Alice warned.

I already knew about those. When I couldn't find shoes I liked she offered to let me borrow hers claiming they'd go perfect.

"And last your something new. It's from Jacob."

I opened the last box. Inside was a matching necklace and earring set; silver hearts with a pearl drop on the bottom which I promptly put on. I had gotten him cuff links with his initials engraved into them. I wasn't sure what to get him and after not being able to find a set, I figured you couldn't go wrong with cuff links. They were a circular silver pair that, when opened, doubled as a locket as well. I'd had the jeweler put a photo of me on one side and a photo of him on the other.

At six thirty Charlie knocked on the door then poked his head in. "The limo's here," he said looking at the three of us. "Oh look at you all. You look beautiful. And Bella, my little girl all grown up." Charlie wiped a tear from his eye.

"Oh Dad don't cry," I murmured and rushed to hug him.

"Oh I can't help it. You're my little girl and you're all grown up now and about to get married. I wouldn't be a father if I didn't cry."

The four of us left the house and piled into the limo. The ride to the B&B was short. From the limo I could see the gazebo in the middle of the garden, the white chairs set up, and the lights twinkling. A few feet away a white tent had been set up, the peaks ruffling in the gentle evening breeze. White globes of light illuminated the tables that had been set up.

As we got out of the limo the faint strains of that Taking Back Sunday song Jake had heard in Dr. Fuller's office so long ago came floating across the grounds. He was like a dog with a bone about that song. He searched every music downloading site trying to find it, all to no avail until he found it one afternoon on some obscure iTunes knock off site. He downloaded it and made me listen to it over and over again. I had to admit, it was beautiful, and he loved it so when he asked me if we could use that instead of the traditional wedding march I agreed.

At the door the owners, Tom and Gail, met us and escorted us to the sunroom at the back of the property. From the window I could see Jake standing nervously next to the minister.

* * *

"You look absolutely stunning," Jake breathed.

I smiled widely. "You look pretty darn good yourself."

The minister cleared his throat. "The grand essentials of happiness, the things that make life grand, are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for."

I smiled at Jake. He smiled back and rubbed his thumb across my hand. The minister instructed Jacob to repeat after him. Jasper handed him the ring, Jake slid it onto my finger and said, "I Jacob, take you Isabella, to have and to hold through the good times and the bad. I take the lazy days on the couch, first class chicken noodle soup and bad chick flicks. I'll cherish the moments, no matter how small, they makeup this crazy thing we call life. I promise to love, to cherish you and grow with you for all the days of my life."

I blinked furiously against the tears. Alice tapped my shoulder and handed me Jake's ring. I gently slid it onto his finger.

"I, Isabella, take you, Jacob, to have and to hold through the good times and the bad. I gladly take picture wars during black outs and Sundays pretending to understand football. I'll cherish the moments, no matter how small for those are the moments that define us. I promise to love, to inspire and support you for all the days of my life."

The minister turned to Jake. "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, bad chick flicks and all?"

Jake nodded. "I do."

The minister turned to me. "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, confusing Sunday football and all?"

I suppressed a giggle. "I do."

"Then it is with great pleasure that I pronounce you husband and wife; you may now kiss the bride."

Jake grasped my face and I kissed him; our first kiss as husband and wife.

**A/N Reviews are better than twilight weddings!**

And there you have it...one more chapter left...


	26. Heaven Little by Little

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

_Okay so I lied...this __was going to be the epilogue, but when I first wrote it I was in a bad mood...and so it became another chapter...but I promise this __is the last chapter, and the epilogue is already written, its just gotta be tweaked to be the best possible ending. And as always, BIG HUGS to my fabulous beta, ShelbySue, who always keeps it real and tells me when something isn't right...this would have been a much, much darker if it wasn't for her awesomeness! And I'm so glad you guys liked the vows...I wrote them like six times before I got those..lol..anyways...one more thing before I turn you loose..my friend Jenn is writing an amazing fic based off The Host..it doesn't have anything to do with the actually storyline of The Host...its kinda like this here fic...totally off the wall...AU stuff...so check out her story and leave her lots of comments...www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(forward slash)s(forward slash)5358386(forward slash)1(forward slash)Midnight_Encounter_

_Best song to listen to while reading, the chapter title, Theory of a Deaman's, Heaven (Little by Little)...fits the chappy perfectly...i love you all for reading!!!!_

* * *

I started my internship with Interior Design Magazine in September. The months passed quickly and soon it was summer in Seattle again. From my first day on the job I was in love with the work I'd been doing and I learned so much sometimes it felt like my head was going to explode.

As the last days of the internship loomed closer, I waited with baited breath, hoping they were going to offer me a full time position. They didn't and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.

But I supposed that old adage, about everything that happens, happens for a reason, is true. I missed the last Monday of my internship. I'd gone to the doctor because I'd been exhausted for no reason. I got plenty of rest, drank lots of water and took care of myself. I figured maybe it was a bug that was going around, or the flu, which seemed very unlikely considering the fact that it was June.

I was, as it turned out, two months pregnant. I'd noticed my period was late, but chalked it up to the stress at work. I had switched to that NuvaRing nonsense after the first pregnancy scare, but it was a pain in the ass and I stopped using it shortly after the wedding. Jake and I hadn't had that talk yet but I knew he wanted children, he'd told me so time and time again. As for me, well I was still on the fence. If it happened, if I got pregnant, I - we would, could handle it. We'd already been through so much already and came out on the other side stronger and more in love than ever.

I'd gone home that night and made a special dinner to surprise him. When Jake got in, he'd had a meeting with Jared about his latest show; he spied the candles and the elaborately set table and glanced at his watch.

"Is today an important date that I forgot?" he asked timidly.

"No. sit down I have something I want to tell you." Jake and I sat down. He began putting food on his plate.

"How was your meeting?" I asked taking the bowl of green beans he passed to me.

"It was good. The numbers are good, the art is selling. A gallery in New York has expressed interest in maybe showing a few pieces to see if there's interest. Maybe a full show. Who knows?"

"That's really great!" I exclaimed.

Jake smiled widely. "It is," he agreed.

"Well," I said setting the bowl of beans down. "I have some news good news to add to yours."

Jake eyed me curiously.

"I went to the doctors this morning, and…what do you prefer being called, Daddy or Pop?"

Jake's jaw dropped. "You're…pregnant?" he asked, his brown eyes wide with astonishment.

I nodded my cheeks aching from the wide smile. "Almost two months."

Jake leapt out of the chair and swept me up into a tight hug. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," I laughed.

He set me down and peered into my eyes. "I think you've just made me the happiest man in the world," he said softly.

"I love you," I replied.

Shortly after that night we began making preparations for our baby's arrival. The wrought iron bed that had been set up in the guest room was taken down and put into storage. A crisp white crib took its place and the blue walls were traded in for a creamy yellow that seemed to glow when the setting sun hit the walls. The curtains that Alice and I had scoured the city for were replaced with smiling ducks, a rocking chair sat in one corner. The room left a twinge of happiness in my heart anytime I walked by.

Early one late June morning I was shaken out of my dreams by a ferocious thunderstorm and a stabbing pain in my abdomen. I lay in bed staring out the window thinking it was just an upset stomach from something I ate at dinner, or perhaps that peanut butter and snicker bar sandwich I had before bed was fighting its way through my intestines, bravely going where no other peanut butter and snicker bar sandwich had gone before.

Eventually the pain subsided enough for me to fall back asleep only to be woken a few hours later in worse pain. I cried out as the excruciating hurt washed over my body. I pulled my knees to my chest and heaved ragged breaths. Jake woke up and clicked on the light.

He took one look at me and scooped me up, rushing me to the hospital. I knew it was bad when the ER nurse took me into a private room just beyond the curtained beds of the ER. Jake held my hand as the nurse checked my blood pressure and temperature.

An ultrasound machine was brought in and the doctor stepped in, turning on the device that would detect the baby's heart beat. He squirted some cold goo on my stomach and firmly pressed the device into the soft, pink flesh.

I stared at the monitor as it came to life. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was pretty sure that a quiet machine was a bad sign. My heart started racing and beads of sweat, comprised of fear and anxiety, popped up on my forehead. Another searing pain sliced through my abdomen.

"Ahh," I gasped tightly clenching Jake's hand. The doctor furiously swept the probe over my stomach, searching for something that was obviously not there.

As the doctor turned the machine off and pulled off his latex gloves, reality started slowly sinking in. My mind violently fought to reject the notion.

"I'm afraid it's not good," the doctor said softly. I could see the regret in his ice blue eyes. This was the hardest and shittiest part of his job, his eyes screamed at me. I glanced away, my gaze landing on the now black screen of the ultrasound machine.

He didn't have to say anything else for me to know what was coming next. "I'm afraid the fetus doesn't have a heartbeat."

"Wait, what's that- I don't understand, everything was, Bella was doing everything the doctor told her to do. She took her vitamins, ate healthy, got lots of rest. I, what, the baby's heart –what does that even mean?" Jake asked. His face was ashen, and shocked.

"It means your wife had a miscarriage. I'm so sorry."

I laid there staring at the ceiling, tears spilled down the side of my face. I felt like someone just punched a hole through my chest and ripped my heart out.

Jake ran his hand through his hair. "I don't understand," he repeated, his voice cracking on the last work.

"Sometimes these things just happened," the doctor replied gently. "There's no rhyme or reason to it, they just…happen. We'll have to schedule a D & C. We can admit your wife and perform the procedure first thing tomorrow afternoon if you'd like."

Jake glanced down at me, then back at the doctor and nodded. He apologized once more before leaving the room. Jake sank down into the chair he'd been sitting in and stared into space. I grabbed Jakes hands and put them on my stomach and put my hands on top of his.

We sat there together, crying, until the nurse came to wheel me away.

The next afternoon they wheeled me away to prep me for the procedure. A Samoan nurse in a neon green scrub cap talked to me as he inserted the IV into my arm. He talked about the wrestler Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's newest movie. As the anesthesia entered my system I started feeling a little loopy.

The last thing I can remember before going under was shouting, at the top of my lungs, "Can you smell what the rock is cooking?"

Then I woke up feeling like I'd just given birth to an 800 pound gorilla. Jake was sitting by the door and rushed to my side when he saw my eyelids flutter.

He grasped my hand and brushed my hair off my forehead. "I'm so sorry," I cried.

"Aw babe, it wasn't your fault," he whispered, his fingers brushing the side of my face.

They sent me home the next morning. For two weeks I lay in bed and stared at the wall. I didn't eat, I didn't talk. I just laid there. Jake would come in and lay with me and I would cry on his chest. He would rub my back and repeat "it's not your fault," over and over again.

For a while I didn't believe him. I felt guilty, responsible somehow; like I did something to cause this. I felt disgusting and dirty and ashamed. What kind of women was I? I couldn't even carry a baby.

Two weeks turned into three. Three turned into four. Then it was our one year anniversary. And I tried to make it good. I tried to be happy, but no matter how hard I tried I just fell deeper and deeper into that dark pit of despair. Jake had taken me to see Dr. Reid who had given me a generous dose of anti-depressants, which I didn't take.

I didn't feel like I deserved to be happy. I felt like taking those pills was cheating so each morning I would drop it down the sink drain. Jake knew I wasn't taking them, it was obvious. But he didn't say anything. Well at least not anymore. There was one morning, I was curled in bed staring at the wall. He came in and tried to get me out of bed.

I smacked his arms and told him to leave me alone. "Please Bella," he pleaded. "You can't keep lying in bed. You have to get up, do things. You have to try, make some kind of effort."

I sat up slowly and faced him. "I am _doing_ something," I hissed. "Unlike you, prancing around the apartment, painting your pretty little pictures, acting like our baby never existed. Well excuse the shit out of me. It was my fault Jake, my fault," I was screaming now, Jake flinched every time I said 'fault.' "And you don't even care. You don't care that I'm such a bad woman, so unfit that I can't even carry a baby without fucking it up. It's all my fault that our baby is gone. And you don't care!"

He came towards me and wrapped his arms around me in a tight bear hug. "Don't say that," he whispered, "it's not your fault."

"It is too my fault. I made our baby go away and it's all my fault," I screamed hoarsely into his chest.

Jake rubbed my back. "Bella, it's not your fault," he repeated. "It's not your fault."

After that day I think he started to realize that maybe time wasn't enough to heal this. I heard him pacing the apartment late into the night while I lay in bed staring at the wall. He would come in and try to comfort me, lay with me, whisper that it wasn't my fault.

Accepting his comfort was like seeing the shore as you fought against the undertow. The more you fought against it the harder it pulled you back. This grief was the same. The harder I fought to overcome it, the more it pulled me back until I was too exhausted to fight anymore. Submission was easier; so was wallowing in self-pity.

I think something inside of him broke, it was like he conceded to defeat, throwing in the towel and calling for back up. So he did the only thing he could think of. He called Alice.

The first time she came she sat in one of the arm chairs I re-upholstered before this whole mess. I lay on the couch, cocooning myself in a blanket staring blankly at the television.

Alice didn't say a word. She just sat there watching some crusty This Old House re-run with me. It was dark when she left. She grabbed her bag and opened the door. "See you tomorrow," she said as she left.

The next day she faithfully showed up, and the day after that, and the next day. After a week of watching This Old House re-runs and countless hours of that old bearded guy painting infinite seagulls she threw in the towel too, and brought reinforcements.

It was a Saturday, or at least I think it was. Alice had stopped knocking on the door two weeks ago. She came in, set her bag down and sat down in her usual spot. Then the door closed and another bag was set down.

Esme came in and sat down in the chair by my head. She brushed my unkempt hair out of my face and smiled sadly.

"You're not doing too well are you?" she asked softly.

Tears welled up in my eyes. Esme wiped them away softly with her index finger. "Alice, please turn that off, and go make some tea," Esme directed.

"Now you need to sit up, because I have some things you need to hear." She stood and sat me up, unwinding the smelly blanket from my equally smelly body then sat back down.

"My dear, you need help. Your husband, your family, everyone, is worried about you. Jake doesn't know what to do to help you. You went to the doctor, you got medication. Why aren't you taking it?"

I stared blankly at her.

"Bella, I understand you're hurting, but dear, you are not the first woman in the world to go through this and you certainly won't be the last."

Alice brought the tea and set three steaming mugs down on the table. "Thank you Alice," Esme said.

She turned her gaze upon me once more. "I had a miscarriage once." I could see the fierce determination in her eyes and I envied it. I wish I had just a fraction of the strength Esme possessed.

Alice's eyes widened. "You did? When?"

"Before you and your brother were born. I didn't get out of bed for days and didn't talk to anyone for weeks. It was the hardest and most painful thing I've ever experienced."

We sat in silence as Esme let her words sink in. I sat there wishing she hadn't taken my blanket. I felt like I was going to fall apart without it.

"How did you get past it?" I asked my voice raspy from weeks of silence.

Alice's mouth opened, forming a little o of surprise.

"Time, lots and lots of time. And I went to counseling and therapy. It never goes away, but it gets better and eventually you find yourself smiling again, but you have to try. You can't keep sitting here, Bella, day after day staring at the television."

"It hurts too much, Esme," I said softly, tears filling my eyes.

"Of course it does dear, but you have to make an effort. Every day you have to do something more. Tomorrow you take a shower and put on a pair of jeans and a shirt. Then the next day you repeat the routine from the day before and add something new, and you just keep doing that and eventually you realize that it hurts a little bit less than the day before."

So Jake made sure that I took her advice. The following morning he ran the water and gently scrubbed my body while steam filled the bathroom, after the shower I put on some real clothes. Every day he was there, standing right next to me helping me, making sure I showered and got dressed, ate. Each little task brought me out of my catatonic state and back to the land of the living. At first it was hard, and it seemed like I was just going through the motions. But I woke up one morning and felt a little more human and a little less zombified.

By the time September rolled around, I was better. Not the same, but better. I found a job working for an interior design firm, got my first client and got a call from Interior Design magazine offering me a job. I was tempted to take it, but much preferred my new job so I declined.

In late October Jasper and Alice got married. I felt horrible that I hadn't been there for Alice, to help her plan her wedding the way she'd helped me. She wasn't mad, and let me plan her bachelorette party.

The night of the rehearsal dinner Jake and I were talking with a group of people when Edward walked in, alone. He and Monica had gotten divorced shortly after Jake and I got married. I wasn't the least bit surprised, especially after what Alice told me about how he called her my name at dinner.

Jake and I were outside on the terrace sharing a glass of wine when Edward stepped out. "Hello," he said softly.

Jake and I nodded in his direction, offering no other acknowledgement than that. "Um, Jacob, do mind if I speak to Bella privately for a moment?"

Jake handed me the glass of wine we'd been sharing and glanced at me. I shrugged. "I don't mind as long as you're okay with it."

He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I'll be right inside if you need me."

Edward watched Jake walk back inside the restaurant. "Do you mind if I sit?"

"No, please. How are you?"

"I've been better. Monica and I got divorced. I'm moving out east. How are you and Jake? Alice told me about, well you know. How are you handling it?"

My eyes welled a bit at the mention of the miscarriage. I sucked in a deep breath of crisp autumn air and dug deep for strength. "We are good. It was hard for a while, after, well, after that. I'd really rather not talk about it if you don't mind."

"Of course," Edward said graciously. "I apologize for bringing it up."

I waved my hand. "It's okay. No one, myself included, quite knows how to behave in that situation. How are you dealing with the divorce?" I didn't really care, but I thought it was the polite thing to ask, and from the look of consternation on his face it was obvious he had something on his mind that he needed to say.

Edward sighed. "It is what it is. Things just went from bad to worse after you left me. And I know I didn't treat you right. I was so focused on myself, on my education, on my career that I never took the time to know you. I never took the time to grow with you, if that makes any sense."

I nodded. "It makes sense."

"Good. I'm in counseling right now, because obviously I'm in need of a lot of help. I aged but I never really grew up. I just kept acting childish and really, who wants to act like a teenage boy forever? I mean look at how you handled that whole situation. You were calm and mature about it. If it was me and the roles were reversed I would have thrown a hissy fit and stomped around like a petulant child."

"You know I'm glad, Edward. I'm really glad you decided to get some help." I paused and sipped the wine Jake had left me and took a minute to collect my thoughts. "As for how I handled the whole situation with you. It was either be calm and detached or spend the rest of my life in jail for murdering you. After I found out about your affair, I wanted to kill you. Really I did. But I figured your affair was serving some higher purpose. And it did. It brought me to the one I was supposed to be with. If you believe in that kind of thing."

"You're lucky to have found him," Edward said.

I nodded. "I am."

"I'm sorry, too. I treated you badly, and without respect or regard to your feelings or well being. I doubt you can forgive me, and I'm not asking you to, I just thought you should at least get an apology."

Well that was shocking, I had to admit. If I had another glass of wine running through my system I probably would have asked him if he'd been abducted by aliens or lobotomized. Either way he seemed like a changed man.

"Well, good luck with whatever you do out east," I said rising.

"Thanks. I think I'm gonna just take it easy and find myself, you know."

I suppressed the urge to groan and roll my eyes. Jake must have by standing by the door because the moment I made my way toward it he was walking my way.

"Everything okay?" he murmured, snaking his arm around my waist.

"Yes," I said softly. "Everything is fine."

We started to walk towards the door when Edward called Jake's name. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder at him.

"Thank you," he said. "For taking care of Bella, for being the man she needed when I so obviously wasn't the one for the job. And I'm sorry for causing a scene at Thanksgiving. It was inappropriate and uncalled for. I apologize for my childish behavior." Edward paused, running a hand through his bronze hair. "I hope you two are very happy and have a wonderful life together. You deserve it, so very much so."

I was touched by his little speech and felt, I don't know, vindicated I guess. Now more than ever I felt truly close to Jake. All the past issues between the two of us were let go and now we were finally alone in our relationship. No more elephants hiding in corners here.

Slowly, things went back to normal. Jake finished his third show, which was a great success. And Becca had found an amazing boyfriend in Annapolis. They were supposed to be coming to Seattle for Christmas.

The door to the guest bedroom stayed tightly shut. We didn't go in there, sometimes when I walked by the room I'd feel myself coming undone, like a pulling at the seams of my newly mended heart, but somehow I managed to keep it together.

One afternoon, right after the New Year I walked by the room and noticed the door wasn't shut as tightly as it normally was. I stood a hairsbreadth away, trembling. Jake knew I didn't like this space - too many unfulfilled memories lingered within those four walls. I grabbed the handled and pulled it tightly shut.

During therapy, I'd started going in early September, one lady was really fond of saying that "The Good Lord doesn't give you anything you can't handle. If He sees fit to give it to you, it's because He knows you can handle it."

I wasn't very religious and at first didn't believe that. I told her so one night. "I think this happened because deep down inside someone, somewhere, God, Buddha, Allah, whatever thought I wasn't ready so they took my baby to keep me from hurting it."

It was the first time I ever admitted that out loud. I didn't think that God could be that cruel, but then again what did I know. Look at all the suffering that those around me went through on an everyday basis. What kind of God could allow that?

Shirley, the God lady, scoffed at the notion. "Dear girl," she smiled. "Your baby is in the arms of the Lord now, right where he belongs. And it happened because the Lord knew you could handle it. You're a strong woman. Don't doubt that."

I thought about what she said, about our baby being with God. I didn't know what to feel. If it served a higher purpose it couldn't be that bad. But it still hurt. And as far as the baby's room went I was nowhere near ready to go in there, nor did I think I'd ever be able to go in there again.

One afternoon in late January that changed. I came home from work early. Alice and I had eaten at some new restaurant across town and shortly after I started feeling ill. Alice called as I was on my way home complaining that she was sick too.

I nauseously climbed the stairs, my stomach rolling with each step. I stopped on the landing to catch my breath, hoping the nausea would go away. It didn't. I climbed the last flight of stairs praying that I didn't get sick in the middle of the hallway.

When I entered the apartment the classic rock station was playing. Steven Tyler was screaming at me as I shut the door. I could hear Jake down the hall singing along. If I felt better it would have been funny, hilarious even as he was really, really into it.

I quietly crept toward our room.

"I was crying when I met you," he howled, "Now I'm trying to forget you."

I took three steps down the hall and noticed the open door. The door that wasn't supposed to be open. It was open and Jake was in there doing something. I smelled paint. My stomach rolled and I dumped my lunch right there in the middle of the hallway.

Jake stopped singing as soon as I made that tell tale yakking sound. He rushed to the door way and was clearly stunned to see me hunched over in the hallway, the toes of my shoes covered in regurgitated taco salad, gasping for air.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" he asked sidestepping a puddle and rushing to my side.

"What?" I gasped, "Are you doing in there?"

He avoided the question. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up then I'll go get you some ginger ale and pepto." He guided me down the hall, blocking the nursery from view.

I dug my heels in and fought against him. "What were you doing in there?" I shrieked.

Jake stopped and looked down at me. "I was going to repaint it and turn it into an office for you, so you can work at home if you have to."

Tears flooded my eyes. I was touched and hurt all at the same time. It was the baby's room, and seemed morbid for me to just set up shop in there like our baby had never existed. But on the other hand it was a sweet gesture. The simple fact that he knew I was suffering every time I walked by this room and its hidden reminders and that he changed it just for me, to stop my suffering. There were no words to describe that amount of love and dedication. Then I was crying for a totally different reason.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Jake asked and wrapped his arms around me.

"I don't know," I wailed. "That's the sweetest thing, what you did. But I miss-"

"The baby," he filled in.

I nodded. "Jake how can I miss someone I never knew?"

It was a thought that ran through my mind constantly. I miss you baby. I never knew you baby. I knew you too well.

Jake didn't say anything at first. Tears filled his eyes and soon the chocolate brown orbs were swimming in pools of unshed tears. "I don't know sweetheart. I miss what could have been too. I wanted to, no needed to do this for you. I just couldn't bear to watch you suffer anymore."

We leaned into each other, sobbing. Our tears mixing, two pains became one. Once divided, we were now united in our grief. Too much time had passed, yet it still wasn't nearly enough. The hurt doesn't go away because you want it to. It goes away when you let it go; when you no longer feel the need to hold onto it anymore.

Jake and I let our grief go. It floated up and out into the atmosphere, up to Heaven and away from us. If there was a God, he caught it in a net and held it, appreciating our suffering.

Jake guided me down the hall. "You need to get cleaned up and into bed and I need to go clean up your lunch." He put me in the tub and went to dispatch the mess in the hallway.

I threw up again, showered and put on a cozy pair of fleece pajamas and climbed into bed. A few minutes later Jake came in with a glass of ginger ale and some crackers. He set them down then climbed into bed next to me.

I curled against his chest listening to his heart beat. "Thank you," I whispered before nodding off.

"For what?"

"For loving me."

**A/N Reviews are better than a surprise extra chapter!**

And thank you Freakiki...I did forget to post the link to Bella's dress...so here that is:

go to Davids Bridal dot Com

-Bridal Gowns

--View All

---page 8

---- top row, second dress (Style T9612)

Chapter title: Heaven (little by little) by theory of a deadman


	27. Love You 'Til the End

**A/N Stephenie Meyer's owns all Twilight characters**

******I realize now I probably should have put some kind of warning on the last chapter. I'm sorry if that offended anyone...I seriously contemplated not putting it in the story at all, but I thought it was important for Bella to go through that. I feel like Ron from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: "**you're gonna suffer... but you're gonna be happy about it..."

**I want to thank ShelbySue for being such an amazing beta and always offering helpful advice and making me look good...lol. Thank you everyone who has read and reviewed all these chapters...it's been awesome getting to read all the reviews and see you guys love Jake as much as I do! (even those who say their team edward..laugh with me..muahaha welcome to the dark side...lol)**

**___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
**

_There are things that happen in every person's life. These things are tragic, they are happy, they hurt, and they teach. These things are never easy. They are complicated mysteries wrapped in riddles and surround by enigmas. No one knows why these things happen. They just do. And it's up to us to either become or overcome._

* * *

Three years had passed and whenever I thought about it, about how much time had gone by, it just surprised me. It didn't seem like that long. Life with Jacob was sweet. There's no other way to describe it. He was so in tuned with me. He knew when I was in a bad mood and how to remedy it. He was always there when I needed him. He never hurt me or let me falter in anyway. He was all that I ever could have asked for and so much more.

"I know it's hard, but sweetheart you _have_ to sit still," Jake said smiling; a strand of hair fell into his eyes. I laughed because he looked like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, his shaggy hair hanging in his face.

"I'm sorry," I said taking a deep breath and trying to remain still.

Jake nodded and would look from me to canvas periodically. "We have to go out later and find something for Macy's birthday," Jake mumbled.

I yawned. "I know. Her birthday party is this weekend. I have to be there early to help Alice decorate. How much help I'll be to her is beyond me."

Jake nodded sympathetically. "I'm sure she'll appreciate whatever you can do for her."

Macy was Alice and Jasper's daughter. She was a beautiful girl who looked exactly like Alice, from her elfin features to her mop of dark curls; the curls of course came from Jasper. And she was turning a year old this Saturday.

A few feet away I heard Jake set down his brush. "Okay," he sighed. "We need to get ready for your doctor's appointment. It's in forty five minutes."

I nodded and struggled to my feet. I felt like I swallowed a whale and it decided to set up residence in my uterus. Jake quickly crossed the room and helped me up.

"So," I said as we climbed the stairs. "Do you want to know what the baby is going to be?"

Jake shrugged. "I'm not sure. The last few times, the little bugger wouldn't cooperate. So I'm betting it's a girl."

I was eight months pregnant and we had no idea what the baby was going to be. The last two times we went in for an ultrasound the little wiggle worm would roll around or over or put his foot in the way so the ultrasound tech couldn't see the sex. I had the feeling it was going to be a boy. Of course I didn't know for sure, but that's what my gut was telling me.

I was stunned when I found out. We hadn't been trying nor had we even talked about it. It was late February and Jake and I had just gotten home from the Showbox Market where The Airborne Toxic Event had just played a show. It was late, I was tired and not paying attention and when I got out of the car I slipped on the ice and broke my ankle.

So off to the hospital we went. The doctors encased my ankle in a neon pink cast and delivered a sheaf of prescription papers.

"There's one in there for prenatal vitamins," the harried doctor informed me.

"For what? Are they going to help my ankle heal faster?"

Okay, I know, total dumb blond question. But what the hell did I need prenatal vitamins for? I wasn't pregnant. Obviously the doctor thought the latter of me, that while I may appear to be a brunette, I was hiding some seriously golden locks under there somewhere.

"They're for the baby," he said dryly. "You're about six weeks pregnant."

I dropped the prescription slips he handed me and stared blankly at him. I. was. Pregnant. The shock didn't take long to turn to joy.

Happy tears slid down my face and I practically jumped off the paper covered table and into Jake's arms. He stopped me before I had the chance to do further damage to my ankle.

"Congratulations," the doctor said and left the room.

* * *

So here we were now, eight months pregnant. It had been an easy pregnancy after I got over the fear and stress of the first few months. Sometimes I worried I would lose this baby too, but at each checkup my doctor, Dr. Ultra Fine, as Alice and I secretly called him- seriously the man looked like he just stepped right off of a cheesy daytime soap- assured me that my baby was developing right on schedule and that everything looked normal and in this case, normal was good.

Jake and I went to the appointment together, and yet again, baby Black decided to be uncooperative. As we left, reassured that all was well, we resigned ourselves to the fact that it was going to be a surprise.

At home, I went upstairs to take a nap and Jake went down to the studio. When I woke up it was dark. I shuffled down the hall and found Jake in the living room. He was watching some show where they basically steal someone's car then fix it up.

"Hey," he said softly, "did you sleep well?"

I nodded and carefully lowered myself to the sofa.

"Good. I have something I want to show you. Stay here okay?"

I nodded and wiped the sleep out of my eyes. I was still tired, but it was hot in the apartment and it woke me up. I got up to mess with the thermostat and sat back down.

He came back a few minutes later with a large canvas in tow. "What's that?" I asked as Jake set the painting down against the wall.

"Come see," he said.

I pushed up off the couch and waddled over to look at the painting. It was the painting he'd be doing this afternoon. It was finished. It was a very pregnant oil painting of me.

When he first came up with the idea, I was about five and half months pregnant. Jake carried the camera with him his every waking second and was constantly snapping photos of me.

"You should come downstairs and let me paint you," he said offhandedly.

I nodded, consumed with a client who had an issue with the curtains that had been ordered for her loft. "Yeah, sure," I had said, not really listening.

The next thing I knew he was dragging me away from my computer and down the stairs. I sat on the newly salvaged thrift store chaise that he found one afternoon. It was a lot more comfortable than the one that had been down here which, unfortunately, broke when we tried to take it up to our room.

The new one had a wavy design to it and was pleasantly stuffed so that when you laid back on it, it conformed to your body. It felt like sleeping on a cloud.

He started painting me that afternoon. It took a while to complete the painting. Work had been demanding. I had a list of clients as long as my arm and was well on my way to junior partner at my design firm. The gallery in New York had decided not to do a full show, but a different gallery wanted to so he was flying to New York every other week it seemed.

"Jake that looks amazing," I said reaching out to touch the images.

"I just painted it," he said. "You're the one who did all the work. You're beautiful," he whispered into my ear.

Tears welled up in my eyes. _Damn pregnancy hormones_, I thought and wiped my eyes.

The version of me in the painting was lying on the chaise, one hand on the top of my stomach, the other cradling the bottom. A small, yet distinct foot could be seen pressing on the side of my stomach. A discreet Mona Lisa smile played at the corners of my mouth.

"It's gorgeous. Where are you going to hang it?"

Jake shrugged. "I'm not sure. Maybe there," he pointed the wall behind the couch. "Or there. I don't know."

"I think you should hang it here." I pointed to a space on the wall that, when the sun set each afternoon, was lit making the paint shimmer in the heat like it was on fire. It would look perfect there.

* * *

It was another stormy night when I was awoken once again by a searing pain in my abdomen. Only this time I knew it was different. This time, we would leave the hospital with our baby.

Between the pains I woke Jake, who jumped out of bed and shouted, "It's time to make the doughnuts!" then he shook his head and looked at me. I sucked in a great gasp of air as the contractions came, and blew out, praying that it would end quickly.

"It's time to go to the hospital!" I wheezed. Jake nodded once and grabbed my suitcase out of the closet. "I'll be right back," he said and darted out of the room.

I got out of bed slowly and pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a sweater. I stopped at the door as another contraction came. I breathed through it and went to the living room to wait for Jake.

I heard him running up the stairs. He threw open the door and helped me down the stairs. He was frantic, his hands were sweaty and he had this wild eyed look, almost like a deer in the headlights.

We managed to get into the car with no issues and on our way to the hospital Jake called the doctor who was already there with another patient.

By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were five minutes apart and felt like they lasted for ten minutes, but Jake said it was actually on about fifty-five to sixty seconds.

The nurse hooked up a band to my stomach to monitor the baby's heart beat, and Dr. Ultra-Fine came in to see how I was. I grinned at him.

"It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch but I wouldn't trade it for the world," I replied, then grimaced as another round of contractions started.

Jake offered me his hand which I gladly took and squeezed the hell out of. He whimpered once, but didn't say a word.

Time seemed to speed up and stand still all at the same time. It seemed like doctors and nurses were coming and going at warp speed, but their movements were slow and exaggerated.

Then Dr. Ultra-Fine came in and checked to see how dilated I was. He flashed that soap star grin and announced it was time to bring a baby into the world.

"When I say push, you push. When I say stop, you stop. Dad, you hold Mom's hand and help her any way you can. Ready…push."

I pushed, groaning and straining to get this baby here one way or another. Jake held my hand and murmured encouragement and wiped my forehead with a damp cloth. After fifteen minutes the doctor looked up.

"Okay Bella, one more push. You got one more left in don't you?"

"You bet your ass I do," I growled.

"Okay, go ahead and give me one more."

I pushed like the doctor asked. Jake kept repeating how much he loved me and how I could do this. Then the sweetest sound filled the delivery room; the shrill wail of a healthy, new born baby.

"Congratulations," the doctor smiled. "It's a girl."

A girl we named Hope.

Because every love story should end not only with love, but hope as well.

**The End.**

**Reviews are better than happy endings. **

**I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have the first chapter of the new story, its been edited and ready to go up; I just need to give it a title..lol...I have three to pick from...I might just give in, toss them all in a hat and pick one..lol.**

**Chapter title: Love You 'Til the End by the Pogues  
**


End file.
